Okay. I’m stronger than this. I should be. I’m thirsty. He works here. He already knows the drink I want, and so I’ll hopefully be spared some of the run-around I get from ordering, making me wonder again why on earth I insist on getting the same thing. But who would get a regular soda when you could get one with cherries?
I tilt my chin up and take a seat.
Liam’s there in seconds, letting the other guy finish his order.
“Jody.” He pauses a half step from his side of the counter, and I swoon a little at the way he says my name. I should probably stay a long ways away from a guy who only needs one word to turn me soft.
“Liam.” I’ve paralyzed myself by completely over-thinking the situation.
“Usual?”
I wait for the smirk or a wink, but it doesn’t come.
I nod and swallow a few times. The noise of the bar and everyone else sort of disappears, making ordering a drink the center of the universe. I’ve got to stop this. “Thanks.”
I watch him move as he fills my cup and splashes in the cherry flavor. Long, lean arms, nice waist, a perfect view of his fabulous ass. My eyes haven’t come back up when he turns, giving me another nice view that I can’t believe I’m enjoying through his snug jeans. He bends down until our eyes meet—right about ass/crotch level.
“You here?”
I press my palm into my face as if it’ll hide me and my burning cheeks. Never have I checked out a guy like that, and when I did, it definitely didn’t leave the pinpricks of nerves that are dancing around on my skin and in my gut.
“I…” I set my hand down.
He smiles. “Yeah, you’re here.”
“I’m sorry.”
He chuckles. “What for? You think other girls haven’t checked me out before?”
“I’m not other girls. I’m not that girl. I don’t…”
He grins and I realize he’s messing with me. “I know you’re not that girl. Bill told me. And I have a pretty good sense of these things. You’re different.”
“You asked Bill about me?”
“Sorry.” Sam grabs me from the side. “We gotta get out of here.”
“Wait.” Liam steps forward.
I shrug, drop a five on the bar and let myself be dragged out. The feeling is an equal mix of disappointment and relief.
Sam’s quiet on our way back until I ask her about the dance place she worked at last winter. She seems distracted, but tells me how she met her dance partner. She pauses a few times as she talks about what a natural talent he is, and how hard he works. I know there’s a lot more to the story than she let on, but I don’t push her. Sam tends to snap when I do, and I know she’s not in the mood.
We don’t even sing when we hit the trees. When we stop in the parking lot, I don’t know how to do more than ask if she’s okay, and I get a mumble in response.
Chapter Sixteen
I hate shedding the casualness of my shorts and camp T-shirt. I come here to escape all the politeness of being around my parents, and now I’m stuck in the even worse situation of being around Jeff’s.
My cotton skirt actually feels itchy, but I slide on my wedges and grab a cardigan to toss over my tank top for when we get there.
Last minute I grab a pair of soft cut-offs and tennis shoes to toss in my bag.
Fifteen minutes until Jeff’s picking me up. My heart pounds. What will it be like to be with him, but not with him? How am I supposed to act like everything’s okay when my heart’s still breaking? Only, I don’t even know if it’s my heart. I’m still in shock maybe. Hopefully more anger will kick in at some point, because I think that would be easier to deal with.
Fourteen minutes.
I clutch my stomach, feeling like I’ll be sick. This is just Jeff and his parents. We’ve had a million meals together.
Just none where we were pretending to be in love.
Because we still were.
A knock at my door catapults me to my feet.
I jerk it open to see Jeff. Perfectly pressed in light khakis and a button up, not a drop of sweat on his face. I don’t know how he does this. My hair is probably already starting to frizz at the edges.
“You’re early.”
He smirks. “Because I knew you’d be ready early, and that you’d be sitting in here stressing out about a night that’s no big deal.”
It’s a huge deal, but I can’t give him the satisfaction of knowing how much in shock I still am over our breakup, over his parents not knowing, and over him asking me for this bizarre favor.
