Hero's Curse

by Jack J. Lee

  I switched topics, “Were you able to hire some mercs?”

  Drew nodded. “My contact’s name is Yuri Petrov. He’s a former Colonel with the Russian Federal Security Service, fought in Afghanistan, Chechnya, and Georgia. He started off in Department V. During the Cold War, all of the KGB assassins came from Department V.” He became silent for moment as he reviewed what he wanted to tell me. “Oh yeah, as soon as you wire a half a million US into his account he’ll head this way. He said it’ll take three days to prepare his gear and another three weeks to get here. He wants another half million when he gets here and one million when we’re done. He says he can bring a team of thirty.”

  “You trust him?”

  “I’ve worked with him before.” Drew shrugged. “He’s as trustworthy as anyone else in the business. It’s not like we have a lot of choices. There aren’t that many competent, experienced guys willing to get dirty in the CONUS.”

  “Where’s he coming from?”

  “Didn’t ask. If I had, he wouldn’t have told me.”

  “What kind of gear is he bringing?”

  “I told him we have to take out the equivalent of nineteen armored troop carriers inside a US city. He claims he has the gear to accomplish the mission. I didn’t get the details. Oh yeah, he expects us to have a demobilization and exfiltration plan in place for him and his people. If he doesn’t like it, he’ll walk and the five hundred K deposit goes with him.”

  I pulled out my phone as Drew turned into the driveway. Three weeks and three days was cutting it close. I transferred five hundred thousand dollars into Petrov’s account. Afterwards, I turned to Drew, “Let’s go see a troll.”

  When we were in the house, I could hear Mina upstairs in her bedroom. I called up, “Mina” from the bottom of the stairs. As she came down the stairs, I could see that she wasn’t pleased I’d snuck out earlier. “I’d like to introduce you to my friend, Drew MacDonald. Drew, this is Mina Swenson.” I like living dangerously so I added with a smile, “Mina is my lovely land lady.”

  She rolled her eyes at me, turned to Drew and put out her hand, “Hi, Drew. Nice to meet you.”

  When I first met Drew, he had no social skills, but he was intelligent and had the instincts of a scientist. I remember watching him observe the social interactions in the orphanage, especially those involving attractive girls. He did this with the intensity of a biologist whose grant money depended on the results of his research on the secret lives of rats. When he discovered women liked being complimented, he proceeded to assault every girl in range with a carefully prepared list of pre-made, one-size-fits-all compliments starting with their hair, and going down to their shoes. It had been hilarious watching the horror grow in those girls’ eyes.

  In the last thirty-four years, through much trial and considerably more error, he’d learned a few things. He gave a broad, friendly, appreciative smile, shook Mina’s hand, made eye contact, and with a visible effort did not look at her cleavage. I had to grin. He had the same reaction to her breasts as I did when I first met her. “I’m glad to meet you.”

  Mina gave him points for effort, and her polite smile turned into a grin, “So Drew, how do you know Victor?”

  Drew shot me a glance. When he saw my slight nod, he turned back to Mina. “I’ve known Vic since we were kids.”

  I saw Mina’s brows rise in surprise by our exchange and at this comment. Drew looked thirty years older than me. When our souls touched, I had caught glimpses of the most important events of her life, but I didn’t get the context behind those images. I knew who she was emotionally but I didn’t know the details of her life. I was sure she’d had the same experience. She knew how I felt and thought, but she probably had no idea how old I was. We didn’t have time to get into that now. I asked, “Mina, I’m taking Drew downstairs to look at the troll. Want to come?”

  She hesitated and then shrugged. “Sure.”

  Aidan and Tim were in the basement. “Victor my lad, we’ve just finished securing the Jotunn.” They’d been busy. They’d built a Jotunn-sized table out of plywood and four by eights. Aidan and Tim had removed the duct tape and platinum wire, and secured the troll with oversized manacles at neck, wrists, and ankles. Then they’d wrapped him in logging chain.

  I snorted with surprised laughter. Other than the fact that Aidan’s hair wasn’t standing up, Tim wasn’t a hunchback, and the Jotunn was wearing a huge Depends diaper, it looked like a scene from Young Frankenstein.

