Let Me Go

by L. L. Akers

  “No doubt. Better off without him,” Olivia agreed.

  “But back to you... Why haven’t you called?”

  “Billy won’t let me. You know he doesn’t let me have a cell phone, and he says he has friends at my job watching me while he’s at work—when he does work. He’s changed jobs twice since I was last here and was out of work for two weeks. He keeps getting fired for losing his temper or threatening people. I’m not even allowed to leave for my lunch break or I’d call you then. I know it’s hard to believe, but he watches me like a hawk—or has me watched,” Olivia explained.

  “Well, what happened after you went home that night? What’s been going on to get him this mad?” Gabby asked.

  “You name it. Everything pisses him off. He thinks I dress up for work and swears I have a boyfriend there, which I don’t. I wear the same khaki slacks and smock covering my shirt as everyone else there. He’s consumed with jealousy and full of rage all the time. If I put on makeup and fix my hair, he accuses me of doing it for someone else. If I don’t fix myself up, he accuses me of being lazy and not caring what he thinks anymore. He bitches about what I cook and complains if I don’t cook. And every issue turns into a knockdown brawl. I really don’t know what to do. I can’t win with him.”

  “Olivia, do you realize what you’re describing?”

  “What?”

  “Duh... Mom and Dad! Does that not sound like their marriage exactly?”

  “Well, it’s not. I love Billy, and he loves me. We can be happy if I can just figure out what makes him happy. The least thing sends him into a rage and then he gets in my face. If I so much as flinch while he’s screaming and spitting an inch from my nose, he hits me or shoves me to the floor. Even when I don’t flinch, he still sometimes puts it on me. He’s careful not to hit me in the face because he doesn’t want his family to know the truth about him, but he really can’t control much else.”

  “Olivia, you have to leave him for good. You can’t stay there. What if he really hurts you bad? What if he breaks a bone? You don’t have any insurance. Hell, what if he freakin’ kills you?”

  “He has hurt me real bad, Gabby. No broken bones but definitely pulled muscles. My hair is thinned out from him dragging me around. His new thing is to hold me against the wall by my throat until I go limp from no oxygen. My back and hips ache all the time from hitting the floor. Sometimes I feel like I can’t get out of bed in the morning and go to work. But I’d rather suffer at work than suffer his wrath for having a short check. I just can’t win,” Olivia admitted, tears slowly making their way out of her eyes.

  “You do look thin. Your hair still looks good, but I can tell it’s not as thick as it was. He’s going to turn you into a crippled up old woman if you keep letting him do this,” Gabby said.

  “I know... I know. I just got to wrap my head around it and think of how to get away from him. I can’t stay here. He’ll always come to wherever you are to look for me first,” Olivia said, crying.

  “Maybe Dad can help? He finally called! Shortly after the last time you were here. He’s in Mississippi, selling all-terrain vehicles. He’s doing real well now. You can go there!” Gabby said excitedly.

  “No way. I don’t want Dad to know. You’ve got to promise me you won’t tell him. If he finds out, he’ll go after Billy, and I’m not sure which one has the worst temper. I don’t want Dad hurt because of me.”

  “What if you tell Dad you just want to visit? He’s agreed to take Emma for the summer, if Mom says it’s okay. You could go with her,” Gabby pleaded.

  “Well, I’d love to see him. I can’t believe he’s a salesman now. That’s weird, for him anyway. I can’t imagine him at a job like that. But if Billy finds out where Dad is, he’ll just go there looking for me, too.”

  “How’s he gonna find out?”

  “He finds out everything, Gabby. Don’t underestimate him. One of his buddies is a cop. He could probably help him run some sort of computer search, and his aunt works at the courthouse. He’d find Dad, and then he’d find me.”

  “Then what are you going to do?”

  “I’m going to call Billy in just a minute. He’s had time to get home by now. I hope he’s not really burning my stuff. I could care less about the rental—the landlord probably has renter’s insurance—but Billy knows I don’t have the money to replace anything of my own. I think I can calm him down if I tell him I’m coming home—”

  “No! Are you serious? You can’t go home... not tonight when he’s this mad!”

