Blue Plague Survival

by Watson, Thomas A

  With a loud voice, Bruce picked back up so everyone could hear, “I realize now diving on them was a big mistake on my part. Those two tore into me like fat women eating corndogs. They bit, clawed, head butted and kicked me until I was able to sit on them holding them down with my weight.

  That was when Jake, with his eyes closed, sunk his teeth in putting a huge bite on my thigh. That bite made me scream at the top of my lungs just like Mike did earlier. Matt yells out with joy ‘Bite him harder, you’re killing him.’ Looking down at Jake latched on my thigh with his eyes closed I yell out at Jake ‘Jake quit its daddy!’ Jake opens his eyes letting me go and says, ‘Where did Bigfoot go Daddy?’”

  Everyone was laughing and only Bruce was not on the floor just because he had to tell the story. When the laughter died down and everyone climbed back into their seat. Nancy looked at Bruce, “You told us a bear attacked the tent while y’all were fishing, that’s why Mike had to buy another one.”

  Debbie stopped laughing as a thought came to her, “Your kids put all those bruises and scratches on you, not you falling down the side of a mountain?” Debbie asked and Bruce nodded making her laugh again.

  Stephanie slowed down her laughing asking Bruce, “What happened to Mike?”

  Bruce looked at her and before he could answer Mike spoke up, “I fell down a steep bank when I went outside to pee taking out several trees and I sprained my ankle real bad. I had to claw my way up the bank and every time I used my hurt foot I would grunt and groan out with pain,” Mike explained laughing hard again.

  When he could talk again, Mike told them, “When we got them back to camp, all four boys jumped in the truck and wouldn’t get out. Bruce and I tried to coax them out, and then we yelled at them to get out. They would just roll down the window and say ‘Bigfoot’ then roll the window back up. After Bruce wrapped up my ankle, he had to pack up camp in the dark by his self because I couldn’t do shit. We stayed in a motel the rest of the trip. It took two days to convince the boys it was me they heard in the woods and not Bigfoot.”

  David turned toward Mike with down cast eyes, “Dad, I really am sorry, I thought you were Bigfoot.”

  “I know son, that one was on me,” Mike said laughing and David smiled happy his Dad did not hold a grudge against him.

  “What happened?” Nancy asked seeing David’s reaction.

  “Well when Bruce handed the boys to me Steve was hitting me real hard so I put David under my arm. That way I could wrap my other arm around Steve’s upper body to make him stop beating the shit out of me. Well, David saw his chance and took it, biting me right on my tit. He clamped down hard and I screamed like a little girl. I tried to drop him but he wouldn’t let go. He was actually hanging on with just his mouth latched onto my chest. I let go of Steve not caring what the hell he did and grabbed David trying to pull him off before he bit my tit off. I was screaming the entire time just wanting someone to shoot my ass. Steve finally realized it was me and tried to help me get David off. Steve was the one who yelled at David ‘That’s your dad!’” Mike said laughing

  Steve looked at Bruce grinning, “Dad have you told mom about you and Daddy Mike tearing up that diner and you punching out a cop in Texas?”

  Bruce stopped laughing and coughed, “Ah no, maybe some other time.”

  “What?” Debbie and Nancy shouted in unison.

  “It’s nothing, I’ll tell y’all about it later,” Bruce replied grinning.

  “Awe come on dad that’s a good story. You and Daddy Mike laughed for an hour when we all talked about it last year bow fishing,” Danny said giggling.

  “I don’t think either mother would find it to funny,” Mike declared wanting the kids to be quiet.

  Debbie looked at Bruce simply stating, “Spill it.”

  “We got in a fight with some bikers and a cop walked in. When he tried to break it up, I punched him,” Bruce replied.

  Debbie sighed looking at Bruce, “Tell the story Bruce style,” Debbie commanded.

  Bruce let out a long sigh knowing he and Mike were fixing to get into trouble but grinned anyway. It was a really good fight. Clearing his throat, Bruce started, “You remember two years ago Mike and I took the kids to that survival training camp in Nevada. You and Nancy went to some resort just to relax.”

