by Jordan Marie
“Promise you will protect my sister. They’ll kill her…”
“I promise,” I tell him easily. If the information is right, I might send a man out to get her. She might make a good club whore. That’s protection—mostly.
“I need your promise,” he whispers coughing up more blood, and there’s a rattle in his chest. Mierda!
“I want everything. You stay alive until I have it all or I’ll kill your sister myself,” I growl. Betrayal burns in my gut, adding to the misery inside of me, feeding the monster beneath the surface.
“Need… sister…” Pistol wheezes in between each word. His body shaking with the force it takes to get them out.
“Tell me!”
“Viper sent his…”
“His what?” I yell, slapping Pistol’s face to try and bring him around.
It doesn’t help. I’ve gone too far. He’s dead. Motherfucker! He’s dead! Who the fuck is the mole? I have someone in my club betraying me besides Pistol. How could I have been so motherfucking blind? Who is it? Briar? Latch? One of the newer recruits?
How much can a man take before he breaks? I lock it down for now. I need to figure how to deal with this. I’m fucking tired of everything. The only thing I know for sure is that now I have more than just the Donahue Brothers to destroy.
“I’m Doctor Patton. The club called and asked me to come down. Your brother-in-law said you were sick?”
I’m standing at the door of my room, a little in shock. I just came back from meeting with the ladies. We planned everything out for tomorrow and I’m exhausted. Annie, due to her being pregnant, will be watching Gabby tomorrow and helping distract the men. She’ll enlist a few of the club girls to help, too. The one main concern is Torch. Katie says she can handle it though, so I’m going to trust in her. It’s decided that me, Katie, Sacks, Louise, and Candy will all go. We’ll meet at Sack’s and Briar’s home, and from there, take the truck and boat. Briar told her he’ll be gone most of the day on club business, so that part should work out okay. Louise is in charge of firepower. Her brother runs a pawnshop. Katie gave her a list of what we are looking for. If there’s one thing that Katie and I have done in the last two years, it’s train ourselves in weapons and self-defense.
We will never be helpless again. That’s one promise we made ourselves and made to Gabby.
So after all that, what I really want to do is go see my daughter who is spending the night with Annie and tell her goodnight. The last thing I wanted was to deal with a doctor. No matter how good-looking he is. And he is. He stands even taller than Skull. I’d say he’s six foot five, maybe more. He’s built in ways that makes you feel small and womanly in comparison. Broad shoulders with a defined body that are definitely pleasing to the eye. He’s not quite as built as Skull, but still dang good. He’s got on jeans and a sweater and looks so refined with his blonde hair, which is cut short around the head. The top is a little longer, but perfectly fixed. He’s got sparkling blue eyes and a nice smile. He should be everything that makes my heart speed up, plus he’s the complete opposite of Skull.
Over the years, I’ve had men flirt with me, but I’ve ignored them. Skull was occupying my heart and there was no reason to look elsewhere. Plus, there are things about my body now that I never want to show another person. I’ve realized that I will forever be alone, and for the most part, I am okay with that. Still, I know a good-looking man when I see one, and Dr. Patton is all that and more.
It surprises me. I didn’t figure this would be the kind of doctor he would pick to examine me. I thought they were getting some older man. Still, this is probably one more sign that Skull really is done with me. That shouldn’t bother me; I’ve known that and accepted it.
Still, it does bother me somehow.
“I’m fine. I’m sorry they wasted your time,” I tell him with a smile as I open the door to my room. I was hoping to get a shower before I go see Gabby.
“Maybe I should just do a quick exam to be sure? This is my first call for the Devil’s. They usually get my dad to do everything. I don’t want to take a chance on making anyone unhappy.”
I stop and look up at him. “I’ll tell them I made you leave.”
“From what I know of the club, I don’t think that would be enough to save my job,” he returns.
I sigh. He’s probably right.
“This is ridiculous,” I grumble. “Come on in, but can we try and make it quick? I need to go check on my daughter.”
