Willing Sacrifice

by Cree Walker

  "Why are you prejudiced though?"

  "Girl's like Alex just prove that our men are wandering due to the lack of numbers."

  "There are bitten men too, and more of them." I said.

  "Yeah, because they get into fights with Born werewolves over girls like Alex."

  "Huh," Was all I said and turned back to raking.

  "So what do you think?" Alex asked.

  "I think bitten werewolves are the species’ only hope and everyone has to get over the past and move forward."

  "It’s hard to forget a war." Kristy snapped.

  "Whose parents led that revolution? Who's husband died trying to end it?" I reminded her. "And why did they start the war to begin with?"

  Kristy had the sense to look ashamed and turned back to her growing pile of leaves then stopped. "I'm sorry about your family," she said quickly, obviously uncomfortable with the topic. "David was from my family pack, though he was gone before I was even Born."

  At mention of the man who had single handedly killed off my only living relatives and finished off my mate I stopped breathing.

  Alex looked at me and dropped her rake. "Are you going to faint?" She asked. Kristy narrowed her eyes in thought. "He's the reason you’re all messed up, isn't he?"

  My rake's handle snapped in half and I blinked my way back to reality. "I need a new rake. Mine is broken." I started to walk away when they blocked my path.

  "You should talk about it." Kristy said again.

  "I don't want to talk about it." The searing pain in my chest closed off my windpipe and I swallowed as if that would clear the way. I felt the blood drain from my face as I sucked in air. "Please, just leave it alone."

  "It’s only going to get worse. You need to talk about it." Alex persisted stubbornly.

  "You know for mortal enemies you two make one hell of a team." I tried to joke but neither one was budging.

  "He slaughtered my family and when I refused him and his advances he took what he wanted, then he fought in the ring with Jack and died, but so did Jack." I shrugged and tried to pass it off as nothing. "He's dead, he's not coming back, and he can't hurt me anymore."

  The two girls looked as if they had bitten off more than they could chew but Kristy nodded after she started breathing again. "Yeah, I can see how that kind of thing could haunt a person."

  "Do you feel better now?" Alex asked optimistically.

  "No, I feel like I'm going to pass out." Then I did, in a pile of wet rotting leaves.

  I came to as Robert was climbing the stairs to the main entrance of the house with me cradled in his arms but I didn't open my eyes because the two blabber mouths were telling him everything but my cup size and I didn't want to see his indifferent reaction to my family’s murder and my kidnapping and abuse.

  He put me down on my bed and ordered the girls to return to their work before closing the bedroom door and taking a seat in the rocking chair next to me.

  Sarah came in moments later crying. Robert hugged her and I couldn't help feeling like I was attending my own funeral. She sobbed that she had suspected something of that nature had happened to me, but since I didn't ever volunteer the information no one was ever brave enough to ask. Soon she cleared her throat and watched me with sympathetic eyes; I could feel them boring into me.

  Sarah eventually left to pick up Brian from school and Kristy immediately came in to tell Robert the whole story and not the rushed panicked version from before. She even went as far as to explain my experience with Gage and if I hadn't been so embarrassed I would have sat up and called her on it right there, but I didn't.

  They spoke quietly for some time after that and I lay with my face towards the wall, so they couldn't see me cry.

  Kristy left the room but Robert resumed his watch over me from the rocking chair.

