“Yes, you are meddling.” Liz jerked away from her sister-in-law’s hand. “You have no idea what happened, and it isn’t any of your business. He may have you fooled with those soulful eyes, but you’re completely wrong. So don’t even start matchmaking because I know things you don’t know.” She stared into Jo’s brown eyes. “Things you will never know.”
Trembling, she took a step away, trying to feel the ambience of the lounge again. Trying to find joy in the old peoples’ faces. A good many of them stared vacantly. She knew what that felt like, and she was at least fifty years younger than any of them.
She needed air.
Liz grabbed her parka from the stack of coats by the door and punched in the escape code she’d heard the director give Jo upon arrival. The door crawled open as though pushed by snails, and Liz edged through the gap long before it was fully open.
“Liz!”
Zach. But she was in no mood to go back in and have a nice little conversation with her brother. She strode down the sidewalk toward the waiting vehicles. If only she’d driven herself, she could hop in and leave. Either stop at the farm and grab her stuff or not. Just get as far away from Idaho as she could.
But no. She was stuck where everything reminded her of the past. Where she was not a full adult who’d been on her own for a decade, deciding where to live, where to work, and whom to date. No, here she had to put up with a sister-in-law she’d barely met — a woman who thought she knew all about who was in love with whom — telling her Mason was changed. That he’d become a Christian and was in love with her.
As if.
The automatic door rumbled behind her, letting out the sound of the children’s high voices and the adults’ lower ones. Heavy footsteps came toward her. Why couldn’t her brother leave her alone?
“Liz.”
It wasn’t Zach. It was Mason, and there was no place to flee.
Chapter 8
Liz pivoted in the glow of a streetlamp. “Don’t come one step closer, or I’ll scream bloody murder.”
The welcome he’d expected, if not hoped for. Mason held up both hands. “I have no intention of manhandling you.”
The unspoken word again hung in the snow-spangled air.
“Just go back inside. Or get in your car and drive away. Leave me alone.”
“I need to talk to you, Liz.”
“No, you don’t. We have nothing to say to each other. Nothing. Do you hear me?” She backed away, her gaze fixed on him as she reached Zach’s pickup on the circle drive then edged around it.
He could still get to her if he wanted, but that was no way to win her over. “I hear you, and I don’t blame you. But that doesn’t stop the need.”
Her eyes narrowed.
Bad word choice, Waterman. “That’s not what I meant.”
“Sure.”
“Please listen, Liz. I was a jerk. An idiot. A predator.”
“Yes, you were.” She rested her arms on the edge of the truck box. “And, so help me, God, you will never have a chance to treat me like that again.”
He closed his eyes for a second, absorbing the verbal blow. “That’s the thing. God has helped me. He showed me the mess I was. The horrible, egotistical, cruel guy.”
She nodded. “That about sums you up.” Her words were bitter, and he absorbed them, too.
“God whacked me upside the head, Liz. He got my attention, and He showed me He loved me anyway. That Jesus died for me so that I could have a relationship with Him.”
“That’s nice. God doesn’t have very good taste in friends, does He?”
Mason shifted from one foot to the other. “You could say that. But that’s the business He's in. The Bible says Jesus didn’t come to heal the well, but the sick. Those who needed it most.”
“Don’t bother quoting Scripture at me. I’ve heard it all.”
Was he responsible for her rejection of her childhood faith? She’d been on her way before that night, but he’d certainly helped.
“I’ve repented before God, Liz. I begged for His forgiveness.” He took a deep breath. “Not just for what I did to you. There were others.”
If she twitched a muscle, he couldn’t tell. “I need you to know that I’m sorry to the core of my being. I’d do anything to undo that night, to make it up to you in some way. I don’t deserve your forgiveness, but I’m asking for it, anyway.”
“No, Mason. I will not forgive you.”
He reeled from the venom in her voice.
“You took more than my virginity. You made me the laughing stock of Galena High. I trusted you. I thought you loved me, and you shattered me.”
