Not A Chance (Sweet Nothings)

by Carter Ashby

  "Did you two fuck while you were snowed in together?"

  Travis sucked in an lungful of smoke, burning up nearly half the cigarette.

  "Yeah, I guess she probably had fun with you for a few days, took a shower and then hopped back in bed with her rich, pretty fiancé. That sound about right?" Duane looked up at him, then, a mischievous glint in his eye.

  "Shut up, Duane," Travis said.

  "It's tough finding out you're not as good as you thought you were," Duane said with mock sympathy. "Of course, I guess you're better than me. Back in high school, I never could get that little slut to sleep with me."

  Travis flicked his cigarette to the concrete and stamped it out with the toe of his work boot. "Why are you pissed at me this time, Duane?"

  "I'm not. I'm just making conversation."

  "Well shut the hell up or I'm going to kick your ass."

  Duane laughed. "Yeah, that sounds about right. Just like the old man. 'Shut up or I'll kick your ass.' You're a real big man, aren't you? You've come a long ways. I guess I ought to be grateful you let me work for you for slave's wages and live in your moldy basement and then beat me whenever you get pissed off about any little thing."

  "Duane, goddammit! What do you want from me? I'm doing the best I can by you. What do you want?"

  Duane glared at him and Travis thought he'd never seen a look of such pure hatred. Then Duane put on a wicked smirk and Travis felt his rage start to take hold before he even spoke. "So what's it like fucking a rich bitch?"

  Travis barreled into him like a linebacker, lifting him off the ground and slamming him onto the concrete, flat on his back.

  Dustin pulled into the driveway to find his brothers fighting like two abused, caged animals in the grass in front of the garage.

  Travis was on top of Duane landing punch after punch into Duane's already bloodied face. Dustin cursed. Travis was like the Hulk when he got like this. He was freakishly strong. Dustin couldn't just pull him off of Duane. He would have to charge him as fast as he could. He got out of the car and ran and slammed into Travis's side with his shoulder, knocking him off of Duane. Travis fought blindly, kicking and swinging his fists. Dustin finally pinned him face down. He pressed his knee behind Travis's shoulder blades, holding one hand bent behind his back. Travis thrashed and snarled for another few seconds until he finally calmed.

  "You okay?" Dustin asked.

  Travis growled, so Dustin waited a few more moments.

  He looked over at Duane. "You alright, Duane?" he asked.

  Duane coughed, rolled to his side and spat out blood. Then he nodded and laughed--a silent, wheezing laugh.

  Dustin hated when he did this. Travis couldn't see it, but Duane knew exactly what he was doing. He wanted Travis to lose his temper. Because he knew that for Travis, rage was like alcohol. Only he hadn't been able to break this addiction...not when it came to Duane.

  Duane crawled to his hands and knees, still coughing and laughing. "You think you're so much better than me, but look at you," he said.

  Travis growled and tried to shove himself up. Dustin jerked his arm up higher and Travis cried out in pain. "Shut up, Duane," Dustin said. "Get inside and get cleaned up."

  Duane disappeared inside and Dustin waited until Travis's breathing evened out. "You okay?" he asked again.

  Travis breathed a few more seconds. "Let me up," he said quietly.

  Dustin stood and stepped back. Usually if Travis was speaking coherently, the danger was passed. But it definitely didn't hurt to be on the safe side and put some distance between them.

  Travis pushed himself up to hands and knees and then slowly stood. He grabbed his shoulder, the one that Dustin had twisted, and rotated it a couple of times. He started to talk and Dustin knew he was going to apologize, so he interrupted him. "Just go inside and pull yourself together.

  Travis walked around to the front door. Dustin went in via the garage entrance and slipped downstairs to where Duane was cleaning his face and assessing the damage.

  Dustin watched for a few moments. Duane looked horrible. His right cheekbone was beginning to swell. His whole eye would be completely black in a few hours. His bottom lip was busted, he was limping and he occasionally winced and grabbed his side. Travis might've killed him.

  Duane looked up when he saw Dustin.

  "Hey," he said. "How was church?"

