Blue Plague Survival

  Debbie got out of bed and collapsed on all fours on the floor trying to expel the toxic fumes from her body. “Bruce, you know how much I hate the Dutch oven,” Debbie managed to tell him.

  Stephanie looked at Bruce smiling with her blood shot, watering eyes. “That was a good one Bruce,” she said with a dry raspy voice.

  “Good hell, that’s why women don’t have nose hair,” Debbie replied still on all fours beside the bed.

  “My eyes are burning,” Angela said then looked around asking. “Where’re the kids?”

  “They probably chewed a hole through the mattress to escape,” Debbie replied.

  “I wouldn’t endanger kids like that,” Bruce said.

  “Bullshit, you’ve done that to each of the kids several times. The only reason you quit was the kids doctor thought Jake was developing asthma. Strange that you quit and his lungs improve,” Debbie said standing up.

  “I only did it to them once or twice,” Bruce shot back.

  “Bruce, I just tried to breath out of my tits. Once is too much,” Debbie replied heading toward the bathroom.

  Angela giggled, “I didn’t realize just how important clean air was,” she said as Debbie walked out spraying air freshener. When Debbie finished Angela stated, “It smells like someone shit vanilla.”

  Everyone laughed as Bruce got out of bed to grab the kids. Debbie stopped him, “Bruce, just let them sleep down there. The fumes are not that toxic on the floor.”

  Angela looked at Bruce, “I promise that I will never ever wear socks in your bed again. Bruce, I think something crawled up your ass and died.”

  Bruce smiled saying, “I usually get even little foot.”

  Debbie looked at Bruce then said, “Bruce get in the middle of the bed. Stephanie, get on his left side I will take the right. Angela, lay on his chest if he gets up, get a bat and hit his knees.”

  Everyone piled on Bruce and drifted off to sleep ruining Bruce’s next payback.

  Chapter 27

  Bruce woke up and felt like the world was on his chest when he heard the alarm clock. Bruce tried to take a deep breath but he couldn’t. Struggling to open his eyes Bruce saw Angela’s head on his right shoulder and Cade laying on her back. Emily was laying on his left chest beside Angela. Looking over Angela, Bruce saw Sherry laying on top of his right arm and Debbie’s chest.

  “PJ,” Bruce called out hoping he was not under everyone and was rewarded with a whack to the left side of his head. Bruce tried to pull his arms out but couldn’t as PJ wacked him again then hit Emily and Stephanie in the head with his empty bottle playing drums on everyone’s head.

  “Stop it now!” Bruce yelled out. PJ dropped the bottle, Bruce’s yell scaring him. PJ clasped his hands together and started to frown. Then he started to poke his lips out as tears rolled down his face.

  “Oh, you are good,” Bruce said feeling like shit. PJ let out a wail with his feelings hurt. Twisting his body back and forth, trying to get from under everyone. The others were waking up from Bruce’s yell, PJ crying and the alarm clock, Bruce was finally able to extract his arms out and climb out.

  Moving to the side of the bed, Bruce turned off the alarm clock. Then he growled and picked up a crying PJ. Setting PJ on the side of the bed Bruce kneeled down in front of him. “PJ, if you hit me with that bottle again, I am going to hit you with it. I hit harder,” Bruce said in a calm voice. PJ stopped crying looking at Bruce with wide eyes.

  Debbie sat up, “Bruce, quit talking to the baby like that.”

  Bruce just shifted his gaze from PJ to Debbie and said, “Back off woman.”

  Debbie just sighed and laid back down. It was too early to get in a debate with Bruce even though Debbie was on Bruce’s side, that damn bottle hurt. She was not in the mood, so PJ was on his own.

  Bruce picked PJ up and sat him on the pillows above everyone’s head. Bruce picked up his bottle and gave it back to him. PJ grabbed the bottle and hit Stephanie in the head. Bruce grabbed the hand with the bottle lightly popping it. Then taking the bottle away, Bruce tapped it on top of PJ’s head. Stephanie raised her head up.

  “Lay back down,” Bruce snapped. Stephanie put her head back down she didn’t want Bruce to hold her under the covers and fart some more.

  PJ was just staring at Bruce holding out the hand Bruce had popped like it was broken and his lower lip was trembling. “It won’t work on me son,” Bruce said putting the bottle on PJ’s lap.

