Bruce looked at the group and started to speak. “I don’t know if what I have to say will mean much to you. I have done a lot of bad things in my life but I think I have done some good also. You can never let the bad drag you down. I don’t know what each of you have been through and to be honest, I don’t want to,” Bruce said honestly, getting a lot of shocked gasps from the crowd.
“Not because I would think less of you but because I would want to go get a chainsaw and move through the world delivering medieval justice. I or someone in this family killed those responsible for hurting you but there are others out there. What I could do to them would make a dark angel cry out in fear,” Bruce admitted.
“I know everyone in here has lost loved ones. Kids, husbands, moms, dads, and grandparents, the list goes on and on. If you die then the memory of those die with you. They deserve better than that, to me as long as you live they live through you. If you want me to promise that you will never go through that hell again, I can’t. What I can say is if more show up we will kill a lot of them and teach you how to fight them.”
“That little girl you saw today doing martial arts in the back learned all of that in less than three months. She can use several different guns to fight. She knew nothing when I found her. Several men were raping her mother when I found her, making her watch,” Bruce told the group receiving shocked looks.
“She could have laid down and died, but she chooses to fight and live. Each day brings a new challenge, sometimes its sorrow but sometimes its joy. She misses her mother everyday but has found a new one along with a new family. Will we replace her old one? No, we won’t, but she has a family now as you can too. You can sit here, feel sorry for yourself and relive what was done to you everyday. If you do you are giving those assholes we killed power over you even though they are dead.”
Bruce continued for two hours talking to the group when he finished almost all came up and told him thank you. As each one came by Bruce could see something on their faces he did not see before, hope and determination. Looking around the room as the group hugged him Bruce saw five women still sitting down at the tables. Each still had the lost look in their eyes. Bruce remembered the faces and over the next several days would talk to them one on one. With his speech, Bruce reached all but one, a woman in her mid-thirties. She would hang herself, three days later.
Bruce left the community center and found Mike talking with a group of people on the patio by the swimming pool. Mike looked up as Bruce approached.
“Hey brother. How’d it go?” Mike asked.
“I don’t know. I only did it so Debbie would leave me the hell alone,” Bruce replied sitting down in a chair.
“Bruce, I hope you gave it your best shot. Those women need help,” Mike told Bruce grabbing a chair next to him.
“I just spoke to them. Hell, they’re women. I don’t know what to say to them to make them feel better. If it would have been guys I would’ve told them to suck it up, life is hard, you never get ahead, nothing is fair, sometimes the bad guys win, no one is special and trouble is always one step away waiting to step on your balls. We are born cold, wet and hungry and it only gets worse and the light at the end of the tunnel is always a train,” Bruce replied.
“Well, I’m proud of you for trying Bruce,” Mike confided as Stephanie came running over jumping in Bruce’s lap wrapping her arms around him.
“You were great Bruce. Most of the women are actually smiling now and talking to Debbie and Nancy,” Stephanie informed Bruce as she squeezed him tight.
“Stephanie, I really didn’t say much,” Bruce told her.
Stephanie leaned back in shock just looking at Bruce managing to get out, “What?”
“I didn’t say much,” Bruce repeated.
“Bruce, you talked about love, hope, honor, compassion, pride, determination and the list goes on and on,” Stephanie told him with a joyful smile.
“Stephanie, I basically told them to reach down grab their balls and live their life,” Bruce told her.
Stephanie’s smile vanished as she looked off for a second thinking, then looked back at Bruce, “Well, yeah from a boy’s standpoint, that is what you said.”
“Anyone could have told them that,” Bruce said.
“No Bruce, you can say it so a girl can understand how a boy would deal with a bad situation,” Stephanie replied.
“Whatever,” Bruce said.
Stephanie stared at Bruce, “I now know why Debbie wants to slap you when you say that.”
“Just because you sleep in my bed doesn’t mean you can slap me,” Bruce warned her.
Stephanie leaned toward Bruce slowly. Then she quickly licked Bruce’s face from chin to forehead jumping out of Bruce’s lap before he could react. “Ha, now what do you have to say,” Stephanie challenged.
