He shook his head. “Nope. Come have your tea before it gets cold.”
Okay, so he didn’t want to talk about it. But that didn’t make any sense. Unless... Liz took a closer look. While a kindergartner’s skills were not exactly realistic, she could make some deductions. The woman in the picture had blond hair, straight to the shoulders, a blue top, and gray pants. Hadn’t she worn an outfit like that?
“Mason, did Avery draw me?” Her voice cracked as she turned toward the table.
His face was buried in both hands with his elbows planted on the table.
Liz took a step closer. “Did she?” Why wouldn’t he look at her? Here was this golden opportunity to move their relationship forward, and he held back. Liz closed the gap and crouched beside his chair, resting her hand on his thigh — his very muscular thigh — as she tried to see his face.
Mason lurched to his feet, nearly knocking her over. He spun the chair between them, gripping the back of it with knuckles white from the pressure. “Liz, don’t.”
Whoa. Not what she’d expected to hear. She straightened. “Don’t what?”
“Don’t push. Please.”
A chill wormed its way through her body and settled in her heart. “So this is all a game for you.”
He took a deep breath and let it out slowly before his eyes met hers again. “No. Not a game.”
She steeled herself. “It has to be. You wanted to see if I’d repeat the mistakes of my past and throw myself at you. It’s high school all over again. Well, I hope you’re satisfied, Mason Waterman.” She reached for her cup of tea. Everything in her screamed to throw it in his face. No. She was more mature than that. She had to prove she wasn’t a hormone-ridden teenager with a sharp temper.
“Liz.” His voice was quiet. Controlled. “Please sit down. Let me explain.”
“I don’t think there’s anything to explain. Once again, you’ve led me on and dumped me. I guess I can be thankful we didn’t have sex. Again.”
Pain flashed across his face.
Good. He deserved it after all the anguish he put her through.
“That’s not how it is. At all.” He turned the chair back to the table and sat on it. He pointed at the one she’d vacated. “Sit. Please.”
The overload of the past three days slammed Liz like an avalanche. Three days of travel, interviews, another world. Which world did she belong to anymore? She had no clue. Not Mason’s, obviously. Would it hurt to listen to him? Not if she guarded herself. She could get some ammunition for later, maybe. She might need it.
“Fine.” She dropped into the chair and picked up the mug. At least she could control the trembling of her hands as she took a sip. No sloshes on the table to give her away.
Liz stole a glance. His gaze was filled with so much compassion — there was no other word for it — it took her breath away.
“Liz.” Mason laid his hand palm up on the table.
Now he wanted to touch her? The game was unending. She looked him in the eye, raised her brows, and tucked both hands under her thighs.
He pulled his back and had a sip of tea.
Liz eyed her cup, but she couldn’t very well drink it without hands, and they were busy making a statement. She didn’t need tea that much.
“To answer your question, yes, Avery said she drew you on that picture. She really wants a mom. Her and Christopher both. They pray about it every single day.”
Pray. Right. That’s what made Mason different. Just her luck. If only he’d become the decent man in front of her without Jesus. Then he’d be perfect. Probably maddening at times, but perfect.
“Avery prays that Jesus will make you happy.”
Liz resisted the urge to roll her eyes. “You are brainwashing your children.”
Mason shook his head. “Teaching them. Doing my best to give them better grounding in life than I had. Yeah, my parents went to church, but they didn’t exactly model daily faith. They figured I’d learn what I needed from Sunday school, and you know how that turned out. I want more for Christopher and Avery. My son especially is so much like me it scares me at times.”
She couldn’t deny it would be a good thing if Christopher had a less self-indulgent swagger as a teenager than his father’d had. Pity the girls at Galena High. A vision of a teen Maddie gazing adoringly at a puffed-up Christopher slid into her mind. Yeah. Let’s prevent that.
