Dying to Live

by Roxy De Winter

  Xin turned to Pete, silently pleading with him to step in.

  “Well, as we said,” Pete placed a hand on Xin’s back as he spoke. “We haven’t been here for long. Our first step tomorrow is to look at the files we have about this infection, try and find out as much as we can about it. At some point, I do believe, the doctors want to venture down and explore the labs here. We won’t really know where we can go from here until that has been done.”

  Xin looked appreciatively up at Pete, her eyes were drooping and she stifled a yawn.

  “I’m sure you’ve all had a long day,” Pete said, addressing the newcomers. “And a tough one at that. As it stands, we’d just settled in for the night when you arrived. I’m sure everyone could do with some rest. We can’t make any decisions when we’re all running on empty, and it’s not wise for anyone to be heading out in the middle of the night. My suggestion would be that we all get our heads down. We intend have someone at the monitors keeping watch through the night. You’re welcome to move your vehicles inside the gate where we can see them on the screens. We can get together again in the morning to discuss this further.”

  Zack and Fiona found this idea to be reasonable enough. They assured everyone that they were happy to stay in their RV and had everything they needed. It was a good job really, because there wasn’t nearly enough space for everyone to stay in the cabin. As they left, Fiona pretended not to see the cookies that Lucy snook into the children’s hands with a wink, as she said goodnight. And the one that she fed to the dog when everyone else was distracted.

  Officer Harry Tomas was still in some degree of shock, and nobody was happy to allow him to sleep in his squad car. They managed to convince him to join them in the cabin, but no amount of persuasion could convince him to take Pete’s bed. Instead, Harry bedded down on the sofa for the night. It looked uncomfortable, but he assured Pete that he would be fine.

  Back on the RV, Zack and Fiona saw their family off to bed and sat down at the table together.

  “What do you make of everyone?” Zack asked Fiona.

  “I think I like most of them,” she responded, looking out of the window at the cabin. She watched as the lights went out, leaving just the glow from the monitors illuminating the security window. “The smaller woman, Xin, she seems a little distant. I don’t know if she’s holding something back or was just tired. I like Lucy and that guy, Frank, though. They seem like good, honest people.”

  Zack nodded as she spoke. “I think Pete seems very practical, and they all seem happy enough to let him represent them.”

  Fiona laughed. “Yeah, he’s not the one in charge, though.”

  “What do you mean?” Zack asked, a crease forming on his brow.

  She chuckled again. “Xin is. There’s something between them both and he’s the one being a solid front for her.”

  “Hmmm,” Zack pondered. “Still, that’s not to say that they can’t be trusted. The only ones I feel to be watchful of are the old man and Harry. We’ve made our peace, but I get the feeling that the grudge will still be there underneath it all.”

  “Yeah,” Fiona frowned. “I’m still not happy that he’s here with us. I think it’s worth sticking around, though. These guys could be the only ones that aren’t running away blindly, they are trying to be productive, and they seem to have noble intentions. I think the very least we should do is see how tomorrow goes first.”

  “I suppose we don’t have a lot to go on yet.” Zack sat back and let out a yawn. As his face regained its composure, a tear peaked in the corner of his eye and slowly trailed a shimmering track down his cheek. Fiona reached a hand over the table and placed it on his. “I wish Pops had made it here with us.”

  Zack had not allowed himself to think of his father’s death in the time since it had happened, but considering sleep brought it crashing back and he knew it would plague his dreams. He had been keeping it together for his mother, who had retreated into herself after a tearful few days, and the children who had been close to their grandpa. Thankfully, they hadn’t witnessed it, only him.

  “Herbie would’ve been happy to know that we’d gotten the rest of the family here safely,” Fiona soothed, squeezing Zack’s hand. “Who are we to say that he’s not in a better place now, and happier to be out of this wretched world.”

  Zack wiped at his slowly streaming eyes with his shirt sleeve. “C’mon, Hun. Let’s get some sleep,” he said, closing down the discussion about his father before it could go any further. Fiona knew he would talk when he was ready. Still, when they arose, she gathered him into a tight hug. Zack returned it gratefully and kissed the top of her head.