  By the way Tim was cackling and rubbing his hands together, I got the sense he had the same thought. His Igor imitation was subtle enough that no one else seemed to notice. He didn’t overtly seek attention, and seemed to enjoy projecting a lightweight, goofy image. It made me wonder how much of his annoying persona was an act—his idea of a joke. When he rubbed his snot on my chest, had he been fucking with me?

  Tim noticed my questioning look. He gave me a big, open, innocent smile.

  “We have platinum wire under the manacles.” Aidan explained with pride. “If he breaks his bindings, he’ll auto-amputate himself.”

  “Aidan, Tim, this is my friend Drew. He’ll be helping us with the Jotunn. I wanted to show him the Jotunn we captured. Drew, Aidan is my armorer. Tim is his apprentice.” Drew didn’t even pretend to greet Aidan and Tim. When he saw the seven foot tall green troll, he no longer had any mental energy to waste on social interactions. He knelt by the Jotunn with the intense focus of a kid opening Christmas presents.

  Drew and I had a friendship based on trust. We’d gone through enough together to know we’d always have each others’ backs. Our friendship didn’t depend on us hanging out and talking. Drew started firing questions off at Aidan and Tim. I knew he’d keep them occupied for hours and that Aidan and Tim would be thrilled to be occupied.

  Mina looked like she wanted to put a stake through the Jotunn’s heart. “Mina.” It took a second to get her attention. “Let’s go upstairs and talk.”

  B claimed Joey was a Goody Two-Shoes—the best deity in the known multiverse. I wasn’t sure if I bought that. A kinder, gentler God would have made women less insane. Tell any guy that his girl wants to ‘talk’ with him and he’ll break out in a cold sweat. Mina smiled like I’d given her a gift. She even took my hand.

  I led her back to my apartment. We sat at the small table in my kitchen space, across from each other. I grasped both her hands in mine. My heart was racing and I could feel the beads of sweat forming on my forehead. Oh crap, here I go. “Mina, how long do you want our engagement to be?”

  I watched her eyes widen as my words penetrated. Her mouth formed a perfect O of surprise. When I touched Mina’s soul, I’d learned who she was, how she felt and thought. I knew if I married Mina, she’d eventually want a family and that there was no way she would ever willingly leave her brother and sister.

  If I married her, I most likely would be trapped on Earth forever. I would never be able to escape our Universe. I’d be a servant of our Lord for the rest of my days. I didn’t care.

  In a disbelieving voice she asked, “Did…did you just ask me to marry you?”

  This was my chance to be honest with her, to tell her how much I didn’t want to be in love with her; how I much I resented needing her, and how logic and reason told me to run fast and far—I wasn’t that stupid. “Mina, you know how much I love you. When we have time, I’ll buy you a ring. I’ll try to be romantic. I just wanted to tell you where I want to go with you.”

  Her first expression was complete surprise; others followed so quickly I couldn’t tell what she was thinking. She pulled her hands away from mine. Her posture was very straight; her tone very cool when she spoke, “Victor, I love you. I’m not really sure WHY I love you, especially at this precise moment. But I’ll tell you what. When I have the time, I’ll think it over. I’ll try on the ring you buy. I’ll even try to answer in a romantic way. Then I’ll let you know where I want to go with YOU, you big fathead, stupid ASS!”

  It was my turn to
be frozen in shock. I hadn’t expected this response. Didn’t women like being proposed to? The humor of the situation hit me, and I burst out laughing. I guess I should have tried romantic from the start. I met her eyes; she was hurt, not angry. I quit laughing. I realized I had screwed up royally and needed to pull something out of what she had just called me. I lunged and caught her as she rose from her chair. “Mina, Mina, you’re right. I’m an ass. My only excuse is that I don’t know how to do this—I don’t know how to be in a relationship. I’ve never said ‘I love you’ to anyone else in my life. If I had, I probably wouldn’t be as clueless. Can you believe I didn’t mean to hurt or offend you, that I’m just an idiot?” I knelt at her feet and looked up at her. I tried to grovel soulfully with my eyes. I must have looked as ridiculous as I felt because she broke into a mile-wide Mina smile.