“I’m not sure if stuffing your kids with religion is the answer. My parents did that.” She leaned over the table, boring holes in his blue eyes. “And you know how I turned out.”
“It was my fault.”
That was the easy answer. She could accept it and let him take all the blame. She’d tried that for over a decade, and it hadn’t made a difference. “It took two. I threw myself at you.” She raised her chin. Let him think what he wanted about tonight.
“Look, I’m not proud of who I was then. I knew what I was doing to you. The guys dared me, and I did it willingly.”
She clenched her teeth and stared at him. “I know. I’d like to say that was then, and this is now, but it seems like history is repeating itself. I’m an adult, Mason. I’m no longer that insecure teen. I’m not a victim anymore.”
“You’re beautiful.”
If she hadn’t read his lips, she might not have heard the faint words. She blew out a breath. “You are so confusing. What do you want from me?” Could he be coming around after all?
He seemed focused on his hand tracing a design on the table. “Nothing, Liz. Just friendship.”
That would be a snowball down her shirt if she believed him. “Nice try.”
“You say you’re no longer that insecure teen, but you still seem... vulnerable. I care about you too much to take advantage of that.”
“So you want more than friendship.”
There was silence for a long moment before Mason shook his head. “Not right now. Maybe not ever.”
She opened her mouth, but could think of nothing to say. She took a sip of the lukewarm tea and glanced at the clock. One-thirty. She gulped the rest of the tea and stood, planting both hands on the table and leaning toward Mason. “It seems you’ve graduated from checkers to chess.”
He looked up, a frown furrowing his brow. “Meaning?”
“Meaning the game you’re playing is more complex than it used to be, but it’s still a game.”
“I’m not toying with you. Please believe me.”
“I don’t know what the rules are, but I’ll figure them out.” She turned and reached for her coat.
“Liz.”
She stilled, her back to him. “What?”
“I would like nothing more than to hold you close and kiss you. To have you as a permanent part of my life.”
Liz turned slowly, half expecting him to be standing beside her, waiting to get started. He wasn’t. “But?”
“But since I became a Christian, it isn’t all about me and what I want.”
Good reason to steer clear of religion, then. She raised her eyebrows.
“I have the twins to think about. I can’t — I won’t — jeopardize their future for my own desires.”
She poked her chin toward the fridge. “It looks like I’m what your daughter wants.”
He scrubbed his hand across his face. “That’s what she thinks now. But I’m the adult. I need to make sure for the long haul.”
Liz could do long haul, if only he gave her the chance. She really could.
“But that’s not the big one.”
Oh, brother. She knew where this was going. She pulled her coat on and slid the toggles through the loops.
“Liz, I can’t have anything more than friendship with a woman who doesn’t love Jesus with all her heart.”
She jammed her feet into her boots. “Guess that’s a problem, then. Don’t get up.” Not that he’d made any move to. “I’ll see myself out.”
Chapter 17
An entire night without sleep hadn’t done Mason any good. He’d paced the
main floor of the old farmhouse for over an hour before getting on his knees. More pacing. More praying. Then he flipped the coffee pot on at five o’clock.
In the few weeks since Liz had re-entered his life, he’d fallen for her, completely and utterly. Those quiet evenings last week after the twins were tucked in bed had been the highlight of his Christmas week.
He’d been filled with hope that she’d walk back into her Christian faith as easily as she’d returned to Galena Landing. He’d pushed to one side how not easily that had been. She’d struggled for eleven years before setting foot in Idaho again, and he’d guess she never would have if she’d known he was there.
Her words rang through his mind. Guess that’s a problem, then. Guess that’s a problem, then. Guess that’s a problem, then.
She had no intention of letting God work in her life. He’d keep praying for her, but he needed to back off. All the way off. Even more, he needed to protect his children. It might be too late for Avery. She adored Liz. But it was better to cut Liz out now than to wait until the bonding went even deeper.
At least he hadn’t kissed her.
He wished he’d kissed her.