  They settled into the fold down bed together. Zack pulled Fiona up closer to him. Her back was facing him and she curled up with him wrapped around her. He was grateful that she wasn’t facing him and fell asleep crying silently into her hair.

  11.

  ‘Mom and dad woke us all up that morning, before they went out to talk some more with the people in the cabin. When they left they told us to be careful and look after each other, that they wouldn’t be far away and the cameras around here would prevent us from being in too much danger, but none the less we should watch our own backs and each other’s. I’m Joanne, or Jo for short. Lanie always called me Joby, but that was just her. As sisters go, we were close, but I still wish I’d told her how much I looked up to her. As the oldest, she always looked after me and Sam, and then Shania when she came along too. When she had her own son; Evan, it was like something changed and we all grew up. We all became closer and, as if to return the care she had showed us, we all took on our own role as Evan’s protector. Even our baby sister, only six years old herself, would watch over him as they played together. Lanie was born to be a mother and it really was something to behold. It just came so naturally to her to nurture people and help them grow. I guess that was the worst day; the morning when we all woke up not knowing what would happen, and the evening when I held her as she died.’

  The newcomer’s first day at the base was to be a busy one. When Frank opened the door to Zack and Fiona, the others were already awake and cradling mugs of tea and coffee. Lucy sat at the kitchen counter eating cornflakes and Pete was keeping an eye on the TV. The channels now showed nothing but flooded streets and chaos. This thing was really starting to kick off and spread now. In the panic, people were losing their minds; Cars were burning in the streets, shops were vandalised and looted, and in the immediate vicinity of the outbreak, people had turned into savages who sought only blood, flesh and mutilation. Shaking his head, Pete turned away from the screen and bade them good morning, before joining Frank on the security watch.

  The guards station was becoming Frank’s ‘go to’ place. He had taken the watch for a few hours into the night, and managed another hour after the visitors had returned to their RV. Lucy had spent the rest of the night there after he went to bed, before swapping with Bao in order to get a few hours of sleep herself. Frank, however, found himself gravitating naturally towards it. There wasn’t much else to do, but it wasn’t just that for him. His eyes were learning to watch for the smallest movement. He had noticed that the dead were beginning to show an interest in straying further from the bulk of buildings, and intended to mention it to the others.

  Zack, holding Fiona’s hand, led her over to the unoccupied couch. Harry had moved to one of the bunks when everyone else had gotten up. After a very turbulent night of broken sleep, bad dreams and restlessness, he was finally in a deep sleep and nobody had the heart to wake him.

  Bao was seated in the armchair and Xin was heading over to the rug in front of the TV, with the laptop bag that she had just retrieved.

  “So...” Zack said, trailing off and not quite knowing how to finish. ‘What’s the plan?’ was what he wanted to ask, but he thought he’d made it clear last night that that was on his mind.

  Bao looked away from Xin and met Zack’s questioning gaze. He held up his hand, elbow resting casually on the armrest, and sh
owed Zack that held between his two fingers was a small piece of black plastic.

  “A USB device, my friend,” he smiled. “When we get a look at this, we should have some clue as to whether we are wasting our time here.”

  “And where exactly did you get files of that nature from?” Fiona spoke up.

  “Myself and Xin were located at a Beijing facility that was fortunate enough to be included in this project,” Bao replied.

  “I certainly wouldn’t say that it was ‘fortunate’,” Xin cut in with a frown, as she looked up from the laptop she was pulling from its case.

  “Hmmm, yes. Perhaps the wrong choice of word,” He agreed. “I merely intended to communicate the fact that we are lucky to have this information. No sooner had I taken a copy, than the orders came to delete everything.”

  “Assholes,” Pete sighed, crossing the room and joining them. “They should be the ones working on this, not us.”

  Nobody replied to this. Nothing about what was happening was right.

  As Xin opened the laptop, she was greeted by the sight of a massive crack in the screen.