  “Wait, Gabby, listen... If I can get him calm enough to go home, I’ll be able to have some time to think about where to go. I can’t stay here and I have no place else. I’ll still call Dad. I miss him. I wish he had a way to call me, but Billy will just hang up on any of my family or friends that call the house. But I’ll come back here in a few days, whenever I can, and call Dad and see if he has any ideas, okay?”

  “No, not okay. You know, we have a cop that lives right next door now. I think you should stay here and if he bothers us, we’ll just get the cop,” Gabby said.

  “That cop can’t be here twenty-four hours a day, Gabby. It’s not safe for me or any of you if I stay here. Plus, it’s getting a bit crowded here already.”

  “Tell me about it. If we could just lose about 210 pounds of our population, we’d have more room. Then we could all stay together.”

  “You better hush. If Mom comes in and hears you say that, she’s gonna be pissed,” Olivia warned.

  “She knows how I feel. I don’t sugarcoat it for her or Mark. I’m done being nice. I hate that son of a bitch. Mom’s swimming in the River of De’Nial, but he was messing with Emma. He hasn’t touched her, but he was playing a sick game of hide-the-panties with her, getting his jollies off with his own pedophile peep show.”

  “What the hell?! Are you sure?”

  “Pretty sure. I found her under the table in just a T-shirt when I came home from work one day, and that’s what she told me. She’s been acting weird ever since. Mom thought she made it up... or I made it up—I don’t know what she thinks—but she doesn’t believe he did it.”

  “Holy shit, Gabby. I can’t friggin’ believe it! He seems like such a nice guy,” Olivia said, pissed off but totally believing.

  “Yeah, right. It seems that way from the outside looking in. But from in here, you’d see a whole different picture if you look hard enough. He’s evil. I’m just waiting for Mom to catch on before he does something else to Emma. That’s why I asked Dad to take her for the summer.”

  “Oh my God, Gabby! Well, is Emma okay?”

  “She’s not the same Emma, that’s for sure. The weird thing is when he’s around, she acts happy. Then when he’s not, she seems down and depressed. I don’t get it. And she won’t talk anymore about the whole thing. But he hasn’t been alone with her since that day. My boss makes up my schedule around her school hours and I meet her here fifteen minutes after school gets out. I’m going to keep doing that until Dad comes to get her for her trip.”

  “Good. If I find out he really did something to her, I’ll kill him myself,” Olivia said, disgust showing on her face.

  “Well, don’t mention it to her. Right now I got it covered and I’m waiting for her to want to talk. If I ask her about it, she gets freaked out and shuts down. Let’s just wait and see what happens after this summer. Maybe Mom will dump him before Emma gets back.”

  “Let’s hope so.”

  CHAPTER 11

  “Okay, Mom, I’m leaving... Angie and I will be at the college farms, hanging out. Are you sure you’re not going to work or anything?” Gabby asked.

  “Yes, Gabby. I’m sure. And don’t think I don’t know why you’re asking. If you bring up that bullshit about Mark being alone with Emma again, I’m going to whoop your ass,” Mom answered. “Now go. Have a good time. Be with people your own age for once. I promise Emma will be with me the whole day and night, even though she’s fine with Mark.”

  “Okay
... whatever. Just remember you promised. Love you!” Gabby said quickly and darted out of Mom’s room before she had a chance to get pissed off and come after her. She made a beeline for the door and ran down the stairs, eager to finally have a friend with a car and some time to go somewhere besides work and home.

  Dad was coming to get Emma and Olivia at the end of the week. They had a long trip ahead of them. Gabby finally confided to her dad what had been happening with Olivia, knowing her sister would probably be pissed, but Dad promised not to confront Billy, if Olivia promised to let him take her back to the Midwest to stay with his brother, Uncle Jackson, for a while on his farm. Billy would never find her there, and if he did, he’d also find four of Olivia’s uncles looking down the sights of their rifles at him. All Dads’ brothers still lived in the same Midwest town and they adored all of three of their nieces; they would protect Olivia.