“Sure thing. You have a child?” he asks, following me in.
“A little girl. She just turned two. Gabby. She’s my reason for living.” He probably thinks those are just pretty words, but for me, it’s the total truth.
“I have a son myself. He just turned three. They sure make life better.”
“That, they do,” I agree, looking around and finally sitting at the foot of the bed. “I’m not sure what you’re supposed to examine. I had a headache earlier, but I’m fine now.”
He puts his bag on the nightstand and pulls out a stethoscope and a few other items from it, arranging them.
“Do you get a lot of headaches?” he asks while using an instrument to check my temperature by clicking it in my ear.
“Occasionally I get migraines. I don’t sleep well. Old ghosts…”
“I understand. I had the same problem when I first got divorced. Hard to get used to an empty bed and a quiet house.”
“You don’t have custody of your son?”
“Joint. I get him every second week of the month. It works for now, but we will have to work something out when Chase starts school. Helen and I have talked about it. I’m sure we will sort it out eventually.”
“You get along well with your ex? That’s good. Skull and I barely talk to each other,” I admit with a sigh, feeling tired.
“Your ex’s name is Skull? A lady who lives on the wild side.” He laughs. “Tell me where your headaches start.”
He’s standing over me. If I reach a certain way, my hand will hit him. So I reach up over my shoulder to show him the place at the back of my neck where the pain usually starts. I jump when his cold hand touches the back of my neck, partly because it’s cold and partly because it’s been so long since any man has touched me, no matter how innocently. Single mothers rarely have time to go to the doctor; we usually work through being sick.
“That’s me. Wild Beth.” I laugh, trying to get comfortable, but he does something with his hand around my neck and it pops. There’s a moment of pain, but then he pushes down with his hand and I swear I think my toes actually curl. “Oh my God, whatever you’re doing, don’t stop.” I laugh again and he joins in this time.
Then, the door slams.
“Who the fuck are you and why do you have your hands on my wife?”
I tense up when I see Skull, who looks like he’d like to tear the doctor’s head from his body. When his eyes move down to meet mine, I wonder if he wouldn’t like to do the same to me.
Then I recall his words.
His wife?
I’m fucked up after everything Pistol told me—and didn’t tell me. I got Beast and Torch to help drag the body into a truck and we buried him where no one but the crows will find him. We threw in some lime and a few other things to help make sure the dead stay dead, so to speak. Out of all of my men, I figure the safest two to lean on are Beast and Torch, but who the hell knows anymore. It’s clear that I have lost my edge when it comes to judging a man.
For that reason alone, I haven’t told any of the men yet what the bastard Pistol told me, though I can tell Torch knows something is up. If they were shocked by the shape Pistol was in, they didn’t tell me. Torch kept giving me strange looks all the way back. I don’t know what the motherfucker is thinking, but I’m sure the fact that Pistol just tipped me further into madness shows somehow.
Fuck, I feel as if there’s something under my skin crawling to get out. I’m so consumed by anger inside, I don’t think I’ll ever find my way out. I’
m starting to think the darkness will claim me. I reach up and scratch the back of my shoulder, digging my fingers in so there’s pain. Fuck, I might have even drawn blood. I hope I did. I need to mark or scar myself somehow. That way, the outside will match the inside.
I need to figure out what I’m going to do with… everything. The club, the traitors, Beth… fuck, even Teena. I may not have fucked her for a year, but I keep calling on her to help me. That’s not right. Especially with Beth around now. I don’t know what I’m going to do with Beth, but the thought of her being tortured while she was in France… She made some fucked up choices, but she’s right: I did in the beginning, too. Jesus. I need to cut Teena out completely if I keep Beth here.
Teena. Christo! She came along at a weak moment and at one time, I for some reason thought she reminded me of Beth. Her hair, though dyed, had the same blonde hue. She wore the type of dresses Beth used to wear. She made me stop feeling dead inside, but she never took away the emptiness. Even as far gone as I am right now, I have to acknowledge that the emptiness is gone now that Beth is here at the club.