  “Oh no!” She said in a tone of surprise, banging clenched fists against her thighs. From her kneeling position she looked up at Pete. “I tripped, didn’t I? As we left Vegas. I hope this thing still works.”

  “It could just be the screen that’s damaged,” Pete said, with an equal mix of soothing reassurance and pure hopefulness.

  Xin drew in a deep breath, hooked up the charging cable and pushed the power button. Nothing happened. She pushed it again and this time a standby light came on. Just as she began to think that the useless thing would actually load up, the screen began flashing error messages at her and emitting an awful screeching sound.

  “I can’t believe this!” She fumed. “Now what?” She turned hopefully to Zack and Fiona and asked if they happened, by any chance, to have a laptop with them on their RV. They both shook their heads.

  “Well, we all know not to ask Lucy to fix it,” Frank chimed in from the spinning chair that he was watching from. Lucy hit him on the shoulder, having joined him watching the screens.

  “I may not be able to fix it, but it seems that I’m the only one who remembers where we are,” Lucy said.

  “What?” Frank asked, turning to look at her with a raised eyebrow.

  “Oh, come on.” She rolled her eyes. “You think on the whole of this top secret, government research, military base...” She explained, exaggerating the key words. “That there aren’t any computers other than the one that was already here and the one that Xin brought?”

  Realisation dawned on the rest of the group and a sequence of emotions registered in succession across their faces. Happy smiles first. After all, that was the problem solved. Then thoughtful, pondering looks. Finally, they arrived at a grim understanding of the new problem they were presented with.

  The scheming that began after that, seemed to bond Zack and Fiona into the group. With something to accomplish and focus their attention on, they threw themselves whole heartedly into helping out.

  Back on the RV, Lanie had insisted that everyone stay inside. Only Sam had been allowed to step outside, in order to let Kenco see to his morning toileting needs. Even that had been under a watchful eye. However, with no cartoons showing on the small TV, Shania and Evan started to grow restless. They’d already made Nanny read to them and watched two ‘Shrek’ DVDs, followed by endless games of snap with Lanie.

  At lunch time Sam stepped in to try and keep the youngsters entertained, while the two girls held a quiet conversation and prepared sandwiches.

  “Did you hear dad last night?” Joanne questioned Lanie. Lanie had indeed heard their father wake up in the night and head to the toilet crying, but she hadn’t been sure that the others had.

  “What do you mean?” She probed.

  “He got up in the early hours this morning. I think he couldn’t sleep because of what happened to Grandpa,” Joanna said sadly, as she spread butter on slices of bread that were tearing apart under her distracted strokes.

  “I doubt anyone slept all that well last night.” Lanie sighed forlornly. “We all miss him. But yes, I heard dad too. He was crying. He’s strong though, we’ll all get through it.”

  “Do you think...” Joanne lowered her voice further and hesitated before asking. “Do you think that dad had to shoot Grandpa?”

  Lanie didn’t say anything, but she was slicing a cube of cheese far too thickly. Then she took a deep breath, put the knife down and turned sideways to meet Jo’s eyes. Her only response was a nod and her eyes were shiny with the tears she was holding back from the children. Joanne had suspected as much, but the thought horrified her and they fell into silence.

  Everyone squeezed in around the table to eat the decidedly ragged looking sandwiches. Their grandmother Annette refused to join them. She told them that she couldn’t eat and felt a migraine coming on, and then withdrew to the bedroom compartment in the back. Kenco took a spot beneath the table, where he could watch for falling food debris.

  “Lanie?” Shania said, drawing out Lanie’s name as she plucked at her sandwich.

  Lanie looked up at her. “Yes, sweetheart?”

  “Is Grandpappy a bitey man now?” She asked, with childish innocence. There was no fear in her voice, just curiosity and wonder.

  “What do you mean, Honey?” Lanie quizzed her.

  “Like that bad lady in the road. The one who bit that mister’s neck,” Shania explained, without taking her eyes from the crumbling bread that was falling into Kenco’s clutches.

