DELVE

by Jacob Chance

  “Do you plan to stay there?” he asks. His calf bumps into mine when he stretches his legs out under the table.

  I arch my eyebrow at him. What the hell? Is this the best he can do making small talk? “I don’t plan on moving out of there anytime soon. It’s close to my work and I like my apartment.” I’m saved from further awkward conversation when the waitress appears beside the table to take our order. I need alcohol; stat. Beer won’t cut it tonight. I ask for a Captain Morgan and Coke. Derek leans forward. “I’ll have a Sam Adams.” No surprise there. It’s his favorite beer and it’s pathetic that I actually know this.

  I listen to the conversation going on around me while I nurse my drink. I’d love to drink it down, but I need to be sober around Derek. He’s hard enough to deal with even when I have all my wits about me.

  “Where are you thinking of having the wedding?” Lana, K.D. Investigations tech specialist, asks Janny. I glance over at Kyle and smile. He’s so hopelessly in love with Janny, and I couldn’t be happier for him – for them.

  “We’re not sure yet. We just know that we want to do it somewhere tropical and only invite close friends.” Janny smiles when she gazes over at my brother. Kyle takes her hand in his and lifts it to his lips, gently kissing the top.

  Will I ever find someone who loves me that much? Will I ever find someone who loves me; period?

  Derek nudges my leg with his. “Do you want another one?” He gestures to my drink. I look down and realize it’s empty.

  “Yes. Please.” He rises from his chair, and I study him as he walks away from me. He’s tall, a couple inches over six feet, with broad shoulders. His arms have well-defined muscles and are covered in tattoos. His jeans hang low on his hips and the plain black t-shirt he’s wearing is no surprise. He only wears black shirts. I’ve never seen him in another color; not in the seven years I’ve known him. I don’t know why. That color is a great choice for him, though. It matches his black heart.

  “Kenna, when are we going out again?” Lana asks, drawing my attention away from Derek. She and I have become good friends over the past couple of months.

  “I’ve been working a lot of overtime, but we need to figure something out. I’ll call you.” Lana’s new to the area and doesn’t know many people. I’m a private person and it’s not easy for me to let people in, but for some reason I was comfortable with her from day one.

  “Here.” Derek places a fresh drink down on the table in front of me. He takes his seat, staring in my direction.

  “Thanks,” I murmur, wrapping my hand around the cool glass, before taking a sip. The coke and rum mixture is cold and refreshing. I have to stop myself from gulping it down to soothe my parched throat. He nudges my leg with his. I stare down into my drink and ignore the tingles now traveling through my calf. He nudges my leg again. I look up at him, our gazes connect and send a jolt of longing through me. Why do I have to be so attracted to him?

  “Are you still friends with that hot girl?” he asks, smirking.

  “What girl?” I ask. What the hell is he talking about?

  “The blonde.” He makes a crude hand gesture. “With the big tits.”

  “Melanie,” I say. I refuse to react. He’s trying to bait me, and as much as the thought of him wanting someone else burns me up inside, I refuse to give him the satisfaction of showing it.

  I shake my head. “No, she got fired. She screwed up giving meds and almost cost a patient his life.”

  I work as an emergency room nurse and we deal with high pressure situations all the time. One false move can mean the difference between life and death.

  “Do you know how I can get in touch with her?” he continues.

  Geez, I’m sorry I brought her to that one party he was at. If I hadn’t, I wouldn’t be dealing with his bullshit right now.

  “No, sorry. I don’t.” I paste a contrite expression on my face. I lift my glass and take a large sip before my mask can slip. I remind myself to remain calm when I place the glass back down on the wooden tabletop. He can’t know he’s getting to me. I refuse to let him see how much his words affect me. How much the thought of him wanting another woman – being with another woman, pains me.

  A hand on my shoulder has my head snapping around. “Kenna, how are you?” Robert, a neighbor of mine asks.

  “Hey, Robert.” I beam a smile at his attractive face and rise up to exchange a hug with him. He pulls me in close.