  Since it was working, I put more soul into my grovel by opening my eyes a little wider and kissing her hands, first one and then the other, as I gazed up at her. A thought passed through my mind to mimic a French guy but the only French character that came to mind was Pepe Le Pew. It took everything I had to NOT adopt Pepe Le Pew’s mannerisms. I thought to myself be tasteful, that’s right—tasteful. Oh fuck! Why the hell was I thinking about a skunk?

  My heart rose from my stomach when she began to laugh. I stood up and caressed her cheek. I pulled her close, my hands on her hips. “Mina, I’m sorry.”

  She cupped my face with her hands, her blue eyes were luminous with tears, her expression soft, “Vic, I’m so happy I touched your soul. If I hadn’t, I would not have been able to believe you could be that stupid.” It was the perfect time to kiss her. As I tasted her lips, I felt whiplashed by new firsts—first love, first marriage proposal, first groveling apology, and the first time I’d ever called myself an idiot in front of anyone else—somehow it was all worth it.

  Mina leaned back in my arms and gave me a playful grin. “To be polite and answer your first question, how does twenty-four hours sound?”

  “I’ll give you six.”

  “Six!”

  “Now it’s five. Are we done?”

  She stopped and looked straight into my eyes, her smile turned into a huge grin. “Vic, you realize, you’ve just committed to marrying me today. We have until 5 PM today to get a marriage license but we should probably get to the County Clerk’s office before 4, to make sure we have time to find a judge.”

  I blinked. What…why did Mina know so much about how to get married in Utah? My skin suddenly got clammy.

  Mina put her arms around my neck, came in close and gently touched her lips to mine. She pulled back with a little laugh, her eyes were dancing but her voice was sincere, “I thought so. If you weren’t so clueless, I wouldn’t love you half as much.” She kissed me again. “Don’t worry, Vic. Let’s take care of the Jotunn first. The kind of wedding I want will take at least a few months to prepare. We don’t need to spend a lot of money but I want my closest friends to be able to come.” Her next kiss was long, slow, and hot. She pulled back laughing. “I hope you don’t mind, but I’m going downstairs to tell Andi and Ben we’re engaged.”

  After she left, I lowered myself slowly back into my chair. I wasn’t sure if I was relieved or sad that we weren’t going to get married today. I was definitely glad the proposal was over. I reached into my bag for my bottle of Glenfiddich. I poured myself a double and drank it all down with one swallow. It was a miserable way to treat a fine, single malt scotch but I needed help with stress relief fast. It took a couple minutes for me to feel the effects. My situation hadn’t changed, but with some booze in my system I felt better about it.

  I decided it was better for Mina and me to wait. She deserved to have the kind of wedding she wanted. Now that my immediate panic reaction to the thought of getting married in a few hours had gone away, I admitted I had the worst kind of blue balls—the mental kind. I’ve never wanted anyone like I wanted Mina and it’d been way too long since I’d gotten any kind of release, but it was best to take the time to start our lives together right.

  It took a couple trips to get the Mossberg shotguns and ammo into the van. On my last trip, I went back into the basement. Aidan, Tim, and Drew were still standing over the Jotunn talking nonstop. “Hey Aidan, give me the address to the Thorgrins.”

  “Certainly, my son, but if you’re asking on account of the ammo, Tim called them and they delivered twelve hundred rounds here this morning—a thousand pellet rounds, and two hundred fin stabilized slugs. They’re running a little behind schedule. The rest of our order should be ready in a few more days.”

  “That’s cool then; I don’t need their address. I’m going to take the Swensons out to a range and teach them how to shoot. Any of you want to come?” They barely grunted their “No’s.” and went back to discussing trolls and magic. I wanted to join them. It would have been nice to have some guy time but I told myself I had to be responsible.

  I headed back upstairs toward Andi’s room. The squeals, laughter, and high pitched, “Oh my God!” I heard coming through her door told me I’d arrived at the right place. I knocked.

  Andi giggled, and called, “Entrée!” in a sing-song voice.

  Mina and Andi were on Andi’s bed. Ben was sitting on a chair in front of pink desk. As soon as I walked in Andi bounced up and hugged me. “Hey, future brother-in-law!”

  “Hey, yourself.” I’ve never liked being touched. Even the touchy-feely types could sense that. Andi was immune to my don’t-touch-me vibe. I knew she was just being enthusiastic, but I would have felt a lot more comfortable if her sixteen-year-old breasts weren’t squashed against my chest. I spoke over her head to Mina who looked amused, “Um…You guys need to know how to protect yourselves. How about coming with me to a range and learning how to use hand guns and shotguns?”

