One Word

by Anne Barwell

Ethan answered him by kissing him lightly on the lips. “You’re not Duncan, and I’m not going to take offense. Honest.” How was the best way to put this? “Today made me realize a few things.”

  “I….” Donovan bit his lip.

  “Don’t worry, I’m not going to tell you I’ve changed my mind about us.” Ethan managed a chuckle, but it sounded strained to his ears. There was a lot about today he wouldn’t be forgetting anytime soon. “I’d hardly be here with you like this if I had.”

  “You could be letting me down gently,” Donovan said. Ethan couldn’t tell whether he was serious or not.

  “I’m not,” Ethan said firmly. “I… saw you go down when he fired the gun. I thought you’d been killed, and suddenly nothing else mattered. I thought I’d lost you. That you were….” He swallowed. “It’s strange how really shitty situations make you realize what you want, isn’t it? What and who you really want.”

  “Yeah.” A shadow crossed Donovan’s face. He caressed Ethan’s cheek, his touch lightening over the bruise there. Ethan couldn’t help but wince. Not because Donovan was hurting him, but because of the memory of how it had happened.

  He’d been such an idiot, provoking Gary like that, and damn lucky Gary had used the gun to backhand him across the face, rather than shoot him.

  Not just an idiot, but insensitive to boot. He’d been so focused on it all being over and that Donovan was okay that he hadn’t thought.

  “I’m sorry,” Ethan whispered. “Everything that happened… it must have brought back all those horrible memories for you. The last thing I wanted… I wasn’t thinking. I… I thought if I reasoned with him, he would turn himself in and let me go. He’d told the person on the phone he hadn’t shot that teller in the bank. Then when he shot at you, and I saw you go down….” He didn’t want that memory, didn’t want to think how easily this could have all gone to hell. “I really screwed up, didn’t I?”

  “No, you didn’t, although I’m still not sure whether you were an enormous idiot or very brave. Or both.”

  “I’ll settle for idiot, if that’s okay.” Hindsight was twenty-twenty. “I kept telling myself to shut up, but I couldn’t stop talking.” Ethan noticed Donovan had led the conversation away from himself. “You need to stop doing that, you know.”

  “Doing what?” Donovan looked at him blankly.

  Ethan sighed. “Honestly, do I have to spell it out? I feel bad about what happened. It never occurred to me what it would have done to you if everything had gone pear-shaped. You have enough nightmares to deal with.”

  “They’re memories, and in the past,” Donovan said. “When Doug and I were coming to find you, I had flashes of what happened… before. But I realized I had to focus on what was happening now. If I didn’t, there was a real chance I might lose you before I’d even really gotten to know you, and that was more important than any screwups I’d made before. I still regret what happened in the past, and I’m not about to make excuses for what I’ve done, but I wasn’t going to let it take away the future I wanted. My bad memories have given me nightmares for a long time, Ethan, but they haven’t stopped me doing all the other stuff I wanted to do with my life.”

  “Really?” Ethan didn’t quite believe it.

  “Okay, so that isn’t quite true.” Donovan looked sheepish. “I’ve made a few decisions that weren’t great because I couldn’t work through this shit. I’m not sure that’s going to change anytime soon, but I guess what I’m trying to say is that I prioritized. I’d already lost Lee, and….”

  “Tad and the others in Afghanistan?” Ethan added softly. “None of that was your fault. Neither was what happened after that.”

  “I wasn’t going to add you to that list.”

  “You’re stubborn. You know that, right?” Ethan rested his forehead on Donovan’s. He doubted Donovan’s nightmares would be going away anytime soon, but he hoped they’d start to lessen in time.

  “It’s part of my charm.” Donovan grinned.

  A discreet cough from the doorway interrupted their conversation.

  “Hey, Doug.” Donovan shifted his position slightly so he and Ethan were sitting side-on again. He slid his arm around Ethan’s waist. “Any news?”

  Doug sat down on the couch opposite them. “Quite a bit actually.” He looked up and smiled when Heidi entered the room, moving over to make room for her next to him.

  “I told Harry you’d be in touch, Doug,” she said.

  Ethan realized he hadn’t heard Dr. McKenzie leave or Doug arrive. Judging from Donovan’s frown, neither had he.