  “It was the Sands in the Bahamas’,” Nancy told Bruce.

  “Whatever,” Bruce told Nancy waving his hand through the air. Stephanie leaned over and popped the back of Bruce’s shaved head.

  Bruce turned looking at Stephanie as if she had lost her damn mind. Stephanie was just staring at her hand like it had a mind of its own. Looking up at Bruce, “I’m sorry ;I don’t know why I did that. I wanted to when I heard that ‘whatever’, but I don’t know why I did,” Stephanie declared as she just looked back down at her hand.

  Debbie laughed, “It’s ok Stephanie that’s a normal reaction to that smart ass comment. You will learn to block those impulses otherwise your hand is going to be very sore,” Debbie told her then turned to Bruce. “Hell yeah I remember. You and Mike were supposed to accompany us but the kids found that camp that trained with full auto weapons and CQB for two weeks. It cost us a pretty penny because they didn’t want you to bring kids there.”

  “Debbie after they met the kids and seen that they handled weapons correctly we did get reimbursed for the ‘extra fee’. Mary and Danny had those old men there eating out of their hands. The old man that ran it brought them both a present everyday while we were there. Hell he still sent them presents on Christmas.”

  “Mr. Denny,” Danny said smiling.

  “I know who it is Bruce. We have gone back twice every year. You are being vague, trying to stall the story,” Debbie said then drained her glass and poured another one.

  “Well we only had to pay for one trip a year, Mr. Denny always let us come back and bring our horses so we could ride them in the mountains,” Bruce answered trying to divert Debbie’s attention.

  “Bruce!” Debbie snapped.

  “Ok don’t get your panties in a wad,” Bruce told her as he started. “Well if you remember after we got the Tahoe loaded up all the kids were wearing their tiger strip BDU’s. They wouldn’t let Mike and I wear jeans. They wanted us to wear ours as well so Mike and I put on ours. After driving for eight hours and we were still in Texas, everyone had gotten hungry and didn’t want to eat sandwiches’ anymore. Mike spots this little road side diner, we stop there, fill up with gas and go inside to eat. We are sitting down at a large round table talking, having fun when in walks four bikers. They had on patches but I have no idea who they were with. I just don’t pay them any attention. We were sitting there having a good time. Danny sees a jukebox in the corner and points it out to Mary. They asked us for change and we gave it to them so they could go play some music-,” Bruce stopped as Jake interrupted.

  “Ok Dad that’s enough. You are leaving out the emotion because you know Mama wrath might be on the way,” Jake told him as he picked up the story. “Well you know Danny and Mary, when they hear music they get giggly and dance. They go over and start playing some pop song by Brittney and start dancing in front of the jukebox laughing at each other. One of the bikers yells out ‘We don’t want to hear that shit’. Danny and Mary stop dancing and look at the biker and both of them flip him off. They turned and looked at our table and Dad’s face had turned to stone as he looked at the bikers. Knowing Dad was pissed, the girls calmly walk back to the table and sat down. Daddy Mike looks at Dad and tells him ‘Bruce take your dick off your shoulder. I’m not in the mood.’ Dad just turns to Daddy Mike with a flat stare and replies, ‘I want to listen to some more music.’ Dad gets up and walks over to the jukebox and puts in a twenty and programs the same song the girls had played to play twenty times. Daddy Mike just shakes his head and turns to us saying ‘Y’all stay out of this and run to the truck when it starts.’ We all assure him ‘Oh yeah, we will leave if anything happens’, knowing we aren’t leaving for anything. Dad comes bac
k over and sits down as the juke box starts blaring. The same biker turns around and yells at Dad ‘I told you we don’t want to hear that shit. Do I have to come over there?’ Now inside the dinner was about thirty to forty people and they just shut up. These biker boys were pretty big and looked tough.” Jake stopped as Bruce added, “I’ve had tougher jock itch.”

