No One Knows

by J. T. Ellison

  “We’ll stay with you, Daisy, as much as they’ll let us. You’re in intensive care, so the visiting hours are limited. No matter what, you won’t be alone. One of us will be nearby twenty-four/seven.”

  Tom’s worried face hovered into Daisy’s field of vision. He was nodding at each of Aubrey’s well-enunciated statements.

  Daisy shut her eyes. Looking at them upside down and sideways above her was making her nauseous. She didn’t remember the accident. She’d hit Aubrey’s house with her car? She thought back, searching her bruised mind for something, anything to hang onto.

  Images floated through her mind—tennis, her house, vodka, Tom.

  Nothing. She was blank.

  She opened her eyes and another face appeared in her field of vision. A young man, thirty or so, with dark eyes. He looked so familiar. So very familiar. She had no idea who he was, and yet she knew him intimately. Every ache, every pain. Every whisper in the night, the smooth skin on the underside of his arm. She loved him. Even in high school, when he hated her, she loved him.

  Her brain worked to make the connections, tried to process and spit out the answer, but it just wouldn’t come.

  And then he sprang into her consciousness, and she realized it had all been a terrible, awful dream. She’d been dreaming.

  Josh. Her Josh. He was right here, standing with her. She didn’t even care that the wretch was with him. She was flooded with happiness.

  It was so good to have the family back together.

  Exhausted, she let her eyes close, and slid into darkness again.

  CHAPTER 28

  Josh

  Seventeen Years Ago

  The beginning of Josh’s first day in high school was shaping up to be incredibly painful. The Montessori school he’d attended since kindergarten only went up to eighth grade, and then the students moved on to regular, mainstream public schools or pricey private schools. Private school wasn’t in Tom’s budget, so instead of walking down the street to school, Josh had to get on a bus, with strangers, to go to Hillsboro High School. Josh hated strangers. He liked things safe and sane and comfortable.

  At fourteen he wasn’t big for his age either, which worried him. He knew he was going to get picked on. New kid, new school, new class—yeah, things were going to be different, that was for sure.

  The bus smelled like vomit. Someone more scared than he was, then. He ignored the curious looks, took the first empty seat, and attempted to become invisible, shrinking into the green pleather, face attached to the window. The glass was cool and felt good against his cheek.

  He didn’t know how he was going to stand being away from Aubrey.

  She was so small, so wounded. Who was going to take care of her? Who was going to defend her? Without him there to give her that invisible layer of armor, she would be vulnerable to attack.

  Last night, when they’d talked on the phone, she told him that she missed him. It made his heart swell up, and he’d snuck off to the bathroom for another shower and spent his time under the water’s spray imagining all sorts of naughty things that he’d like to try with Aubrey. Things his mother would probably shoot him for.

  But Aubrey was only twelve. A mature twelve—she’d seen too much at the foster home where she lived—but twelve nonetheless, and the way Josh looked at it, it wouldn’t be right to have the real thing between them for a while. He knew of a girl in his neighborhood who’d gotten pregnant, and the idea of that happening to Aubrey was frightening to him. He’d gone to the library and looked up several books on childbirth, and learned exactly what happened when a man and woman had unprotected sex. No, that wouldn’t do.

  So he had to be content with pleasuring himself in the shower, which really wasn’t all bad, though he would have liked to at least have Aubrey’s hand in place of his own. That would be safe. They wouldn’t get into trouble that way. She’d do it, too, without complaining. She would do anything for him.

  His fantasy about the shower lasted him until the bus pulled up in front of the school, and he realized he had a painful erection. God, how was he going to get off the bus?

  He fiddled with his backpack, praying things would calm down. Dead puppies. No, that didn’t work. Daisy. Yes, that did the trick. Just one mental glance at his mother’s disapproving glare sent things shrinking back down to normal.

  He swallowed and got off the bus, knowing he must be beet red. He looked down at the ground and hurried up the stairs, being jostled by boys and girls much bigger than he.

  “Josh?”