  "Pack your things," Dustin said, ignoring his question.

  "What?" Duane stood up and gawked at him.

  "You heard me. Pack up your fucking things and get out of this house. You've got one hour."

  Duane barked a laugh. "You can't be serious."

  "I told you before. One more chance. This was it. Now get going."

  "Dustin, I was just minding my own business and he just jumped all over me for no reason."

  "I don't care."

  "Well where exactly am I supposed to go?"

  "I don't give a fuck where you go, Duane. I warned you before."

  Duane looked away and shook his head. "I never had a problem with you, man."

  "Shut up, Duane," Dustin said, raising his voice slightly. He was angry. Angrier than he'd been in a long time. But he wouldn't lose control. Still, he needed to say what was on his mind so he could walk away from this with a clear conscience. "You're about the dumbest person I've ever known. You've thrown away everything anyone's ever tried to do for you. You act like we owe it to you to take care of you and then you throw it back in our faces when we do. The sick thing about all of this is that I'm going to go upstairs and tell Travis I kicked you out and he's going to fight me tooth and nail. He may even beat the shit out of me like he did to you. He loves you that much." Dustin watched Duane darken with hate at the mention of Travis. "Well I don't give a shit anymore. He's the second dumbest person I know, but he always took care of me and Neil and you and now I'm going to do what's best for him and get you the fuck out of our lives. Now get to your room, pack your goddamn things and disappear."

  For a second, Dustin thought Duane might attack him. But slowly the anger on his face subsided. "Fine," Duane said. "I never had a problem with you, man. But if you want me gone, that's fine. I don't need this anyway. I never asked you guys for anything. I've got plenty of friends who'll help me out."

  "Fine," Dustin said. "Get going."

  Duane muttered a curse as he walked by Dustin into his room.

  Dustin hung his head for a moment and took a few breaths to calm down. Then he went upstairs and found Travis sitting on the edge of the couch, his eyes red around the rims, looking about ten years older than he was. It occurred to Dustin that this had been a pretty bad day for Travis. Between Arden and Duane, he figured Travis was probably using all his energy not to think about taking a drink.

  Dustin sat in Travis's chair. "He's leaving within the hour."

  Travis looked up sharply. "What? Where's he going?"

  "I don't know where he'll go. I just told him to get the hell out."

  "You did what?"

  Dustin just stared at him and shook his head. How could he be surprised?

  "You can't kick him out, Dustin. This is my house too. Besides, where would he go? He'd probably freeze or starve to death."

  Dustin scoffed. People like Duane didn't die. They crawled around like leeches sucking out life wherever they could find it and barely surviving at all times. "It's non-negotiable. I don't want him here anymore."

  Travis opened his mouth to argue.

  "It's him or me, Trav," Dustin said.

  Travis slammed his mouth shut.

  "And before you argue, I know what you're going to say. You're going to say I'm forcing you into this because I know you'd never turn your back on our relationship after all we've been through together. You'll say I'm making you choose one brother over the other and I am. I'm doing it because it's best for everyone. Believe it or not, it's best for Duane, too."

  "He's your brother, too, and you act like he's just some bum off the street."

>   "Try to understand where I'm coming from, Travis. There are people in this world who have made mistakes in their lives or are just having a hard time. They look around and they realize how bad things are. Then they imagine something better for themselves and they reach up for it. That's you, Travis. That was you five years ago and it's still you today. Then there are people who are headed down that bad path and they don't see anything wrong with it. They hate everyone around them who is doing better. They don't acknowledge responsibility for their positions. That's Duane. And when someone is headed down that path the absolute best you can do is to point out to them where they're headed. We've done that for Duane. And no matter how badly we want to help him get his life together, there is nothing we can do for him until he wants better for himself. You can't drag him onto the path of righteousness, Travis. He has to get there himself. And if that day ever comes, I'll be the second person in line behind you willing to help him out."

  Travis had watched him through this little speech. When Dustin stopped talking he looked down at the space in front of him, lost in thought.

  "You understand, don't you?" Dustin asked.