  "I didn't want to talk about it." I said at last and Robert stopped rocking. "I just wanted to forget about it, but some things are harder to forget than others, I guess." I coughed, "The scary part is I almost fell in love with him while I was separated from Jack, but there was always something a little off about him that I couldn't quite put my finger on. Maybe that would account for some of my paranoia about returning to the pack." I paused, not sure if I would continue but his silence made me feel as if I was alone and I needed that more than his sympathy. "He found out about my father and Jack's plan to unite the packs and end the war, but David could never go back to a Born pack because they would find out what he really was. He poisoned my mother and shot my father. He killed all the sick wolves – the ones that hadn’t taken their change from human to werewolf very well and he even killed a human neighbor. He bit one girl just so he could watch her kill off her human family. I've never felt as alone as the day I called Elder Coon and she refused to help me. He kept me tied up with a chain around my neck so I couldn't get away. He thought we were a mated pair and that we were meant to be together but it still made sense to him that I needed to be raped and chained to a wall to keep our bond strong. On the day of the Challenges I knew Jack was going to die, but I let him fight anyway. I swore I would kill myself if David won, but I wasn't sure I could. Even after all that, I wasn't sure I could take my own life, but I was willing to risk his and Jack didn't even blink when he walked into the Circle and killed David." I stopped and took a shaking breath. "I just want to forget, but I can't." I realized my story was chaotic and hard to follow but that's how my thoughts about it worked, in broken off chucks of memory and hate that wouldn't go away. I had never thought of putting it into words before and I just spoke the memories as they came to me.

  Silence followed and for a moment I thought he might have left the room, but then he cleared his throat, and resumed rocking, until I fell asleep.

  Chapter Twenty

  Sarah woke me up for supper and I felt as if the whole day had been one long nightmare come to life. I changed and brushed the bits of crumples leaves out of my hair before going downstairs and into the dinning area. I sat down next to Sarah and Kyle and stared hard at my empty plate waiting for Robert to join us.

  "Did you have a rough day?" Donna's singsong voice chirped from the opposite side of the table. "He'll never want you now that he knows you're broken." Sarah stiffened beside me as I looked up at the beautiful redhead.

  "Say one more word to me, and point of order or not, I'll stab you in the fucking heart with my fork. Then we'll see who's broken."

  Robert was standing at the table but he hadn't sat down yet and only paused briefly before taking his seat, choosing to ignore my comment.

  The rest of the meal was taken in total silence; everyone seemed to be walking on eggshells with me and I hated that they knew, or even made it their business to know what had happened and how badly it had affected me. Maybe Donna was right; maybe I was broken.

  The dishes were cleared and cleaned and I watched the sun dip down below the horizon. I knew Robert wouldn't go back on his word, and I knew the Challenge was still on despite my lack of stability. I worried for Alex, I didn't want to kill anyone but I was in a dangerous frame of mind, so I trusted Robert would intervene if things got out of hand.

  I went to the Circle first, tying up my hair and kicking off my shoes at its border. Alex entered looking apprehensive but Robert nodded to her and she came forward with her hands up, fists at the ready. After a few short seconds it seemed the organic-garden-planting, earth-saving, green hippie really knew how to fight. She was fast and got in a couple of good hits before I shoved her backwards away from me and followed with a solid hit to her jaw while her arms where still pin wheeling to regain her balance. She hit the ground but she didn't stay there; instead she kicked my legs out from under me and tried crawling on top of me to keep me down. I rolled onto my stomach before she reached me and kicked her in the face. She let go of my leg this time and sat there looking dazed while her hand swatted at the ground for her tap out.

  I helped her to her feet and she went with Sarah into the house.

  "Tom
orrow you will be with Lynn for the day." Robert said flatly but he didn't leave me standing there like usual. He stayed, looking awkward and somber at the same time. It suddenly seemed as though he wanted to say something but before he did, he turned stiffly and walked back towards the house.

  He didn’t go inside though and met me on the porch as I climbed the last stair to the top.

  "We're going for a run, do you want to come?"

  "I can't." I brushed past him and went into the house leaving him alone for once. Though I had slept most of the day I still felt dead on my feet and trudged up the stairs to my bedroom.

  I listened to the rush of excited talking and laughter of the pack as they met on the back porch, and I couldn’t help feeling like I was missing out as their sounds disappeared into the night and I was alone once again. I was part of the pack but I was again being reminded of my own shortcomings within it. On one hand I was very dominant and wanted nothing more than to lead it in the right direction, but on the other I couldn’t even hunt with them.

