The Do-Over

by Julie A. Richman

  “Fuck,” I yelled out, my breath ragged. “Oh my God, Wes.”

  At the sound of his name, he pulled me flush against him, groaning as his orgasm released in waves and he collapsed onto the bed next to me. Pulling me to him, Wes buried his face in my neck as he regained his breathing rhythm.

  Like with everything else, the man who seemed to be totally in sync with me was also thoroughly sexually compatible. This hadn’t seemed like a first time, trying to figure out how to please your new lover, and sometimes failing miserably, but rather like making love to someone whose cravings and body you were already attuned to, bringing them to the heights of pleasure with the ease of a duet singing impeccable harmonies.

  “Wes,” I whispered, holding onto him tightly, “Thank God we got a do-over.”

  Chapter 17

  “Taste this.”

  Wes held up a wooden spoon of his Special Sunday sauce to my lips. Blowing on it to cool down the molten delicacy, I opened my mouth, accepting his offering.

  “Oh my God, Wes. Where did you learn to cook Marinara sauce like this?” The complex depth of flavors had me wanting more. I didn’t need meatballs, pasta or garlic bread. I could eat this sauce like a bowl of soup or just pull my hair back and lower my face into the steaming pot – it was that good.

  “From our next-door neighbors growing up, the Colucci’s. Their grandmother was from Sorrento and she lived with them. Every Sunday, Grandma Colucci made “gravy.” So, not only did I eat there on a lot of Sunday evenings, but I would hang out in the kitchen and watch her cook.”

  Sticking a spoon in to steal another taste, I had it in my mouth before Wes could shoo me away. “This should be illegal. Too addicting.”

  Leaning over to place a kiss on my lips, “You should be illegal.”

  Laughing, “Why is that?”

  “Because you’re intoxicating and addictive and I crave you.”

  We’d been together for six straight nights and I couldn’t get enough of him either. I needed a constant fix. We’d made love throughout my apartment: bed, couch, rugs, shower, chairs. Texts throughout the work day had me hungering for his touch, yearning to touch him. I was riding a high so powerful that I was lost in my own fairytale. And that scared me. After two years of heartache, it was difficult to relax and to let go of the specter of the other shoe dropping. But then he’d touch me or I’d hear his voice and I was lost to the dream that I could possibly have a happily ever after with this loving, charismatic man.

  “Chill out and enjoy it,” Laynie had yelled at me earlier in the week. “You’re too uptight, Tara, and you’re going to make this a self-fulfilling prophesy.”

  I knew she was right.

  “Hey, this might sound a little odd, and please feel free to say no. In two weeks, Scarlett’s camp does this combination end-of-the-season Parent’s Weekend along with camper pick-up, would you like to come with me for the weekend?”

  Wes turned from stirring his pot. “Damn, I would love to and I’d love to see Scarlett, too. But I’ve got Julien returning that weekend and I’ve got to get him from the airport. Can’t wait to see Scarlett again after that, though.”

  Julien returning. Crap. It had been so pleasant without the man, that I’d let myself forget he even existed in the last few days. Life without Julien in the picture was so much simpler.

  “Bummer,” was all I said, trying not to give away anything. Two more weeks. I had two more weeks with Wes before that albatross showed up. Having no idea how he’d react to our coupling, I feared the worst. The man was a vindictive son of a bitch. And he hated me.

  My gut told me he wasn’t going to play nice.

  “Do you have summer allergies?” Stacy’s dry cough seemed to be getting the best of her the next time I picked her up for chemo.

  “I do and I think the mold count is high today from all the rain last week. I have this stupid itch in my throat.”

  “Ugh. I hate when that happens. I always feel like I want to take a metal coat hanger and get in there to scratch my throat,” I laughed.

  “Well, that might be excessive.” Stacy coughed and looked out the window. “So what’s with you and my brother?”

  Shrugging my shoulders, “I guess you could categorize it as we’re seeing each other.”

  “Good,” Stacy nodded, coughing.