  Slowly, Travis nodded. He took a deep breath, started to speak, stopped, and started again. "It's my fault..."

  "I'm sick of hearing you say that, Trav," Dustin interrupted. "It's not your fault. It was the old man's fault. And now Duane's a grown man and his life is his own responsibility."

  Travis's jaw tightened. "He had it worse than any of us."

  "I know. But he's been with us since he was sixteen. There ain't anything more to be done. Okay?"

  Travis pressed his face into his hands and shook his head. "I know what you're saying is right. I just can't understand how you turn out your own brother."

  "Well that's why I'm doing it for you. So you don't have to."

  Travis nodded and leaned back against the couch. "I'm sorry I lost my temper."

  "I know you are."

  "I've had a really bad week."

  "I know you have."

  Travis sighed. Then he pulled all of those feeling together, packed them up somewhere in the back of his mind, and put on a smile. "Did you see Emma today?"

  Dustin cursed. He didn't want to talk about it. "Yep." He leaned back in his chair and flipped the TV on to a football game.

  "Did you talk to her?"

  "Yep."

  "Come on, Dustin."

  "I'm not a girl, Travis. I don't want to talk about every little thing that happens in my day."

  "Uh-huh. So did you ask her out?" Travis asked, ignoring Dustin's veiled insult.

  Dustin sighed. "Yes. For the party Friday."

  Travis's face lit up in a bright smile. "Really?"

  "Yeah. Really." Dustin wondered why it was so exciting for Travis. He wondered how Travis could be so happy for him when he was dealing with heartbreak. But Travis's joy encouraged him. "I even drove her home."

  "Yeah?"

  "Yeah and we drove up to Skyline at that lookout up there."

  "That's a good make-out spot." Travis grinned.

  "Yes it is."

  Travis's jaw dropped. "You did not make out with Emma.”

  Dustin tried not to grin.

  "Emma Harris? Sweet little Emma?" Travis was beginning to look less and less pleased. Dustin wasn't sure what about this information he could possibly find offensive.

  "She's 'sweet little Emma' to you, not me," Dustin said.

  Travis frowned, looking slightly disgusted.

  "What's wrong, now?"

  "I don't know," Travis said. "I've never felt this way about a woman before. I think it would be best if I don't hear any relationship details from now on."

  Dustin couldn't believe what he was hearing. It would just about figure that Travis could have nearly any woman he wanted and here he was wanting Emma. So much for Arden. Dustin shook his head, too mad to think. Travis had stolen girls from him in the past, but this time would be different. This time he wouldn't politely step back. Even if Emma did decide she liked Travis better.

  "What's wrong?" Travis asked. "All of a sudden you're brooding."

  "I don't brood. How exactly is it that you feel for Emma?"

  Travis looked confused again. "I don't know. She's just...like...well...like a sister, I guess. I love her and I love you and I wish you all the happiness in the world. I'd just like to go on and pretend that the two of you will never have sex, that's all."

  Dustin laughed in relief. Thank God. "Well don't ask, then, and I won't tell." Which was just as well since there wouldn't be anything to tell anyway. And this would make it possible to hide that fact, since Travis was sure to relentlessly tease him if he were to find out that Emma wanted to wait. "Hey, why don't you call up Kristen and we'll double date, Friday."

  Travis hesitated. He looked sad for a moment, then regretful, and finally, determined. "That's a great idea. That's what I'll do. Kristen is a wonderful woman. She and I are great together."

  "Damn straight," Dustin said. He grabbed the remote control and turned up the volume on the game.

  CHAPTER SIXTEEN

  Travis's bad Sunday wasn't over. He went to bed that night thinking that it was. He'd forced himself to call Kristen and they had a date for tomorrow evening. Which meant he would finally get laid, something he'd been deprived of for far too long. He could always count on Kristen to put out. She was as desperate as him. And she had just been rejected by Brody Jessop again. So she and Travis could soothe each other's broken hearts. Again.