  “When did you get back in town?” I ask, drawing back from his arms.

  “A couple days ago, but I’ve spent most of that time sleeping and trying to adjust to the time change.” He’s spent the past two months in China, on business.

  “Don’t I get an introduction?” Derek interrupts, leaning back in his chair.

  “Robert, this is Derek, my brother’s best friend. You already know Kyle and his fiancé, Janny. This is Lana, Elle and Josh.” I gesture toward each as I say their names.” He exchanges handshakes with them all.

  “Kenna I’m a little hurt at the way you introduced me. We’re friends too, aren’t we? I know I have all kinds of friendly feelings for you.” When my eyes meet Derek’s I have a hard time looking away. His are burning with an intensity I haven’t seen since the night we kissed four years ago.

  I shrug my shoulder and plaster an innocent expression on my face. “I’m choosier about who I call friend.” His smile is tight-lipped. I know he wants to say something, but he surprises me by remaining silent.

  Robert places his hand on my arm drawing my attention to him. “Hey, can I buy you a drink? I want to ask you something.”

  “Sure.” I smile and he gestures for me to go first. We wind our way through the ever-growing crowd and wait until he can order.

  He turns to me while the bartender is preparing our drinks. “You’ve been so great about helping me out with collecting my mail and watering my plants while I’ve been gone. Can I take you out to dinner some night to thank you?”

  “You don’t have to take me out, Robert. It’s not a big deal. I had to get my mail anyway and you have three plants; not really a lot of work for me to water them.”

  The bartender hands our drinks over. Robert hands her a twenty, signaling to keep the change.

  I smile and rub his arm. “How are you doing? Are you still struggling with the breakup? I know you and Natalie were together for a long time.”

  He sips his beer before answering. “It’s still painful, but it’s getting better. I’m glad I had to go away for business. Being out of the country made it easier than it could have been. And hey, I got full custody of the plants,” he jokes.

  I take a sip of my drink and glance over at Derek. His eyes are locked on me, sending tingles burning through me from my head to my toes. I return my focus to Robert and remind myself not to think about the way Derek makes me feel. It doesn’t matter if he could literally set my panties on fire, he’s not the kind of guy who has relationships. I’m not the kind of girl who sleeps with someone just because I can.

  The words from a Rudyard Kipling poem come to me – Never the twain shall meet. We’ll never be able to find common ground. We’re too different. His morals are questionable, maybe even non-existent, and mine work overtime.

  “Are you free for dinner on Wednesday night?” Robert interrupts my thoughts. I smile up at him and nod.

  “Sure. Where are we going?”

  “Do you like seafood?” he asks before taking a sip of his beer.

  “Yes, I love it actually.”

  “I know just the place to take you.”

  We finish our drinks standing by the bar before he walks me back over to my seat. I can feel Derek’s gaze on me.

  “I’ll see you Wednesday.” He leans down to kiss me on the cheek.

  I smile up at him. “I’m already looking forward to it.” I watch Robert as he walks away. Derek laughs. My eyes swing over to him. “What?” I ask as I sit down across from him.

  He shakes his head, smirking at me. “Is he the be
st you can do?”

  “I don’t know what you mean. Robert is a great guy. Any woman would be lucky to go out with him.” I’m not about to tell Derek he’s only a friend. He and his condescending attitude can fuck off.

  I turn my attention to the conversation going on around me and try to forget about Derek Santiago.

  “You’re just jealous because you can’t dance,” Elle teases Josh.

  “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Josh pauses to take a swig of his beer. “I’ve got some seriously smooth moves. This fine ass of mine has tempted many a lady.” I laugh and Elle snorts and almost spits out her drink. Josh is right. He does have a great ass. Why can’t I be attracted to a nice guy like him?

  After another hour, I’m ready to go home. I’ve had more alcohol than I intended and all I want to do at this point is fall into my bed and sleep for twelve hours straight. I love being a nurse, but the hours and the pressure of it can be tough.