  After going home the day of the head-branding fiasco, Olivia found Billy had made good on his promise and burnt almost everything she owned. Olivia was tired and defeated, not to mention broke from buying more clothes and stuff, and finally agreed she couldn’t stay anymore. She’d been walking on eggshells since then, using the phone at work to call Dad and Gabby, making plans behind Billy’s back, leaving bags of her things in back of her store for Gabby and Mom to pick up a bag at a time so Billy wouldn’t see it leave all at once. She worked for the biggest department store in the country, and after she was just recently promoted to department manager, it was no problem for her boss to arrange a transfer, so she had a job waiting for her there. But she refused to leave her car behind. Dad didn’t want her driving cross-country by herself, so Olivia would follow Dad and Emma over a thousand miles in her beloved clunker—if it made it—and they were going to make it a fun road trip for Emma on the way.

  As Angie pulled into the college farms, Gabby was still deep in thought, relieved to see both her sisters going. Even though it sounded bad, it meant she didn’t have to worry about them for a while. Five more days and then she could rest easier knowing Emma was out of Mark’s reach and Olivia was finally out of Billy’s. She could take a mental break.

  “Gabby! We’re here. Let’s get our stuff out, space-cat,” Angie teased.

  “Oh. I’m sorry, Angie. I was lost in thought there. Let’s party,” Gabby answered.

  The girls spread out their blanket, strategically placing their ice chest filled with wine coolers buried under Coke cans, in case of a search by campus police, and turned on their radio.

  It was tradition for the college kids, and anyone else brave enough, to spend the week after college was out, before packing up and going home, hanging out, throwing Frisbees, and just soaking up the sun. Everybody wore swimwear around the red-mud pond behind the college and brought blankets and beach chairs, partying and raising hell as if it were the beach. Sometimes there were pick-up bands, and if not, almost everybody brought a radio or CD player. Campus police usually let them slide this last week, unless it really got out of control. There were hot guys and girls in bikinis as far as the eye could see. Gabby and Angie were lucky to even find an open spot to lay their blanket.

  It wasn’t long before Gabby was wiggling, sweaty, and uncomfortable in the sun and had to sit up to get some air. Wiping the sweat from her belly, she’d just done a 360-degree hot-guy check when she saw him directly behind them: the cutest blond-haired, blue-eyed guy sitting not even fifteen feet away... stretched out barefoot in jeans! Gabby laughed and elbowed Angie.

  “Look, Angie, out of what, a couple hundred people here, there’s one guy not in shorts or trunks. Look how cute he is. Wonder what his deal is?”

  “Where?”

  “Straight behind us, but don’t be obvious about looking. You can’t miss him. He’s wearing jeans for God’s sake!”

  “Oh yeah, he is cute. Want a hook-up?” Angie asked while continuing to eyeball him.

  “No! Absolutely not. If he’s interested, he can come to me,” Gabby loudly whispered, “and turn back around, Angie. You’re embarrassing me!”

  “Uh, Gabby. As you pointed out, he’s wearing jeans. That means he’s probably embarrassed that his legs are too white. When he saw me looking at him, his face turned red and he looked away. I’m pretty sure if you want this one, you’re going to have to chase him. He looks a bit shy.”

  “Well, forget it, then. I’m not chasing,” Gabby said, sneaking another peek at him and thinking his hair was actually strawberry-blond—the color of sunset reflecting against sand. Wishing she really was at the beach—with him—she sighed, lying back down on the blanket to give her other side some sun.

  While Gabby zoned out, baking under the sun, she didn’t even notice Angie’s absence. She was just teetering on the edge of sleep when Angie startled her, saying, “There. Done. He’s going to call you tonight. His name’s Jake. Wait ‘til you see him up close and personal. He’s got some nice abs under that tight tank top.”

  “Angie, you bitch. How humiliating. I told you no!” Gabby argued.

  “Too late, sister. You definitely need a hook-up. But if you really don’t want him, you can hand him over to me.”

  “Well, thanks for that. Now he probably thinks I’m desperate.”

  CHAPTER 12

  “Gabby, what you want to do tonight, girl? You feel like going four-wheelin’ after we eat supper?” Jake asked. “Or would you rather go look at a movie?”

