The Cat Who Wasn't a Dog

by Marian Babson

  ‘Very wise.’ Thursby gave a vulpine smile which didn’t quite reach his watchful eyes. I felt a tremor of disquiet. (‘What big teeth you have, Grandmother.’) ‘With you in the show, it would run for ever. But how interesting to hear that you’re going to be in something completely new!’ His ears seemed to quiver. ‘May one ask what it’s about?’

  ‘Now, now!’ Evangeline could be coy, too. She waggled a reproving finger at him. ‘You must let us keep our little secret for a while longer. Surprise is everything with a new show, you know.’ Which was as neat a way as any of concealing the fact that we hadn’t a clue what it was going to be about.

  ‘Oh, I know, I know. I do so agree.’ They were both overdoing it. All this phoney charm and matiness was making me queasy. ‘I’m honoured that you’ve told me this much.’ He splashed more champagne into our glasses. ‘There hasn’t been a whisper of it on the grapevine yet.’

  With good reason. So far, there was nothing to whisper about. In fact, I was becoming increasingly uneasy. It seemed like a long time since we had heard a peep from either the playwright or his enterprising girlfriend.

  ‘Actually, you’re the first one we’ve told – and you have rather tricked us into telling you.’

  ‘Oh, no, not really!’ He simpered at her. I hadn’t seen such performances since the runners-up had to pretend to be good losers at the Academy Awards.

  ‘Oh, yes. Naughty boy!’ Evangeline leaned forward, fluttering her eyelashes. If she’d had a fan, she’d have tapped him with it. ‘Very naughty boy!’

  I stopped paying attention. In the distance, over her shoulder, I saw Eddie emerge from the staircase leading to the balcony. He started towards us, then saw who was with us. In one blink of my eyes, he disappeared. One moment he was there; the next, no trace of him.

  While I had every sympathy with his reaction, the swift smoothness of it unnerved me. It told me this was not the first time he had done the Gone in a puff of smoke act.

  Immediately, I wished I hadn’t thought of it in quite those terms. My throat closed against the memory of rolling thick smoke; my eyes tried to blink away the flames that flickered, then burst into a raging firestorm; the panic caught at me again and I looked about wildly for escape.

  Flashback. It was only a flashback. Only! My pounding heart tried to resume its proper beat. There was nothing to harm me here, nothing to threaten me.

  The brightness against my closed eyelids came from the electric lights surrounding the mirrored bar. The noise was the hubbub of the theatre audience gossiping and laughing. The crackling sounds were not made by devouring flames, but by thoughtful people unwrapping their boxes of sweets here rather than in the auditorium after the second act had started.

  I tried to take a deep soothing breath – and choked.

  ‘Trixie, are you all right?’

  Saved by the bell. It rang out loud and clear, summoning us back to our seats. The first interval had ended, the show was going on.

  ‘Perhaps a bit more champagne at the next interval?’ Superintendent Thursby suggested.

  ‘Perhaps not,’ Evangeline said. ‘There are people we must speak to, but why don’t you join us for the party after the show?’

  ‘I’d love to!’ His eyes lit up, but there was still a calculating glint in them. I wondered if this was what he had been angling for all along, with his bottle of champagne for bait. Flattery would get him anywhere with Evangeline, but I increasingly distrusted all this sociability.

  The second warning bell sounded, brooking no more dawdling. We obediently filed back to our seats.

  After the ‘Bravos’ and the standing ovation, it seemed as though the entire audience had surged backstage, crowding into the dressing rooms, overflowing into the narrow passageway. Voices were too shrill, laughter too loud, elation was punctuated by the popping of champagne corks, but it was the intoxication of success that had gone to everyone’s head.

  The stagehands were setting up the trestle tables on the stage and food would soon be available. There was breathing space in the wings and I sipped my champagne and watched the caterers. Perhaps they would be serving something Martha might want to know about.

  Salads seemed to be the main offering, or perhaps it was just easier to set them out first. A flicker of movement at the base of one of the table legs focused my attention on Garrick, stealthily demolishing a tiny hardboiled egg. I looked up at the table and located a bowl brimming with quails’ eggs, beside which huddled smaller bowls containing sea salt flakes, salsa dip and several other strangely coloured dips I couldn’t identify.

