by RJ Nolan
Sam nodded. “If I can save just one person from what happened to Leslie, it’s worth it.”
No wonder she was so drawn to Riley after the shooting.
She doubted Sam had done it consciously, but that must have been the driving force when she stepped into the line of fire and saved Riley. It was her atonement for not being able to save Leslie.
“And that brings us back to Riley. What happened with Leslie and Christy, that’s why you think you’ll end up hurting Riley? That those feelings of being trapped will come again?”
Sam nodded and hung her head.
Now that Sam seemed a bit calmer, Kim was determined to help her realize what she was trying so hard to hide, even from herself. “How long has Riley been living with you?”
Sam’s brow furrowed, and she moved out of Kim’s embrace. “Huh?”
“How long has Riley been living with you?” Kim watched Sam’s body language closely.
Sam turned her shoulder and tilted her body slightly away from Kim. “I don’t know. A couple of weeks, I guess.”
Ah. You know exactly how long. “Hmm…I thought it was longer than that.”
“Maybe it has been. Why? What does that have to do with anything?”
Ignoring the question, Kim said, “Help me out here. Just answer the questions, okay?”
Sam frowned, then nodded.
“Do you spend a lot of time together after work and such?”
“Riley works long hours,” Sam shrugged, “but yeah, we hang out when she’s home.”
Kim smiled to herself. Home. “And do you feel smothered with her being there? Like she’s invading your space?” She already knew the answer, of course, but wanted Sam to verbalize it.
“No.” There was no hesitation in Sam’s voice. “It’s kind of nice to have someone to share dinner with,” a soft smile graced her face, “or just hang out and watch a movie.”
“Let me make sure I have this right. You care about Riley. You’ve been living with her for over a month and enjoying it. Correct?” When Sam nodded, Kim allowed her smile to show. “So you’re already in a relationship with Riley. And none of those feelings you’re worried about have surfaced?”
Sam’s eyebrows shot up. “I am?” Her leg began to bounce. “No. It’s not the same thing. We’re just friends.”
“Not after last night,” Kim said. “Unless it didn’t mean anything to you and you were just in it for the sex.”
“No. I would never do that to Riley.”
Kim smothered a smile at the vehement denial. “Does being Riley’s lover change how you feel about her living with you? Think about it and picture being together for the next month. Does that make you feel smothered or wanting her out of your space?”
Sam’s eyes went distant for several moments. She turned toward Kim and smiled. “No. It doesn’t.” Her amazement was clearly evident in her tone.
“And why do you think that is? Why can’t you stand the thought of losing Riley?”
Sam sucked in a breath, then froze. Her eyes lost focus.
Kim held perfectly still, afraid of breaking the moment. She prayed Sam would have the courage to admit the truth.
Sam’s breath burst from her in a whoosh, and she began to pant.
“Take it easy. Slow breaths.” Kim rubbed her hand slowly up and down Sam’s back as she regained control of her breathing.
Wide-eyed, Sam stared at her. “I’m in love with her,” she whispered, awe in her voice. “I have to tell her.” She jumped up from the couch. “I’ve got to go after her.” She glanced at her watch. “Damn it. I’ll never catch her. She’ll already be gone.”
“If Riley’s already gone, find her.” Kim nudged her in the ribs and smiled. “You are a cop after all.”
“Right. I’ll find her.” Sam straightened. The defeated slump of her shoulders was gone as if a huge weight had been lifted. “I have to tell her how I feel about her.”
Kim locked gazes with her. “One thing I know, beyond a shadow of a doubt: love is worth whatever risks you need to take.” She touched Sam’s cheek. “It’s okay to be scared. But I promise you, it’s worth it.” Her hand went to her belly.
Sam pulled her into a hug, lifted her feet off the floor, and twirled her in a circle. “Thank you. You’re the best.”
Thor jumped up and woofed at Sam.
Kim’s stomach lurched. “The best is going to hurl on you if you don’t put me down.”