  Jake was almost too good to be real. For the next two months, he spent nearly every evening and all of his weekends with Gabby, taking her skating, mud-slinging, to movies, even a drive-in theatre just outside of town. Jake was something she thought she’d never be interested in—a country boy. But he’d changed her mind on that and made her realize country was just a synonym for gentleman.

  Jake never rushed her into anything, always patient, opened doors for her, and treated her like a princess. He was a true southerner, bred and raised with manners. He even offered to cut her meat if she ordered steak at one of the restaurants he frequently took her to. I could sure get used to this, Gabby thought, at least until Emma comes home from Dad’s.

  Jake was nineteen, two years older than Gabby, and had graduated high school the year before, going to work immediately as a mechanic and making good money. His uncle taught Automotive Mechanics at the community college in town and had been teaching Jake since he was old enough to turn a wrench. Jake didn’t need a degree; it was in his blood. He still lived with his parents so he was able to save most of his money too, at least until he started spending it on Gabby, for which she constantly scolded him. But even she could see he was smitten with her.

  Gabby was falling hard for him too, having finally found the perfect person to fill the hole in her heart when Olivia left. Kind, patient, and understanding. He’d listen to her talk all night if she wanted him to, and not a hound-dog, as Olivia would say. But the summer was almost over and Gabby was sure their dates would be cut short. She was still not going to leave Emma alone with Mark—no matter what.

  “Jake, you’ve got to quit spending all your money. I keep telling you that. You don’t have to take me out to eat all the time.”

  “I know, Gabby. But you said your lil’ sister is coming home soon and we may have to stick around your house a lot more, so I want to do all we can together before then.”

  “You’re sweet to say we but you know I won’t expect you to never go anywhere. I know you’re going to want to go out and see your friends, even if I can’t be there. But I’ll be there whenever you feel like hanging out with us at my place. You sure you’re going to stick around once Emma gets home and I’m stuck there all the time?”

  “Yep, I’m sure. And you don’t have to be stuck there all the time. There’s plenty of places we can take her with us—the park, the lake, the bowling alley, skating. She can come. I’ll pay for her if it costs anything,” Jake offered.

  “Thanks, Jake,” Gabby answered, smiling at his generosity. She hoped he meant it; she didn’t want to
let this one get away. Gabby could tell by the way he talked about his Mama, and how wonderful she was, that he would make a good husband for someone. Even at his age—definitely not a kid—he still met his midnight curfew every night, without argument, to keep his mom from worrying about him being on the road. He’d almost missed it several times, falling asleep wrapped around Gabby, and thankfully, Mark had been nice enough to wake him up. I guess Mark does have a heart, Gabby thought to herself, even if it is a tiny shriveled-up thing. Mark really liked Jake and didn’t want to see him in trouble.

  CHAPTER 13

  “Mom... wake up,” Gabby whispered quietly.

  “What? What is it? Shouldn’t you be at work?” Mom asked sleepily. She’d only been sleeping a few hours after working her midnight-to-noon shift when Gabby walked back home from work, not able to finish her shift.

  “I think I need to go to the doctor. I’m sick.”

  “What’s wrong with you?”

  “I’ve been throwing up every day for weeks. At work, I’ve had to run from the register to the bathroom, leaving my customers standing there, and today I threw up all over the floor when some lady accidently ripped open her bag of dog food and the smell just made me chuck. I haven’t had any fever or anything, but my boss told me I needed to get checked out to make sure it’s not contagious and to see if the doctor can give me something for the vomiting.”

  “Oh, Gabby, you’re not sick. Dammit, you’re pregnant!” Mom said angrily, sitting up.

  “No, I’m not!”

  “Oh for God’s sake, girl, can’t you figure it out? If you’re throwing up when you smell something strong and it’s been happening for weeks... and you do look like you’ve put on a few pounds now that I look at you—you’re pregnant, dumbass.”

  Gabby sat down on the side of Mom’s bed, in shock. Not possible, she thought, from one freakin’ time? You can’t be serious.

  “I guess you’ll have to marry Jake. I’m not taking care of another baby,” Mom said.