  “Thanks, Heidi.” Doug cleared his throat. “I had a long chat with Sergeant Beveridge, and although he’s not happy I didn’t wait for backup and that I took a civilian into a potentially dangerous situation, he’s decided not to pursue the matter.”

  “I would have taken the crap for it if he had,” Donovan said. “And for tracking Ethan’s cell without a warrant.”

  “If there’s a risk to life, we don’t need a warrant, so that one isn’t a problem,” Doug reminded him.

  “You all took a big risk,” Heidi said. She slipped her hand into Doug’s. “Promise me you won’t do it again.”

  “I can’t do that,” Donovan said. “If it had been Doug in trouble, you’d do whatever you could to save him too. I know you would.”

  Heidi sighed. “Yeah, I would. Sometimes I hate you for being right.”

  “Yeah, but you still love me.” Donovan winked at her.

  “Moving on,” Doug said quickly. “I know how these kinds of conversations go with these two,” he told Ethan. “They’re like an old vaudeville act.”

  “Less of the old, if you don’t mind.” Heidi poked Doug in the ribs.

  “So I’ve noticed,” Ethan said dryly, ignoring Heidi’s comment. Their conversations were growing on him, but he wasn’t sure he was ready to admit that to either Donovan or Heidi yet. “So what’s going to happen to Gary Smith?”

  “He’s still in a lot of trouble,” Doug said, “but your statements and mine have helped a little. I honestly don’t think he meant to kill Donovan when he fired that gun. He was a scared man, out of his depth. However, that doesn’t mean all the charges against him will go away. He’s agreed to give evidence and help the police find the other members of the gang, so that will be taken into consideration.”

  “He still kidnapped Ethan and robbed that bank.” Donovan tightened his arm around Ethan’s waist.

  “As I said, not all the charges will go away. He might not be charged with murder, but kidnapping and bank robbery are still serious offenses. It’s lucky that Ethan saw what happened with Ms. Fitzgerald—”

  “Is she going to be okay?” Ethan interrupted. With everything else going on, he’d forgotten to ask about her.

  “Yes, although she’s leaving Oakwood as soon as she’s well enough to be discharged from the hospital. A friend is coming down tomorrow to be there for her. The doctors say she’ll make a full recovery. She was very lucky.”

  “You were all very lucky,” Heidi said.

  “Yes, Mom.” Donovan gave her a mock bow. She narrowed her eyes and glared at him. “Chocolates and a bunch of flowers, okay?”

  “Find something else,” Doug told him. “I’ve already bought those for her. And we’re going out for dinner tomorrow night.”

  “You’re learning fast.” Donovan seemed more amused than offended.

  “I wouldn’t worry about him tagging along for dinner,” Ethan put in. “I’m taking him out to dinner tomorrow night.”

  “You are?” Donovan and Heidi asked the question as one.

  Heidi grinned smugly. “I’m very pleased to hear it. Just don’t choose the same restaurant, please. Some of us want our privacy. You and Doug can sort that out between you later.”

  “Yes, ma’am.” Ethan wasn’t silly enough to argue with her, and Doug’s resigned look suggested he wasn’t either.

  “This is definitely my cue to leave.” Doug stood. “One more thing. The
re’s a reward for finding these guys. Donovan, you and Ethan need to decide how you’re going to split it, as you were both instrumental in Smith’s arrest.”

  “So were you,” Ethan told him.

  “I was just doing my job.” Doug nodded toward both of them. “Heidi, would you mind walking me out? There’s something I want to talk to you about before I leave.”

  “Sure,” Heidi said. “I’d be glad to.” She leaned over and whispered something in Donovan’s ear as she walked past him.

  “Heidi!” Donovan blushed but seemed very pleased with whatever she’d told him.

  “You should take the reward money,” Ethan said. “All of it. I nearly screwed up and got both of us killed. You came to the rescue, and you and Doug found me.”

  “You tackled him and got the gun off him. I’m sure as hell not taking credit for all of it.” Donovan didn’t look happy with the idea.