“I know,” he said quietly. “I’m sorry.”
“You’re sorry? You have no idea. You made me think you cared about me when it was nothing but a game, and I was too stupid to know until everyone laughed at me at school the next day. You’d taken bets you could make the good little girl fall like everyone else. Don’t come to me all pious and expect I’m sorry to mean anything to me now. There is no forgiveness, Mason Waterman. Do you hear me? There. Is. No. Forgiveness.”
“There’s forgiveness in Jesus, Liz. He’s wiped my slate clean.”
“Well, I haven’t.”
“I’ve prayed for you every single day since I met Jesus. Not just that you’d find your way back to Him. Not just that you’d forgive me, but that He’d heal you.” He took a few steps closer and noted her wince. Two steps more and he leaned against the truck bed across from her.
“Go away, Mason.” The fire had gone out of her voice, and only the ice remained. “You’ve said your piece. Now you can stop praying for me and get on with your life. Must be nice.”
He regarded her steadily. “I won’t stop praying for you, and my life hasn’t been exactly nice.”
Her jaw tensed, but she said nothing.
“I slept with a lot of girls, Liz. A lot of drunken one-night stands, and a few longer relationships of a few weeks.” He grimaced. “When Erin informed me she was pregnant, I told her to get an abortion and get out of my life, but she said no on both counts. I still don’t know why, but I’m thankful.”
Liz stared at him.
“By the time the twins were born, I’d kept a job for nearly a year. I was trying to be a good guy.”
Telling this story would be easier if Liz gave any response at all. But at least she was listening.
“We thought we could have it all back then. We stuck together for the sake of the kids. When Erin started going out with other guys and leaving me with the babies, I retaliated in kind.”
Liz straightened, her head slowly shaking. “I don’t want to hear this.”
He didn’t want to relive it. He’d been the worst kind of fool. “Off and on we actually tried to make it work between us, but we had so much baggage and didn’t have a clue where to begin. And then we’d fight and push away again.” He took a deep breath. “There was a lot of fighting.”
“If we’re quoting the Bible, I think that’s called reaping what’s been sowed.”
Mason forced a laugh. “Something like that. But I knew there had to be more. Nearly everyone we hung out with was in a similar open relationship, but that’s not what I’d been raised with. Not what my parents had. Or yours.”
Back to no response, but at least she hadn’t run. Maybe he could get it all said tonight before everyone else came out. The twins didn’t need to hear this, for sure. Not until they were older. Much older.
“A guy I worked with invited me to some meetings at his church. I didn’t plan to attend, but the girl I was supposed to go out with that night stood me up, and the church was just around the corner. I didn’t want to go home to Erin, so I went in. I went every night for a week, and at the end of it, I gave my life to Jesus.”
“Well, if anyone needed saving, it was you. Congratulations.”
“Erin was livid, but I tried to help her understand.” Much like he was trying to explain to Liz, now. “It took me another year or more to come to
grips with how God viewed my lifestyle. Oh, I’d quit the party scene and going out with other girls, but Erin and I weren’t married. I asked her to marry me for the sake of the twins and told her no more sex until we’d tied the knot. I started sleeping on the sofa.”
Liz snorted.
“She didn’t care. She was getting all she wanted elsewhere.” Sometimes at home, too, while he and their toddlers were in the other room. He’d deserved all the pain Erin had inflicted on him. Mason looked across the truck at Liz. So much pain, from so many angles. If only God had rescued him sooner, but Mason hadn’t been listening.
“And then one day she just left. I didn’t hear from her for weeks and, when I did, she said she’d moved on, and I should do the same.”
“But what about the children?”
Ah. Liz had been listening, after all. “She left them behind. They were holding her back, she said.”
“But...”
Mason sighed. “I know. But that’s Erin. She emails or calls occasionally. Sends them a card on their birthday and sometimes a gift. That’s about it.”
“Those poor kids.”
Was she softening?
“You have sure left a trail behind you, haven’t you? It’s not much comfort to know I’m not your only victim.”
