Life's Lessons on Stress

by Nona Mae King

  Chapter Ten

  Unexpected Confessions

  knock-knock-knock

  I finished my second braid as I called, "It's open, Selphie!" and then worked the hairband at the end.

  Selphie entered dressed in blue jeans and a Balamb sweatshirt, the same as me, but hers was yellow and mine was white with blue letters.

  "Almost ready?" she asked.

  I nodded and finished with the hairband. Then I tossed the braid behind my shoulders and grabbed my purse from where it hung on the back of the chair. "Uh-huh. Let's go. I want to get out of Garden before Zell's first class is over. Then he can't see who I'm with and where we're going."

  We headed for the door and out into the hallway, Selphie listening as I locked the door behind us.

  "Also, it makes it so none of the candidates or junior classmen see either. That way he can't find out. And all the SeeDs, of course, are teaching class so there won't be many of them around either."

  Selphie laughed. "You've got this down to a science."

  I flushed and started down the hallway toward Janine's room. "Well, that's the only way to keep it a secret from him. Otherwise, Zell will find out what I'm wearing. I don't want him to find out until my birthday."

  "I still can't believe he likes shopping," Selphie admitted with a squeal of laughter. "He's always so full of surprises."

  I softly smiled. "I know."

  Selphie giggled. "You two are so cute."

  My cheeks flushed and I gave her a gentle push. "Stop it."

  "Stop what? I'm really happy for you."

  So was I. "Thank you."

  Selphie gave me a nudge as we approached Janine's door. "And I'm glad you and Janine are hitting it off."

  "Why?" My eyes crinkled at the corners. "You think she'll teach me how to stick up for myself?"

  Selphie laughed as we came to stand outside Janine's door. She pressed the 'bell' that actually made lights flicker inside the dorm room in addition to what the motion sensor did. "No, silly. Because you'll teach her how to sweeten up." Selphie's expression grew a little sad. "She's had a bad couple years."

  I wasn't given the chance to ask for more details as a muffled response of "Yeah," came from within.

  So, Selphie opened the door and stepped inside. "Hiya, Janine," Selphie greeted.

  I stepped in after her just as she said, "Wow. You look like crap. What happened?"

  I gave Selphie a push and a meaningful look, to which Selphie said "What?" reminding me very much of Zell. But when I focused on Janine, I realized why Selphie had said what she did. There were bruises and cuts on Janine's normally pretty face, one of her eyes was black and blue, and she sat up as if her ribs had been wrapped. It was then I remembered how Zell had said she had nearly taken his block off the day before.

  "What do you girls need?" she asked, and her expected tone of amusement wasn't there.

  Selphie looked to me. "I thought you said she asked you to go?"

  Janine cringed and she leaned slightly forward. "I asked who to go where?" she asked in a tight, pain-filled voice.

  I wrung my hands. "I... I thought we were going shopping this weekend."

  Janine grimaced. "Sorry, Sal gal. Forgot."

  "Now that we've reminded you..." Selphie turned for one of the dressers in Janine's room and started searching through the drawers.

  "Selphie..." I hissed. "What are you doing?"

  "Getting her her clothes," Selphie said, matter of fact.

  I opened my mouth to protest again, but Janine said "Sal." I looked over at her, cheeks flushed. "It's okay. Shopping might be just what I need."

  "Oh." I bit my lip. Need? For what? I wanted to ask. What happened? "Okay."

  Janine carefully pushed herself to her feet, grunting and cringing as I watched in concern. "I'm fine, Sal gal." Janine motioned to the left side drawer of her desk. "Can you get me the painkillers in the red bottle? Thanks."

  I gathered the pills as Selphie turned with a pair of black jeans and a Balamb-Blue t-shirt. "Here you go," Selphie said, smiling.

  Janine changed, putting on her assists before accepting the painkillers and the glass of water from me. Janine tossed a couple back, finished the water, and then said "All right, girls. Let's go," as she ushered us out of her room.

  We set out toward the parking lot while Selphie talked about the possible places to visit in Deling City in order to find the perfect dress for my birthday evening the following month. I couldn't pay attention, though. I found myself continually looking over at Janine to try and figure out what had happened. I'd never seen her so beat up before, and it made me wonder if she had gotten into a fight with one of our troublemakers.

  Then Selphie ushered us into the car, designating herself as the driver, and set off toward Balamb and the train station. I kept watching Janine, even from the back seat, as Selphie kept chattering about classes, final exams, and some of the funnier essays she'd had to correct that week. Janine only occasionally clenched her jaw and fisted her hands as she glared out the window.

  I knew I couldn't ask. Janine and I didn't know each other that well, but...

  We arrived in Balamb faster than I would have liked. I mean, I was ready to ask a loaded question by the time Selphie parked the car and led us toward the train station. I sighed and purchased my ticket, following after Janine and Selphie to board a few moments later. The conductor/stationmaster urged us on and then shouted "All aboard" as we entered and used our tickets to enter into the train car.

  A few minutes later, the train headed out of Balamb for its first stop: Timber.

  Selphie giggled. "It doesn't matter how many times I ride the train; I love it."

  Janine leaned back in the seat and crossed her arms as she stared down at the carpet at her feet.