  “This inn’s in trouble,” Ethan said. He put one finger over Donovan’s lips before he could argue. “It’s going to take some time before your carvings start bringing in enough money to make a difference. If you won’t take my share, why don’t we call it a zero-interest loan? I don’t need it. I earn enough to meet my own needs, and I have savings I haven’t needed to pull on for years. You and Heidi love this place, and besides, if I have a vested interest in it, it gives me an excuse to come back and visit.”

  “That’s the only reason you’d come back and visit?” Donovan teased, but his brow furrowed. He was definitely thinking it over. “I’d need to talk to Heidi about it first, as we agreed when we bought the inn that all decisions needed to be joint ones.”

  “I’d expect nothing less.” Ethan smiled. The easy friendship between Heidi and Donovan and the fact they did talk all their business decisions through was one of the reasons why he had no qualms in making this offer. It was another way in which Donovan was nothing like Duncan—the more Ethan got to know him, the more he realized the man he loved was very different from the one he’d once thought he’d spend his life with.

  “We’d also need to put it in writing, so if something happened, you’d get your money back.” Donovan nodded slowly.

  “Of course.” Ethan knew what he wanted, but he wasn’t an idiot either. At least when it came to this kind of stuff. Not anymore.

  “I’m going to miss you when you go back to London.” Donovan squeezed Ethan’s knee.

  “I’ll miss you too.” Ethan wasn’t looking forward to it, but unfortunately reality beckoned, and he couldn’t ignore it much longer. “London’s not that far away, and you will have to visit Mitchell at the gallery from time to time. We could meet for dinner, and there’s also emails and phone calls. I promise I’ll keep my phone charged this time. Oh crap….”

  “What?” Donovan sounded concerned.

  “I need a new phone.” He’d managed to salvage the SIM card from his old one, but the rest of it was in pieces.

  “Oh, is that all?” Donovan laughed. “I thought something else terrible had happened that you hadn’t told me about. It hasn’t, has it?” He frowned, suddenly somber. “You said you’d realized a few things. There is something else you haven’t told me about, isn’t there?”

  “Yes.” Ethan still wasn’t sure he had the right words for what he needed to say. “I came to Oakwood looking for Tomas, and I still haven’t found him. I don’t know whether that’s because he doesn’t want to be found or because something’s happened to him. I can’t live the rest of my life being angry at him for not telling me. Maybe he had a choice? Maybe he didn’t? I really don’t know.”

  “I’m sorry we didn’t find him. He might still—”

  “You really don’t think he will just turn up, do you?” Ethan shook his head. It was a rhetorical question, and one Donovan didn’t answer. “I’m going to hope he’s happy somewhere, and move on. It’s all I can do. I’m done with chasing ghosts and clues that don’t lead anywhere.” He took a deep breath. “I came here to find him, and I found you instead. You told me that when Lee died, you decided the best way to honor his memory was to live your life. I know Tomas and I weren’t together like you and Lee were, but he is—was—my friend for a very long time. I’ll miss him, but I need to let him go or it’s going to drive me mad.”

  Until Tomas’s body was found, he was still alive. That was the best Ethan could do for now. Better to believe in that kind of truth than be driven crazy by never knowing for sure.

  “I’m so sorry,” Donovan said. He pulled Ethan close and held him for a few moments. “I wish I could have given you the answers that you came here to find.” He kissed Ethan softly on the cheek. “I guess we both owe him a debt of sorts. If he hadn’t gone missing, we would have never met, and you’re the best thing to happen in my life for a very long time.”

  “You’re the best thing in mine too.” Ethan cleared his throat. He wasn’t really used to all this emotional stuff, but he had to admit it left him with a warm feeling inside. “So… what did Heidi say to you? I kind of like you blushing like that. It’s sexy. Umm… you’re sexy.”

  Shit, he was rubbish at this.

  Donovan colored again. Ethan licked his lips, which made Donovan’s blush darken.

  “Hmm?” Ethan asked.

  “She told me….” Donovan made air quotes with his fingers. “Kiss him, you idiot. He loves you.”

  “Sensible woman.” Ethan grinned. “And I do, you know. Love you.”

  “Oh good, I was worried there for a—”

  Ethan silenced him with a kiss. It would be a crime to ignore good advice, not to mention rude. Donovan deepened it, his tongue sliding into Ethan’s mouth.