As I go over everything, my mind pictures Beth on the street that day. Her blonde hair shining in the sun, that white dress flowing in the wind. Such innocence and beauty and it was mine. All mine… for a time. Can I get that back? Does it still exist? She’s not the same. She never wears those dresses now. In fact, she wears nothing but long sleeves and pants that cover almost all of her body.
Could Torch have lied? Did they actually rape Beth?
Mierda! I’m so damned tired. There’s just too many games, so many fucking games that it’s no wonder I’m being pulled into the darkness. It’s always been there, calling me. Beth pulled me out of it once… With her, I felt alive in ways I never have before.
So, it’s sheer madness that brings me to her door. I hesitate before I knock on the door. You can’t go back, and there’s too much between Beth and I for what we have to ever be good again. I’m about to turn away when I hear it.
Her laughter.
So sweet and free that listening to it warms something inside of me—a spot that has probably been frozen over since she left. I turn the knob carefully. It’s unlocked. I have a key that I’ve been using at night, but still, maybe this is a sign that I should talk to her? Can she save me once again?
I don’t fully open the door. I just hold it there, cracked enough so I can hear her easily. Her vanilla and strawberry scent hits me and I close my eyes and drink it in. I imagine her in my mind. She’s probably laughing at Gabby while they play with those blocks that Gabby loves so much. She’s probably helping her build a tower just to watch Gabby knock it over. My wife and my child… together… under my roof…
I allow myself to live in the fantasy for a minute, maybe two… It’s been so long, but there’s a ghost of a feeling inside of me. Not happiness, but… close. Satisfaction. I’m about to close the door again and leave before this small moment in time can be ruined—when I hear Beth’s voice.
“That’s me. Wild Beth…”
Maybe she’s laughing with Katie? What’s she talking about, “wild”? She had a wild streak in her once, one she reserved for only me. Has another man had her since she left me?
Can I believe anything she says?
“Oh my God! Whatever you’re doing, don’t stop,” she moans again. My body tenses with her words.
Then, I hear a fucking man laughing with her.
She is not fucking one of my brothers while she’s here. Who’s with her? Is it Beast? That motherfucker always had a soft spot for her. Shit, it’s probably Shaft, that damn asshole can’t keep his polla in his damn pants! I’ll make sure he doesn’t have one to worry about after this.
I shove the door open with such force that it slams against the wall when it flings open. Beth’s sitting on the bed and some fucker is rubbing the back of her neck. The only thing that stops me from going to him and immediately snapping his neck is the fact that they’re both still fully dressed.
“Who the fuck are you and why do you have your hands on my wife?” I growl before I can stop myself.
“Skull! What on Earth?” Beth starts, but she’s drowned out by the man. He’s holding his hands up in defense.
As if that would keep me away. I’ll fucking end him.
“Hey man, nothing’s going on. I was just checking Beth out and—”
“I saw that, motherfucker. I’m asking you what the hell you’re doing in my wife’s room and why you have your fucking hands on her.”
“We’re not married!” Beth growls, standing up and stomping her foot. I ignore her.
“You got about one minute to start talking and then, trust me when I tell you, you won’t be able to talk when I’m through.”
“This must be your ex, Skull?”
That’s it. I go to him and grab him around the neck, literally pulling him over to the wall. I slam him up against the wall so hard that the pictures on it rattle.
“That’s right, el cabrón, it’s good you know the name of the man who’s going to—Ow! Beth, goddamn it, what in the hell are you doing?” I growl, keeping my hand around the neck of the man while turning to look at Beth.
She’s taken a fucking stuffed animal and continues to slap me up the side of the head with it. I look at it and then her. She’s continuing to hit me with it: a giant, stuffed pony with rainbow colored hair. Christo!
“Will you let him go? That’s the doctor that you sent here!”
“The fuck he is. I sent Doctor Patton!”
