Winds of Fate

by Thomas H. Reed

  She turned and followed the cozy lane to the small adobe cottage nestled among the cottonwood trees. Did I ever have a chance? All my beliefs, all my hopes and aspirations. Where they just so many silly dreams? Like my dreams of Joey?

  Joey woke up to the knock on his door. Groggily he turned over to look at the clock. It was 11:45 PM. “Who in hell could be out at this time of night?” He got up put on a robe then walked cautiously to the door. When he opened it just a crack, Sara pushed past him without saying a word. The look on her face and the manner she had barged in instantly causing him concern. “Sara? Are you okay? Wha—What’s going on here? Are you okay?”

  She looked around the small kitchen and dining nook, then moved like a zombie into the living room/bedroom combo. Joey followed her and caught her by the shoulder. “Sara?”

  She shrugged his hand away and stood there staring at him. Finally, as if she had come to some definite decision, she gave out a long sigh, reached up and unbuttoned the top button on her shirt. As if caught up in a trance, she stared unblinking at Joey as she unbuttoned the remainder of buttons on her blouse.

  Confusion and concern for Sara caused Joey’s worry grow, his frustration mounting because he wasn’t sure how to deal with what was going on. Bewildered he struggled to find an answer or at least something that would make her stop what she was doing.

  “Hold it!” he said sharply. Sara, you have to tell me what’s going on? What happened? Tell me please, what’s wrong?

  “Just shut up Joey Spanner,” she said stonily as she removed her bra and panties and got into his bed, her back turned to him. Joey stood there confused, his worry growing by the minute, his heart pounding in his throat, his stomach filling with butterflies. He walked to his bed and cautiously sat down on its edge. “Sara I—”

  She turned to look at him then said, “If you say one more word I am leaving. Do you hear me?” Her breathing was hard and she was shaking all over. A thousand warning bells were going off in Joey’s head, but he didn’t know how to respond to them or the flood of other emotions that were overwhelming him.

  He sat there looking at her, trying to figure out what to do, when she said matter-of-factly, “Are you coming to bed or not, Joey?” He let his robe slip to the floor and eased himself onto the bed.

  Sara was still shaking uncontrollably, he knew she was crying. To make things worse his thinking was clouded by the proximity of her body to his. Something was bad wrong and he was unsure of how to handle any of this without driving her out into the night. So he put his arms around her and held her close.

  Joey was hurting for her, his emotions stirring in every direction. He brushed the hair out of her face, then ran his hand over her arms while rubbing them softly, trying to make the cold go away. She rolled over to face him. Her arms pressed tightly between her breasts. In a voice filled with fear she said, “It’s all over for me Joey. No matter what I do it’s wrong.”

  “You haven’t done anything wrong. What is going on? What has happened?” She shushed him, then put her finger on his lips and kissed him. At first he just let her kiss him, and then he kissed her back wanting to kiss her. His hands went around her and he pulled her close to him. He ran his hand over her back and kneaded the tense muscles in her neck. She was so small and fragile, so delicate; her heart beating so hard that he could feel it through his own chest. He kissed her cheek and neck and combed his fingers through her hair. Her hair smelled full of sunshine and spring rain, her breath sweet and fresh on his tongue. All he wanted to do was hold her and keep her close to him, but she moved under him, her perfectly made body pressed against his. Her skin was warm and soft against his, and her kisses were like cool sweet water. When she cried out, he paused, but she said in a soft voice, “It’s okay.” and he continued. She was so small and delicate, so warm, so vulnerable. Yet she gave herself to him fully. Then it was if they were one person, with one mind, all thoughts of why were gone, she was with him and that was all that mattered, he moved slowly and carefully over her, taking in every aspect of her presence.

  Again, she cried out, and her body stiffened, her hands pressed hard into his back, then slowly she relaxed and seemed to melt into him. After a long time they lay in each other’s arms, her head resting on his chest. He smoothed her hair and caressed her shoulders, and then she was asleep breathing softly against his chest.

  The night grew cool so he pulled the covers over her shoulders; she snuggled and then mumbled something to him. He thought he knew what she said but wasn’t sure. He answered her anyway.

  The next morning he woke to see her beautiful brown eyes looking into his. All the worry and stress had gone from them and she looked happy. “Good morning.” he said smiling.

  “Hi.”

  “Did you sleep okay?”

  “Better than I have in a long time.”

  Sara smiled, pushed herself up from the bed and said, “I guess it is time for me to go home.” then padded across the floor to her clothes. Panic struck and he jumped out of bed after her. “Why are you going?”

  “You don’t think I can stay here do you?”

  “I was hoping . . . .”

  She turned and looked up at him. “And then what?” she asked.

  Looking down at her, he said. “I am not the most articulate person in the world, and what’s in my head often gets jumbled when it finally reaches my mouth. So sometimes I don’t make a lot of sense, but I know one thing for sure, if I let you go with out trying to convince you to stay, I am going to regret it the rest of my life.”