  He heard his name and looked up. Aubrey was over by the doors. He couldn’t help himself; his face broke into a huge grin and he loped toward her, oblivious to the people pushing and shoving around him. God, she was beautiful, that curly hair sticking out at angles from her face, her lips redder and fuller than any girl’s he’d ever seen. She was starting to fill out, too, her body on its continental drift toward womanhood, a swell of hips and small breasts. She had long legs though she was only five feet tall, legs tight with muscles from all the walking and running and biking she did. Anything to stay moving. Aubrey was perpetually in motion.

  “What are you doing here?” he asked.

  “Don’t be mad. I wanted to see you off.”

  “But you’re late for school.”

  “I’ll blame it on Sandy. Mrs. Pierce won’t know any different. I borrowed a bike and rode over here.”

  Borrowed. Josh cringed at the word. Borrowed was her slang for stole, and it was something she did more than Josh liked. Aubrey’s versions of right and wrong were colored in shades of gray Josh didn’t completely understand.

  “Be sure you take it back, Aubrey.”

  “Yes, Mom,” she said, and flashed him a grin. He couldn’t stay mad at that face for long. She really had no idea what effect she had on him, on everyone around her.

  The bell rang, and Josh jumped. “I better go. I’m glad you came by.”

  “Me, too.” Aubrey looked like she wanted to do something, or say something. He waited, bouncing on the balls of his feet for a moment, then said, “Well, bye.”

  “Bye,” she replied, then bit her lip and, faster than a cobra, leaned into his space and touched her lips briefly to his. Without a word, she turned and jogged back to the bike, hopped on and rode away. Josh stood there, staring after her.

  She’d kissed him. She kissed him. After all the horrible imaginings, and the pleasurable ones, of trying to figure out how to get her to let him kiss her, she’d gone and reversed things on him.

  He smiled. Oh, God. She really liked him.

  “Yo, kid. Was that your girlfriend?”

  Josh was pulled back to reality by the voice. He cringed inside, not knowing what to expect, turned with his fists clenched. The boy was taller than him, with dark hair and dark eyes, a beak of a nose. He looked strong, and Josh immediately put his weight on his toes, ready to punch and run.

  “Yeah, that’s my girlfriend,” he said. Casually. Cool. Just the hint of a challenge in his tone.

  The older boy’s face broke into a knowing smile. “Nice.” The boy bumped Josh’s shoulder with his knuckles. “I’m Arlo.”

  “Josh Hamilton.”

  “You ever been laid?”

  Should he push his luck? Maybe not. This guy looked like he could see through most things.

  “No.”

  “Yeah, me neither. But you’re certainly on the way. She’s a little hottie. We should go in. Are you going to try out for football? I’m varsity this year. You’re awful quick—I saw you take off from the bus. You might make a good running back.”

  Arlo chatted nonstop as they walked into the school. Josh followed him, dumbstruck when Arlo introduced Josh around to his friends, all obviously not ninth graders. They were practically men.

  Josh thought back five minutes, to Aubrey’s darting eyes just before she
leaned in and kissed him. She’d known people were watching. In one fell swoop, Aubrey had given him credibility in his strange new life.

  And then he realized she’d done it on purpose, a gift for him. She’d anticipated his fears, his concerns, known that he would have a hard time, so had shown up—on a stolen bike, no less—to help him transition into this more grown-up world.

  How did she do that?

  He shouldn’t ask. She knew too much as it was. Insightful Aubrey.

  His heart blossomed with something new and different, a feeling of warmth and excitement and depth that he’d never felt before. He shook hands with his new friends, went off toward his homeroom with strength in his step. High school was going to be just fine.

  CHAPTER 29

  Aubrey

  Today

  Three days passed with frustrating slowness. Aubrey and Tom took turns at the hospital, Tom during the day, Aubrey at night. They did twelve-hour shifts, watching, waiting, anticipating. Daisy had good moments and bad, but she’d been on an upswing for the past two days, and the doctors thought they’d be able to remove the ventilator by the end of the week.

