The Christmas Wish

by Vanessa Miller

  “But the thing I’m most thankful for today, is that I get to stand before all of you and say a few words about my daughter before she gets up here to sing to the glory of God.”

  Trinity’s head swiveled toward Jarod. He was all smiles, listening to her father, as if nothing in the world was wrong with Trinity Thomas, the R & B diva singing a gospel song. Yeah, of course, Trinity knew that things like this were done all the time. But, if her parents taught her anything, it was to never play with God.

  “I know you all love our first lady and love to hear that angelic voice of hers, but not many of you know the sacrifices she made in order to sit in that seat she’s in right now.” He turned and pointed toward his daughter. “About ten years ago. My daughter received a multi-million-dollar contract with a top-notch record label. All she had to do in order to get her hands on a piece of that American dream was to forget about her upbringing and turn her back on the very God who gave her that angelic voice in the first place… but as you can see she chose right.”

  The congregation exploded with applause. Trinity wanted to tell them all to stop clapping. She hadn’t chosen the right thing and she had forgotten all about the God she once served. But the way her father was beaming at her with love and eyes full of pride, she couldn’t stand before the congregation and admit what she had become… a has-been R & B singer with a drinking problem.

  “So, here she is, our very own singing sensation, First Lady, Trinity Harland.”

  Her father held a hand out for her. Trinity stood up on shaking legs. She hadn’t been nervous to perform in years. Her legs had only shaken when she’d had too much to drink before a performance.

  But Trinity recognized the difference… she wasn’t supposed to be performing. She was supposed to be worshipping God when singing praises to His Holy name. But for the last ten years, Trinity had become accustomed to the worship and adoration of her fans. As she took the microphone out of her father’s hand, Trinity decided that she’d been wrong… worship and adoration belonged to God. Only He was worthy, because He was the only one who could save people from their sins.

  Chapter 4

  Hands were lifted in praise to the Lord, people were crying and speaking in tongues. Trinity had been moved beyond words herself as she finished singing “Take Me to the King.” The musician kept playing, wanting her to start singing again. But Trinity was too overcome to sing. As the tears slid down her face she dropped the microphone and started shouting all around the sanctuary.

  After all God had done for her, Trinity had never once taken the time to say thank you. She’d lived in the best of places, driven the best cars, had a closet full of designer clothes and had mad millions of dollars. Trinity didn’t blame God for the fact that her career was now in ruins or the loss of her money. She’d made poor decisions. But that didn’t take anything away from how awesome God had been in her life. And if she never got the opportunity to praise Him again, she was going to praise Him until the wheels fell off or until they threw her out of the sanctuary. “Lord, I’m grateful! I’m grateful!” she kept shouting as she continued to praise dance.

  ***

  “I thought you were going to tear the church down. When you danced out of those three-inch pumps, I knew it was on then,” Margie said as she set the roast, potatoes, green beans and yams on the table with homemade rolls.

  “I don’t know how to explain it, but I felt like I lost myself in the arms of the Lord today. I haven’t felt that way in years.”

  “You could have fooled me,” her father said as he filled his dinner plate. “You danced around the church like that last month.”

  Trinity didn’t understand why her family was blinded to the fact that she didn’t belong with them anymore… that she had strayed so far from God that she had even forgotten that He was the reason for this Christmas season. She’d even gone politically correct, using ‘holiday’ rather than ‘Christmas’ to describe this time of year, because Trinity had allowed others to convince her that Christmas wasn’t the only season being celebrated at this time of year.

  “I don’t remember that. All I know is what I felt today. And for the first time, in a long time, I actually felt God’s presence in my life again,” Trinity told them all.

  Jarod and her parents looked at her as if she were speaking Greek. They didn’t understand where she was coming from, or why she didn’t remember certain things that seemed commonplace in their lives, so she decided to just shut up and go with the flow once again.

  Jarod put an arm around her shoulder as he told her parents, “We took the kids ice skating on Christmas Eve and Trinity bumped her head on the ice. She’s having trouble with her memory but won’t let me take her to the doctor.”

  “I’m fine, Jarod. Please stop worrying about me.”

  “I’m glad he said something, honey, because you worried me when you said you didn’t remember what happened in church last month,” Margie told her daughter.

  “I’m sure I have forgotten a lot of things in life; I don’t understand why you would be so concerned just because I didn’t remember one little thing.” But in truth, Trinity was becoming concerned herself. It was getting to the point where she didn’t know which world she really belonged in… was she the R & B singer in California who was on the verge of ruin? Or was she truly married to a wonderful man, with two children, living in the suburbs and serving and worshiping God at the church her husband pastored?

  “It was on the news and everything, sweetheart,” her dad told her. “Don’t you remember? Your mom filmed the service last month and then put it on YouTube. You got so many hits that a record producer offered you a contract.”

  She wasn’t quite full, but that news caused her to push her plate away. “I have a what? With who? Singing what?”

  “We haven’t signed anything yet,” Jarod told her. “We’re supposed to meet with AAG on New Year’s Day.”

  “What’s an AAG? I’ve never heard of this label. Are you sure this isn’t a scam or something?”

