Shoes to Fill

by Lynne Gentry

  “I shouldn’t have pushed her,” Leona insisted.

  “She deserved it.” Amy pulled out a chair and scooted it behind Leona. “It’s about time someone put her in her place.”

  Leona sank onto the seat. “Maxine has suffered more than any woman ever should.”

  David kept his hand on his mother’s shoulder and spoke gently to Amy, “Cornelia had a twin brother.”

  Amy’s gut clenched. “Had?”

  The rattle of the heater kicking on filled the strained silence. Finally, Angus said, “Man, you can’t leave us hangin’. What happened to her boy?”

  Leona cleared her throat. “Colton was sixteen and destined to be everything Maxine had ever dreamed. Smart. Handsome. Captain of the football team. World class barrel racer.”

  “And unlike Cornelia,” David added. “Colt was great to be around. He and I spent every Sunday afternoon racing his horses. We dreamed of winning world champion barrel racer belt buckles. I just didn’t have the horse. But Colt did.”

  “It was such a freak accident,” Leona said, staring at nothing in particular.

  Amy could see Leona was reliving whatever had happened as if it had happened to David. She held her breath, waiting for either David or Leona to finish the story.

  Leona released a long, pained exhale. “Against Maxine’s wishes, Howard bought Colton a very expensive Appaloosa. The horse was fast. Powerful. And very skittish.” Leona swallowed. “But Colton assured her he could ride anything. And he could. Everyone knew that boy rode like he’d been born with a horse under him. Colton and his Appaloosa won every contest that year.”

  “They easily qualified for a spot at the World Championship,” David added.

  “So what happened?” Angus demanded.

  “We all went to Oklahoma City to cheer him on. Even the Story sisters caught a bus and met us there,” Leona began to painfully explain. “Colton had his horse warmed up and ready to enter the arena when someone in the stands honked one of those horrible air horns. Colton’s spooked horse reared. Maxine screamed for Colton to let go of the reins and jump.” Leona clung to David’s hand.

  “But Colt would never leave his horse,” David said quietly.

  Leona drew a deep breath through her nose and let it out slowly as if the weight of this story sat squarely on her chest. “For a moment it looked as if Colton would regain control of the horse, but he couldn’t. The arena footing was either too thin or too silty. No one knows for sure. Anyway, it doesn’t matter. The Appaloosa toppled backwards. Colton’s skull was crushed on impact.” She paused for a second. “That sweet boy lingered a week before Howard finally convinced Maxine to let him go.” Leona looked up, tears spilling from her eyes. “My best friend has never been the same.”

  Amy couldn’t stop the flood of shame gliding down her own cheeks. Once again she’d judged someone without all the facts. “I didn’t know Maxine was your best friend.”

  “Was,” Leona said, softly.

  CHAPTER TWELVE

  Feeling as queasy as he did the day Colt died, David left the stunned nurse and his heartsick mother in the care of a vagrant and went to answer the doorbell. “Hey, Aunt Roxie.”

  The next-door neighbor stomped her boots on the mat. “Did I just see the Wicked Witch of the West peel out of here on her broom?”

  “Momma set Maxine’s hair on fire.”

  A pleased smile spread across Roxie’s face. “That’s a switch.”

  “Momma’s not the same.”

  “No. She’s not.” Roxie’s love wasn’t limited to his mother. For years, she’d lavished her gifts of laughter and emotional support on the entire Harper family and whenever Aunt Roxie planted her feet, he knew she was gearing up to deliver another round of comfort. “I know this is hard for you David, but your mother will never be that woman again.” Roxie reached up and took his face inside her gloved hands, sequestering his undivided attention. “But I have full confidence she’ll emerge from this valley the strong, brave, bold woman God intended her to be. You hear me?”

  David nodded. “Colton came up.”

  “I’m on it.” Roxie plucked at her gloves. “Y’all leave your Momma to me.”

  Ten minutes later, David and Amy stepped into the cutting December wind with Angus in tow. David had offered to drive, but Amy said she needed some air. When she put her head down and set a brisk clip for the diner, David had no choice but to do his best to keep up.