  PJ picked up the bottle raising it over his head as Bruce barked, “No!” PJ released the bottle dropping it on his head looking at Bruce. Picking the bottle back up, Bruce laid it on PJ’s lap again. PJ just looked at Bruce like ‘I’m not touching the damn thing.’

  Bruce just stared at PJ as PJ reached out to get Bruce to pick him up. “No,” Bruce said. PJ dropped his hands and grabbed his bottle and held it to his chest.

  “Good boy PJ,” Bruce said. Hearing the praise PJ squealed in delight. Bruce picked up PJ and sat him next to Stephanie. Bruce put PJ’s hands on Stephanie’s back then Bruce rocked PJ’s body pushing Stephanie. “Stephanie, acknowledge PJ then lay back down,” Bruce told her. Stephanie did as Bruce asked. Then Bruce praised PJ. The lesson went on for another ten minutes until PJ quit trying to beat people with his bottle.

  Bruce picked PJ up giving him kisses making PJ laugh as Bruce headed to the bathroom. Stephanie sat up, “Don’t you think that is a little overboard? He’s just a baby,” she pointed out.

  “He will learn, I’m the Alpha male and what I say goes,” Bruce replied.

  “Are you going to urinate on him now to show your dominance?” Stephanie asked moving to get out of bed to get PJ. Bruce looked up at the ceiling like he was thinking about it when Debbie sat up.

  “Bruce,” Debbie said.

  “It works in the animal kingdom,” Bruce pointed out.

  “Bruce,” Debbie said in a low grumble.

  “We’re going to take a shower,” Bruce said closing the door to the bathroom. The twins jumped out of bed in a dead run, for the shower.

  When the twins closed the door, Debbie reached over and grabbed Stephanie’s arm. “Stephanie, don’t do that again. When daddy is disciplining the kids, Mama has to stand with him, not question him. That is teaching discipline. You act like Bruce was beating PJ with a knotted rope. That lesson just taught PJ to quit hitting us to get what he wants. Why do you think the kids in this family act like they do?

  “I know you have read those stupid ass books saying not to spank. Look what they did to this generation of kids. Kids must be taught, if you do wrong, punishment follows and punishment is never good. I’m not saying grab a tree trunk and break bones. A good spanking will suffice. Did your parents spank you?” Debbie asked.

  “No, the nanny did,” Stephanie answered.

  “Do you still love your nanny?” Debbie asked.

  “I still love Ms. Jordan,” Stephanie replied with a voice that resounded with love.

  “Are you still a little afraid of Ms. Jordan,” Debbie continued the questions.

  “Oh yeah, if she came in here right now and said pick up the toys, I would find some to pick up,” Stephanie replied.

  “You love her because she cared enough about you to teach you right and wrong. Reward you for a job well done and punish you for doing bad. That is the job of a parent to teach their kids. It’s not the government’s place to tell a parent how to raise a child, they are not there. Not the doctor’s to give the kid a drug to get compliance, that is the job of the parent,” Debbie told Stephanie.

  Stephanie looked at Debbie in shock as the pieces fell in place. “Oh shit,” Stephanie said looking at Debbie. Laughing and squealing could be heard coming out of the bathroom with the shower running.

  Cade climbed down off the bed pointing at the door. “Mama wa wa,” he said.

  “Cade, we will take a shower later,” Angela told Cade. Cade ran to the door trying to reach the door knob as the twins started laughing again. “Mama, wa wa peese,” C
ade yelled in desperation.

  Debbie got out of bed and walked over to Cade taking off his shirt and diaper then opened the door. “You have another one Bruce,” Debbie yelled into the bathroom as Cade took off to the shower.

  “Come on here boy,” Bruce said as Debbie closed the door and sat on the end of the bed looking at Stephanie.

  Stephanie looked at Debbie, “I screwed up big time.”

  “No Stephanie, you’re a new mama that needs guidance. Now, go help Bruce wash the kids and tell him you’re sorry that you made a mistake. This is stuff learned over a lifetime and not from a book. You should have learned this from your Mama. Now go, we will talk more later,” Debbie told her. Stephanie got off the bed and went to the bathroom to help Bruce. Debbie got up and headed to the closet then noticed that Angela was staring at her. Debbie looked directly at Angela who had her mouth open with a shocked expression. “What?” Debbie asked.

