Not A Chance (Sweet Nothings)

by Carter Ashby

  Pastor Harris sat up straighter and raised one brow. "You don't think very highly of your brother it seems."

  "That's not true. I think the world and all of Travis. He's the strongest, most courageous man I know. But he's no good for a girl like Emma."

  "And you are?"

  Dustin suddenly felt defensive. He hated feeling defensive. He set his jaw and looked hard into Pastor Harris's eyes. "I'm just the right man for her."

  The pastor glared right back at him. But then his expression softened and ended in a smile. "Perhaps you are at that. At least I suppose Emma thinks so, don't you dearest?" He looked past Dustin.

  "I sure do," Emma said. She leaned down and kissed him on the cheek.

  Again, Dustin would have loved for her to linger near so that he could smell the way her natural scent mingled with the rose soap she used; and feel her soft, tender lips, hot on his skin. But she was gone before he could so much as smile back at her.

  Emma and Susan darted in and out of the kitchen setting the table and bringing out a large roast with potatoes and carrots and what looked to be homemade dinner rolls and fresh whipped butter. Amidst the burning in his stomach from the nerves, he felt a rumbling of hunger. He wondered whether Emma had cooked this and if he had this kind of good eating to look forward to in the very distant future. Sure would be nice to have food that took longer than three minutes in the microwave to cook.

  Everyone bowed their heads and the pastor said a prayer. And before Dustin knew it or had lifted a finger, his plate was filled with gravy covered meat and vegetables, a hot, buttered roll on the side.

  He took a bite and was grateful it didn't get snatched off of his tongue the way Emma's smiles and kisses seemed to be disappearing. The meat was so tender it practically dissolved on his tongue like cotton candy. "Who do I compliment for this meal?" he asked, looking to Susan.

  "Oh, Emma," she said, with a cheerful smile. "She insisted on doing it all."

  He smiled at Emma. His girl. "It's delicious. You're amazing," he said. Then he realized he might ought to clarify. "At cooking, I mean. Not that you're not generally amazing overall...because you are...but I just mean..."

  She mercifully laid her hand on Dustin's. "Thank you, Dustin. I know what you meant."

  He grinned in relief and continued eating.

  "She made dessert, too," Susan said. "I suggested she make you a pecan pie. I've made those for Travis because I know they're his favorite. But Emma insisted you were a chocolate chip cookie man."

  Dustin laughed. "I am a man of simple tastes," he said. He refrained from telling her that Travis's favorite pie was whichever pie was in front of him at the moment. He was too happy that Emma knew this little detail about him.

  "Well we'll have to have you over a few more times," Susan said, "so that Emma can show you the versatility of her cooking skills. That way you'll know exactly what you're getting when you get married."

  Dustin choked. Dear God, not the "m" word.

  "Mom, I'm not auditioning," Emma said.

  "Oh, but you are, dear." Susan turned to Dustin. "You do want a wife who can cook, don't you?" she asked.

  "A wife?" Dustin's voice squeaked.

  Susan stared at him as though she didn't understand his response.

  "We assumed that your intentions were ultimately to marry our daughter," Pastor Harris said.

  Dustin's hear was banging around in his chest. "I...I...,"

  "Daddy, it's our sixth date," Emma said. "Dustin doesn't want to talk about that stuff now. He'll propose whenever he's ready."

  Dustin stared in horror at Emma who was calmly taking prim little bites of her food and smiling like nothing out of the ordinary was taking place.

  "Well the way I understand it," Pastor Harris said, "you two have been interested in each other for a while. I can't imagine a courtship lasting too long."

  "Of course not," Susan said. She smiled at Dustin. "Why, we've already got a wedding cake picked out. And you should see the dresses she's going to try on."

  Dustin couldn't hear anything over the pounding in his ears. The food lost all taste. His tie was choking him. He reached to his neck. No, he wasn't wearing a tie. It was the invisible yoke of marriage wrapping its cold fingers around his neck like the hand of death.

  "Dustin, are you alright?" Emma said.