  Sara searched his face, then asked, “Why would you want me to?”

  “Why would I want anything else?”

  “There are a lot more popular and, without a doubt, more acceptable girls out there.”

  “I don’t think so. I think the best is right in front of me.”

  “That is just talk from last night” Joey stood there, his deep blue eyes studying her face, slowly a subtle change came over him. Sara thought that she was really seeing Joey for the first time, his guard had fallen away and he was totally open to her.

  Finally he said, “Okay, if you want to know the truth, I am afraid.”

  “Of what?”

  “That I will never see you again, that if I do see you again that you won’t know me. That what happened last night would never happen again. That I won’t see your lovely face smiling at me in the morning. That Ill never see those beautiful eyes again. I am afraid of never hearing your voice, or feel your head lying on my chest. That I will never again be able to hold you and watch you sleep. That my heart will break and never mend if you walk away.”

  “Sara shook her head, “You don’t even know me, Joey!”

  “I know what you said when you drifted off to sleep last night.”

  Sara looked at him solemnly and knew that she had said to him in her sleep what she had been afraid to say or admit while awake. “It doesn’t matter what I said last night,” she said softly. “This is today. And I am wide-awake and thinking, not dreaming. Last night doesn’t matter at all, it was. . .”

  “It does to me,” he interrupted. “How can I let you walk away knowing that you love me? How can you leave knowing that I love you?”

  “It doesn’t ma——No! You can’t love me!”

  “I love you. I think I have loved you from the moment I first saw you.”

  Tears began to slide down her cheeks and he caught one on the tip of his finger. “It breaks my heart when you cry. It breaks my heart because you never smile. You are a beautiful girl, but this is not just a physical thing. I have met my share of pretty girls, some very pretty, but it was superficial with nothing of substance they are prisoners to their own image. You are so much more than that, that I can’t begin to describe how I feel when I look into your eyes.

  “But what about the rumors.”

  “This town is not the world. The people here are, and always have been small-minded. I can’t and won’t let this town decide my future. I will n
ot allow them dictate to me who I will or will not spend my life with. You are one-in-a-million, and I will not just let you walk away because a bunch of slow witted slack jaws don’t know how to keep their stupid mouths shut. If I let you go, I would be worse than they are because I know the truth. And how could I live with that? How could I live with knowing I love you, but not enough to support you when you need me most? Or that I love you, but only enough to sleep with you? I love you enough to stand by you no matter what. And no one, especially a bunch of backwater bumpkins is going to make me believe that you are less than what you are.

  Sara began to cry openly, hiding her tearstained face against his chest. “I didn’t want to do this to you, Joey. I loved you and that was enough for me. I could have been happy knowing that you’re here and alive, and for a few moments in my life I was comfortable and completely happy.”

  Joey put his arms around her and said softly, “I can’t force you to stay, Sara. I wouldn’t even if I could. Whether or not you stay must be up to you. All I can do is pray that you will.”

  She kissed his chest, and then said, “It is hard to say no to you Joey Spanner, did you know that?” He picked her up and kissed her on the lips, then set her feet back on the floor; holding her tightly he said, “This is a different kind of storm Sara, but it is just as cold and just as dangerous for you. How could I just let you go into it alone?” She took his face in her hands then pulled him down to her, kissed him and said, “I’ll stay. If that is what you really want. I’ll stay.” He kissed her back then asked, “Is this what you want?” She smiled, “More than life it self.” He picked her up again and spun her around, when he put her back down, he said, “You know what?”

  “What?”

  “I am starving, totally ravenous.” She laughed, “Me too, but I am cooking. You go take a shower.” She smiled impishly and said, “You stink.”

  He took her by the hand and said, “The shower is big enough for both of us.” After they showered, they ate breakfast and talked about a future together. Both of them decided they wanted children but not before they graduated collage. He told her about his dream of becoming a noted architect. She told him of her dream of becoming a doctor. And he laughed, “What is so funny about that?” she asked.

  “Some how I can picture you standing on this little stool, up to your elbows in blood and someone’s intestines, a hand reaching out while asking for a scalpel.”

  “Wrong kind of doctor! My dream is to become a General Practitioner. You know, family care and all that good stuff.”

  “Wow, sounds like you have your life all figured out; that you know exactly what you want to do with it.”

  “True, I would love to be a doctor in this town, and please don’t ask me why. There aren’t enough psychiatrists near here to explain such a warped dream, so we won’t go there. I’ll just be content with the knowledge that it was my choice long before all this happened.”

  “That’s all right with me, but remember, we can go wherever you want to and do whatever will make you happy. We’re not chained to this town!”

  She grew quiet while Joey drove to her home. “I have never been out all night without my parents knowing where I was. This is not going to go well”

  “Once we explain everything we’ll be okay.”

  “At one time I would have said yes. But the way my parents have been acting recently I don’t think so.”