  I got up and picked up the bright emerald green witch's ball from my nightstand and held it up to the fading light of my window, the delicate webbing within sparkling despite the setting of the sun. When I brought the ball down again Jack was sitting on my bed cleaning his nails.

  I started, nearly dropping the jewel tone glass before recovering, "Get out." I snarled.

  He looked at me and smiled, "Will you come with me? I've left you alone to deal with your screw up for a few days. What do we say we skip the prelim and you take your place at my side?"

  "No," I said simply because saying anything else might have given him the wrong impression. He had never appeared to me this strongly before. I could feel hot tears burning in the back of my throat but I refused to let them fall.

  He stood up and walked closer to me, his face a hard unrecognizable mask of rage. "That's the wrong answer, why don't you try again." He demanded.

  "I love you Jack, but there is nothing you can do for me or this pack in death."

  "What if you could run as a wolf again?" He leaned forward, his eyes sparkling. "I'll throw that in the mix as well."

  "You have so much power, but I think you can’t take my life against my will. I think it has to be my choice. That's irony."

  "You're getting a little big for your britches Sugar, but you’re wrong. Don’t confuse my patience with weakness.” He took another small step towards me, effectively cornering me in the room with him. “I can tear you out of the realm of the living quicker than you can blink.” He reached out but then stopped just before touching me.

  I swallowed hard but didn’t back down. "I know your patience Jack, and you don’t have any. I really doubt death remedied that little character flaw. No, I think maybe you haven’t finished the job because you haven't been able to touch me since I put this on?" I dangled the St. Michael's medallion in his face.

  “Ah, Sugar that hurts.” He clutched his chest as if it still held a beating heart with in.

  "What if I took your deal?" I asked out of morbid curiosity.

  "At that point, all is well in Heaven and Hell." He rhymed.

  "I’ll never give in to you Jack."

  "We'll see, little wolf. You've got a hard road ahead of you and everyone changes as their time grows shorter. If I‘m not the one to take your life, they will be. The day you become less useful to them will be your last. You are too strong and too stubborn. They’ll see you only as a threat."

  He wasn’t telling me anything I didn’t already know and I nodded before smiling at him. I held up my witch’s ball and watched for his reaction. "What is this?"

  "Before plastic and foam, fisherman used glass balls on their nets to keep them from sinking. As you know in those days fishing was very dangerous and since they had to blame their personal shortfalls as a sailor on something, they became very superstitious and stories about these glass orbs started to circulate to keep up the good spirits and all that. Today they are purely aesthetic and are truly lovely but they hold no more magic than their predecessors and never will. Do you really think a ball of glass could hold me?"

  "I figured it was worth a try."

  "While you're at it, why don't you try strings of garlic and rings of salt around your bed?" He chuckled.

  "Or silver medallions of the saints around my neck." I mocked back.

  "You can't wear that chain forever Baby Girl. One day it will fall off, or it will break, or when you’re not paying attention someone will take it off of you. Or maybe in a hundred years you will simply forget, because I can assure you Sugar, your memory is nowhere near as sharp as mine."

  He turned and looked out the window and smiled. "Your Alpha waits for you; he'll be waiting forever won't he?" I pressed in beside him and looked out the small window to the driveway below. Robert was in fact sitting on the porch steps facing into the woods and rubbing his hands together nervously.

  I turned my head and saw that I was sharing the same space as my ghost. He was watching me with an odd smile on his face. "He won't have you if you can't even run as a wolf, little girl."

  I straightened and leaned forward to where I was just inches from his beautiful face. "You'd be surprised what he wants."

  He raised his hand slowly and held it just over my lips and sighed, "Oh Sugar Baby, no man could want you as badly as I do." He paused then continued, “How do you know that same thing won’t happen to him that happened to me? How do you know he won’t die because you won’t love him back?”