  Ben jumped up and shouted, “Hell yeah! Let’s go.” He pushed his little sister out of the way and shook my hand. “Also, congrats Vic.”

  No one had eaten yet. The Ben suggested going to a local diner; Mina and Andi enthusiastically agreed saying it was one of their favorite places to eat. The diner served breakfast all day.

  I was pleasantly surprised by how happy Ben and Andi were with the idea of me as brother-in-law.

  Mina and Andi discussed every facet of our upcoming wedding. Even when I tried—after all, they were talking of an event that would change my life—I couldn’t force myself to care if my wedding was going to be in an alpine meadow versus a small church, or whether we should have a sit down meal versus a buffet at the reception. All I could pay attention to was the way the afternoon light played on my fiancé’s face as she talked to her sister. I enjoyed making this woman happy.

  Every once in a great while, Mina asked my opinion about something; my response was always some variation of “that sounds great!” Ben wasn’t as smart. He actually thought a masculine opinion had value. Whenever he gave his input, Mina and Andi beat him down like the young fool he was.

  Even after the waitress had cleared our table and I’d paid the bill, the sisters still had things they needed to plan out. Ben finally had a fit. “C’mon, this is torture! You guys are KILLING me! Would you please, PLEASE stop? We got things to do!”

  That got us out the door and off to one of the gun stores I’d previously visited that had a twenty-five yard indoor range.

  When we got to the range, I told them, “Forget everything you’ve seen on TV or in the movies; real life is different.

  I spent about a half an hour on weapons safety and basic firearms handling before they actually got to shoot, and I made sure they had hearing and eye protection on before we went out to the firing line. The Mossberg 930 SPX is a gas operated autoloader, so the gas system soaks up a fair amount of the recoil. It recoils less than a pump action or a double barrel 12 gauge would, but still does kick some. I taught the Swensons to pull the butt in tight against their shoulder and lean into the weapon so it wouldn’t beat the crap out of them.

  Even so, w
e had to take frequent breaks so their shoulders didn’t get too sore. It helped that they had good hand-eye coordination, and had never used firearms before—they didn’t have bad habits to unlearn.

  When we took breaks from the shotguns, I had them try out handguns. Of course, they all wanted to shoot the. 44 Magnum Smith and Wesson Model 29 revolver—Dirty Harry’s gun. Mina and Andi found the recoil excessive, and after a couple of shots set the gun down. Ben swore, “I love this gun!” but didn’t seem particularly anxious to get back to it after he shot it empty.

  Mina and Andi both liked the 9 mm Sig Sauer P-239. They had a much harder time staying on target with the .40 and .357 Sig rounds than they did with the 9 mm. The Sig Sauer P-239 is a high quality, rugged and reliable weapon, and as Andi put it, “It was really pretty.” Ben shot the P-239 well, but he really liked the Glock 31 in .357 Sig because he liked the blast and flash, was proud that his accuracy didn’t deteriorate with the more powerful round and ‘it was just so damn bad’. I promised him that when Aidan had enough time to make magic bullets in different calibers we’d do something about that, but for now he’d have to make do with a 9 mm P-239.

  The Swensons were excellent students. They focused and learned quickly. Once they got comfortable with the shotgun and handgun, I had them quit before they got tired and their accuracy dropped off. They’d done well for their first time out. With the handguns, at seven yards they were shooting good groups and keeping all their shots inside the nine ring on a B-27 silhouette. With the shotguns, at fifteen yards they were hitting center of mass on the B-27s every time. They were pleased. I was too.

  We decided to buy handguns for them before we left. It was no surprise that Mina passed her background check, so it was no problem to buy the three Sigs. Ben wanted the 9 mm Glock 17, but I explained that with the Sig P-239s, everybody would be familiar with everybody else’s gun, and they’d all use the same magazines and spare parts. Also, that the single column P-239 was smaller and thinner, and easier to tuck behind a hip and conceal. I had them sign up for a concealed weapons class, too. Because Ben and Andi were under twenty-one, they could only audit it, but Mina could get her license once she’d passed the course.