  “Stephanie is taking a shower with your husband,” Angela pointed out.

  “You’re very observant but you forgot there are four kids in there also,” Debbie replied.

  “I know but Stephanie is-,” Angela faltered.

  “Beautiful,” Debbie finished.

  “Well yeah, not that you’re not Debbie but she is just-,” Angela felt a loss for words.

  “Close to perfect,” Debbie helped and Angela just stared at Debbie. “Angela, do I have to worry about Bruce?” Debbie asked.

  “No any fool can see that man worships you. But-,” Angela replied looking for words.

  “Can Stephanie throw Bruce down and rape him?” Debbie asked.

  “Well no but Bruce is a boy,” Angela said. Debbie just cocked her head to the side. “Ok, no, she can’t,” Angela answered.

  “What do I have to worry for,” Debbie replied.

  “It’s just weird,” Angela replied.

  “Why don’t you go help them? I’m fixing to, because Bruce can’t wash the girls hair for shit. Stephanie is not much better,” Debbie told her. Angela just looked at Debbie like she was in a trace.

  “Are you scared of Bruce?” Debbie asked.

  “No,” Angela replied.

  “Well, you sit out here and think about it. I’m going to help,” Debbie patted Angela’s leg heading to the bathroom.

  Angela sat on the bed listening to the group laughing. She got off the bed and went into the bathroom finding a naked Bruce chasing a naked PJ crawling around the bathroom floor. Angela reached down and picked up PJ who was covered in soap.

  Bruce took PJ from Angela, “Thank you, he escaped when Debbie opened the door,” Bruce said turning around heading back to the shower. “Emily, don’t put that in Cade’s hair,” Bruce barked at Emily who was holding a bottle of shampoo over Cades head.

  “I have to wash his hair like Mama does mine,” Emily said.

  “You can’t even wash your own hair, let Mama do it,” Bruce told her. Emily threw the bottle of shampoo down on the shower floor.

  Bruce looked at Emily, “Pick that up right now!” Bruce demanded. Emily just crossed her arms looking at Bruce.

  “Emily, Daddy told you to pick it up. Do it, now,” Stephanie told her. Emily looked up at Stephanie then to Debbie seeing she had no allies Emily picked the shampoo up putting it back.

  “Very good Emily, since you want to do someone’s hair you and Sherry can shave Daddy’s head,” Bruce told her. The twins yelled with joy and tried to leave the shower. Debbie and Stephanie each grabbed one.

  “You have to finish your shower first, then you can help Daddy,” Debbie told them.

  Bruce headed toward the shower put PJ on the floor of the shower where he started to slap the water into submission. Bruce turned around to Angela, “Are you going to help or just referee,” he asked then squeezed into the shower.

  Angela joined the group. After the twins were done Bruce let them shave his head. They only nicked his ear once. When everyone was out of the shower they dressed and headed to the center for breakfast. Heading to their table, they were the last to arrive for breakfast and the sun was still not up yet.

  Mike just growled at Bruce when he walked by. Bruce looked at Mike, “Something wrong brother?” he asked smiling.

  “Dude, that was not even cool or funny by any standard,” Mike answered wanting to throw something at Bruce.

  Bruce sat down as he replied, “You thought it was funny when Debbie neutered me last night. You knew payback was coming.”

  “Payback yeah, not boiling my nuts!” Mike yelled causing a silence to fall over the center.

  “I wanted to make sure you didn’t laugh at me again when I was getting a reaming from a five foot tall woman. You could have spoken up on my side,” Bruce informed Mike.

  “Bruce, I’m not saying that some form of payback wasn’t called for,” Mike said then yelled. “I tried to dunk my nuts in the toilet for God’s sake.” Several smirks could be heard around the table and the room. Mike looked at those around the table then started yelling again. “I did a fucking handstand in the shower to try to save my balls! I’ve never done a fucking hand stand in my life! Your kids and mine came running into my room with weapons loaded to save me. What did they find? Me, in the fucking shower, doing a handstand, trying to blow on my balls and get them closer to the water. That’s just wrong man. Matt laughed so hard at me he peed on his self.”

  Bruce was trying not to laugh as he replied, “Well, you did learn how to do a hand stand.”