He glances at my bag, and I’m sure he’s internally cringing. He bought me like three or four designer purses when we were dating, which I never used.
We sit in the car and I can’t help it. “Why did we split, Jeff?”
He sighs. “Different directions. Like I said.”
“No.” I rest my hand on his arm and then jerk it away when I remember he doesn’t want me to touch him like that anymore. “That’s not it.”
He glances at me. “Everything’s so easy for you, Jody. You just do the right thing. It’s exhausting being in that shadow.”
I’m completely deflated. Nothing’s easy. It isn’t easy being the girl teased for her innocence, even though I was with Jeff. It’s not easy being the only one without makeup because I can’t bring myself to care. Or the only girl not drinking at the bar. None of it is easy. I do it because it’s the right thing for me. Maybe Jeff never understood that, which means that he never really understood who I am.
Crazy that I never figured that out. Not in the almost two years we were together.
Jeff’s parents are perpetually early and wave through the glass doors of the restaurant as we get close.
They won’t want to be out of air conditioning in the heat.
Seafood.
Always a seafood place, even though I hate almost everything on the menu and end up ordering something like chicken fingers that are for little kids.
Jeff casually rests his hand on the small of my back and once again I’m having a moment of flashback and how much comfort that used to give me. I’m still not sure if I should lean into him or pull away.
Before I think, I go for the lean in. Normally this is when his hand would sneak around my side and he’d rest his fingers low on my waist to give me a squeeze as a sign that he can’t wait for our meal to be over so we can be alone.
I expect it. Rely on that. It was our routine. This time he stiffens, steps away and pulls open the door.
My words stumble as I try to say hello to his parents and give hugs, and I have no idea what my smile looks like because my face has never been this heavy.
He stepped away.
Our two years should mean something more than awkward pauses and pretend dinners.
Susan grabs my left hand, still beaming, and glances down. Her brows twitch together and then she glances at Jeff who is very purposefully not looking at his mother. And then back down at my hand.
Our eyes catch and I know. The lump in my throat won’t be swallowed away.
“I need the restroom,” I squeak. My hands are shaking and my legs don’t feel like my legs. She was expecting to see an engagement ring. They must have talked about it. What happened?
Do I even want to know?
I stand in the bathroom with my hands on the counter and stare at myself in the mirror. Red hair. Freckles. Round face. Blue eyes. Shoulders that might be a little too strong.
Okay. I’m not a wimp. I can do this. I straighten my shoulders, readjust my bag and walk out of the bathroom.
I spot Jeff right away, staring down at his plate. His parents’ backs are to me.
“I just don’t understand why you’re waiting,” his mom says.
I slow my walk, knowing they don’t see me, and wanting to know more.
“You asked for the ring, Jeffrey. I was expecting…”
My feet refuse to carry me to their table. I can’t do this. Instead I head for the exit, chin trembling. I do
not want to be trying to get over Jeff this summer. I want to love my summer. My last summer at camp.
As soon as I step outside, I sit on the bench and slide off my wedges and pull out my tennis shoes.
“Jody!” Jeff bursts outside. “What are you doing?”
“I can’t do this.” I lace up my shoes, glance around and start sliding my cut offs on under my skirt.
“What the hell are you thinking? You can’t change here!”
It’s so completely unlike me, but I’m desperate to get rid of everything that is this night.
I button my shorts and slide off my skirt, stuffing it and my cardi back in my bag. Tank, cutoffs, shoes. Better. I get a few odd looks, but it’s not like I come here often, or that I’ll be back here ever again.
“How do you plan on getting home?”
I open my mouth to speak, but haven’t planned that far. “Anything’s better than riding back with you. Have a nice dinner.”
And just like that I walk away. As soon as I’m around the corner I pull out my phone and start dialing. Kay-Kay, who doesn’t answer and then Sam.
“Can you come into town and pick me up?” I ask. “My keys are in my room.”