  After the first couple of blocks, Angus asked what he was going to get paid. David told him to be grateful for whatever Ruthie offered. Amy, on the other hand, hadn’t said two words since she’d apologized for inciting the skirmish between Momma and Maxine. Maybe it was her medical training that propelled her into action whenever she saw people hurting, but remembering his ankle injury at camp, he knew it was something more. Empathy, warm and healing, oozed from this intriguing woman.

  From the corner of his eye, David watched Amy replaying the whole ugly scene again and again in her mind when suddenly something inside him changed. Everything he’d thought he wanted in the past—financial security, prestige, an escape from life in the parsonage—shriveled and fell away. All he could see when he looked at this beautiful girl walking beside him was what he wanted now. Someone who believed in him. Someone who believed there was good in people. Someone whose desire to help others matched his own growing desire to make a difference.

  Knowing he couldn’t settle for allowing their relationship to stall out at friendship, he reached for Amy’s hand. “Stop beating yourself up.” To his relief, she didn’t pull away. “I’ve tried to figure out what happened between Momma and Maxine for years.”

  “I’ve been thinking...”

  “Uh-oh,” David teased, trying to lighten her pensive mood. “Last time you did some thinking, I ended up a surrogate parent to a teenager.”

  “I ain’t deaf, remember?” Angus said from a few steps behind them.

  “Or dumb,” David shot back, in hopes teasing Angus might ease Amy’s frown. “And it’s I’m not deaf, not ain’t deaf.” He squeezed Amy’s hand. “I may regret this, but I want to hear what you’ve been thinking.”

  She stared straight ahead, weighing her words carefully. “Sometimes when grief gets redirected, the feelings of loss and sadness can morph into anger. Maxine is still mad.”

  “At what? That I’m alive and Colton’s not? I’ve known that for ten years.”

  “I think it’s more than that. Maxine’s mad her life dreams died while your mother’s progressed naturally.”

  “If you want to count losing your best friend and then your husband as an enviable progression, then I guess you’re right.”

  “Both of Leona’s kids grew up. Maddie’s going to be a doctor.” Amy’s grip tightened. “And Colton’s best friend, whom Maxine loved like a son, not only listens to his mother, he’s become a fine man who, without a moment’s hesitation, completely and unselfishly devoted his life to getting his mother back on her feet.”

  “Colton would have done the same thing for his mother if the tables had been turned.”

  “Maybe. Maybe not. I’m not saying Maxine’s thinking is rational. Grief-born anger seldom is. I know from experience that we don’t mean to hurt those we love when we’re grieving. It’s just that they are the ones most likely to stick close.”

  “And that makes them easy targets.”

  “Your Mom doesn’t take Maxine’s jabs because she’s afraid she’s going to lose the parsonage.”

  He stopped. “She’s afraid of losing Maxine.”

  “As long as Maxine’s still punching, your mother can hope she’ll either wear out or let her anger go,” Amy whispered. “And when she does, your momma is the kind of woman who’ll be there with her arms open.”

  Had Amy always been so wise or was this a skill she’d gained through her struggle? “I’m not proud of some of the things I’ve said to you and yet, here you are. What does that mean for us?”

  Amy caught a glimps
e of the desire he hadn’t tried to hide. Her breath sputtered out in little white clouds. “David, I can’t—”

  “Hey!” Angus tapped David on the shoulder. “I didn’t take a shower and shave to watch this sappy Hallmark movie. You two need to either get a room or take me to this job interview.”

  A hint of a smile tugged Amy’s mouth. “Guess we’ll have to solve the world’s problems on our own time.”

  David hooked his arm around her waist and pulled her close. “Or maybe we should kiss and really gross the boy out?”

  Her laugh was musical. He could only imagine how wonderful it would be to hear her sing.

  As he started to ask her about singing at the Christmas Eve service, Amy gently pushed back. “Angus has had enough gory details for one day.”

  Maybe Angus had seen enough, but David knew he’d do anything to see her laugh in his arms again.