  “Good?” I was shocked. Did Stacy Bergman just approve of me dating her brother? Did I hear that right?

  She turned in her seat to look at me. “Yeah, good. You make him happy. You’ve always made him happy and I want Wes to be happy.”

  “I want him to be happy too, Stace. He is truly a fine man and that is such a rarity in today’s world. He’s really very special.” And I meant that with all my heart. Just talking about him, I could feel the swelling in my chest. I knew I was in love with him. Deeply in love with him, although neither of us had yet uttered the words.

  I also knew that my feelings for Wes were on a level so much deeper than what I’d felt for Frank. I had loved Frank, but not like this. With Wes, it was like he was intricately woven through my heart and soul in a way that could never be separated without irreparable damage being done. I knew, to my very core, that this was the person I was put on Earth to be a part of their life.

  “I’m glad you guys found each other again.” Stacy’s words were blowing me away.

  “You know what, Stace, I’m glad we did, too. But what I’m also thrilled about is that you and I are getting a chance to really know one another.” As brusque and as off-putting as she was on the outside, I was quickly being exposed to the caring and loyal side of Stacy Bergman.

  She just nodded her head in acknowledgement, coughing a few times.

  “Should we have the infusion nurse call in the doctor to check out your cough.” I had gone into mama bear mode.

  “Nah. It really feels like allergies. You know how when you’re getting sick you feel overall icky, but when it’s just allergies it’s just that one isolated thing that’s bugging you. Well this is that one thing and it’s itchy versus hurting. Plus, they said on the news this morning that the mold count was off the charts high and mold always sets me off.”

  “Okay,” I acquiesced. “I wonder if Andie has finished the trilogy yet?” We stood waiting for the elevator to take us up to the third floor.

  “Oh I hope so, because I want to talk about it and I don’t want to have to censor what I say.” Stacy paused and laughed, “Not that I ever censor what I’m saying.”

  “That’s a freaking understatement,” I laughed. “As you were the woman who once told me to stay away from your brother.”

  “A lot of good that did me. You two found one another again and he’s crazy about you.”

  “He’s crazy about me?” I so wanted to hear her say those magic words.

  “Crazy about you. Well, that’s an understatement. I think head over heels would be a more accurate description.”

  I know I had a loony smile on my face as we emerged from the elevator. “Head over heels.” I repeated.

  “Certainly that’s no shock how crazy he is about you.” Stacy was very serious.

  “Well, it’s nice to hear and also good to know that I’m not wandering down a path by myself,” I admitted, letting a fear surface.

  “C’mon Tara, you know that you and Wes have always had that special something – from the moment you met. There’s no one else in the world when the two of you are together. No one else.”

  I wondered how much Wes had confided in Stacy about our relationship. Obviously some, and it was comforting to know that I had someone on my side not telling him to stay away from me.

  Chapter 18

  “I can’t believe you zip lined, Mom!” Scarlett squealed at the end of the course, as I was unhooked from the harness.

  “It wasn’t my first time.” I slung my arm over her shoulder as we walked away. “But I haven’t done it in a very long time. It was before I even met your father.”

  Frank and CB had wait
ed for us in the dining hall. CB’s outfit for the day was not conducive to participating in any of the Camper/Parent activities.

  “So, am I going to get to meet Cameron?”

  A long, drawn out, “Mom,” accompanied her blush. “Did Wes tell you?”

  “Well, I was scrolling through his phone after he told me about your fall from the horse.” The bruise on her leg had faded significantly, now appearing almost green and yellow in hue.

  “Scrolling through Wes’ phone?” Scarlett raised her eyebrows and gave me a pointed look.

  “Yeah, well that’s kind of my news. We’ve been seeing each other.”

  Stopping dead in her tracks on the dirt path. “And you complain I don’t tell you like anything? This is literally like so huge. And you didn’t tell me this, really?”

  “Well, it’s pretty new.”

  “I can’t believe he didn’t like tell me. I am like literally so mad at him right now.” She had become very dramatic over the summer.

  I laughed. “Well, bitch at him. I want to see Cameron. You don’t have to introduce me if you think I’m going to embarrass you.”