“You are so going to get it girl,” Bruce replied wiping his face off.
“Do anything and I’ll tell Debbie you were mean to me,” Stephanie threatened seeing Debbie walking toward them from the center.
“You wouldn’t dare,” Bruce replied calling her bluff.
Grinning, Stephanie looked at Bruce and glanced toward Debbie. As she got closer, Stephanie called out, “Debbie, Bruce is being mean to me.”
“Bruce!” Debbie yelled coming around the end of the swimming pool heading toward Bruce.
“Debbie, wait just a minute-,” Bruce started as Debbie cut him off.
“I was coming over here to tell you how proud of you I was and thank you. Only to find you’re being mean to Stephanie,” Debbie popped off coming to a stop in front of Bruce with arms crossed.
Bruce pointed at Stephanie and started stuttering then managed to get out, “Debbie she started it, all I did-.”
Debbie held up her hand, “Bruce, you expect me to believe Stephanie started it. I know she was coming over here to say the same thing I was and you were mean to her.”
Bruce just sat in his chair looking at Debbie. Debbie cocked her head to the side as she returned Bruce’s stare. “What?” Bruce asked. Debbie nodded her head toward Stephanie.
Bruce just looked away then Debbie started tapping her foot. Bruce looked at Debbie with alarm on his face. Then he looked at Stephanie, “I’m sorry Stephanie,” Bruce apologized for something he did not do but wanted the wrath of Debbie to go away. Mike busted out laughing beside Bruce.
Debbie smiled at Bruce and jumped in his lap. Moving over, Stephanie joined her. They both started chatting about how Bruce did such a good job. Bruce never heard a word either one said as they chatted away to him. Staring straight ahead, Bruce just blurted out loud, “I’m such a pussy.” This sent Mike into another round of laughter.
Debbie and Stephanie just stopped talking looking at Bruce. “What Bruce?” Debbie asked.
“I’m such a pussy,” Bruce repeated. Mike was having trouble breathing, he was laughing so hard.
“Well, we will get you a douche so you can be a clean pussy,” Debbie told him as she kissed his cheek. Mike slid out of his chair hitting the ground laughing, trying to breathe.
“Get up please,” Bruce requested. Debbie and Stephanie got out of Bruce’s lap as he stood up. Bruce kissed each on the cheek then stepped past them to look at Mike on the ground laughing. “You could’ve said something,” Bruce told Mike who was on the ground laughing.
“Are you kidding? That was great,” Mike managed to get out before laughing more.
“I’m going to put on a tampon,” Bruce told everyone as he stormed in the house. Angela and Nancy walked up in time to hear Bruce’s last comment as he went inside. Mike was pounding the ground with his fist laughing.
“I so came in on that conversation at the wrong time,” Angela said.
Nancy looked at Mike then to Debbie. “What happened and why is my husband laughing so hard he’s fixing to pass out,” Nancy asked.
“I had to remind Bruce who his boss was,” Debbie replied.
Nancy nodded her head and looked at Mike on the ground, “
Mike, do you need a lesson as well?”
Mike coughed and struggled to his feet holding in the laughter. “Sorry baby it’s just so refreshing to see Bruce punked down by little Debbie. He didn’t do-,” Mike stopped as he looked at Nancy’s stern face. “You’re right baby, I wasn’t laughing. I just have a bad case of gas. I’m going to walk it off,” Mike said heading toward the shop. Mike made it half way until he collapsed to the ground laughing, again.
“Boys!” Nancy exclaimed.
“They never interrupt or take sides when a buddy is getting chewed out by their spouse or girlfriend. It’s poor form and they don’t want to get in trouble with their own spouse, page fifty six,” Stephanie stated. Nancy just looked at Stephanie with a questionable stare as Debbie started giggling.
“You are truly trying to use that book, I’m proud of you. Let me guess Bruce really was not mean to you?” Debbie asked.
“Well, not really, he did say ‘whatever’. I wanted to just shake him hard,” Stephanie admitted.
“So he was being a smartass. That’s just as bad. That one expression has pissed off more women than anything else,” Debbie stated.