  Aubrey was completely exhausted. Exhausted and off her schedule and struggling with her emotions because, though she should be feeling nothing but pity and remorse, in all honesty, she enjoyed Daisy’s silence. Enjoyed her pain. That made her a bad person, she knew. But the woman had always been so cruel, so horrible, that Aubrey had a hard time mustering up too much sympathy for her.

  She’d been anesthetized against compassion. That made her a sociopath, didn’t it?

  It was a horrifying thought. Surely it wasn’t entirely true.

  Not entirely. She’d loved Josh desperately. And in her way, she loved Tyler. And she certainly had some sort of feelings for Chase. She would kill anyone who hurt Winston. She could cry when upset.

  A psychopath then. Able to feel, but always choosing to follow the wrong path.

  Aubrey checked the clock. Nearly two in the morning. Daisy was sleeping and, if the pattern she’d fallen into held, would be out until the overnight nurse came to do her vitals at four. Aubrey yawned and decided to risk a trip down to the cafeteria for a cup of coffee.

  She crept out of the room so as not to wake her mother-in-law, and closed the door quietly behind her. The hallway lights were bright; she rubbed her eyes against the sudden glare. A man she didn’t recognize walked by, toward the last bank of rooms, and she realized just how unsecure a hospital was. The thought set her heart to beating hard, a tiny rush of adrenaline. Anyone could be here. Anyone could claim familial ties and walk the hallways at all hours. It totally creeped her out.

  She alerted the nurse where she was headed in case of emergency, then took the elevator to the first floor. The hospital itself was a labyrinth, one she’d never thought she’d know so well. Too bad they hadn’t taken Daisy to Vanderbilt, which Aubrey knew well from Josh’s time there.

  Instead, the first few days in Midtown, she’d ended up in parking lots and cardiac care units and outpatient surgery centers before she started to get a feel for the veering hallways that led to the appropriate bank of elevators. A person could get lost too easily around here, and it was rare to find people who could direct you to the right place; three-quarters of them were lost as well, and the others were busy rushing to their assigned spots. It could be quite frustrating.

  But she finally got the hang of it.

  Aubrey exited the elevator, smelled the dim antiseptic air that indicated freshly mopped floors. She was chilly, clutched her arms together for warmth. Yes, a coffee would be good. Maybe even a quick granola bar or some chocolate. Fuel.

  The cafeteria was open with modified service, self-service, and prepacked foods only. A sleepy clerk sat on a stool by the register, his head nodding.

  Aubrey got a large cup of coffee and a Hershey bar. She paid the attendant and decided to sit and drink for a bit. She had time. Daisy wouldn’t wake up. She’d never know.

  She took a hard plastic seat by the window, even though there was nothing to see in the dark. The trees had small, dim lights planted in the mulch shining up their thin trunks, but this was an interior courtyard, so there was nothing outside to distract from the quiet.

  She sipped the coffee and wondered what was next. Chase had gone back to Chicago. He had to work, an article due. He’d be back Thursday night. She was looking forward to seeing him. To talking with him. To touching him and smelling his scent and feeling his hands caress her body.

  But she didn’t know where she wanted things to go yet. It was a silly thing to worry about, but Aubrey had only ever been in love with one man, and was a monogamous creature at heart. She wanted to know what to expect, what to plan for. For the schedule to magically appear: You will date for three months; he’ll suggest moving in. Since you have the yard for the dog, he’ll want to live in Nashville. And on New Year’s Eve, he will propose, and you will be torn as to what to answer. You’ll want to say yes, but have you spent enough time getting to know him? And then there’s the question of children . . .

  God, Aubrey. Cart before the horse much? You don’t even know if he’s trustworthy.

  “Is this seat taken?”

  Aubrey jumped. A man was standing at her elbow. Silvery hair, dark eyes. Jeans and a sweater. Oddly familiar. He made her uncomfortable, but she didn’t want to seem rude.

  “Um, no?”

  “Oh, good.” He sat down across from her, his own cup of coffee to hand. “It gets so lonely here at night. It’s nice to see another civilian. Mom sick?”