  Everyone was grinning as the kids slowly started smirking to keep from laughing as they played out the events in their minds. Jake turned to Bruce smiling, “Well Dad turns to the four bikers who are sitting up at the bar. Looking at the one who yelled out, Dad replies to him ‘I like this song. It reminds me of your Mama tossing my salad and your sister licking my nuts’. Daddy Mike just put his hands over his face while we just fell out laughing. The biker got off his stool and walked over to us stopping beside Dad trying to intimidate him with his presence. Like that would ever work. The biker looked down at Dad and said ‘Boy I’m going to have to hurt you now’. Dad looked up at the biker and said with attitude ‘I’m really scared if you can’t tell. I think I’m going to make you eat the corn out of my shit, then I’m going to give you a golden shower, and after that I’m going to get you pregnant. Your pussy is so big it really makes me horny,’” Jake said as all the kids fell out laughing.

  Bruce looked up at Debbie who was just staring at him. Bruce explained, “Well he swaggered over like he had a really big vagina between his legs and I just had to tell him that made me horny. Hell I’m getting aroused now thinking about it.” Hearing Bruce, everyone that was not laughing started, including Debbie.

  Jake wiped tears from his eyes and continued, “Well the biker squared up facing Dad and said ‘You need to stand up so I can kick your ass.’ Dad never taking his eyes off of him shoots back ‘If I get up you are at least getting a golden shower.’ Hearing that, the biker took a step back. You could see it on his face, he was getting scared. That was when one of his buddies at the bar shouted encouragement to him. The biker stepped back towards dad and said, ‘If you think I’m scared of a family of pussies that dress in camo, you’re dead wrong. I’m going to take your daughters-.’ Well we never got to hear what he wanted to do to Danny and Mary because Dad launched out of that chair like the Space Shuttle, hitting the biker under the chin. That man flew up in the air, and I’m not kidding, it looked like he paused at the top of his arc over the table behind him. The biker sailed over the table and hit the ground not moving. I just knew he was dead and we were going to jail because Dad had just killed a man while we watched. Dad hit that man so hard I know members of his family felt it,” Jake declared giving everyone around the table a serious look.

  Jake took a deep breath and continued, “Well before that man hit the ground, Daddy Mike was out of his chair charging the bar with Dad. The three at the bar never stood a chance. Dad launched a kick hitting one square in the chest. The look that biker gave looked like a cartoon character. Dad chopped his friend beside him in the throat dropping him to his knees. Then Dad grabbed the one he kicked, picked him up and just tossed him over his shoulder. The biker landed right in front of our table. We all looked at each other like ‘oh a present’ and jumped over the table and started kicking and stomping the biker,” Jake said as Bruce interrupted.

  “Y’all were monkey stomping him into the ground son,” Bruce declared.

  “Whatever,” Jake said. Bruce fought the urge to slap him but noticed Stephanie’s hand just swung out. If Angela would have been taller, it would have hit her in the face but Stephanie’s hand just sailed over her head. Bruce made a mental note to watch his mouth around Stephanie until she controlled that hand.

  Jake continued never noticing Stephanie, “Well Daddy Mike launched himself hitting the other biker in the jaw dropping him. Now in all fairness Daddy Mike’s guy was the biggest.”

  Mike bellowed out, “Biggest, that son of a bitch was a mountain. He was an easy 6’8” weighing 380lbs. The biggest guy Bruce hit was 6’4” 280lbs. The one he hit in the throat was big but short.”