Angela asked, “Why is Bruce going after a tampon to wear?”
“He thinks, he wimped out,” Debbie answered.
“Bruce wimp out? Look in the dictionary under big boy, you will find a picture of Bruce,” Angela predicted.
“Sometimes, I have to remind Bruce my balls are just as big as his,” Debbie replied.
“Oh, that’s different,” Angela agreed with her.
“Come on girls, let’s make sure the kids are ready for bed. It’s 2100 and class is tomorrow,” Debbie said heading toward the house.
The women rounded up the kids and headed upstairs. Debbie, Stephanie and Angela had their small posse of kids. As they walked into the room, they found Bruce sitting up in bed writing in his notebook as he went over the supply list that the boys had gotten from the judge and congressman. Bruce looked up as the small army entered the room. ‘I’m putting another bed in here,’ Bruce thought to himself.
Debbie looked at Bruce, “Did you get it taken care of baby?”
“I’m not talking to you now, but, to answer your question. I found a super absorbent one to put on,” Bruce replied as he continued going over his notes making changes here and there. The women just giggled as they helped the kids get ready for bed.
Angela came out of the bathroom with Cade heading toward the bed. Bruce just stared at her as she walked across the room. Bruce’s gaze almost looked psychopathic as he followed her with his eyes. Angela noticed his stare but tried to ignore it until she got to the end of the bed.
“Oh, alright Bruce,” Angela exasperated reaching down taking off her socks before she climbed into bed.
“I jumped out of bed last night when caterpillars crawled up my leg and hit my head on the damn nightstand,” Bruce told Angela.
Angela snorted as she stifled a laugh. “What is it with you and caterpillars?” she asked.
Bruce raised his right arm up showing Angela a three inch log one inch wide scar in his armpit. “I got this when I was a little boy from a fuzzy caterpillar. It burned like acid and continued to hurt for weeks. And yes, I still have nightmares about caterpillars,” Bruce told her.
“I’m sorry Bruce, I thought you just had a foot fetish and I wanted you to work to see my feet,” Angela replied with a serious expression. Debbie started laughing as she climbed in the bed.
“I told you I did but those feet are on the other side of the bed,” Bruce replied
Emily and Sherry jumped in the bed crawling up to Bruce then they showed Bruce their feet. “We don’t have socks Daddy,” they said in unison.
Bruce kissed their little feet saying, “That’s because you love daddy and don’t want mean caterpillars to get him.” The twins jumped together hugging Bruce covering his face with kisses then climbed under the cover.
Stephanie followed the twins into the bed saying, “That’s cool Bruce, I didn’t know you had a foot fetish.” This sent Debbie into a fit of laughter as she buried her face into her pillow.
“Shut up Debbie, that’s between us,” Bruce told her. The warning only made her laugh harder.
Stephanie pulled her left foot up to her chest, “I have ugly feet compared to Debbie and Angela,” she commented.
“No Stephanie, you have very pretty feet,” Bruce said as he continued going over his notes.
“You’ve looked at my feet Bruce?” Stephanie asked smiling at him.
“Of course I have,” Bruce answered causing Debbie to start kicking her feet as she laughed.
Angela rolled over to Debbie, “You have got to share this with us.” Angela pleaded to Debbie. Then they suddenly heard a blood curdling scream coming from Mike’s room down the hall.
They heard loud banging on the wall in the bathroom coming from Mike’s bathroom on the other side of the wall. All of a sudden they heard Mike yell at the top of his lungs, “God damn it Bruce!” Followed by another blood curdling scream saying, “My Balls are on fire!”
The three women were staring at the bathroom and then as one, they turned toward Bruce. Bruce was just looking at his notes smiling, his body shook as he laughed silently. They heard running footsteps out in the hall heading toward Mike and Nancy’s room.
Bruce looked toward the door then said, “Be careful when you put on my boxers for the next few days. Mike doesn’t have much of an imagination so his retaliations are to reciprocate in kind.”