Sam froze. “Shit. I’m sorry. I didn’t think.” Keeping her arm loosely wrapped around Kim, she put her hand over Kim’s where it rested on her slightly rounded belly. “Are you okay? Is the baby okay?”
“We’re both fine.” Kim stepped out of Sam’s embrace and smiled at her. “Now go get Riley.” She put a restraining hand on Sam’s arm before she could bolt away. “Please be careful. You won’t do either of you any good if you have an accident speeding down to San Diego.”
“I’ll be careful. I promise.” Sam placed a soft kiss on Kim’s cheek. “Thank you.” She turned and sprinted for the front door.
Chapter 47
Sam rapped her hands on the steering wheel, willing the light to turn green. Come on!
As she had feared, Riley had already been gone by the time she reached her apartment. A number of Riley’s things were left with a note on them that she would be sending someone by for them.
Like hell. She would find Riley if she had to go to every hotel in the city, starting with the hotel Riley had retreated to after her uncle threw her out of the condo. When the light changed, Sam resisted the urge to punch it. A few minutes later, she pulled into the hotel parking lot. When she spotted Riley’s car, the tight band that had constricted her chest since waking that morning and finding her gone eased a notch.
She pulled her car up to the valet parking, jumped out, and tossed her keys to the attendant before marching across the lobby and up to the front desk.
The clerk looked up from the computer screen. “May I help you?”
“Yes. What room is Dr. Connolly in?”
“I’m sorry, ma’am, but I can’t give out information on a guest.”
Sam ground her teeth. She reached into her back pocket, pulled out her police credentials, and flipped them open. “What room is Dr. Connolly in?”
The clerk’s gaze darted from the black leather wallet in Sam’s hand to her face. He gulped. “Just a moment.” He accessed the computer. “Four-oh-seven.”
“Thank you.” Sam spun on her heel and headed for the elevator.
* * *
Sam stood outside the door to Riley’s hotel room. All she had been focused on was finding her. Now that she was here, about to face Riley, she was shaking. She wiped her sweaty palms on her jeans. She cares deeply for you. You just have to make her see reason.
Fueled by the realization that she was in love with Riley, Sam felt as if a weight she had carried for so long had been lifted. She held on to the hope that Riley was in love with her as well. Remember the look in her eyes as she made love to you.
Thus fortified, she knocked on the door.
After a moment of silence, a gasp came from inside the room.
She knocked again. “Riley? Please, let me in.”
“Oh, Sam. What are you doing here?” Riley’s voice came through the door. “Why didn’t you stay in LA?”
“I came after you. How could you just leave like that?” Sam’s pain leaked into her voice. “Please let me in. We have to talk.”
“It’s better this way.” Riley’s voice broke. “Just go.”
Tension, as thick as the door that separated them, filled the air.
“I’m not going away,” Sam said. “Not until you talk to me. You owe me that much.” She breathed a sigh of relief when she heard the chain being removed.
The door slowly opened.
Sam’s heart clenched at her first sight of Riley. Her normally vibrant green eyes were red-rimmed and dull.
Riley turned away and walked back into the hotel
room.
Sam followed.
An open suitcase, filled to overflowing, lay on the bed. Riley moved as if the weight of the world rested on her shoulders. Sadness dripped from her like drops of rain from a weeping willow.
Oh, Riley. Why are you doing this?
Riley walked over to the bed, grabbed several shirts from the suitcase, and threw them into the dresser drawer, apparently not caring how they landed. “You shouldn’t have come. Please don’t make this harder than it already is.” She went to get more clothes out of the suitcase.
“Why does it have to be hard at all? Come back home.” Sam couldn’t miss the irony of the situation, having had her share of women asking her not to leave. She stepped into Riley’s path.
Riley tried to step around her, but Sam moved with her, blocking her escape.
“Please don’t.” A wounded sound escaped Riley’s throat.
“Talk to me.” Sam took a chance and put her hands on Riley’s shoulders. Her own fears had almost ruined things; she wouldn’t let Riley’s fear destroy their relationship before it even got started. “Tell me why you’re doing this? Especially after what happened last night.”