  “Mother-in-law.”

  “Ah. The toughest relationship. You’ve stolen her son away, he’s chosen you over her. Oedipal complex aside, it’s always fraught with danger.”

  Aubrey couldn’t shake the eerie feeling she was getting from this guy.

  “Your . . . wife is ill?” she guessed.

  “Ah, no. Just a friend.” He smiled and took a sip of his coffee. Aubrey realized he was the strange man from the hallway upstairs—that’s where she’d seen him—but now, face-to-face, he seemed even more familiar.

  “Have we met?”

  “I don’t know. Have we?” He cocked his head to the side and smiled. Aubrey stared at him. She totally knew him, and not just from the hospital. But from where?

  “May I?”

  With a small smile, he broke off a piece of her chocolate bar. The audacity of the move shocked her. She grabbed the chocolate bar, pulled her chair and person back from the table.

  “Don’t you love chocolate? It makes the day more special.” He smiled a little, and chills ran down her spine.

  Aubrey stood, picking up her cup and the chocolate. “I need to get back upstairs.”

  “Oh, don’t go just yet. Let’s talk some more.”

  “Thanks, but I’m going to head up.”

  “How is your husband?”

  She didn’t answer, just started toward the coffee urns again to top off.

  She heard the man approaching from behind.

  “Aubrey, right? Aubrey Hamilton? Really, how is your husband? His name is Josh, if I recall.”

  Aubrey whirled around, out of patience. “Good night.” She started away, but he grabbed her arm.

  “I asked you a question. How is dear Josh?” His voice was no longer friendly and inquisitive. Now it was filled with menace.

  She tried to pull her arm from his grasp, but he had her in a steel grip. “He’s dead, you sick bastard. My husband died five years ago.”

  “Now, now. Doesn’t do to lie. I saw you with him earlier in the week. In the elevator. Yes, I’m sure it was you.”

  “That’s just a friend of mine. My husband is dead.”

  The man stroked his chin. He spoke almost to himself, sotto voce. “Really? After all this time, too. Fascinating.”

  She jerked
on her arm. He let go, and she started away.

  “Mrs. Hamilton?”

  She turned to glance back at him.

  “If you hear from him, do let me know.” He handed her a card.

  Aubrey was too shocked to do anything but take it. She finally came to her senses and scurried back to the elevator. The man didn’t follow her, just stood grinning by the coffee urns.

  When the doors closed, she remembered to breathe.

  She was shaking, her hands trembling so hard that hot coffee sloshed out of the opening in the lid, spilling on the card and burning her hand.

  “Son of a bitch!”

  The elevator stopped on the fifth floor while she was cursing. The nurse on duty saw her and jumped up from behind the desk. “Are you okay?”

  Aubrey nodded, left the elevator, cradling her hand. “Coffee burn.”

  “Let me see it,” the nurse commanded. Aubrey stopped and held out her hand. The nurse tsked over it for a moment, then said, “Go rinse it in cool water. It’s not too bad. Hey, by the way, your mother-in-law is awake.”

  “Thanks,” Aubrey said. Great. Just what she needed. She went to the room and set her coffee and the ruined card on the small shelf above the radiator, then made eye contact with Daisy, who was burning mad. Aubrey could see it in her eyes.

  “Are you okay?”

  One big blink for no.

  “Do you hurt? I can get the nurse to supplement your last shot.”

  Another single blink.

  Aubrey sighed. “I wish I could read your mind, Daisy. Or that you could write. Do you want to try?”

  Two blinks. Yes.

  “Okay.” This was something they’d been working on. Daisy wanted to communicate, but she hadn’t had enough energy to make the pen move properly. Decoding her chicken scratchings had been difficult. The doctors said with practice she’d get better. But there was one word she had managed to write, several times.

  Aubrey got out her Sharpie and notepad and placed the pen in Daisy’s grasp. Aubrey held the pad up at an angle so Daisy could see it properly. She wrote shakily, halting, but miraculously, the word finally made it onto the page. Aubrey turned it around and read it.