  As I frowned at them, a tiny paw snaked out from behind a floral display and groped towards the quails’ eggs.

  Greedy Garrick, I thought, then realized that Garrick was still on the floor, gulping the last shreds of his booty. Apart from which, not one of his paws was white.

  ‘Cho-Cho!’ I squealed with delight, unfortunately just as one of her claws hooked into a tasty egg. Her paw jerked back, the egg went flying, hitting the edge of the table and rolling on to the floor where Garrick pounced on it rapturously.

  A little head emerged from behind the roses and gave me an accusing look.

  ‘I’m sorry, darling,’ I said, ‘but I was so glad to see you. Here, have another …’ I selected a plump one and rolled it towards her. She fell on it so eagerly that I wondered when she had last been fed and what they had fed her.

  ‘Do you mind …?’ an indignant voice said behind me.

  I sidestepped to allow a young man carrying a tray of sliced ham and turkey access to the table. He stepped back.

  ‘Take that cat off the table before I set the tray down,’ he ordered. ‘I can’t tell you the trouble we’d be in if anyone were to see that. There are hygiene laws, you know.’

  ‘Really?’ You couldn’t prove it by me. Judging from some of the sights I’d seen since I arrived in England, I was amazed to know that anyone had ever heard of the word hygiene. There had been the local bakery, where unwrapped cakes were left in the window overnight and late-night passers-by had been able to watch the flies crawling over them. (In response to a complaint, the cakes hadn’t been removed, the shades had been pulled down so that you couldn’t see what was happening.) And in the late summer, wasps buzzed lazily around fruit displays and over meat in the butcher shops. No one ever seemed bothered about it, least of all the proprietors.

  ‘Really!’ He stood there regarding me sternly, waiting.

  ‘Sorry.’ I set down my glass and scooped up Cho-Cho, who had finished her egg and was looking at me hopefully, unlike the caterer, who was now scowling. I smiled sweetly at him and helped myself to the largest slice of turkey on his tray. ‘This looks so good.’

  ‘Mmmm.’ He glowered some more, knowing perfectly well that it was going to slide down the gullet of my furry little friend, who had begun purring loud approval of my action. Garrick too, had begun watching me with interest.

  ‘Bloody animals!’ It was muttered low enough for him to deny it if I responded. I didn’t. I just smiled sweetly at him and took another slice of turkey as soon as he turned away to go and fetch more food. I dropped the second slice by the table leg for Garrick, but hand-fed Cho-Cho hers. Garrick didn’t mind, he wasn’t standing on formality when food was concerned.

  I crossed the stage to check out the wings on the other side. I was looking for Eddie, hoping he hadn’t been too upset at discovering the enemy – otherwise known to him as Superintendent Thursby – in our midst. It wouldn’t be a bad idea if he could bring himself to make friends with Thursby and get him on his side. I wondered if that was what Evangeline had had in mind when issuing her invitation.

  The supporting players and their friends were having a whoop-de-do on that side, although there was rather more interest in the progress of the buffet than there was on the star side.

  There was no sign of Eddie. It wasn’t like him to miss a party. I hoped he wasn’t too upset. I didn’t like to think of him sitting in his lonely r
oom, nursing a beer and a grievance.

  Cho-Cho nuzzled my hand and licked up the last shreds of turkey. She looked up at me and craned her neck to look back at the buffet, nearly as interested as the actors. I turned and saw the caterer, followed by two minions, bearing chafing dishes containing the hot food. Beef Stroganoff and creamed chicken, I seemed to recall from a discussion I had overheard at some point.

  Something brushed against my ankles and I looked down to find Garrick fondly rubbing against me. Evidently I had replaced Jem temporarily in his affections, since Jem had to be on duty at the stage door and I had free access to the food supplies. Cho-Cho nuzzled my chin, reminding me that she had first claim on my benevolence.

  I stroked her absently, still looking around uneasily. Where was Eddie? I wanted to see Eddie.