Clutching the clothes in her arms tightly to her chest, Riley refused to look at her.
Just say it. Her heart pounding in her chest like a bass drum, Sam said, “Please don’t do this. I love you.”
Riley’s head whipped up. “Oh, Sam. I love you too.”
Euphoria filled Sam.
Riley gazed at her with pain-filled eyes. “That’s why I had to leave before—” Her voice caught in her throat.
Sam’s heart plummeted like a boulder thrown from a cliff. She tightened her grip on Riley’s shoulders. “Before what, Riley? I get hurt? You don’t know that’s going to happen. You can’t live your life worrying about what might happen.”
Riley jerked away. “It’s not just that. You don’t understand. I can’t… I’m not…” She tossed the clothes toward her suitcase. Half of them landed on the floor. She grabbed them and threw them back into the suitcase.
The hell with this. Sam moved behind Riley and turned her around to face her. “What are you afraid of?” When Riley tried to pull away, she refused to let go. She didn’t want to hurt Riley, but she wasn’t going to let her run either. “Please. I’m begging you. Tell me why you’re doing this.”
All the fight went out of Riley, and she slumped against Sam, who cradled her against her body. Finally, Riley lifted her head. Tears trailed down her face.
Pierced by the pain in Riley’s eyes, Sam leaned down. She feathered butterfly-soft kisses across her tear-streaked cheeks.
Riley’s eyes fluttered closed.
Sam kissed her eyelids, her temples, her cheeks, and finally her lips.
With a low moan, Riley wrapped her arms around Sam’s waist.
The sound went straight to Sam’s center. She licked at Riley’s bottom lip. When Riley opened to accept her, she groaned and pressed her tongue into Riley’s mouth, deepening the kiss. Her hands slid down to cup Riley’s sweet ass. Just perfect.
Riley’s hips thrust against her thigh.
Sam needed more, she needed to finally touch Riley—all of her.
With a throaty growl that made Sam shiver, Riley took control of the kiss, her tongue chasing Sam’s back into Sam’s mouth. She brought her hands up and cupped Sam’s breasts.
Sam groaned, a warning pulse throbbing in her clit. Oh no, you don’t, not this time. It’s my turn.
She reluctantly released Riley’s ass and tugged Riley’s hands off her breasts and onto her shoulders. At the look of confusion in Riley’s passion-glazed eyes, she smiled and kissed her forehead. She dipped her head and captured Riley’s lips in a searing kiss. She slipped her hands underneath Riley’s sweater and caressed the silky smooth skin of her back before moving around to the front and stroking her soft belly.
After wrenching away from the torrid kiss, Riley backed away, breaking the contact between them. Tears overflowed her eyes. “This is a mistake. I can’t be what you want.”
Not again. Was this some kind of game? The pain in Riley’s eyes deflated Sam’s anger. “Why? That doesn’t make sense. You’re exactly what I want.”
Riley brushed away her tears, her expression going distant. “You said it yourself. You’re into women, not boys.”
Sam struggled to get air into her lungs. It felt as if someone had sucker-punched her. I caused this? She knew Riley had body-image issues but had no idea she had taken her words to heart. “I was drunk and trying to get rid of Darcy. What I said has nothing to do with you.”
“Doesn’t it?” Riley looked down at herself. “I know what I am.” She crossed her arms over her chest. “I know you care about me. And you may think you want me now, but once you see me…”
She slowly closed the distance between them, praying Riley wouldn’t reject her touch. “Please listen to me.” She cupped Riley’s cheek. “I know what you are too. You’re the woman I’m in love with.”
A small gasp escaped Riley’s lips as her knees buckled.