  "So." Selphie moved to sit down beside her. "What's the matter?"

  I blinked, amazed at how easy it could be, and watched Janine in silence.

  Janine clenched her jaw. "Leave it."

  Selphie sent me a glance, which I met briefly before focusing on Janine again. "Janine," I began hesitantly. Janine clenched her jaw tighter. "Zell said you--"

  Janine turned on me with a look of anger that actually had me pull back in fear. "Said I was mad as hell?" she asked in a barely controlled tone. "Said I wanted to thump his ass? Said I looked like shit? What, Jennif--" Janine paled and looked away, covering her face with a hand. "Leave it," she hissed.

  "Wow. You're right. Sally is like Jennifer," Selphie said after a moment's pause.

  I looked to Selphie and then Janine. "Who's Jennifer?" I asked quietly.

  Selphie rested a hand on Janine's back, who cringed but didn't move away. "Jennifer was a friend of ours at Trabia. She was a sweetie. Kind of shy, too." Selphie looked down at Janine, who still covered her face with a hand. "Is that what's wrong, Janine? You're still blaming yourse--"

  "Hell no!" Janine flared, lowering her hand. Her brown eyes flashed. "I don't have to blame myself anymore! You want to know why? Because the bastard told me he did it!"

  Selphie's expression showed disbelief. "He told you?"

  Janine turned on me again. "You want to know who told me who blew our Garden to hell? Seifer! You want to know who did it? Seifer! He gave the goddamned order to blow my friend to hell!" Janine turned on Selphie, finger pointing hard in her chest. "And you knew! You knew and didn't tell me, you little bitch!"

  Janine made a move to punch Selphie in the face, but she blocked the hit and the one that directly followed.

  "Janine!" I gasped, and I leaned forward to quickly wrap my arms around her, holding her arms at her sides. "Stop!"

  Janine swore as she struggled against the arms around her and the hands holding her wrists. Her brown eyes flashed as she held Selphie's gaze.

  "Why haven't you done anything about it, Selphie!" Janine raged. "The bastard's sitting practically untouchable, and no one gives a damn that he murdered SeeDs with one order!" Her voice choked on a curse. "He murdered Jennifer,
and Timothy, and Andrew... and Colby and Andrea... and Debra..."

  Janine stopped fighting against my hold as sobs racked her body. I slowly adjusted my hold, wrapping my arms her in a tight embrace. Janine raised her hands to cover her face, still listing names of those SeeDs and friends that would never again see the Trabia snowfields.

  Selphie watched the woman with a sad expression. "I know, Janine. I watched the missiles go."

  Janine sharply lowered her hands. "Why in the hell didn't you do something?" She gestured roughly back toward Balamb. "He's sitting his ass there at Balamb and no one gives a shit that--"

  "You don't know the whole story, Janine," Selphie interrupted.

  Janine pushed away from me. "He gave the order! What the hell else do I need to know!"

  Selphie stretched her hands toward her. "Janine, do you really think that Seifer Almasy is the kind of man to murder SeeDs? He's Garden through and through! You know tha--"

  "Then why the hell did he give the order? Huh? Why the hell did he launch those missiles at Trabia and Balamb if he's so damned loyal to Garden?"

  "He was controlled, Janine," Selphie said passionately. "Remember? You know as well as I do he was under the control of a Sorceress! I know you know!"

  Janine looked as if she'd been slapped. "Oh gods."

  "During that whole thing he was being controlled and manipulated and forced to do things that Seifer wouldn't do." Selphie pointed in Janine's face. "That's why we don't talk about it. Because we know that he beats himself about it every day. Every time he looks in a SeeDs face he knows he might have killed them. He knows that one day he might find out that they lost a sister or a brother or a close friend to something that he ordered to happen."

  Janine covered her face with her hands. "Damn it."

  And the tone of her voice had me crying.

  "Do you know what that's like, Janine?" Selphie went on. "To live with that every day? To remember giving the order that annihilated an entire Garden. To hear yourself giving the order to kill fellow SeeDs and not be able to do anything to stop it?" Selphie released a deep sigh. "I don't know why he told you. He doesn't talk about it; to anyone. Especially not if he knows they're from Trabia."

  Janine took in a ragged breath and slowly lowered her hands. "I'm such a bitch," she choked out.

  I rested a hand on her shoulder and whispered, "No, you aren't, Janine.” Janine met my gaze, brown eyes nearly black as the tears dripped from her jaw. I gave her a hug. "No, you aren't."

  Janine wrapped her arms around me and squeezed tight. “You’ve no idea, Sal gal,” she told me in a broken whisper. Then she pushed back, her expression angry. “Why the hell didn’t he--” But then she clenched her jaw and released my arms, giving a shake of her head as she faced forward. “The damn son of a bitch,” she muttered.

  I flinched, eyes wide as I watched her. When I opened my mouth to say something, Selphie shook her head and started talking about the different places she wanted to go. I sighed and looked down, wondering what it was like to be Seifer and Janine. People who had lived the life of a true SeeD. People who had seen death and blood and become the tainted and dark people that taught me so much about life.

  And made me appreciate what I had so much more.