  Ethan groaned and pulled Donovan closer.

  “About damn time,” Heidi drawled from the doorway. “But honestly, guys…. Get a room!”

  Epilogue

  “I STILL prefer to think about that kiss we shared when it was all over than….” Ethan shivered. He’d never forget Donovan going down after Gary Smith had fired the gun.

  Donovan pulled Ethan into his arms and kissed him hard. Ethan leaned into it, deepening the kiss and making it last as long as he could. “I prefer to focus on that kiss too,” Donovan whispered after they finally came up for air.

  “Sometimes it feels like it was a lifetime ago, yet talking about it just now makes it feel like yesterday.” Ethan kissed Donovan again. Partly because he could, and partly to remind himself it was two years ago and in the past where it belonged. He didn’t want to think about losing Donovan, but preferred to focus on the life they’d built together since then.

  “I like having you in my life,” Donovan said. “I don’t want to go back to how it was before.”

  “I’m not going anywhere.” Ethan brushed a lock of hair off Donovan’s face. Donovan had let his hair grow a bit longer since they’d met, and it suited him. Ethan enjoyed running his hands through it, especially when they made love. When they were together like that, the rest of the world faded away. He’d never thought he’d feel that way about anyone, and being with Donovan had put his relationship with Duncan into perspective very quickly. What he and Duncan had had wasn’t love—it never had been. Knowing that had helped Ethan to move on properly. He didn’t see the point in dwelling on the past when he had a future he wanted with the man he loved.

  “You’d be happy to be stuck with me?” Donovan sounded nervous all of a sudden. They’d never really talked about their future, just taken each new step of their relationship as it came, talked it through, and moved forward together.

  “Is this about me moving in?” Ethan asked. “You know I didn’t just move to Oakwood so I’m closer to work, right?”

  He’d taken a job at a secondary school near Oakwood the year before so he could be closer to Donovan. The commute from London wasn’t bad, and a few months into the job, he’d begun staying over with Donovan at the inn, but they’d only formally moved in together a couple of weeks ago, after Ethan had sold his flat. At first Ethan thought he’d miss it, a
nd London, but he’d hardly been there at all the past few months, so it didn’t make sense to hang on to it. It was also his way of finally cutting ties to the life he’d had before, which was very different from the one he had now.

  “Yeah, I know that.”

  “So what’s the problem?” Ethan asked. “I’ve told you I’m fine with sharing our living space, and you know how hesitant I was about that, although it hasn’t turned out to be the issue I thought it might be.”

  “They have a better understanding of privacy than I thought they would,” Donovan admitted.

  “When it suits them,” Ethan reminded him.

  “Fair is fair,” Donovan said. He could give as well as he got when it came to teasing.

  “I don’t even mind the guests when we actually have them.”

  Donovan laughed. “Hey, we’re doing much better with that than we were when you first came to Oakwood. We get a few now.”

  They’d kept one of the floors of the inn as a guest area, and as word spread, Crossroads became quite popular with visitors. When Heidi moved in with Doug, Cathal took over the day-to-day running of the inn with Donovan, although the others helped out when needed. Donovan’s carvings were very popular, and he often couldn’t keep up with the demand.

  Life was good, and the inn’s money concerns were a thing of the past. Although Ethan could have been paid back in full months ago, he’d left some of his zero-interest loan in the inn as equity and was now a silent partner. He was in no hurry for that to change. For the first time, he felt satisfied with his life and that he was where he was meant to be.

  “Everything’s okay with Heidi?” Ethan asked. Donovan still seemed nervous. Something was eating at him, but surely if it was bad news he would have said something by now?

  “Yeah, both she and the baby are doing okay. The doc keeps telling her to take it easy or she’ll have the kid early, but you know what she’s like.”

  “She’s not having second thoughts about waiting to get married until after the baby arrives?”

  “Hell no.” Donovan grimaced, a sure sign he’d been foolish enough to broach the subject again recently. “She doesn’t want to and I quote”—he made the air quote symbol—“‘be the size of a house in the wedding photos.’ Doug’s given up trying to convince her she isn’t.”