Sam pulled Riley into her arms and held her close. “I’ve been in love with you for weeks. I’ve just been too afraid to admit it, even to myself.” All she wanted to do was kiss her senseless, but there were things that still needed to be said. She stroked her thumb across Riley’s soft lips. “I’ve loved you for weeks, but I’ve wanted you for a lot longer than that.” Sam tightened her embrace. She had to make Riley understand. She cradled Riley’s face between her palms and held her gaze, willing her to believe. “I know what I want. I want you. Just the thought of touching you makes me tremble.”
Riley studied Sam’s face, then stared deeply into her eyes as if trying to look into her very soul. Her expression crumbled. “I’m sorry. I was scared. And—” She buried her face against Sam’s chest and cried.
Sam held her tightly and soothed her as best she could.
After several long moments, Riley pulled out of the embrace and blotted her face on her sleeve. Her emotions darkened her eyes to a deep emerald. “This wasn’t your doing. I let my insecurities get the best of me, and I ended up hurting you. Hurting us. I’m sorry.”
“I understand.” Looking for a place to sit so that they could be close, Sam bypassed the clothes-strewn bed and guided Riley to the straight-backed chair in front of a small desk. Before Riley could protest, she pulled her into her lap and slipped her arms around Riley’s waist. “I know what your aunt put you through. How she made you feel about yourself.”
“No. It wasn’t my aunt. She was just fixated on my weight. To her, the thinner I was, the better.” A bright flush covered her already blotchy face, making her freckles stand out. “Remember I mentioned that I had been with a woman in medical school?”
Sam nodded. She knew nothing about the woman but disliked her already.
Riley blew out a breath. “This is even harder than I thought.” She ducked her head.
No matter how much Sam wanted to know, she wouldn’t pressure her. Sam softly stroked Riley’s back, waiting for her to make up her mind.
“Her name was Linda.” Riley rested her head against Sam’s shoulder. “We shared a large house with several other medical students. That’s also where I met my friend Denny and his wife, Carol. Anyway, Linda was three years ahead of me in school. I’d never had a woman look at me like she did. I didn’t understand why I reacted so strongly to her,” she pressed her face to Sam’s shirt as if to hide her blush, “but later when she kissed me, I finally figured it out. At first things were great between us. Or so I thought…”
Sam struggled to keep her expression neutral. Just the thought of what this woman must have done to Riley to make her so unsure of herself was enough to spark Sam’s ire.
“Linda even claimed to understand my fear of my aunt and uncle finding out about us. I didn’t realize until later that it made things all the more convenient for her.” Bitterness filled Riley’s voice. “That way she had the perfect excuse
not to have anything to do with me outside the bedroom.”
The more Sam heard about the woman, the more she despised her. She mentally braced herself for what was coming.
Riley took several deep breaths like a diver preparing to jump into the deep end. “We had only been together two months when she started making comments about my body. Just little snide remarks when we were in bed, about how boyish I looked, how nonexistent my breasts were. Finally it reached the point where she expected me to take care of her, but she never touched me anymore. I can’t tell you how many times she compared my body to a prepubescent boy.”
Dammit! Sam bit her lip. No wonder what she’d said to Darcy had struck so close to home.
“I remember the night I broke it off with her like it was yesterday. I can still hear Linda’s voice.” Riley’s eyes went distant as if she were in another time and place. “Good. At least now I don’t have to pretend anymore. Do us all a favor and go back to men. Plenty of them don’t care about the rest of your body as long as there’s a warm hole for them to shove their dick in. No dyke in her right mind would want you.” Riley buried her face against Sam’s neck.
“What a fucking bitch!” Then it hit her. Pain as sharp as a spear to the heart stabbed Sam. She reared back as far as she could from Riley with her sitting in her lap. “And you thought I’d treat you like that? Like she did?”
Riley clutched Sam’s shirt. “God, Sam. No. Never! I know you’d never treat me like that. It was just after what you said to Darcy and seeing Marina, knowing she was the kind of woman you’d been with…” A tear trickled down her face. “I let my fears run away with me. I’m so sorry.”
She cradled Riley against her chest. “I understand. I’ve let my own fears rule me for too long.”
Riley sniffed. “I wish we could go back to bed and start this day over.”