He accepted those words, too. “After a year or two, I realized Erin wasn’t coming back. I was working a dead-end job, paying for childcare, and barely keeping us fed. Without help from that church in Billings, I don’t know what would have happened. So I decided to swallow my pride and come back to Galena Landing. I found a job, my parents helped with the kids, and the crew at Green Acres has become my extended family.”
“Yes, I’ve noticed how you took over not only my childhood home but my family. Nice work.”
“Don’t be bitter, Liz. Your family and their friends — they are wonderful people who are trying to live as light to the world around them, not only environmentally but spiritually.”
“Don’t worry. I’ll leave them to you. I’ll be out of everyone’s way in a week or two, and you all can just keep on doing what you’re doing. Far be it from me to unbalance things.”
“Or you could stay.”
When her eyes widened, he realized he’d said those words out loud. They hung in the air like a snowflake caught in a cross breeze.
“Not happening. I’m not falling under your charm again. I’m not talking to a God who didn’t protect me when I was seventeen and could’ve used some help. I’m not cozying up to a family who could never, ever understand what I’ve been through and why I’ve made the choices I have.” Liz pushed back from the truck and waved her hands. “You came back first. Fine. It’s all yours. No contest.”
The knife seared through him yet again. Sure, he wanted her forgiveness. In the past few days, he’d even found himself attracted to her. Like, really attracted, and not just because of their shared history. But she needed to forgive him for her own sake more than for his. He had the peace of knowing he’d done what he could, that God had removed his guilt. Hard to remember, when Liz’s presence brought it all back, but some time on his knees tonight when the twins were in bed would soothe his soul again.
But Liz. How long would she be tormented?
The whoosh of the nursing home door warned him this conversation was coming to a close. Voices and laughter spilled out, including his children’s. Footsteps crunched on the sidewalk behind him.
He lowered his voice. “Liz, you can’t stop me from praying for you. Whatever you think of me for the rest of your life, you owe it to yourself to find your way back to God. He’s waiting for you.”
“I don’t care. Don’t you understand? It’s too late, and it’s all your fault.”
Mason bowed his head. It was only too late if she held firm. But that it was his fault was undeniable.
Chapter 9
“But you shouldn’t have.” Liz held up the soft coral-toned sweater and looked from Claire to Allison. “I don’t have anything for you.”
The other two women exchanged a smile, and Claire reached over with a hug. “We didn’t get it for you expecting something in return. That’s not what Christmas is all about.”
Liz couldn’t remember what Christmas was supposed to be all about. She hadn’t bothered celebrating in Thailand. Some years she’d forgotten to send even a card or email to her parents. Then she’d felt massively guilty when they phoned her. She hadn’t always answered those calls.
“Thank you, Auntie Liz!” Maddie bounced in front of her, clutching her stuffed tiger. “He’s so soft.”
At least she’d brought gifts for her family this year. Little John toddled around with his elephant, righting himself as often as he tripped over packaging on the floor.
Ash wailed as John trundled by. Claire and Noel’s baby pulled himself to standing beside anything that held still long enough, including Domino, who was usually smart enough to evade the clutching fingers.
John crouched and offered the elephant to Ash, who stopped crying long enough to stuff a tusk into his mouth. Then John was on his way again, elephant under his arm, leaving Ash with fresh tears.
“We’re all going to be in trouble once Ash can keep up with John.” Allison laughed. “Those two are going to make Finnley and Christopher look tame, I think.”
Did she have to bring up Mason’s child? Liz had been enjoying the fact that Mason and the twins were at his parents’ house for Christmas Eve. She’d had trouble blocking the memory of his words from two nights ago. They’d sounded so sincere, and his facial expression had matched them.
But she’d sincerely believed he loved her in the spring of their senior year, too, and he’d used and abused her. He was a master of deception. She’d fallen for him in high school — hard — and she’d never gotten over what had happened as a result. She wasn’t going anywhere near that situation again. Wasn’t going near him.