  I say my goodbyes to Elle, Lana and Josh, but Kyle and Janny are out on the crowded dance floor somewhere and there’s no way in hell I’m going to go search for them. I mumble a ‘bye for now,’ to Derek and I head toward the front of the building. The music is blaring so loud I know my ears are going to be ringing for the rest of the night.

  When I step outside I breathe in the fresh night air, cleansing the stench of the club from my nostrils. My eyes search for a taxi while I stand there, curbside. I wait a couple minutes and when there’s no sign of one, I head toward my apartment. It usually takes me fifteen minutes to walk home from the area I’m in. Due to the late hour there are barely any cars on the road and no one on the sidewalks. I’m a little freaked out about making the trek by myself. I hardly ever walk alone in the city at night. I’ve heard too many horror stories about what can happen and I’ve seen it in the emergency room, first-hand. I’m not sure why I didn’t wait for a taxi, but I’m regretting my rash decision. Especially now that there’s a car creeping along beside me. Fuck. I keep my eyes focused forward and pick up my pace. The sound of a loud whistle pealing through the air has my stomach in knots. Shit.

  “Kenna, get in the car.” I’m surprised to hear Derek’s voice over the sound of my thumping heart. I stop walking and turn to look at him through the open window on his black-as-night Mustang.

  “You scared the crap out of me, Derek. What the hell?” I put my hands on my hips and glare at him.

  He laughs. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you, I thought you knew it was me.”

  “Yeah, you sound like you’re sorry.” I shake my head.

  “Get in. I’ll give you a ride home.” I open my mouth prepared to tell him where to shove his offer, when he interrupts me.

  “Come on. It’s the least I can do for scaring you.” I glance ahead and notice the lack of working street lights and agree.

  “Okay thanks.” Maybe, I tell myself that’s the only reason why. It’s not that I want a ride in his sexy car and it’s not that I want to be surrounded by the scent of his masculine cologne. It’s definitely not that I’m hoping for a repeat of that kiss we shared four years ago, because that would be crazy.

  The Rolling Stones, Memory Motel, plays on the radio while he navigates us safely through the city streets. It’s the same classic rock channel he’s been listening to for as long as I’ve known him. Classic rock suits him. He’s not a pop guy. He wouldn’t be caught dead listening to Justin Bieber or some boy band. I giggle at the thought.

  “What?” he asks, his eyebrow cocked in question.

  “Nothing. I’m just overtired. It’s been a long week.” I’m not really lying. I picked up two extra shifts and that made the week drag. It also means I didn’t get much sleep and I’m exhausted. He doesn’t say anything else until he pulls over in front of my building. He keeps the engine running.

  “Do you want me to walk you in?” he asks.

  “God no. I’ll be fine. Thanks for the ride.” My hand is already pulling the handle when he says my name.

  “Kenna.” My head turns over my left shoulder and I peer at him. He reaches out, slowly running the back of his fingers down the curve of my cheek. I hold still, frozen on the outside from his touch, but burning up on the inside. What is he doing? Oh. My. God. Is he going to kiss me?

  He smiles. “It was nice seeing you.” I chew on my bottom lip. Oh well, no kiss. I can’t help but wonder what’s going on in his head. This isn’t like Derek at all. He never says things like this to me.

  “Bye for now,” I mumble, my eyes downcast. I push the door open and get the hell out of his car. I shut it without looking back at him and I can feel his eyes burning into me; into my ass, all the way to the stairs and then all the way up to the entrance. I can hear the purr of his engine. I’m so nervous he’s still watching me that I fumble awkwardly searching for the right key. It takes me two tries to unlock the front door of the building.

  Once inside, I turn to wave, but he speeds off before I can raise my hand. I shake my head and step into the small, brightly-lit lobby. I love this place. It has historical details and charm throughout. It was built in the early 1900s and the hardwood floors are original. The crown molding is stained to match the dark floors and tall baseboards. The building is owned by Talia, an old friend of my parents. She came to the United States from Italy as a young bride with her husband and she lived here throughout their marriage. He unexpectedly passed away four years ago from a heart attack. Alone for the first time in fifty years, she renovated the top two floors, turning them into spacious apartments. I rent the middle floor and Robert rents the top one. The location can’t be beat. We’re easily within walking distance of Harvard Square and many of my days off are spent there, people-watching from my favorite coffee shop. They have outdoor seating in front and there’s never a shortage of colorful characters walking by.