  People were beginning to converge on the buffet now. I saw Superintendent Thursby who, by some sleight of hand, was managing to escort both Evangeline and Dame Cecile. Behind them, Teddy also had a lady on each arm: Matilda and one I hadn’t seen before, although I had the feeling that I’d heard her. She had to be Frella in the flesh – although not so much of it as I had expected, judging from her voice. Not an Earth Mother type, but definitely the possessive sort. She was clinging to Teddy’s arm like a starving leech. It was obvious that, in the tug-of-war to the altar, Teddy had never had a chance. I found I was beginning to feel sorry for the man – at least, I would have been if I wasn’t going to have to relinquish Cho-Cho to him shortly.

  Smiling and chatting, they advanced towards the buffet, pausing every few steps to allow one or another of them to acknowledge congratulations and compliments from well-wishers. Everyone was basking in the glow of success and –

  Suddenly, I knew what was meant by ‘thundering silence’. It had fallen upon the gathering like a striking bolt of lightning. All heads were turned to look in one direction, every breath seemed to be held. I turned, too.

  Soroya. She was making an entrance from the opposite side of the stage and was on a collision course with Teddy and his group, a purposeful gleam in her eye.

  She was looking better than I had ever seen her, wearing a sari of an exquisite shimmering iridescent material so beautiful that I had to remind myself that it would do all those expensive caps on my teeth no good at all if I ground them in envy. I settled for a wistful sigh instead.

  ‘I’ve come straight from filming!’ she announced in carrying tones. ‘That’s why I’m still in costume. But I couldn’t stay away from the theatre on my dear daughter’s night of triumph!’

  Every drop of blood seemed to drain from Teddy’s face. He shook Matilda’s hand off his arm and pushed her forward into Soroya’s path, while he backed away, trying to drag Frella with him. In contrast, Frella’s face had gone dark red and she was glaring hatred at Soroya.

  I became aware that Superintendent Thursby was watching even more avidly than the others. Was he just enjoying the drama, or was he taking a professional interest in the proceedings?

  ‘Mmwaah! Mmwaah!’ Soroya caught Matilda as she stumbled forward and planted firm kisses on both cheeks. ‘I’m so proud of you! And what clever make-up – it’s put so many years on you!’

  ‘Thank you.’ Matilda flinched but, conscious of her agog audience, managed a wan smile.

  Teddy wasn’t as expert as Eddie at the vanishing act, but Eddie hadn’t been trying to drag a reluctant partner along with him. If looks could kill, Frella would have finished off Soroya then and there. Then Frella turned her head and the full blast of her murderous gaze was directed at me.

  What had I ever done to her? I reeled under the force of her hatred. We hadn’t even been introduced yet. Did she hold a grudge because Evangeline and I had been talking during her rehearsals? But she wasn’t glaring at Evangeline.

  ‘Do help yourself to the buffet,’ Matilda said, trying to distract Soroya’s attention.

  ‘Perhaps just a bite, but I can’t stay too long,’ Soroya trumpeted. ‘I must get back to the film crew. It’s a beautiful moonlit night outside and, from certain angles, the Royal Pavilion can be made to double for the Taj Mahal.’

  ‘“In the dark with a light behind it”,’ Evangeline muttered.

  ‘Exactly!’ Soroya beamed. ‘All those domes and minarets. Just a bit of soft focus and night-lit long shots and it can pass for a lot of Indian locations. We do a great deal of shooting here.’

  An almost inaudible sigh went up from her audience. Mine weren’t the only capped teeth in danger as a wave of envy swept over the lesser lights of the production. I made a mental bet that there’d be a lot of strollers past the Royal Pavilion late tonight, all hoping to be noticed and, possibly, considered for a part in a future production. Tentative smiles were sent in Soroya’s direction and a few people moved closer to her.

  I had half-turned away from her, hoping that she might not notice I was holding Cho-Cho in my arms. (‘What elephant?’, as the comic asked innocently, trying to pretend he was unaware of the lumbering hulk following him across the stage.) It didn’t work.

  ‘I’m glad to see – ’ Soroya approached me and she spoke in the tone of one commending a half-witted servant for having unexpectedly done something right – ‘that you’re taking good care of Cho-Cho-San. I’m quite tied up for the next few days, but I’ll collect her when I’m free.’

