Annie and Richard West offered to help her, but Lily's pride would not allow her to become a charity case so she sent them away. Not before making some very derogatory remarks about Annie though, who could only shake her head sadly and wonder what was going to happen to poor Lily. It was as if the old Lily was gone and a new one had inhabited her body.
It was while she was in this state that Lily wandered into town one day and ended up in the Tank Saloon, hoping to drown her sorrows in whiskey. It was her favorite drink. She didn't remember much of that first night, but when she woke up next to a stranger some hours later, she realized that she had been drunk to the point where she couldn't remember a thing.
Gilbert Holmes the saloon owner would not listen to her pleas to allow her look for work to pay for what she owed him for the whiskey. Instead, he presented her with a huge bill that she didn't have the means to pay.
"You have nothing of value save for your favors," the large rough looking man told her. "I do not give credit. You are a foolish woman to come in to drink without any money. Or were you hoping for a man to pay your tab?"
"Please Mr. Holmes I'll do any other job to repay you."
"You have already begun repaying me," he laughed gruffly, and told her that if she tried to leave he would call the Sheriff and accuse her of being a thief. It was only later that she found out that Gilbert had sold her to a number of men in her drunken state, taking their money and not giving her any of it.
He gave her a room upstairs and for two months she had been turning tricks to feed her drinking habit. Eventually she ceased to care. Her mind was gone and she was powerless to climb out of the hole she'd fallen into.
~#~#~#~
One morning Lily stepped out of the saloon and walked towards the mercantile, then wished she'd remained indoors. Christmas was approaching and families had braved the rain and cold weather in order to do their last minute shopping.
Men, women and children strolled happily around the town, which was slowly expanding thanks to yet another silver mine that had opened up a few miles out of town. Many more businesses had set up during the last year or so and Tipton now seemed full of people.
All the sounds of joy that filled the air were lost on Lily who felt dejected, remembering in a lucid moment the previous Christmas when her son had just turned one year old. Her husband had thrown him a large birthday party on Christmas day, saying he was the most important person in the world and his birthday should be celebrated.
Now she had nothing. Her hands were shaking, she needed a drink and she stepped back inside and begged Mark the bartender for a bottle of whiskey. He gave it to her without any reservation because he knew that she would pay for it later when her customers came in.
Walking out again, but this time with the bottle in her hand, she staggered a little, ignoring the pitying looks that most people gave her. Others looked at her in disgust, wondering how she had sunk so low in such a short time. It was well known in Tipton and beyond, that the onetime modest wife and mother was now turning tricks in order to survive.
Someone had even told her that she was sliding down a slippery slope, but Lily just did not care. She was not able to care. Most of the time, she had no idea what she was doing. Her conscience had departed along with her wits a while back. She felt no shame.
As she wandered down the street and saw more and more families walking or riding in their buggies, she became more depressed. Tears coursed down her cheeks as once again, her mind careened out of control. Ben must be near here and she looked around wildly, expecting to see her handsome husband emerging from one of the buildings that lined both sides of the street. She stopped walking and tried to stand straight so she could see better. There was no way she wanted to miss an opportunity to see her husband.
Of course, Silas would be with him, riding on his shoulders. That was it. Ben would have Silas with him. She almost smiled at the thought and then panicked.
"Silas, Ben?" She dashed into an alley and then out again. "Have you seen my little boy, his name is Silas." She grabbed at a man's sleeve but he shook her off, his face scrunched in disgust for she was reeking of whiskey. "Ma'am," she turned to another woman who hurried away.
"Silas, where are you? Come to mama, I have a nice treat for you," she took a swig from the bottle. "Come and see mama, I want to buy you a Christmas present." She moved from building to building, alley to alley, intoxicated and delusional. No, she wasn't about to give up looking, but really hoped she found them soon. It was cold out.
She imagined that her small boy was playing hide and seek as they used to do, and she kept running around, sure that he was just around the corner and she would catch him. Then they would go home where she would prepare hot chicken broth and they would all cuddle around the warm fireplace.
But for some reason she couldn't find the two people she loved most in the whole world.
~#~#~#~
Chapter Three
Cora sat on her bed and sighed. She was not tired, not at all, in spite of the baby kicking the whole night. It hadn't occurred to her that a baby could actually kick all night. Jeremy had slept with his hand on her stomach, waking up from time to time to speak to their unborn child and tell him, of course, he insisted it was a boy, to be calm and still. She merely smiled at him, her own hand over his, basking in his love which only deepened day after day.
She could not believe that a few months ago she was married to someone else whose family made her life a living nightmare. They had chased her away when Bart died and she had come to stay with Annie West, an arrangement which had worked out well for both young women.
Eventually, she fell in love with Jeremy Paine. That she was loved, was obvious and had she been a vain woman, would have allowed herself to be fussed over. She simply didn't like to be coddled.