  “Bad, bad lady,” Evan echoed, watching his mother for her response.

  “How did you see the bad lady?” Lanie asked in horror, exchanging concerned looks with her older siblings. “You were in bed.”

  “Me and Evan heard shouting. We looked out of the window. Will daddy get in trouble for shooting the poorly man?” When her question was greeted with a stunned silence, she carried on. “Evan was scared, but I cuddled him and looked after him,” she said proudly.

  Lanie now understood why Evan hadn’t seemed himself today. The small boy had been withdrawn, she’d put it down to all of the new people and strange goings on. The thought that he had witnessed any of the violence that she had, made her want to cry. Joanne reached a hand out under the table and squeezed her sisters knee.

  “Shanie, do you remember when we had Lady, our little cat?” Joanne asked. Shania nodded. “And when she got sick, she had to go to the animal hospital and have a long sleep?” Shania nodded again. Lady had been put down after a car accident. It had taken a long time for Shania to understand why she would not be coming home. “Well, that mister in the road was sick too. Daddy was helping him have a long sleep to get better.”

  Shania looked thoughtful and then said simply, “But guns kill people.”

  “Shanie,” Sam spoke up, trying a different explanation. “You know when we watched ‘Shrek’, how the knights were trying to kill him so Shrek had to fight them?”

  “And Shrek hits the knight with a chair, doesn’t he?” Shania replied enthusiastically.

  “Exactly, but he only does it because they are trying to kill him, doesn’t he?” Sam asked patiently.

  “And it’s funny,” Shania smiled.

  “It is, but sometimes in real life scary things happen, and if someone is going to hurt you, you have to stop them,” Sam explained. “When daddy shot the poorly man, it was because that man was very ill and didn’t know what he was doing. He was going to try and hurt other people. Daddy won’t get in trouble because he was making sure the poorly man wasn’t sad anymore and didn’t hurt anyone.”

  “Oh,” Shania said.

  For a while there was quiet, and then in a small voice Evan said, “So, will Grampa be back soon?”

  “No, Honey,” Lanie said, in a voice that was very close to a whisper. Tears escaped her eyes and he couldn’t control them. “Grandpa got very sick too.”

  “Did daddy stop Gra
mpa being sad and hurting people?” Shania asked.

  “Yes, sweetie. Grandpa is somewhere happy now,” Lanie managed to say before tears overcame her. She gathered up the plates and took them away, before the children could notice any more than they already had.

  After lunch, Lanie, who was still upset, decided to let the children play outside with Kenco to distract them from their earlier conversation. She set up some beach chairs beside the RV and told them they were to stay close. It seemed safe enough. A fence separated them from anything that approached from the road and the cabin was only a small distance from where the RV was parked. They were closed in enough that the children would not face any sudden danger, and Lanie was confident that if she spotted anything, Kenco and the others would help her make sure the kids were safe.

  Sam and Jo sat on the chairs with her and watched as Shania and Evan threw a ball for Kenco. The silly dog would chase the ball and pick it up but refused to fetch it back. The children would chase him and wrestle the ball from him to throw again. There was a lot of happy barking and slobbering dog kisses but they seemed to enjoy it.

  “I can’t believe they saw what happened on the road,” Lanie said. She almost got up from her seat when she saw Evan throw the ball with such excitement that he fell over, but she didn’t need to. Shania rushed over and helped him up. Minutes later they were both laughing again.

  “Me either,” Jo agreed.

  “It’s pretty bad,” Sam said. “But the world has changed. We can try our best to shield them but things are going to happen.”

  “I know what you’re saying, but they’re just children. They shouldn’t have to deal with things like that, it’s not right.” Lanie was shaking her head and looked as though she may start to cry all over again.

  “Nothing is right about this,” Sam said.

  The conversation was cut short, as Zack and Fiona exited the cabin and approached the three siblings. Their faces were unreadable and Lanie, Joanne and Sam rose to greet them.

  “Hey, what’s going on?” Lanie asked them when they were close enough to hear.