  “Are you sure you want to go through with this?” he asked when the mobile home park came into view.

  “Yes, very sure. Now that I know where I stand, the only place I want to be is with you.”

  “Okay, but remember, whatever happens in there, you know you will always have me.” He paused then said, “That sounded lame.”

  She leaned over in the car and kissed him on the cheek, “I know what you’re saying, and I love you for it.”

  When they pulled up to the drive, her father was stacking her personal things by the gate. When he saw the car he walked up to the passenger’s side and said, “Don’t bother to get out, there is no need.” Sara looked at him and asked, “What is going on?” Her father leaned into the car and asked, “Where the hell have you been all night?” Sara’s mood suddenly changed, there was a calm in her voice when she said, “I went for a walk to clear my head and I ended up staying with Joey last night.” Her father straightened up in surprise. He had expected some kind of denial, but instead she had verified his suspicions. “So everything that has been said is true?” She shook her head, “No, none of it was. Until last night I have never been with a boy.”

  “Don’t even bother to lie, I know you’ve been with this . . . .”

  “Dad! Did you hear anything I just said to you?” She shook her head, “No, I guess not, not now, not a year ago when I came to you about the stories that were going around.” Sara studied her father for a long moment then said, “I have never lied to you, not once. Why would I start now?” She looked at her things stacked by the gate, “Why would it matter now?”

  Joey got out of the car, walked around to the passenger side and faced the man. Her father looked him up and down. His image of what the boy was supposed to look like did not compare with the strong young man standing in front of him. He looked sober, responsible and a contradiction to almost every boy in this town.

  Then as if his mouth had a will of its own, he said, “I suppose you are the one that has been fucking my daughter?” Joey’s eyes flashed momentarily, her father backed up a step. “I am going to ignore that, because she is your daughter and I love her very much. I have never fucked your daughter, and I have no intention of ever fucking your daughter.”

  Martha came out of the house and said “Henry! I can not believe you said that.” Henry looked at Joey, then said, “It’s true though. Isn’t it?” Joey wanted to say it wasn’t true, but it was. How could he defend that? But, he hadn’t “fucked her” the sound of the words brought fresh anger to his voice. Yet, what came out of his mouth sounded weak and ineffective, “It wasn’t like that?”

  Henry spat at the ground then asked, “So you tell me? What was it like? Did you have fun with my daughter?” Then Joey found his anger and brought it out. “Fun? Are you asking me if it was fun watching her fall apart right before my eyes! Was it fun seeing her hurt so badly and not knowing what I could do to help her? Fun, knowing that I cared about her so much, and being terrified because I couldn’t understand what was happening to her, and helpless to do anything but love her. You call that fun? No, it was anything but fun.” He stepped closer to the man saying, “We were coming here to tell you that we were going to be married. Sara’s eighteen and she could have done this with out you but she wanted your permission and blessing as well. It was something both Sara and I wanted and that’s why we were coming here.”

  Martha looked down at Sara’s things stacked by the gate, then at her husband. “Henry? What is this? Did you do this?” Henry spat, then said, “I won’t have a whore living in my home.” Joey fist came up blinding fast, connecting hard with Henrys’ jaw, rocking the man on his heels. There was surprise on Henrys face and a touch of admiration as well. He could have stuck back and might have, but his own words had slowed him to inaction, Sara called out in a panic, “No please don’t!” She wasn’t sure which one she was talking to, only that she didn’t want to see either of them hurt.

  There were tears in Henrys’ eyes as he said. “Get her stuff and get the hell out of here. I don’t have a daughter anymore.” Martha gave her husband a look that was a combination of hurt and betrayal then said, “Henry, if he hadn’t hit you, I think I would have. If ever you deserved to be hit this is the time for it.” she walked to the passengers’ side of the car, opened the door, squatted so she was eye level to Sara, took her hands then asked. “Is this what you really want?” Then she looked at her daughters face and saw what was written, “Never mind, you don’t have to answer. I can see it in your eyes.” She hugged her daughter, then stood up and looked at Joey. “Young man
! You take care of my daughter, do you hear me!”

  “Yes ma’am.” He picked up a bag and put it in the back of the car; her father picked up another one and handed it to him, then went around to Sara, “Don’t come back here. There’s nothing here for you but more pain and suffering.”

  Sara reached for her father, but he backed up. Joey finished loading the few things she owned into his car. Martha gave her husband one of those looks that said. We are going to have a long talk, then walked around the car and stood in front of Joey. “Henry is a good man. Please try to understand and don’t judge him too harshly.”

  Joey Said. “No Ma’am.” She reached out and hugged Joey; “I know you and Sara will be okay. I can feel it in my bones. I am happy for you. It’s about time a bit of cheer has found its way into her life.”

  Henry stood back and let Sara say her good byes to her mother; he reached up and touched his jaw. The boy had struck so quickly that Henry never saw it coming. The blow had not knocked him down but stars flew for several seconds afterwards.