“Thank you, Lizzie Rose.”
She blinked back into the great room of the straw bale house and focused on her father, who held up the rattan ball she’d given him. “You’re welcome, Daddy.” She hadn’t figured out how to talk to him again, either. He seemed as sharp as ever, though his body wasn’t much ahead of the residents at the nursing home.
The recruiters hadn’t answered her email yesterday other than an auto-responder saying their offices were closed over the holidays. They had to find her something. Anything. The sooner the better. Whoever coined the phrase you can’t go home again was onto something, because nothing about Galena Landing or the farm where she’d grown up remained the same.
Mason Waterman lived there. How much more messed up could life be than that? She desperately wanted to see the house. To walk through the rooms, to climb the stairs and maybe slide down the rail as she often had as a child. To see if her bedroom was really as tiny as she remembered. No way she could go through it with Mason living there.
“Bedtime for John.” Jo scooped him up. “Give me a few minutes to tuck him in, then how about a game of Blackout or something? It’s too early to call it a night.” She glanced over to where Maddie and Finnley chugged a train around a track with many more sections than it’d had before the gifting.
“Good idea.” Claire got to her feet. “I’ll get Ash settled, too.”
The little guy rubbed his eyes and reached for his mom.
Noel flicked his chin toward the kitchen, his eyes on Zach. “That leaves you and me on snacks, bro.”
Zach looked between their parents. “Want to stay for a while longer?”
“Sure,” said Dad. “Pretty sure I’ve still got what it takes.” He smiled at Liz.
She jumped up. “Can I help you guys with food?” She certainly couldn’t help with nursing babies, though she could probably get the hang of cloth diapers if needed.
“Oh, that’s okay.” Zach pointed back at her chair. “We laid out everything earlier, so it won’t take Noel and me long. Go ahead and visit with the folks.”
Protestin
g would get her nowhere. A minute later she was alone — at least if she didn’t count the children off in the corner — with her parents. She’d been avoiding that as much as she could. Probably they were smart enough to recognize the signs. She slumped back into the armchair.
“We haven’t seen much of you, Lizzie.” Dad’s voice was mild.
Because someone had offered her a two-bedroom duplex all to herself, and she’d come out as little as possible?
She shrugged, not quite meeting his gaze. “I’ve been online a lot, looking for a job. Plus I’m not used to driving in snow anymore.”
“We’ve sure had a lot of that this week,” Mom put in. “I can’t remember when we’ve had this much before Christmas. Often we get most of it in January.”
“The almanac says we’re in for tons then, too,” said Dad. “That will build up a good pack in the high country and lower the risk of forest fires next summer.”
Mom nodded. “Always a good thing.”
Silence. Guess that subject was about exhausted. “Thanks for the sweater. You guessed correctly that I don’t have a lot of warm clothes.”
“That’s what I said to Jo and Allison when they asked. You always liked to be fashionable.”
Which had been a source of contention between her and her parents when she was a teen. She’d begged for the latest everything. Didn’t look like that attitude afflicted Jo, Allison, or Claire. Around here everyone seemed to go for comfy, but she had a reputation to protect. There must be a teaching job for her somewhere. Something worth dressing up for.
Liz stroked the three sweaters on her lap. Coral, teal, and a fuzzy one in lavender. “These are all great. Thanks for putting in a good word.”
Behind her, the guys set dishes on the plank farmhouse table with gentle thunks. Chairs scraped lightly on the etched concrete floor.
She’d been told to stay put, so she stared into the crackling fire. Warm, mesmerizing.
“Liz, I wish you’d let us in,” Mom said quietly. “What is going on in your pretty head? Do you miss Thailand so much? What brought you home?”
Liz shot a glance at her mother. If she confided, would her parents kick Mason out of their house? Wait, no. They didn’t even own it anymore. This whole outfit belonged to her brother and all his friends. Besides, no one would believe her. She should’ve come back before he had if she wanted to stake a claim.
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