  ‘Right.’ This did not seem the moment to inform her that Teddy had reclaimed custody and I was just stealing a little time with my darling. When Soroya had time to bother, she and Teddy could fight it out between them.

  She inclined her head graciously and sailed off in the direction of the buffet. A couple of hopefuls followed her, seizing their opportunity to make contact over a quail egg or vol-au-vent.

  ‘Trixie!’ Evangeline was at my side, quivering with indignation. ‘It’s for you!’ She ground the words out from between clenched teeth, brandishing her cellphone as though she’d like to hit me with it. ‘Can’t you stop that woman from calling you on my mobile? Why don’t you get one of your own?’

  ‘Hello, Martha.’ I took the phone uneasily, not because of Evangeline’s disapproval but because, really, it was a bit late for Martha to be calling. ‘Is everything all right? Hugh? The children? … The book?’

  ‘Yes, yes, they’re all fine. How did the show go?’

  ‘Roaring success. It will run for ever when it hits the West End.’

  ‘Mother … are you sure you’re really happy about not being in it? No regrets?’

  ‘None at all,’ I said blithely. ‘It will be so much better for us to star in a new show. Revivals are all very well, but …’

  ‘Because,’ Martha went on, ‘if the show has a very long run, everyone may not stay the course. It might be necessary to replace the stars if they fall ill or get bored. I realize that Hugh isn’t producing it, but he knows all the other managements and he could put in a good word – ’

  ‘Martha,’ I said coldly, ‘just what are you trying to tell me?’

  ‘What is it?’ Evangeline demanded. ‘What’s the matter?’

  ‘I’m trying to find out,’ I said grimly. ‘Martha, answer me! What’s wrong?’

  ‘I went to a party tonight.’ Typically, Martha took the long way round. ‘One of those showbiz things Hugh has to drop in on to keep up with what’s going on. Do you know, I’m quite pleased at how many people I knew there. I feel as though I’m really getting to be part of London life – ’

  ‘Martha …’ I warned.

  Cho-Cho decided her perch in my arms was now too uncomfortable with me using one hand for the phone and Evangeline crowding closer to try to hear. She dropped to the floor and stalked away.

  ‘Yes, well, we didn’t know what sort of a party it was – until it was too late.’

  ‘Martha!’ I gasped, visions of lurid headlines besetting me. ‘It wasn’t – You weren’t – ’

  ‘No, no, nothing like that, Mother. It was all perfectly respectable and quite impromptu. I … er … saw that fellow …
you know, the one who’s supposed to be writing that new show for you …’

  ‘What do you mean, “supposed to be”?’

  ‘What?’ Evangeline crowded closer. Cho-Cho would have been crushed if she hadn’t decided to abandon her perch. ‘What?’

  ‘I didn’t realize – not until we all got into cars and headed for Heathrow – and then it was too late – that it was a Going Away Party.’

  ‘Who was going away?’ But a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach, combined with Martha’s reluctance to come to the point, told me that I could make a good guess at the answer.

  ‘Your playwright and his girlfriend. They said he’d come into some money and was taking a year off – maybe longer – to see the world. Someone mentioned six months in the South Seas, for a starter. Mother, you didn’t pay him up front, did you?’

  ‘I didn’t,’ I said meaningly and looked at Evangeline. Those cheques she had been handing out to Nigel – had Nigel been acting as a go-between to keep me from knowing she was being so foolish?

  ‘I didn’t, either!’ Evangeline was now ear-to-ear with me, the mobile sandwiched uncomfortably between us. Should I believe her? Of course she’d say that … now.

  ‘I thought you ought to know as soon as possible, Mother. So that you can start making other plans. Or accept any offers that might come your way.’

  ‘That’s very thoughtful of you, dear,’ I said.

  ‘As if wild horses could drag Cecile off the stage after tonight!’ Evangeline snorted.

  Chapter Eighteen

  ‘Aaaah – there she is!’ Teddy reappeared suddenly, alone and with the air of a man who had nearly forgotten something. ‘So kind of you to look after my little fluffball for me.’ With those unfeeling words, he snatched Cho-Cho-San from my arms and bore her away.

  After the news from Martha, that was just about the last straw. My only comfort had been in retrieving Cho-Cho and fussing over her.