As Bruce finished speaking, Nancy busted into the room out of breath demanding, “Bruce what the hell did you do? Mike ran to the toilet and started splashing water on his balls screaming. After he used all the water, he jumped into the shower turning on cold water and is doing a handstand so the water hits his balls.”
Bruce’s body shook harder as he laughed silently holding it in, then he quarried, “I didn’t know Mike could do a hand stand.”
“He never has before. All of a sudden, he started yelling at me to blow on his balls. I didn’t know what was happening, and told him to forget it. That’s when he ran for the toilet,” Nancy told Bruce.
Bruce struggled to hold in the laughter then informed Nancy, “I put Icy/Hot in his underwear. The burning will stop in a little while.”
Nancy just stared at Bruce before replying, “Bruce, I’m not in the mood for another practical joke war.”
Stephanie stated out loud, “Retribution is mandatory when a buddy does not help a buddy out with a spouse and laughs when they get in trouble page fifty nine.”
Bruce looked at Stephanie, “What? Page fifty nine of what? How do you know this stuff?”
Stephanie looked at Bruce with a blank stare and replied, “The male brain secrets more dopamine related to serotonin production when the molecular structure of testosterone alters-.”
“Never mind, stop right there,” Bruce said as he gathered his notes setting them on the bedside table.
“Bruce, no more please,” Nancy pleaded as another high pitched scream came down the hall “My balls are on fire!”
“That is up to Mike, we’re even as far as I’m concerned,” Bruce said as he lay down. Nancy ran back to see if she could help Mike’s balls.
Debbie just shook her head, “Bruce, I agree with Nancy, no more, this war stops now.”
“Mike has had his payback. I can’t say that for others,” Bruce replied with his back to Debbie.
Debbie eyes widened, “Bruce, I’m not in the mood for your jokes so drop it.”
Stephanie looked at Debbie then spoke, “Bruce, you can’t do something like that to Debbie.”
“I never said she was the only one now did I,” Bruce replied as Stephanie scooted away from Bruce toward Debbie for protection.
Angela spoke in a tiny meek voice trying to sound small and fragile, “Bruce, I didn’t do anything.”
Bruce just said, “Caterpillars.”
The three women put the twins, Cade and PJ betwe
en them and Bruce. They stayed awake until Bruce fell asleep snoring softly. They even touched his back a few times to make sure he was asleep. Feeling safe, the three huddled together and fell asleep.
At 0120, Bruce’s wrist watch vibrated waking him up. Bruce eased out of bed heading to his closet grabbing several blankets and spread them out on the floor. Moving to the bed, Bruce gently moved the kids to the pallet on the floor, then Bruce covered them up.
Bruce started doing jumping jacks at the foot of the bed gulping down air. Then he walked around shaking his waist. Bruce moved to the bed tucking the comforter under the mattress around the bed. Smiling, Bruce eased back under the covers, pulling the comforter over the girls head holding it down with his arm.
Bruce started squeezing his abs making himself fart, continuing to fart for five full minutes. Bruce heard gasping and coughing coming from under the blankets. Debbie was the first to wake up fighting to get out of the toxic air. Debbie pushed against the blanket but there was no give. With tears in her eyes and experience with this in the past, Debbie crawled around the bed looking for a way out.
Stephanie and Angela woke up feeling Debbie crawl over them looking for a way out of the noxious fumes. Stephanie yelled out, “Have we been attacked with poisonous gas?” then started coughing and gagging.
Debbie crawled around the bed pushing on the edges but the blanket wouldn’t give. Trying to hold her breath as she searched for an escape route, Debbie almost passed out when she had to take another breathe. Starting to gag, Debbie yelled moving towards Bruce’s side of the bed, “Damn it Bruce, that’s enough.”
As Debbie crawled toward him, Bruce let out a loud fart that shook the bed. Debbie screamed back peddling to her side of the bed, putting as much distance between her and Bruce as she could. Angela and Stephanie just started kicking the covers trying brute force as their eyes continued to burn. Feeling pity for them, Bruce pulled the covers back letting the girls out gasping for air. When the smell hit Bruce, he almost felt sorry for holding them under so long, almost, but not quite.
Blue Plague Survival Page 44