  The lunch crowd had thinned out by the time the three of them walked under the jangling bell above the diner door.

  “Ruthie, we’ve got your new waiter,” David announced.

  The diner owner stopped wiping the counter. Her gaze jumped straight to the tall boy standing beside David. She grabbed her chest. “He’s got my Ruby’s eyes,” tumbled from her quivering lips.

  CHAPTER THIRTEEN

  “How do you know my mom’s name?” Angus stormed toward Ruthie.

  Amy rushed to stop the boy from leaping over the counter. “Let her explain, Angus.”

  Ruthie planted both palms on the Formica, bracing herself. “Ruby was my girl. Did she tell you about me?”

  “She said I had a grandmother in Mt. Hope. She never told me your name or where to find you. But I seen her maiden name on this birth certificate.” He pulled a folded piece of paper from his pocket and thrust it across the counter. “Here. Proves I ain’t a liar.”

  Ruthie carefully unfolded the certificate and read it slowly. She laid the paper on the counter. When she looked up, tears trickled down her cheeks. “I wish I could have been there when you were born.” Ruthie swallowed. “But your momma and I didn’t part on the best of terms.”

  “Mom said you were hard, but fair.”

  Ruthie gave a little shrug. “I had big plans for Ruby and this place.” She waved her hand over the empty diner. “I dreamed of expanding this greasy spoon into a fine dining establishment, with linen tablecloths, real china, and a fold-out menu. But all Ruby dreamed about was expanding her horizons. She wanted out of this one-horse town real bad. So bad, she went and got herself pregnant by some trucker.” Ruthie brushed a hand across her wet cheeks. “For the last seventeen years, I’ve been wishing I’d been more fair and less hard.” She looked Angus square in the face. “You think she could ever forgive me?”

  “No.”

  Ruthie swallowed. “Guess I deserve that.”

  “She’s dead.”

  Ruthie’s hand clutched at the buttons on her blouse. “Dead?”

  “Ruthie?” Amy flew around the counter. “David, help me get her to a stool.”

  David hooked his arm through Ruthie’s and helped Amy guide her around the bar.

  Once they had Ruthie perched atop a stool, she waved them off and asked Angus, “How she’d die? When?”

  “Overdosed. Six months ago.”

  Ruthie squeezed her eyes shut. “I told her to leave that stuff alone.” Tears she did not try to hide slid down her cheeks. “But she couldn’t hear me over the demons that had her in their claws.” Anger pushed her remorse aside. “And that no good dad of yours just left you on your own?”

  “He died when I was eight. Mom did her best to keep a roof over our heads. Said if her mom could raise a kid alone, how hard could it be?”

  Ruthie’s lips quivered. “How did you get here, boy?”

  “Walked.”

  “From where?”

  “Maine.”

  “You walked half-way across the country?”

  “Had nothin’ else to do. Nowhere else to go.”

  “You don’t need nowhere else. You’re home.” Ruthie opened her arms. “Come to your MeMaw, boy.”

  Angus fell into her embrace.

  Joy tingled throughout Amy’s body. She felt David’s arm slip around her shoulder. As he hugged her close, she couldn’t help but turn into him.

  “We did it,” his whispered excitement warmed her cheek.

  “We did.” The same profound awe coursing through her body glistened in his eyes. Together, they’d orchestrated this incredible prodigal homecoming. Together, they’d been the hands and feet of Jesus. Together, they’d helped make a difference in two people’s lives.

  Overwhelming joy awakened Amy’s desire to belong, to be loved by someone special, desires she’d buried after her diagnosis. Desires she’d laid to rest alongside every physical desire ripping through her now. She wanted to be loved...and she wanted to be loved by this man.

  Before she could remind herself of her commitment to a celibate life, Amy flung her arms around David’s neck and kissed him square on the mouth. Not the soft, sweet kiss she’d imagined, but a kiss filled with surprising urgency.

  David’s arms encircled her in an instant, drawing her tight against him. What she’d intended as a peck of gratitude quickly deepened and before she knew it, nothing else mattered.