It would have sent the wrong message, and it would have been so hard to stop with a kiss. Especially last night in the farmhouse, without Claire and Noel down the hall. No one would have needed to know.
Liz was certainly willing.
But Mason wasn’t that guy anymore. He’d dedicated his life to following Jesus. No matter how bleak this day looked — gray skies met gray hills and more snow than any man should have to shovel — he had done the right thing last night.
He dropped the twins and Finnley off at the school as usual then drove down to the tire shop, where Roger used the small Bobcat to clear the lot. Mason waited until staff parking was plowed then pulled into his stall. The shop door was already unlocked and the coffee started. Roger had even turned up the heat, though it wasn’t noticeable yet.
Nobody was going to come in today. Those who needed tires the most could never make it through the snow. He checked voice mail. No messages. Flipped through the day planner. One job for this afternoon.
Roger came in the door, stomping the snow off his boots. “Man, what’d we get overnight? Eight inches? You had no trouble getting into town?”
Mason quirked a grin at his boss. “I left early, and I have good tires. Perks of the job.”
Roger laughed. He tossed his mitts and cap onto the desk and unzipped his jacket. “Brr.” He zipped it back up.
“Yeah. My sentiments exactly.”
“Looks like it’s going to be a checkers kind of day.”
Mason would never look at a game of checkers the same after Liz’s accusation last night. Life had become more complex for sure. He tipped his head at his boss. “You sure you want to pay me to play games?”
“Well, you’re here, aren’t you? If it stays quiet, you can leave when your kids are out of school instead of staying until five.”
It wasn’t like Mason didn’t need his paycheck. “Sounds like a plan.”
Roger clomped over to the wall and wiggled the thermostat knob. “Is this thing working? I turned it up an hour ago and it’s still freezing in here.”
“It’s warmer in here than last week.”
“Yeah, well, it’s also warmer out there. Only twenty degrees instead of sub-zero.” Roger touched the baseboard heater. “Great. The thing is dead.”
No wonder it was so cold. “Got a portable heater kicking around the back?”
Roger grimaced. “No. Listen, why don’t you walk over to the hardware store and grab one? Put it on the tab. We’re going to need it today and maybe longer. I’ll give the electrician a call and see when he can get someone over here.” He gave the baseboard a kick. “Of all the days to be without heat.”
“Sure. I’ll go.” Mason shoved his knit cap over his head and gathered his gloves. “Be back in a few.”
“Swing by the bakery and get some doughnuts!” hollered Roger as the door swung shut.
Mason grinned and raised his hand in acknowledgment. He waded three blocks through snow nearly deep enough to swamp his boots just as the hardware store clerk unlocked the door. A few minutes later he’d secured a heater and made his way to the bakery next door where a young woman, all bundled up, struggled with a heavy shovel on the sidewalk.
“Here, let me.” Not that there was any place to put the box.
“Thanks, but I’m sure I can manage.”
“No, really.” He set the box in the snow. Roger would toss the cardboard into recycling anyway. It wasn’t like it had to be pristine for that. Mason reached for the shovel and made quick work of the section of sidewalk.
“Thanks, Mason. I appreciate the gallant gesture.”
He followed her into the bakery. This was more like it. A place that was actually warm and bright.
“What brings you in so early?”
Just a sec. She knew his name? He took another look at the woman behind the counter.
“Kassidy North. I’m the twins’ Sunday school teacher.”
“Oh. Uh, hi. My boss asked me to swing by for some doughnuts."
“Roger likes the jelly-filled. Want a dozen?” Kassidy smiled as she crouched to fill a paper bag with confections from the display case.
Mason nodded. So she not only knew his name and his kids’ names, but also where he worked. He took a closer look. Her red-gold hair was pulled into a high ponytail, and she was kind of pretty. As if someone could be the total opposite of Liz Nemesek and still be pretty.