  Travis had gone to sleep determined to wake up the next morning and find the good in his life. But as soon as he drifted off he dreamt of Tonya. She was young like when they'd first met. Sixteen. But her eyes were the angry eyes of the older Tonya. She was keying his car and slashing the tires. She was on a full rampage, destroying everything Travis owned and he was powerless to stop her. There was a click that sounded like a door closing. Somewhere in his subconscious he recognized this as a real sound and his dream began dissipating.

  He felt the edge of his bed sink a bit and the springs creak. Dustin was the only person in the house. Why would he be sitting next to Travis?

  Slowly, Travis opened his eyes and saw Tonya looking down at him.

  "Hey, baby," she said in her thick, Kennett, Missouri accent.

  Travis jerked upright and let out a sharp scream. "What the fuck?" He stared at her in amazement and horror.

  Dustin must have heard him yell because he stumbled into his room and flipped on the light switch. Travis threw his arm up over his eyes.

  "Tonya?" Dustin said, his voice sleep scratchy.

  "Hey, there, little brother," Tonya said, cheerfully. As though she weren't the anti-Christ come to destroy them all.

  "Uh...hey," Dustin said. He was useless around women.

  Travis squinted, getting his eyes adjusted to the light. Tonya sat before him, a harbinger of destruction. She was the answer to his constant prayers. God's way of saying, "No, Travis. You cannot be happy. You must sink into the black abyss of your past sins for all eternity." And she smiled at him as though he should be happy to see her.

  "Are you really here?" he asked. "Is this really happening?"

  "Yep," she said cheerfully. And then Travis watched her hand as it journeyed downward and rested on her incredibly round belly.

  "Dear God," Travis said.

  "Oh, don't worry," Tonya said. "I ain't due for another couple of weeks."

  Travis gaped at her in horror. "Please. Please go away."

  Tonya stopped smiling. "That's just mean, Travis."

  He couldn't bring himself to apologize. His future sat in front of him and it was bleak. It had taken him nearly four months to get rid of her last time she'd come looking for help. Now she was pregnant. No telling what she needed or how long she would stay.

  She used to be beautiful. To Travis, anyway. She'd been a tomboy. She wore her bright, auburn hair in braids. Her arms and legs were long and strong, her body was lean. They used to
swim in the river together and go cliff diving. They would party with their friends and then sneak out into the woods and have sex under the stars. He'd loved her with all of his heart because he knew no other way to love. The divorce had nearly destroyed him.

  Now he looked at her and saw nothing of the young woman he'd fallen in love with. By all accounts she was still a young woman. But a hard life full of sin and dissipation had aged her prematurely. There were lines on her face and her hair was lank and lusterless. Her teeth had seen better days and, though her belly was round from the pregnancy, the rest of her body was painfully thin. Malnourished. Bones protruding everywhere.

  A few minutes later Tonya, Dustin and Travis sat around the kitchen table drinking coffee.

  "So after he kicked me out," Tonya said, finishing up the story she'd been telling them, "I couldn't think of what to do. And I remembered Travis saying how if I ever needed anything, he'd be there to help. And so here I am."

  Travis felt like laughing and crying at the same time. Dustin was in shock, staring at Tonya like she was an alien. Tonya smiled at Dustin and reached over to pat his hand. "How are you doing, sweet thing?" she asked.

  Dustin slowly looked to Travis and then back to Tonya. "I've been better," he said.

  "You're so cute," she said, dimpling at him. Then she turned to Travis. "I know you weren't expecting me and you got your life all put together. But I ain't got nowhere else to go. I got no money. I took the bus here and had to walk from the station. I got six more dollars left in my purse. And with the baby on the way, I just don't know what to do."

  Travis burst out laughing, then. Dustin stared at him in horror. Tonya stared at him in confusion. "I'm sorry," Travis said, still laughing. He pressed his palms into his eyes and forced himself to take several deep breaths. Finally he got control of himself. He still felt like laughing, but he'd managed to stop. "I'm sorry," he said, his tone more serious. "Okay...back to this Elliot guy..."

  "Allen," Tonya said, correcting him.

  "Whatever," Travis said. "He's the father?"

  "No. We found out he's not the father. And that's how come he kicked me out. I just told you all of this."