“That’s his son!”
“Well, I didn’t know that, now did I? The gilipollas should have spoken up!”
“Quit calling him a dickhead and maybe he would have spoken up if you would quit choking him! You’re killing him! He’s turning blue for Christ’s sake! Will you let him go?”
I drop my hand from the asshole’s neck, ignoring his gasping and coughing beside me.
“Tell your father he will be dealing with me later. When I ask for him to come out, I mean him. Now, get out,” I order him, but I’m looking at Beth. Her gray eyes are watching me. There’s something shining in them and the only word I can think of to describe it is excitement.
For the first time in years, ever since Beth left my life, I’m feeling the same. My blood is thrumming through my system. My heart is beating hard against my chest. My dick is jerking against my pants and I feel… alive.
“Listen, Mr… errr… Skull. Dad retired last month. When your men called my office, I just assumed—”
“That was your first mistake. One I will be bringing up with your father. Now. Get. The. Fuck. Out.”
“Maybe if you hadn’t had Dr. Torres tending to your needs so often, you would have known,” Beth snips.
I haven’t taken my eyes off of her. I couldn’t if my life depended on it. She’s enjoying challenging me. She’s baiting me. She’s breathing heavy and her breasts are heaving against the tight black turtleneck she’s wearing. Breasts that I remember vividly. Breasts that are larger now that she’s had our daughter. Breasts that I want to bury my face in and just… breathe.
The doctor finally leaves, which should make me happy. Instead, I want to growl because Beth is hugging that damned stuffed pony against her chest like some kind of fucking lifeline, blocking herself from me.
“When did you learn to speak Spanish?” I ask because she knew what I called the asshole. That’s new. What other secrets is Beth keeping?
“I thought it would be useful. I figured you would want… I mean, I wanted to teach Gabby to speak Spanish, and they say it’s best to start them young… and I, well…”
She trails off, but her slip didn’t escape me. She thought I would want Gabby to know Spanish. She started to say that before she changed her mind. Did she plan for me to become part of Gabby’s life before that damn package in the hospital? Is this just another game? Another lie in a line of many that I seem to keep falling for?
“You shouldn’t have done that,�
� she whispers when she gets tired of my silence. Her cheeks blush a pale pink from me continuously staring at her.
“He had his hands on you.”
“He was examining me,” she says.
“I don’t give a fuck,” I tell her, taking a step toward her and closing the distance between us.
I reach out and pull her to me, keeping each of my hands on the cheeks of her ass. Those damn gray eyes of hers go large.
“Skull? What are you doing?” she asks, bringing her hands up to my arms and holding on, maybe to push me away, but she doesn’t do it.
“It’s both of us here, Beth,” I tell her, wanting her to admit that she feels this fucking pull between us.
“What are we doing?” she asks, and I could almost smile.
Instead, I bring my head down closer. “We’re learning, mi cielo, learning…” The old nickname slips out and I regret it instantly, but I can’t call it back. She gasps against my lips and her nails bite into my hands.
I know she’s made note of it. It makes me feel weak, but I can’t stop.
I take her mouth with mine. My tongue slips through her lips and finds… home. Her taste, the feel of her… It’s like a spark to the ashes that have been lying dormant, just waiting. I curve my tongue around hers, demanding she join me for this ride. She hums, and it’s all I can do to hold back. I want this kiss to be different. Slow and gentle. Reconnecting… remembering… reclaiming something I lost. I ignore the voice in my head calling me a stupid fool and instead I lose myself in the taste of the woman who nearly destroyed me years ago.
When we break apart, I keep my eyes closed and hold my forehead against hers, trying to regroup.
“What are we learning?” she asks, her voice thick and soft. How do I tell her I was trying to see if she could pull me from the darkness again?
I can’t.
I pull away and clear my throat, retreating to the door. I’m confused as hell… and horny. I want to push Beth onto the bed and fuck her until the voices in my head are gone, until the anger and the darkness are obliterated. I can do neither.