  He looked at her and nodded, trying not to show the terror that he was feeling. "Fine. Great."

  She smiled and patted him on the hand again. After dinner there was dessert and still more talk of a future he was in no way being asked to participate in, but that involved him nonetheless.

  "I know it's cold outside," Emma said, "but would you like to bundle up and sit on the porch swing with me?"

  Dustin sighed in relief. "That sound's great," he said, trying to keep the excitement out of his voice. At last an end to the horror and a few moments alone with the girl he loved.

  She brought out a huge blanket for them to share. Dustin slid his arm around Emma's waist and pulled her up against him. All he would get to do until they were married was hold her. And since the thought of marriage terrified him beyond description, he would just have to train himself to be satisfied with it.

  Emma slid her arm behind his back and lay her head on his chest. He rested his cheek in her hair and inhaled the scent of her. Their breath turned to fog in front of them, but they felt warm being near each other.

  She pulled back just enough to look up at him. He smiled down at her, but she wasn't smiling. She was breathing faster than normal and her lips were slightly parted and he knew she wanted him to kiss her. Which made him smile more. And then he leaned down and touched his lips to hers. The winter felt like Spring, then, and he felt her smile against his lips. He brushed her cheek with the backs of his knuckles, then he reached his fingers into her hair and tilted her head back, cradling it in his big, strong hand.

  This time when he kissed her he didn't stop. He pulled her hard against him and drank her in, lapping at her tongue with his own like a desert traveler, parched and desperate for water. He pulled away for a quick second for a gulp of air and then plunged back in for more. Her breath was sweet and her skin was soft and the little moans of pleasure she emitted inflamed his passion to almost more than he could bear. Yet the more he tasted her the more he needed more of her. His fingers dug into her back and he could feel her breasts pressing against his chest.

  And then she pushed herself away.

  "God," he gasped, groping at her trying to pull her back against him. She angled herself away from him and looked into the night. He was still panting like a dog. He held onto her shoulders and kissed her neck. "Oh, Emma," he whispered. "You're so sweet." He nipped at her earlobe.

  She inched away, out from under his grasp and then turned to face him. "I'm really sorry about my parents tonight," she said. Her voice was strong and her breathing normal.

  "What?" Dustin said. The blood flow hadn't returned to his brain and all he could focus on was her red, swollen lips. He licked his own lips in remembrance of the taste.

  "All the marriage talk? I can tell it really bothered you," she said. She leaned back against the swing and pulled the blanket back over her shoulders.

  Was this not the same woman he'd been making out with only a moment earlier? Had she not been in the exact same moment with him? And yet here she sat, perfectly undisturbed. Poise in tact. Only a few loose strands of hair and those lips as evidence that they'd been doing anything more than cuddling. "It's okay," he said, still trying to get his breath back. "I don't care. Come back over here with me."

  "It's just, they know how much I want to get married. And they're also very old-fashioned. They don't believe in dating just to date. It has to be going somewhere. And I've assured them that what you and I have is definitely going somewhere. But I think they just want to hear it from you."

  He reached out and touched a lock of her hair where it was hanging against one cheek and touching the corner of her mouth. "That w
as some pretty good kissing, huh?" he said.

  She sighed. "I just wish they'd been more tactful. I hope they didn't freak you out too badly?" She looked up at him, then and met his eyes.

  She'd been so close to him and now she was so far away. "I'm fine with it," he said, trying to offer a reassuring smile. "Maybe we just don't have dinner with your parents again for a while."

  She looked away, her brows furrowed. "I'm really close with my family, Dustin."

  "Of course you are, Emma. But this is our sixth date. It's way, way too soon for all of this...marriage talk."

  She looked hard at him then. "But not too soon for making out?"

  Ah, so she had been there with him after all. He grinned. "Definitely not too soon for that. In fact, the night is young if you want to do a little more of it."

  She huffed and her eyes welled up. "I might've known that you'd be just like every other guy."

  This worked like a bucket of ice water and suddenly winter was back in full force. "What's that supposed to mean?" he asked quietly.