  CHAPTER FOURTEEN

  Amy and David lingered outside as twilight settled over the diner, neither of them in a hurry to break the magical spell. Under the blinking light of the Koffee Kup’s neon sign, they stood shoulder to shoulder watching the touching scene of Ruthie proudly introducing Angus to the regulars who’d gathered around the bar.

  David’s fingers intertwined with hers. “We do good work, don’t we?” Satisfaction beamed from his smile in an intimate tilt of his lips meant just for her. The taste of those lips lingered on hers. He leaned over and whispered in her ear, “Harper and Maxwell Incorporated. Shall we make our partnership official?”

  She turned. His head was bent toward hers. His lips poised to kiss her again. She would never forget the delicious tingle of his mouth pressed against her own.

  However, she couldn’t afford to confuse one impetuous kiss with true desire for a deeper relationship. Looking into his hopeful eyes, she knew it would be easier to deny her part in David’s happiness than to deny how it thrilled her heart to have a small part in helping this man find his true purpose.

  But treating him like a rescue kitten was wrong. David didn’t need her. He was a smart guy. Eventually, he would figure out who he was on his own. After all, she’d worked through her grief and adjusted to a life of self-sufficiency, he would too.

  The struggle would make him stronger, and she wouldn’t be tempted to give the desires his nearness aroused a foothold. It was natural to feel euphoric after the scene they’d just witnessed, she reasoned, but in order to break away from the attraction that kept pulling her toward this man, she’d have to do what she’d been trained to do, the hardest part of nursing. She had to walk away before a patient she cared about was totally on his feet.

  She extricated her hand from his. “We did.”

  “Wait.” He grabbed her arm and snugged her up against him. “I know you want to do it again,” he teased. “Come on, admit it.”

  She knew he was asking for more than helping orphaned boys find their families. He was asking her to kiss him again. “We’ll both find our ways to serve the community.”

  Recoiling as if she’d slapped him, David moved her to arms’ length. “Just not together?”

  “Friends help each other no matter what, right?”

  “Didn’t you just kiss me?” The pressure he applied to her arms betrayed his attempt to keep the discussion light.

  “I got swept up in the moment.”

  He moved forward and took both of her hands in his. “Then let’s go save someone else because I want to kiss you again. And again. And again.”

  “Whoa, cowboy.” She pulled free. “Remember we’re just friends.”


  A seductive grin activated his dimples. “According to Momma, friends make the best lovers.”

  “That’s not happening.”

  “Why not?”

  Opening up was too dangerous. She was private. She’d spent her whole life trying to keep her condition under wraps. It had been exhausting when she was young, but keeping her secret now, when she longed to trust someone with the truth, required a hundred times more effort.

  “Because pastors who take on lovers usually get fired.”

  “I don’t want lovers.” David’s persistent approach invaded her personal space.

  Trapped between his lithe, muscular body and the diner window, she had no choice but to try and silence her wildly beating heart and listen to this man on a mission.

  “I want a wife.” His hands cupped her face. The soft caress of his dark brown eyes sank into her soul. “I want you, Amy Maxwell.”

  For one gut-wrenching second, she wavered between David and a less lonely life. Could a future with someone other than a cat actually be possible for her? The blare of a car horn barreling down Main startled her back to reality.

  Fighting the rush of anxiety engulfing her, Amy removed his hands and pressed herself against the cold bricks. “I can’t marry anyone. Ever.”

  “Why?”

  Once she told him her whole story, she could never take it back, but from his determined face she wasn’t going to get away with keeping her secret to herself. “I can’t have children.” Whispered words. Stabbing knives. “Ever.”

  “Who said?” He wasn’t grasping the significance of what she was trying to tell him, and apparently there was no working it out in his mind because he asked again, “Who would dare tell a woman that?”

  “Experts.”

  “What kind of experts?”

  “Teams and teams of diabetic specialists.” She wrapped her arms around her barren middle to keep her heart from bleeding out. “I was diagnosed with juvenile diabetes when I was two.”