  “No scam,” her daddy assured her. AAG has been around for the last ten years. They recorded for some of the biggest gospel artists of our time. And they think you could be the next CeCe Winans.”

  She was flattered, because Trinity had always loved CeCe’s voice and had been compared to her on the R & B side more times than she could count. But this was all sounding like too much… too good… and too unreal. Trinity wished that she could just wrap herself into this new life and start over and be free of her past. But how could something like that happen?

  “Maybe Jarod is right. Maybe I do need to see a doctor.” She settled the situation in her mind. “And if my memory doesn’t come back before this meeting with AAG or whoever they are, then I’ll go. Okay?”

  “That’s all I ask,” Jarod said, looking as if a heavy weight had been lifted off his shoulders.

  And at that moment, Trinity knew… really knew that her heart never should have strayed away from Jarod Harland. She leaned over and kissed him. Then wrapped her arms around him, pulling him close to her. She prayed that they could stay that way forever.

  Her mother left the room, then rushed back with laptop in hand. “You two, stop all that kissing and come into the family room so I can show Trinity her YouTube video.”

  Through the years, Trinity had seen countless videos of herself as she performed on stage. In the last few years, she had refused to watch any more of her videos. Because she didn’t like the revealing outfits the group wore for their performances or the sensual dances that were choreographed for the group. It had all become too sickening to watch.

  But this was different. Trinity was in a video that wasn’t about how good she looked, or how sensual she could dance. This video was about praising God. At church today, she felt how different the experience of praising God was compared to what she had done on stage for the last ten years. But Trinity wanted to see what her praise looked like, so she rushed over and took the seat next to her mother.


  Margie opened the internet browser. The homepage was Yahoo. Before Margie could type YouTube into the browser, they both noticed the breaking news banner that scrolled across the screen. Margie pointed towards the television and told her husband to, “Turn on CNN.”

  “What’s going on?” he asked as he did as she requested.

  Trinity couldn’t speak. Tears had formed in her eyes and she felt as if her heart was being ripped out of her body. This was not happening… no way was this happening.

  But CNN did not dispute the news that Yahoo was reporting. With a sullen face, the anchor said, “We can now confirm that Tara Owens, lead singer of the group, Trinity, was found dead of an apparent overdose of drugs.”

  “No!” the anguished scream escaped Trinity’s lips as she reached an arm out for the television as if she could pull back the words the anchor had just spoken. But the anchor continued on…

  “Trinity came on the scene about ten years ago and after a rocky start, they eventually found success and produced three number one hits.”

  “We had seven number one hits,” Trinity corrected.

  Margie, shook her head, “No dear, they only had three hits. Now I would expect you to know that since you almost signed with this group.”

  Trinity knew a lot about the group and she now realized why the anchor only mentioned three hits. Because she had been the lead singer and the writer of the other four hits the group had. But since she was no longer a factor with the Four Ts, or Trinity, as they are evidently called now, those hits never existed either.

  “But one problem after the next seemed to plague this group from becoming the stars everyone hoped they’d eventually be. Five years ago, Theresa Manning, the only alto in the group, died due to complications from an abortion.”

  Five years ago … Trinity’s mind raced back in time. That was when Theresa found herself pregnant by the first deadbeat dad. Trinity remembered how Theresa contemplated abortion. But Trinity had told her about her mother’s belief that every life is precious. Trinity had even gone so far as to tell Theresa that what she was contemplating was nothing more than legalized murder of an innocent soul who couldn’t defend himself.

  Theresa had stormed out of her house that day, angrier than Trinity had ever seen her, but she’d kept the baby. And even though she’d made the same mistake of sleeping around with two other men who didn’t want a full-time daddy job, she had kept those children as well. Theresa was a good mother and had money and talent, so she would be able to provide for her children.

  Trinity was grateful that she had been able to stop Theresa from making the biggest mistake of her life, a mistake that would have taken her life. She only wished that she had been more firm with Tara about her cocaine addiction. But Trinity had been battling her own alcohol addiction. So, anything she said to Tara fell on deaf ears.

  Trinity’s ears perked up when the anchor mentioned Tina. All she could do at that moment was pray that Tina was still alive, because this was a nightmare and she couldn't deal with one more tragic story. But she was yet again sent into the depths of despair as the anchor said…

  “After Theresa’s death the group tried to regain its footing, but once Tina Jones was arrested for setting a fire that killed her boyfriend, all hopes of a comeback ended. And it is believed that Tara’s drug addiction raged out of control at that time.”

  “No… no… no. That’s not what happened. Tina’s boyfriend didn’t die in that fire.”

  “Tina received a twenty-year sentence for that crime. It was all over the news a year or so ago,” Margie said as she looked from Trinity to Jarod with a worried expression on her face.

  “It didn’t happen that way, Mom. I know, because I was there. Theresa called the fire department the moment Tina walked out of the house.” Trinity pointed an accusatory finger at the television. “They don’t know what they’re talking about, because Theresa didn’t die from some botched abortion. She had three kids and she was alive and she stopped Tina from killing her boyfriend in that fire.