  "You'll try everything you can to get me into bed, but when I ask for commitment, you want nothing to do with me. Well I won't let you use me, Dustin. If you love me then you'll wait."

  Dustin's jaw muscles flexed. The insult was fairly heavy, but Emma was young and inexperienced. So he offered her his patience. "Look me in the eye, Emma," he said. And she did. "This is our sixth date. It is too soon to talk about marriage." She started to look away, but he gently touched a finger to her cheek and kept her attention. "You explained to me your rules for dating when we first went out. And I promised you I would support you. You create the boundaries and I won't push them. Kissing you just now was probably the single greatest moment of my life, but if that's something you don't want me to do anymore, then just say the word. Don't go accusing me of trying to get away with something. Because sweetheart, you kissed me right back."

  She stared up at him, angry at first. But slowly the anger faded and she offered him an apologetic smile. "Okay," she whispered. "I just...I need to know that marriage is the end goal. Making out with you was amazing, but if I can't eventually have sex with you, then I don't really want to tempt myself with more of your kisses."

  Dustin choked at her blunt mention of sex. She wanted to have sex with him. He wished she'd never said it because now the idea was sewn into his mind forever. He laughed a little and then pulled himself together. There were larger issues at hand. "Emma, you want me to promise you that I'll marry you eventually and I...I just can't make that promise."

  "No, I just need to know that's what you want. What we're working toward. Maybe it will work out and maybe it won't, but I need to know that I have a possible future with you."

  He drew in another deep breath. He'd try to explain one more time. "I don't know how else to say it, Emma. It took me two years to get up the courage to ask you out. And the stress of doing that probably knocked ten years off my lifespan. I can not talk about marriage. I can't."

  "Then why are we dating?"

  He leaned forward and dug his palms into his eyes. Then he stood. "I think I'd better just call it a night."

  Emma jumped up and grabbed his arm. "No! I want to know why you want to go out with me? Why ask me in the first place? You know you've no chance of going to bed with me. You don't want to talk about marriage. So why?"

  Dustin couldn't comprehend her mentality in the least. Why ask why at all? Why not just live moment-to-moment and see where things go? "I don't know, Emma. I'm in love with you. I'm happy when I'm near you. I just want to spend time with you and see what happens. Can't that be enough for you? On this, our sixth date?"

  He watched as emotions he didn't understand played out over her face. Finally a resigned smile settled in. "Okay. You're right. It's enough. I'll back off."

  He smiled at her, relieved. He stepped forward and leaned down to kiss her goodbye. As he turned to leave she stopped him one more time. "Just...," she hesitated. "Just don't break my heart. Okay?"

  He had no answer for that. So he turned and walked away.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX

  Sunday morning Travis awoke early, excited for his day. Arden's parents had turned out to be fairly decent people and he was looking forward to spending the afternoon with her family. Arden had spent their whole date the night before complaining about her father being high-handed and old-fashioned and who knew what else. Travis had quit listening after a while and spent the time trying to look down her shirt.

  Their date hadn't ended perfectly, but Travis wasn't worried. They'd had dinner and gone to a movie. Then Arden suggested they go back to her house. He reminded her that he wouldn't be doing that anymore. He suggested they go to his house. She told him she wasn't going to do it in the bed his ex-wife sleeps in. So he'd suggested parking somewhere and doing it in the backseat. Which had resulted in a look so chilling he wondered if he'd ever be warm again. Apparently Princess Arden wasn't a backseat kind of girl.

  So he'd taken her home, made out with her for a few minutes and then kissed her goodbye. Today he hoped to have better luck. He woke up at 5:30 in the bed Duane used to sleep in in the basement. Last night he'd done some cleaning and now he determined to make the room as presentable as possible. Maybe Arden would accept an invitation to his basement since it was somewhat separate from the rest of the house.