  I take the stairs up to my apartment and breathe a sigh of relief; I’m home. It’s been a long day. I drop my keys on the kitchen table, unzip my dress and push it down to my waist as I walk toward my bedroom. I undo my bra and strip it off, throwing it on the end of my bed while I slide my dress down over my hips and kick it off. I leave it cast carelessly on the floor for now, not in the mood to be bothered picking it up. I slip on an oversized navy blue t-shirt leftover from an old boyfriend, wash my face and brush my teeth in front of the bathroom mirror. The dark circles under my eyes are another indication of how long this week has been. I can’t wait to sleep in tomorrow. I’m not getting up until it’s at least noon.

  ***

  I watched her walk confidently down the cracked sidewalk on her way home from work. I was right behind her, walking along with the crowd; hiding in plain sight. She’s never seen me before. She doesn’t even know who I am. I could bump into her and she’d be none the wiser. I’m presumed dead after that knife wound Kyle dealt me. The business of killing is no different than any other. It’s all about who you know. Lucky for me, I have connections who got me medical care right away.

  It’s been six weeks since that fateful night. I underestimated Kyle. I didn’t know he’d be such a worthy opponent. I got cocky and careless. I won’t make that mistake again.

  I followed her all the way to the main entrance of her building. When she stopped I kept moving with the flow of the pedestrians. I smiled knowing my time with her is just beginning.

  Soon there will be no secrets between us.

  Chapter Three

  Derek

  I’ve tossed and turned for the better part of the night thinking about Kenna and the way she interacts with me. I never know where I stand with her. One minute she’s angrily snapping at me when I go out of my way to be nice, and I find myself doing the same to her. We’re volatile together and an all-around bad idea but no matter how many times I tell myself to knock it off or remind myself it’s never going to happen; I can’t seem to stop. Hope is a dangerous bitch. She can make you wish for things you have no business wishing for, all on the slight chance they might happen.
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br />   I’ve never been much of a dreamer. I learned early on in life that opportunity comes to those who aren’t always deserving. Sometimes the good guy does finish last and the asshole who doesn’t deserve the good fortune often gets it. Maybe it’s part of a life lesson we all need to learn. I don’t know what the reason for it is, but it sucks to think you can do everything right and still not come out on top.

  I grew up in Dorchester, Massachusetts; three doors down from a biker bar and a block away from Pussycats, a strip club.

  Our house was filled with love. My parents were older than most and they tried for years to conceive but to no avail. It wasn’t until my mom was in her early forties that she became pregnant with me. By the time I was a teenager they were weary from the hand life had dealt them and I was spending most of my time hanging out on the street corner with some of the older unsavory types from the neighborhood. I pretty much came and went as I pleased and I had a hard time with authority because I didn’t have anyone to answer to at home. It didn’t take me long until I was committing petty crimes like stealing small items and vandalizing things. Those petty crimes escalated into bigger ones and before I knew it I was busted for stealing a car. I did a stint in juvie for six months and when I got out, my dad finally did something he should have done long before. He enrolled me in martial arts. All the time I used to spend hanging on the corner I began spending at the dojo with my Grandmaster learning Hapkido. I was a natural at all the joint locks and putting them to use on my opponents. To this day, I still train with my Grandmaster each week and I’m now a third degree black belt.

  My parents are retired now and they live in Mexico in the same house my father grew up in. All of his brothers, sisters and cousins all reside within a mile radius. Whenever I go visit them, I’m bombarded with questions; most having to do with why I’m not married yet. My own parents continually ask me this. I try not to get annoyed. They don’t understand how painful it is for me to think about. They have no idea that the only girl I want to be with, I can never have.