  “So, if that anchor doesn’t know what he’s talking about as far as Theresa and Tina are concerned… who’s to say that Tara is really dead, huh?”

  Margie put her hands on Trinity’s shoulders. “Honey, I know that you and Tara had been the best of friends when you were younger, but she cut off all communication with you after you refused to sign with the group.”

  She may have cut off communication in the universe Trinity was now living, but Tara had named the group, Trinity. So, that had to mean something. Tara needed her and she was not going to let her friend down, not this time. “I’ve got to get back to my real life. I have to warn Tara that she’s going to die.”

  Jarod was holding Trinity, moving her toward the door. She heard her mother say, “We’ll keep the kids. Just get my baby to the hospital.”

  “But I don’t have time to go to the hospital, Mama. I have to go see about Tara. She needs me.”

  Margie was shaking her head.

  Jarod was pulling her to the car as Trinity told him. “I really do want to be with you and your kids, but I can’t. I have to go back so my friends can stay alive and out of jail.”

  Chapter 5

  “What’s wrong with her, doctor?” Jarod was wringing his hands as he and the doctor stood at the foot of Trinity’s bed listening as she kept saying, ‘I can’t let my girls down. I’ve got to get back.’

  “From what I’ve been able to piece together, Trinity feels responsible for Tara Owens’ death.”

  “But she hasn’t seen Tara in ten years.”

  “I think that’s part of the guilt she’s feeling. Trinity feels as if she should have helped Tara more than she did.” The doctor patted Jarod on the shoulder. “We’ll give her a sedative and keep her overnight for observation. If things don’t turn around by morning, then we’ll look at other options.”

  “I’m not crazy,” Trinity told them. “I know who I am and where I belong.”

  After reviewing Trinity’s vitals once more, the doctor ordered a sedative for Trinity and then left the room.

  Jarod sat down in the uncomfortable hospital chair next to his wife’s bed and held on to her hand, trying to bring her comfort in any way possible.

  “You are truly a wonderful man, Jarod Harland. For you, I would gladly become first lady of a church and serve the ministry in any way needed.”

  “You already do, Trinity. I am blessed to have you by my side.”

  She squeezed his hand. “I want to stay with you. I truly do. I’d rather be here and just forget about the life I lived before I wished on that star, but I can’t forget… not when my happiness will cost my friends their lives.”

  “What star?” Jarod shook his head. “Just stop talking, Trinity.” The nurse walked in with the pill the doctor ordered. “Take your medicine and just rest your mind.” She opened her mouth to say something, but tears filled his eyes as he implored, “Please, Trinity, just rest, okay?”

  She took the pill but then turned back to Jarod. “I know you don’t want me to talk, but before I drift away from you, I need to tell you something.”

  He wiped away the tear that rolled down his cheek. “What do you want to tell me, honey?”

  She could feel her grip on his hand loosening. She didn’t want to lose him, but knew there was no way she could keep him and rescue her friends. “Even with all that happened this evening, this has been the best day of my life, because you were finally back in my heart.”

  ***

  As she drifted in and out, Trinity kept searching for Jarod, wishing she could take a picture of him with her eyes, because she wanted to remember him just as he was right now… The man of her dreams. Her husband and father of her children.

  She wanted to stay with Jarod so badly that she would do almost anything for this to be real. But the one thing she couldn’t do, was to enjoy her happy life at the expense of the tragedy that would befall women she had once called friends.

  “You final
ly figured it out, didn’t you, Daughter?”

  Trinity heard the voice but couldn’t figure out where it was coming from. She was in such a fog and a state of confusion that she didn’t know what was going on… where she was… or where she would end up.

  “Who’s there? Who said that?” Everything was dark and cold, but then all of a sudden, Trinity felt a warmth coming from a shining light. At first she thought it was that falling star coming back to taunt her… to let her know that she really didn’t want what she had wished for. But the truth was, she wanted it so badly.

  Coming back home had been the best Christmas present she could have ever received. She didn’t want to go back, but she had to.

  “What about the children. Will you miss JJ and little Margie?” that deep warm voice asked her.

  “I’ll miss them so much. But if I don’t go back, Theresa won’t live long enough to give birth to her three beautiful children,” she answered, finally realizing that she had been granted another Christmas present. Something she never would have imagined in her wildest dreams… Trinity was speaking with her Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. The one who unselfishly gave up His life, so that others could one day have eternal life.

  “Jesus, was it You all the time? Did you give me this glimpse of what life would have been like if I had chosen to stay and serve You all those years ago?”

  “Did you see the life I had planned for you, Daughter? Did you open your eyes and really see it?”

  “I loved every minute of my life with You as the head, rather than the messy life I tried to spearhead. I only wish I had never left You in the first place.” Tears were flowing from Trinity’s eyes as she admitted, “I chose wrong, Lord Jesus. And I need Your help to make everything come out right again.”

  She could now see Jesus clearly. He stood before her clothed in the most brilliant purple and gold she’d ever seen. He stretched out his hands and she could see the holes where He had been nailed to a cross and bled and died for her sake.