“I’m in the middle of a dance class,” she protests. “Go to the Little Minnow. I’ll meet you there after.”
Right. Change out the hurt and infuriation that is Jeff for the hit me between the legs feeling that comes with Liam. Great.
Chapter Seventeen
By the time I make it to the Little Minnow, my day and Jeff and his parents and talk of the ring has sort of numbed me.
The place is packed when I step inside, and as the fried food smell hits me, my stomach rumbles. Right. I missed dinner, and I’m not a skipping meals kind of girl.
I glance around, but the thought of sitting at a table by myself just seems too pathetic.
Bill’s arm comes around me. “You’re looking a little lost.”
“I…um…”
“Come on in back, and I’ll hook you up, okay?”
Without a word I let him lead me, and in minutes I have dinner on the picnic table out back near the employees’ door. Two minutes after that, Liam steps outside with a beer and freezes upon seeing me.
“Hey.” I wave as I stuff another small bunch of fries in my mouth. Hey is a bit pathetic, but at least I spoke first this time.
He stands in silence, clutching his beer with white knuckles, which relaxes me a bit because something’s obviously making him nervous.
“You look outside of yourself,” he says as he sits across from me.
“Outside of myself?”
“Something my mother used to say when we were deep in thought or completely distracted.” I get a better look at his tattoos as he folds his arms on the table. All swirled designs around names and a few random objects—an anchor, a paw print…
“Your accent is unbelievably sexy.” The words spill out before I can filter or stop them, and I wonder if Kay-Kay has these horrible cringing moments of regret when something just comes out. I somehow doubt it.
He grins. “An actual compliment from the very quiet Jody. I’d almost given up.”
Given up? On what? My heart’s going crazy, and my fingers are shaking. It’s just a guy. And we’re only talking.
“Rough day?” he asks. Sheesh, the words are like silk coming off his tongue and then I think about silk and tongues, and… I have a question to answer.
“You could say that. Just weird. I ended up out to dinner with my ex-boyfriend and his parents and I sort of decided to take off.” That’s the easy explanation.
He cringes slightly. “Why would you be out with your ex-boyfriend and his parents?”
I sigh. “He hasn’t told them we split, and—”
“Sounds a bit like his problem and not yours.” Liam adjusts his arms on the table and starts tugging at the label of his beer.
“I guess.” It’s a matter of me trying to keep the peace.
My eyes flit to his, but he’s so intense. Or maybe it’s the way that I feel about being close to this perfectly cut, on the edge of bad-boy man of hotness who makes my knees weak by saying my name, that creates tension in the situation.
“Look. Jody.” He sighs again. “I get what it’s like to be in this kind of shit, but if you don’t have to be there, don’t be. Life will throw enough crap at you without you walking into it.”
My eyes trace the outside of his body again. The perfect combination of lean and strong. Skinny jeans, despite the heat. Jeff would never be caught dead in skinny jeans.
I’ve got to stop comparing the two.
No comparison.
I ignore the voice in my head that’s making me feel a little insane with being this close to him. And alone.
“You’re a deep thinker.” I can’t remember the last time I had a conversation with someone that meant something, and I just met this guy.
“Hazard of living.” There’s a sadness in his eyes that I don’t understand and probably never will.
Realizing I might never know makes me a little sad and then makes me wonder if we’ve started a sort of something here. I’m not sure what. But something.
His head cocks to the side as he reads my shirt. Or he’s studying my boobs—one of the hazards of my tanks and tees.
“Boys who don’t like smart girls, don’t like girls.” He grins as he reads.
I shrug.
“Agreed.”
Melting.
I know I don’t like this guy because I don’t know him, but it’s crazy how his presence makes me a little flustered. I don’t get flustered. Well. Often.
My phone buzzes in a text. Be there in 5. Found your Keys. Your part of the cabin is freakishly neat. We gotta fix this.