  I blinked shocked he had said it out loud. "I want to know what you want from me, so badly."

  "I think you know."

  "I want to hear it from you?" I countered stubbornly.

  "Is this your interview?" He smirked cunningly.

  I backed a step, giving him some space to walk around me. He smiled over his shoulder as he was about to leave my room. "I liked this meeting much better than the others; maybe the old adage is true, ‘You get more flies with honey, than vinegar.’ But I don't want flies. I want Sugar. Just remember, no matter what man you're with, you belong to me in the end." He chuckled menacingly and left the room, his footsteps fading as soon as he was at the stairwell. I went back to the window to see if Robert was still waiting. He was pulling off his shirt, getting ready to change. I focused on his very real body for just a moment before my eyes met his intense stare pointed directly up to my bedroom window. I backed away quickly and hoped against all odds that he hadn't seen me.

  Chapter Twenty-One

  I showered before bed while everyone else was out except Brian and Britney. When I went downstairs too jumpy for bed, they were sitting at the island counter playing cards.

  "Deal me in." I slumped down on the stool next to Brian and ruffled his hair. I looked at the scene before me and laughed. "What are you guys playing?"

  "Texas Hold-’Em." Brian said pulling a carton of Oreo cookies my way so he could give me my share of the poker chips they were using.

  "I'm losing my bedtime snack." Britney complained pointing to the huge pile of cookies in front of Brian. "I'm honestly scared he'll eat his winnings and throw up. I told him the proper serving size for a werewolf was only three times what it says on the box."

  "What are you at?" I asked.

  "Almost five and a half times the human's serving size." Brian said matter-of-factly.

  "Britney, I know you're just trying to do a good job here, but gambling with an Alpha in training isn't a good idea."

  "No shit." She squeaked out. "I lost my milk in the first five minutes, and we hadn't even started playing yet."

  "Well Brian,” I said. “If being an Alpha werewolf doesn't work out, you could always sell used cars or life insurance."

  "I wanted to play strip poker." He whined. "But she said, no."

  I turned my eyes on her, "How does he know about strip poker?"

  "He doesn't know what it is; he only knows it’s something his parents like to play when he's in bed."

  "Pe
ople don't hide a lot from him do they?" I chastised.

  "What's the point of hiding anything from him? If he's going to have his own pack one day, there is no room for baby delivering storks, Santa Clause or the Tooth Fairy." She shrugged.

  "What about the Easter Bunny?" I asked.

  "Well, I heard that Sarah thought it would be cute to have Max dress up as the Easter Bunny when Brian was four. Brian thought he'd hunt and kill the biggest rabbit in the world and clobbered Max dressed as a giant rabbit, from the top of the refrigerator."

  "How'd you get on the fridge?" I asked Brian, confused.

  "Uncle Jack helped me; he said the rabbit had to die for being so stupid and walking into our house."

  I snorted out a laugh and grabbed a cookie from the pile in front of me. "Was Max okay?"

  Britney shook her head, "I heard he needed stitches."

  "I guess that story is better than any Easter egg hunt I've ever been to." I said smiling and pulling Brian into my lap for a hug. He snuggled for only a minute before deciding he was too big to sit on laps anymore.

  "Bedtime!" Britney announced too happily.

  Brian groaned but scurried up the stairs after sneaking about two thirds of his cookie winnings, smiling proudly when he saw we finally noticed.

  "I got things from here if you want to go out with the rest."

  When she didn't say anything I narrowed my eyes, "You're babysitting me too, aren't you?"

  "You've had a hell of a day." She said as response.

  I rolled my eyes, "It’s not like I'm going to slit my wrists or anything."

  Again she didn't say anything.

  "What? They think I'm going to kill myself?"

  "You didn't go on the run, and you're really down."

  "I didn't feel like running with the pack tonight."

  "You haven't run since you've been here."

  "So."