  Jake ignored him as he continued, “Well like I said, he was the biggest but none of these guys were under six foot. The mountain Daddy Mike hit stood back up and started throwing punches at him. Daddy Mike would block them and deliver a volley of blows but the man refused to go down. The biker Dad had chopped in the throat lunged at Dad throwing a wild punch hitting him in the side of the face. Dad grabbed the man’s arm and punched it breaking his elbow. That man let out a scream that sounded like a cat. Dad started throwing punches and knees into the man driving him up on the counter. Then Dad grabbed him and threw him over his back. That biker landed beside the one we were jumping on. Danny yelled out ‘Thank you Daddy’ and we started jumping on our new toy. Then Danny grabbed a large glass sugar dispenser and smashed it over the biker’s head that had a broken arm knocking the man out cold. Then Mary who was standing over our first toy reared her foot back and kicked the man right in the jewels. That man threw up with that kick and I’m sure if we would have looked his balls would have been there. Mary start’s jumping up and down yelling ‘Danny did you see that? It really works’. We all stop hitting our toys to see what Mary was talking about. Matt, Steve and Danny were on the one with the broken arm while Mary, David and I were on the one Mary just punted his balls to the top of his head. Mary runs over to the man that Danny knocked out and raises her foot way back and launches a kick into his groin making him slide a foot on the floor. That is where I learned pain will bring you out of a knock out. That man woke up in a mid-howl and puked,” Jake said.

  Looking at Danny, he started again, “When Danny saw what Mary did she jumped up and down and ran over to the one Mary kicked first who was still holding his balls trying to comfort them. Danny tried to kick his balls but he wouldn’t move his hands. The entire time Danny is yelling ‘Move your damn hands’. Seeing he wasn’t going to comply with her request, Danny started kicking him in the face with her combat boots. After five kicks, the man did move his hands grabbing his face. Which I’m sure to this day he realizes was a big mistake. Danny reared back and tried to put his balls into orbit. The man couldn’t even yell out. All he did was throw up again. Danny yelled out ‘That is so cool’.”

  Stopping, Jake looked around the table at everyone laughing, “I learned two things then. No matter how many times you get kicked in the balls it hurts. Second, when someone tells you to move your hands off your balls, it’s not going to be for a good reason.”

  Picking back up the story, Jake took a deep breath, “Well I have to admit Steve, David, Matt and I stopped as Mary and Danny tested out their new powers. We just didn’t have the heart to beat them while the girls would kick them in the face until they uncovered their balls. Meanwhile, Dad moved over to the mountain Daddy Mike was fighting and started talking to Daddy Mike like nothing was wrong. ‘Are you going to play with him all day?’ Dad asked Daddy Mike. Daddy Mike ducked a wild swing kicking the biker in the knee dropping him. Then grabbing the man’s head, Daddy Mike drove his knee into his face. While the man was dazed, Daddy Mike slammed the biker’s head into the bar knocking him to the floor. Daddy Mike looked at Dad replying ‘Mine was bigger than all three of yours’. Dad shrugged his shoulders and turned around heading to the first biker he knocked over the table saying ‘If you would break something they tend to stay down’. Daddy Mike just watched Dad then noticed the mountain was getting back up so he started throwing punches and kicks at the biker driving him into the wall.”

  “Well Mary turned around and noticed the first man Dad knocked out and ran over to show him her new powers. When her foot connected with him was when I realized he hadn’t died, though I’m sure he wished he would have. That man sat straight up letting out a raspy groan as he grabbed his balls. By now Mary knew how to make her powers more effective so she kicked him in the face snapping his head back. True to form the man grabbed his face so Mary’s foot could have a clear flight path again,” Jake stopped looking at Nancy and his mom laughing.

  “I kinda fe
lt sorry for those three,” Steve stated laughing.

  “Are you kidding? It really worked just like Daddy Bruce said it would,” Mary yelled out smiling. “That was when I knew what Daddy Bruce and Dad taught us really worked,” Mary declared proudly.

  Jake kissed Mary then continued, “Well Dad walked over to the first guy who Mary was still demonstrating her powers on. Dad grabbed her and told her this one was his. I have to say Mary did not like Dad interrupting her using her newly discovered powers but she rejoined Danny with the first two. Dad stood over the man and started unbuckling his pants. Daddy Mike who had just dropped the mountain again yelled out across the dinner ‘What the hell are you doing?’ I’m not kidding here dad turned around and said ‘This one is fixing to get a golden shower’.”