“My ride’s on her way.” I rest my chin on my hands to get a few inches closer to study him a bit. He has the smallest wrinkles on the outside of his eyes, making me wonder how old he is, and what his life is like.
“You’re taking me in,” he says.
I am staring, so it’s not like I can deny that. “I’m curious.”
“About?”
“Everything. All the time.” That’s safe.
“That’s a brilliant way to be.”
“Why are you here?”
Silence.
Silence.
“Sometimes. Sometimes,” he says. “Getting away is the only way to fix something.”
There’s that depth in his eyes again, which I almost don’t want to see, because right now he’s still just on my hot guy radar. Or blown the top off it. But now he’s a whole person—more than abs and hair and teeth and smiles and tatts and ass. A few sentences has taken him a notch away from hot stranger with a lip ring and closer to being someone I might want to know.
“Well.” I breathe in deeply, wishing it had the same effect as a cold shower because I’ve never felt a serious want of someone that’s really based on nothing more than lust, and the more he talks, the worse it gets. “I should go.”
“Too bad.” He stands and scratches his side, revealing a small sliver of tight abs, which flusters me to the point that I stare at the table for a moment before meeting his eyes again. “We were just getting warmed up.”
That or boiling over. One of the two.
Chapter Eighteen
Jeff’s at my cabin door when I make it back to camp.
Sam gives me a questioning look, but I just thank her for the ride and move toward him. I stop about ten feet in front of him and really take him in. Really look at this person I’ve been with. My safety. That’s what he was when we were first together. He was cool with my weird shirts, and my non-drinking and how slowly everything happened between us.
After high school, I needed the stability.
Short, brown hair. Nice skin. Gorgeous brown eyes that I no longer trust, which makes them a lot less gorgeous. It’s like when you’re around someone every day they become such a part of you that you don’t really see them anymore. I’m seeing hi
m now, though, and he looks like a stranger.
He’s perfectly average, which was fine. Good. What I wanted. But maybe I’ve moved past that now. Maybe I’m less afraid.
Then I think about Liam and what his voice does to me, or the ring on his lip, or a glimpse of skin, and then I’m not so sure I’ve moved past fear.
“Hey,” he says.
“I’m tired.” I sigh as I step past him and into my cabin.
He grabs my arm and tugs me out the door toward the bathroom before we wake any of the girls up. “I don’t know if I should be frustrated that you left me there to deal with a really awkward situation, or be apologizing, or…”
I spin around, incredulous. “You created the awkward situation, Jeff.”
I start to stalk back to my cabin, but he grabs my arm and pulls me back.
“Just a word, okay?”
I slump on the ground, feeling completely overwhelmed with humiliation and hurt. If there was a ring, is that what tipped him over? Made him run away? Helped him to know he couldn’t be married to me? Couldn’t even be with me?
“You don’t want to talk to me tonight.” I shake my head as my eyes fill with tears. “Please just let me be.”
He frowns and the first bits of sadness I’ve seen since we split cross his features—lowering his eyes, pulling his mouth into a frown. “I’m so stupid. I didn’t want to—”
“Just go!” I stand up and move to the cabin. This time he lets me go. When I lean against the wall I hear him curse a few times before walking slowly away.
And for the first time since we broke up, I really let myself cry.
We haven’t seen much of Kay-Kay—she’s been moody and crazy, but I think we all knew that would happen if she went after Alex. Two days and I haven’t been able to bring myself to answer any of Jeff’s texts or to go see Liam.
Liam’s probably diverted his interest to someone else at this point. I’m a bit baffled as to why he paid me any attention to begin with.
Sam and I staged this intervention to talk to Kay-Kay. Sam even woke up early for it, but all I can think about is how we sort of wanted to talk her out of Alex, but ended up cheering her on instead. Telling her to take control. Even I did that. Stood there and said that there’s no way he didn’t see good things in her. Sam went on a rant that involved true-to-form Sam language, but I believed it. Knew that if Kay-Kay wanted something to happen, she had to do it.
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