Kassidy set the bag on the counter. “Your kids are so sweet, Mason. I was looking forward to seeing them in a different environment when I accepted that invitation to your parents’ house last week. I was disappointed when the power outage and nasty weather kept you from joining us.”
Wait. This was the woman his mother had been trying to set him up with? Why had he assumed someone over thirty-five with buck teeth instead of a tall woman with a perfect figure? Mason found himself smiling back. “That kept us occupied for several days.” He hoisted the boxed heater in his arms. “It’s amazing how addicted we all are to electricity and heat.”
She laughed. “And water. I heard the pipes in your house were frozen.”
Mom had said a lot, apparently. “They were. I had heat tape on them, but when the power went out, it didn’t help much.”
“Funny how that works.”
“It is. How much do I owe you for the doughnuts?” After he’d paid, he juggled the box and bag to open the door. “Nice to meet you, Kassidy. See you around.”
“Call me Kass. See you Sunday.”
Mason trudged back down the sidewalk. What had all that been about? Was God trying to tell him there were other women out there? Women who loved Jesus and adored his kids? He’d been so sure a week ago that it was only a matter of time before Liz renewed her faith. She’d all but severed that hope last night.
She was actively seeking employment in distant places. One of those interviews was bound to result in a great offer. They’d have to be crazy to pass up on Liz.
He was crazy to.
No. It wasn’t the same. He opened the door to the tire shop and plunked both packages on the counter. “Success on both counts.”
Was meeting Kass a success as well? Time would tell.
* * *
Liz swiped her phone off and flung it on her bed. That made two jobs Glenda said she hadn’t been offered, leaving only the one she’d been least interested in.
Great. What was she supposed to do now? She’d burned her bridges with Mason last night.
Guilt slammed her. She’d pushed him too far, and she’d even done it on purpose, wanting him to commit. Well, he hadn’t. She hadn’t meant they should go upstairs and have sex right then — though she wouldn’t have said no — but to have him shut the door completely? She’d expected the game to continue.
To be fair, he’d left a thread of hope. He wanted her to get back with
God, but that wasn’t happening. God hadn’t taken care of things with Mason in the past, so why would He now? No, she was finished.
She stared out the window at the palette of white and gray. Mounds where she knew there were bushes. Another mound for her car and one for Sierra and Gabe’s vehicle next to it.
A distant motor droned closer. She peered at an angle until she got a glimpse of a tractor with a blade clearing snow in the driveway. Was that Dad’s old John Deere?
Once upon a time, her daddy had been strong and vibrant. He’d been her hero when she was a little girl. Now he struggled to get around, and she was still avoiding him. Planning to leave again as soon as she could.
If she could get a job. Maybe it didn’t matter so much what she did for a living, so long as she got out of Galena Landing. She’d had enough memories to block before yesterday, but she’d added a doozy at one-thirty this morning.
What had she been thinking, pushing herself at Mason in the middle of the night? She’d tossed and turned for hours, replaying the conversation, wishing things had turned out differently. Maybe wishing she’d woken up this morning next to him in her parents’ old bedroom.
She grimaced as she turned from the window. That was kind of a disturbing thought.
Okay, she needed a plan. If that third job didn’t pan out, she still needed to leave Idaho. Where would she go?
Kara was in a new relationship in California since Liz had been there in December. Liz couldn’t crash in on that, but she hadn’t kept in touch with anyone else. The thought of her sisters barely brushed the back of her mind. Nope, not happening. Well, she’d gone to Bangkok on her own and survived. She could simply point her car south and drive until she felt like stopping and looking for work. She’d make new friends. She could do this, but maybe she should wait until this storm had passed and the roads were clear again.
Liz heard two voices laughing then someone knocked on her door. She narrowed her gaze in that direction then shrugged and crossed the space.
“Good morning, Liz! Wow, you must have gotten home late last night!” Chelsea entered, unwinding her scarf, assured of her welcome.
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