  “Mother fucker, I would’ve levitated if I could have. I was in a hand stand for twenty minutes. You know why I wasn’t in one longer? Well let me tell you, when you are upside down trying to blow out the acid someone put on your balls you hyperventilate and your arms give out. You drop like a brick but do you pass out, hell no. Your balls are trying to pull up inside your body but your body won’t let them in, because they are covered in acid. I sat my naked ass down in the bottom of the shower plugging up the drain, letting water run out on the bathroom floor and I did not give a damn, as long as my nuts were in cold water. That is how I sat for over an hour,” Mike finished screaming.

  Bruce couldn’t look at Mike anymore because his mind was going into overload providing him mental pictures of Mike’s plight. Looking at the table Bruce said, “Ok, I might, have gone too far.”

  Mike screamed, “Might have gone too far! Bruce at the end of the hour I sat in cold water, I couldn’t find my balls. I thought they went down the drain when Nancy made me unstop it. You know what, I didn’t even care, they could go and hurt somewhere else.” Nancy just laid her head down on the table putting her arms over her head as her body shook with laughter.

  Mike looked at Nancy then back to Bruce, “Dude, you need your man card taken away after that,” Mike said in a normal voice.

  Bruce jumped up, “Brother, you go too far with that.”

  “Dude, you cooked my nuts,” Mike exclaimed.

  “Ok Mike, I went too far and I apologize to you and your balls. You want me to come down there and blow on them for you, because I will,” Bruce said walking toward Mike.

  “Dude, you stay the hell away from my balls. You don’t get to look at them or touch them anymore,” Mike said backing away from Bruce.

  Bruce wrapped his arms around Mike rubbing his back, “Don’t be that way, you’re my bareback cowboy.”

  Mike tried to push Bruce away, “Get the hell away from me. My balls are pulling up into my throat. They know you are near and are trying to hide.”

  Bruce put his leg behind Mike’s leg taking him to the floor, “Come here Twinkie man, let me rub on your balls and tell them I’m sorry,” Bruce said then Mike flipped Bruce off of him and Mike tried to put Bruce in a head lock.

  “You play with your own balls. You tried to kill mine,” Mike said. Everyone in the center gathered around to watch the two wrestle each other as they laughed at the dialog shot back and forth.

  Bruce slipped out of the head lock, trying to put Mike in an arm bar. “Come on let me rub
them. I’ll be gentle,” Bruce struggled to get out holding back the laughter.

  “Gentle-, my nut sack is peeling,” Mike cried out and Bruce could not help it anymore. Tears rolled down his face as he laughed. Mike seized his chance and spun around putting Bruce in a full nelson then Mike wrapped his legs around Bruce’s waist.

  “Tell my nuts you’re sorry,” Mike demanded.

  Bruce tried to get air into his lungs to comply with Mike’s request but was having trouble, he was laughing to hard. After Bruce took a breath he yelled, “Mike’s balls I’m sorry for hurting you.”

  “They don’t believe you. Say it like you mean it,” Mike yelled trying not to laugh.

  Bruce yelled out, “Oh Mike’s big hairy balls with the peeling nut sack! I’m sorry for hurting you. I wanted to pet you and make you feel better but Mike has taken away my visitation rights!”

  Mike released Bruce not able to hold on any longer. Mike rolled around on the floor laughing with Bruce. Everyone in the center was laughing at the two on the floor. When Bruce could breathe again, he looked at the table Steve was the first person he saw.

  “Steve, come here and help us up,” Bruce said. Steve walked over and helped Mike up then he walked over to Bruce with his hands over his crotch.

  “Dad, my balls are scared of you and won’t let me help you,” Steve said sending everyone into another round of laughter.

  Bruce pulled his self up staggering to the table to sit down. When the laughter died down again everyone went back to their chair to attempt to finish breakfast. Bruce looked around the table and went over the class assignments for today.

  After he finished, Debbie said, “Bruce, it smells like it’s going to rain today. Do you want us to move inside to continue or just postpone until tomorrow?”

  Bruce looked at her all signs of laughter gone from his face. “None of the above, no training is postponed, unless we get severe lighting or a tornado,” Bruce replied.

  “Bruce it’s fifty degrees out there now, it only reached seventy five degrees yesterday. For the rest of the country that’s great weather, here that’s freezing. We could be asking for trouble getting people sick,” Debbie pointed out.