  With an eye roll, we headed over to the soccer field. “He’s number 12.” She nodded her head toward the right side of the field.

  Elbowing her with a smile, “You’ve got good taste, little one. He’s a cutie.” With thick blonde hair and a preppie look, I could see why my daughter had fallen for him. “How about if I take off and get your father to load your trunk and your bags into my car, so that you get a chance to say goodbye to Cameron and then meet up with us in the dining hall.”

  “Okay,” Scarlett agreed with a smile, visibly relieved that she would get to say goodbye to him alone.

  “See you in a little bit.” Taking off toward the dining hall, it was time to get Frank off his butt and working or we’d never get Scarlett packed up and on the road home at a decent hour.

  As I climbed the hill to the dining hall, I pulled out my phone. I had one bar of phone reception and my data was reading 4G. 4G? I hadn’t seen that on my phone in centuries. There were no text messages from Wes and my heart took an immediate tumble. I needed a Wes fix. And then I chuckled, thinking once I get to a place with decent cell signal, my phone is going to blow up and all the messages will show up at once and my craving for him will be satisfied.

  Just saw Cameron. He’s cute. My daughter has a bone to pick with you. And I miss you. Big time!!!

  I didn’t know if my text would actually reach his phone or just float around in the ether for a while until we were back in civilization. I hadn’t realized that I would feel so incomplete without him by my side and that made me both happy and sad. I couldn’t help but wonder what he and Julien were doing. Pushing that thought immediately from my head, I didn’t want Julien anywhere near my thoughts. It had been so pleasant not having him around.

  “So. what’s new, Tara?” Frank asked as I sat down next to him and CB.

  “Not a damn thing.” I certainly wasn’t going to share my personal life with him. At least not yet or he’d be counting down the days until he could stop paying alimony. “I’m going to pull up my car as close as I can get it to Scarlett’s bunk. I need you to load her stuff into my trunk.”

  “You can’t do that?”

  “No. I can’t. Don’t worry, Countess, you won’t break a nail.” I pointedly looked down at Frank’s manicured fingers and wondered how I’d ever been married to him. Immediately I was slammed with a painful pang. I missed Wes so much. Had he been here, we would’ve just loaded up Scarlett’s stuff, it all would’ve been positive and there would have been none of this negative energy expended trying to get the ex to get off his pampered butt.

  It annoyed me to no end that I had to tell him to load the car. This was the fifth summer we’d done this. The man knew the drill.

  Around the time we hit the interstate, cell signal had returned and Scarlett began texting her camp friends. Lifting my phone to check for texts, I was surprised not to see any. Julien certainly must’ve been keeping Wes very busy.

  “So we need to start school shopping.” I attempted to get my daughter’s attention.

  “Okay. Can we ask Aunt Laynie to come with? She literally has like the coolest taste.”

  “Text her and ask,” I said, silently laughing at my daughter’s vernacular and wondering if I’d ever hear a sentence for the next five years that didn’t include the words like and literally.

  “She says of course and wants to know if you want to meet for dinner tonight.”

  “Tell her yes. After this drive, I’m sure as heck not cooking.”

  We were still an hour and a half out of New York City, when my cell signal chirped. Finally! Lifting my phone, I was surprised to see it was from Stacy.

  Just admitted to Memorial Sloan-Kettering

  “Oh my God.”

  Alarmed, Scarlett turned to me, putting down her phone. “What’s the matter?”

  “Wes’ sister Stacy just got admitted to Memorial Sloan-Kettering.”

  “The cancer hospital?”

  “Yes, she’s being treated for breast cancer. Will you do me a favor and text her back on my phone. I don’t want to text and drive at the same time.”

  “Sure.”

  “Okay, say OMG, are you okay? What happened?”

  Cough got worse. And I’m running a fever. Going down for a CT Scan in a few.

  “Tell her I’m on my way back to the city with Scarlett. Will drop her off, then be by to see you.”

  “Are you okay with just dinner with Laynie?”