  After he finished tidying up he hopped in the shower and got ready for church. He was halfway dressed when he heard the muffled sound of the baby's crying coming through the air vents. He paused to take a calming breath and then finished getting dressed. He went upstairs for coffee. The baby was still screaming. He figured Tonya must be having trouble getting it to shut up. He saw the formula on the counter and some empty bottles. He mixed a bottle up for when Tonya came out to feed the baby and left it sitting on the edge of the counter.

  Dustin came down the hallway, hair mussed on one side, shirtless. He stumbled to the coffee pot, poured a cup, took a sip, and immediately woke up.

  "Maybe you should check on Tonya," he said to Travis.

  Travis dug in the cabinets for something to eat and found Pop-Tarts. There was only one left. "You want this?" he asked Dustin.

  "Would it matter if I did?"

  Travis chuckled and tore the package open. The baby was still screaming.

  "Christ," Dustin said, running a hand through his hair. "Maybe I ought to call Emma. Listening to that is bound to make her back off all this marriage and baby talk."

  "Or you could just marry her and get her pregnant."

  Dustin glared at him in disgust.

  The baby was still screaming. Travis finished off his breakfast and walked down the hall. He knocked on his bedroom door, but received no answer. He knocked once more and then opened the door.

  His bed was made. In the middle, the baby lay screaming. She had kicked out of her pink blanket. Next to her was a piece of paper. Travis stood in the doorway staring, trying to fight the feeling of cold despair tugging at his insides. "Tonya!" he yelled. He turned and checked the bathroom. He checked Dustin's room and the spare bedroom. He even opened the closets.

  Dustin stood next to Travis's bedroom door, leaning on the wall and sipping his coffee. "What's up?"

  Travis went into the room and grabbed the piece of paper, leaving the screaming baby there for a moment.

  "'Dear Travis,'" he read out loud to Dustin who just stood there looking as though he'd expected the whole thing. "'Thank you for all you've done for me. But I just can't stay here any longer. There are too many bad memories. Jerry Lee said he'd take me back but that he didn't want the baby. You'll take care of her, won't you? Sorry Travis. Hope you don't think less of me. Love, Tonya.'"

  Dustin sat his coffee cup on the dresser and sat on the edge of the bed. He grabbed a diaper off the stack on the floor next to the bed and proceeded to change Emily.

  "I can't believe this," Travis said.

  "You can't?" Dustin replied.

  "No. I can't. How
could she just leave her baby like this?"

  Dustin swaddled Emily like a burrito, the way Emma had shown him at least a dozen times in the hospital. He picked her up and stood, bouncing her gently on his shoulder. "Are you really this stupid, Travis?"

  Travis looked up at him, his feelings slightly hurt.

  "She came here for the express purpose of dumping this baby. She knew you'd put her up in a comfortable bed and pay her medical bills."

  "What should I have done, turned her out? She was nine months pregnant!"

  "So you help her find a halfway house or something. The woman is selfish. She's got addictions to feed. And she knows how to prey on idiots like you. She's known all along that she'd be going back to that Jerry guy. Now she can do it having deluded herself into thinking she's done good for her baby."

  Travis felt a bitter taste in his mouth. He stared down at the note which was turning slightly blurry. "I'm not stupid, Dustin," he said softly.

  Dustin sighed loudly. "Go feed this baby so I can get dressed."

  Travis hadn't held Emily but once or twice. He took her awkwardly and then went to the kitchen to get the bottle. He sat in his recliner in the living room and fed her. She was finishing off the last of the milk when Emma came to the door. Dustin must have called her. She knocked once and then let herself in. She was all dressed for church which was still two hours away.

  She smiled in sympathy at Travis. "Let me have her," she said softly. And Travis gladly handed the baby over. "You just do whatever you need to. I'll take care of her."

  Travis stood and paced for a moment. "Shit, Emma. I don't know what to do."

  "Well, know this. There's no hurry. Right now, just adjust to the situation and keep your routine as best you can. I'll help anytime you need me."

  Travis looked at her. He grabbed her face between his hands and kissed her on the lips. "You're an absolute saint. The best person I know."

  She blushed and giggled. "Stop," she said. "This is what I do around this town. Help where I can."