Myra Paine her mother in law, was just as bad as Jeremy. It was as though the woman was making up for all the times she had been nasty to Cora. This child would be thoroughly spoiled unless she put her foot down. She had no intentions of bringing up a spoiled brat. Her own mother had struggled to bring them up properly and the five of them, that is her and her four younger siblings had turned out right.
Her other three brothers had been influenced by their father with the result that they became irresponsible drunkards and Cora was glad when her mother came West, leaving them to take care of themselves. That they remained in Boston and hadn't discovered where most of the O'Malley's were now living, was a constant prayer on Cora's lips.
There was no way she wanted any of those three out here. She suspected they could teach a thing or two to the lawless already roaming about the West, causing trouble wherever they went.
On arriving in Tipton, her mother had worked for Robin Watson who had lost his wife a few months previously. The two fell in love and married, both delighted to find love again in a time when violence ruled in the West. Robin had been shot by a drunken miner and was a perfect example of what could befall innocent folk going about their business.
Robin was a lovely man and Cora was so happy to see her mother living like a queen. The man had not expected to love again but Rita O'Malley brought life and sunshine to him once again. He had even adopted Joanna and Luke, her younger siblings, and he was the father that they never knew. He loved them very much and went out of his way to make up for all the years of pain they had endured at the hands of their now deceased biological father back in Boston.
While Cora was sublimely happy, there was one thing that made her sad, a niggling worry about Annie, her dearest and best friend. She was clearly unhappy and they were growing apart. It pained her more than she cared to admit that they no longer shared the closeness they had once had. Somehow, she had to find a way to push past the barriers Annie was putting up and move their friendship back to what it had been.
Jeremy had gone to check on the cattle and Cora was lying in bed for a little while longer. It was a treat she enjoyed these days, especially as the mornings we
re becoming colder. The other reason she could take it easy was because she could afford to, since her brother Samuel was taking on more and more of her chores.
He was a natural with horses and she smiled when she thought how responsible her little brother was turning out to be. Someday he would make a lucky woman a very good husband, but that was many years away.
Right now he was already putting aside most of the money he earned by working for her and Richard, and he'd asked Jeremy to keep it for him. He was too young to open his own bank account, but certainly had the right notions when it came to saving money. She knew he wanted to have his own farm one day, along with a good stake to get himself started off on the right foot.
Marie was also blossoming into a beautiful young woman and Cora knew that it would not be long before men were beating a path down to the house she had built for her family. She would advise Marie to take her time and choose well before entering into a marriage. There were more men than women in the West and she had the luxury of taking her time and choosing a good man.
It was hard to believe that her sister was only fifteen years old. She looked about eighteen because of the good food and fresh air that Tipton offered. The clothes she'd been making for herself were stylish rather than ornate and they fitted her slim figure like a glove. Yes, her family was doing well.
She also valued the closeness she and Annie shared, right from the time they had shared seating space on the train from the East, young brides coming out West to get married. The friendship had seen her through her own pain when her husband of less than four months died and his family turned her out with nothing. She came to Annie just in time for Alex's birth.
But now she thought about Annie's visit the previous day and it explained why her friend was so miserable. Annie's barrenness, or rather, Richard's inability to father a child, was affecting their friendship. When Annie was first married she hadn't told Cora about Richard's accident. Yesterday though, when she had ridden over to Cora's house and told her all about her need to have another child, Cora's heart came close to breaking. Their discussion was still with her now.
"When Richard was about fifteen he was hurt badly by a horse and the doctor said he would never father children," Annie had wept. "Cora, I really want another baby. It's driving me out of my mind." Annie's sobs shook her body but she had to tell her friend why she was upset.
"Richard told me about it when we married and at the time, I accepted it. I was pregnant with Alex at the time and was happy to have a father for him. I didn't know I would feel like this now."
"Oh Annie," Cora had hugged her. "I'm so sorry. I didn't know what you've been dealing with and it was very insensitive of me to keep insisting that you have another child. Please forgive me."
The two had parted amicably but it didn't stop Cora from feeling guilty about being pregnant and so happy, while Annie grew sadder each passing day. There was a knock at the door.
"Come in," she called out. Samantha Field her housekeeper stuck her head in.
"Mrs. Myra asked me to come and see if you are awake so you could join her for breakfast."
"Thank you Samantha, please tell mother that I will be down shortly," she got out of bed.
When she joined Myra in the dining room, the older lady pushed a pitcher of milk towards her. "I know you've been trying to sneak past me and take coffee but now I am on to you," she wagged a finger playfully at her daughter in law. "Milk it is for you young lady, until that grandchild of mine comes into the world."
"Mama," Cora protested even as she poured herself a glass of the white liquid. "This is going to be a huge child at the rate at which you are all feeding me. I need my coffee," she wailed.
"Child I understand the cravings you have but in around four months you'll be free to drink as much coffee as you want. You need all the rest and sleep you can get right now so that you'll be strong when your time comes. After that I promise you I'll brew endless pots of coffee for you, because by then you'll need it for the nights when the child will not want to let you sleep."