  “Sure.”

  “Okay text Aunt Laynie and tell her the situation.”

  As we continued down I-91 heading toward New York, my stomach was in knots for Stacy. And for Wes. No wonder why I hadn’t heard from him.

  Please let this be nothing more than an infection from being run down by chemo. Please, I prayed. Trying to keep my thoughts positive, I knew I needed to keep my strength and energy up to lend support to both Stacy and Wes.

  Chapter 19

  I was nauseous as the elevator ascended to Stacy’s floor, begging a higher power to please let her be okay, please let this be something antibiotics could fix. By the time the doors opened, there was an acidic burning at the back of my throat.

  Wes was standing next to Stacy’s bed when I reached the doorway. My heart sighed in relief at the sight of him. Turning toward me, he began to approach. Something looked different. What was it? I had just crossed the doorway’s threshold into Stacy’s darkened room when he reached me, ushering me back out into the harshly lit hallway. Under the fluorescent light, I could finally see what had altered his appearance.

  My hand immediately shot up to caress his swollen and bruised left cheek, but he caught my arm just before it reached his face and led me down the hall, finding a small waiting room that was empty and steered me inside.

  “Wes, what happened? Are you okay? What’s going on with Stacy?” My senses were on high alert. He had not yet uttered a single word to me and the sinking feeling in my stomach was becoming more pronounced. Whatever was going on was not good. “Talk to me,” I begged. “Please talk to me.”

  With a deep exhale, he began. “Things are not good with Stacy. The cancer has metastasized to her right lung and she has an infection in there on top of that.”

  “Oh God.” Hot tears, that were impossible to control, spilled from my eyes. “That’s what that damn cough was about, wasn’t it? Shit!” I closed my eyes.

  Wes just nodded.

  “Oh Wes, I’m so sorry,” I continued. “What are the doctors saying?”

  “Nothing yet. They need to clear up the infection. But, it’s not good. The chemo didn’t stop it from spreading.” He gazed at his hands as he spoke.

  Reaching out, I laid both my hands over his. His reaction was immediate and visceral as he pulled his hands away from mine, leaving my outstretched hands holding only air and my rapidly crumbling heart.

  “Wes?”
>
  Looking up at me I could see the crevasse between his eyes and the tic in his swollen jaw. I’d seen this once before and the feeling of déjà vu was suffocating. Garbage comes tomorrow, he had said to Keiko.

  “I can’t do this, Tara. I’m trying to cope with the fact that I’m going to lose my sister, that she is falling prey to her battle with breast cancer. That I am going through this again and losing the last member of my family.”

  “I know, Wes, I understand. And I don’t know what I can do to help you. But I’ll be there for you.”

  His eyes met mine and there was no warmth or compassion in them. Where was my Wes?

  He just looked at me for a moment. “Just like you were there for Julien?”

  My blood ran cold. Opening my mouth to speak, the suffocating lack of oxygen bound my vocal chords in knots, leaving me momentarily both speechless and lightheaded as the room swayed. He hadn’t known until now?

  “That is what I was trying to discuss with you the weekend on the boat when you didn’t want to talk about it. From your response, I assumed you already knew and didn’t want the past to get in the way of the future.”

  “The past?” he scoffed.

  “Yes. The past. I didn’t know you and Julien knew each other. I didn’t even know you lived on the east coast. It had been over fifteen years.”

  Waving his hand at me, I could tell he wasn’t even listening to what I was saying. He wasn’t getting past me and Julien having sex for the other pieces to have any bearing on his feelings. Couple that with Stacy’s horrendous diagnosis and Wes’ past, and I knew there was no winning for me in this conversation. But I still had to try.

  “Wes, listen to me, please. Julien was before us. From the moment you and I walked back into one another’s lives, it’s only been you. It’s always been you, Wes. You have to know how I feel about you. How deeply I care.” I could hear the desperation creeping into my voice as I watched his body language telling me clearly that he was retreating more and more with every sentiment I professed. But I couldn’t stop. I couldn’t let him go. “Wes…”