"Oh mama," Cora sighed. "I'm so happy about this baby," she placed a gentle hand over her womb. "But it makes me feel guilty."
Myra frowned. "Why?"
"Because of Annie," she sighed. "She shared with me, at long last, that Richard is unable to father children and she's longing for a child so much. I feel that when she sees me like this, it's a terrible reminder of what she cannot ever have."
"A while ago Jeremy told me about Richard's problem which is why we were glad when he married Annie. At least he has the chance of being a father to young Alex. But all is not lost, have they spoken about adopting a child?" Myra didn't like to think of Annie being sad either.
"Annie hasn't mentioned anything like that to me and she may not really like the idea."
"You never know, perhaps a suggestion to Richard might make them start thinking about adopting, since they cannot have a child of their own," mused Myra.
Cora's mother Rita told her the exact same thing when she went to visit her later that day.
"Your friend and her husband need to speak of other alternatives. Robin, your step father and his wife Sarah were not able to have children, but had talked of adopting. Unfortunately Sarah died before they could finalize the arrangements.
He told me that he longed for children and that's why he's crazy about Joanna and Luke - all of you actually." Rita smiled. They were seated in her kitchen at the back of the mercantile.
Joanna and Luke had gone to school and Robin was in the store serving customers. The radiance on her mother's face was beautiful to behold. Love made a woman glow, and she should know. She never seemed to stop smiling, and she could see that her mother was similarly affected. Annie had also been like that for a long time. But that ceased when Cora found out that she was pregnant and shared the news with her friend.
"Mama, I'm afraid that if I bring up the suggestion to adopt, Annie might be offended. It's so hard to visit her because we're not as close as we were. It's as though my pregnancy is standing in the way of our friendship."
"That is quite unfortunate. A baby should bring friends closer. You'll need your friend when your time comes," Rita shook her head. "Do you think if I asked Robin and Jeremy to speak to Richard it might make things easier?"
"Mama, that would be the best thing to do I think. If Robin and Jeremy speak to Richard about adoption, then he can speak to Annie and it might just work."
~#~#~#~
"My love, are you asleep yet?" Richard called out softly, reaching out with his hand to touch his wife. She had her back to him, facing the wall. "Annie dearest."
Annie did not want to turn around. She felt miserable and hoped that her husband did not want to be intimate with her. They'd only been sharing the intimate side of their marriage for a few months, given the rocky start they'd had followed by the intense round the clock demands of looking after baby Alex.
Myra frequently told her and Cora that a married woman should never turn her back on her husband. It could make them feel rejected and might push them to seek favors elsewhere. She just could not help herself, but she knew that it was up to her to do the right thing.
"No honey," she turned over and faced Richard. "Is something wrong?"
Richard sighed. "It's just that I feel you are so sad all the time and I don't know what to do to make you smile. It's killing me that you don't want to share your pain with me, yet that is part of my role as your husband Annie. Remember we promised that for better or worse, we would share our deepest secrets."
"I'm sorry," she said in a small voice, knowing that he was right. She was distancing herself from everyone, as if she blamed them somehow for her childless state. "I am sorry," she repeated.
"Precious heart," he pulled her close. "I think I know why you're so sad," there was deep sadness in his voice. "Annie, I wish I could give you a child, but I was honest with you about the accident that has made it impossible."
An
nie's hands tightened around her husbands. "I sincerely apologize for making you feel that way Richard. It won't happen again."
"There is something we can do, and we talked about it a while ago, when we were first married."
Annie sat up, her heart pounding. "Adoption."
Richard lit the lantern, glad that Alex had his own bedroom down the hall, next to Marie, who was sleeping over while Annie was ill.
"Yes, adoption. Please don't feel bad that I sought someone else's advice before speaking to you about it. Robin at the mercantile and his wife Sarah always wanted to adopt a child and I remember them speaking to me about it many times. When I realized that maybe your sadness is because you want to have another child, I asked Robin how someone would go about adopting."
"What did he tell you?"
"That there is an orphanage in Granger where we can apply to adopt a child. He and Sarah once visited, but they never returned because you know what happened to Sarah."
"Oh Richard," Annie's eyes lit up and Richard felt so happy. "That would be a wonderful thing to do. We could give a home to an abandoned orphan, and please find a girl so that Alex will have a sister and I will have a little helper too. Alex is so much your son that sometimes I feel jealous that he has no more use for me. Ever since I weaned him he's become quite the independent little man."
Richard took her hands in his. "I promise that I will find you a sweet girl. In fact, Robin said that one of the workers at the orphanage told him some time ago that the best time to adopt was over the Christmas holidays. It seems as though the orphanages are fuller during holidays. This could be our Christmas miracle baby."
"I would love that very much. When can you go and bring our new baby home?"
Richard laughed softly. "Had I known that this is what you wanted so much, I would have done it months ago. Nothing is lost though, if I leave tomorrow or the next day for Granger. That will leave me with enough time so I can be back on Christmas Eve with our new child. What do you think my love?"
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