Dying to Live

by Roxy De Winter

  “I’ll help her, Mrs Hakeem,” Aiden said to the woman.

  “You are good boy,” she told him with a smile. “Your mother, she drink all of that, okay?”

  “Okay,” Aiden nodded taking the water from her.

  “Zahra, come. You must take your pills also,” her husband ordered.

  “Yes, Ahmed. I be just one moment,” Zahra responded. She paused to watch Courtney gulp down a mouthful of medicine and sip at the water that Aiden was holding to her lips, and then she bustled over to her husband.

  The Wood family were clustered together and had salvaged a few fold-up chairs. Stephen was exchanging his suit for a pair of jeans and a sports jacket. His wife, Kristy, stayed close beside him, holding up a towel to protect his modesty. Their nineteen-year-old daughter, Laura, or Lulu as her mother kept calling her, was sat on the floor brushing her hair with a pilfered brush. Laura’s younger brother, Sean, was thirteen. He had his hand in a bag of Doritos and a can of coke rested in the drink holder of his chair.

  Only Jessica sat alone. Lucy had realised that the youngest girl wasn’t related to any of the others. She scooped up two cans of pop and headed over to the girl.

  “Hey there,” Lucy smiled warmly. ”Coke or Mountain Dew?” She asked, offering the cans. The girl reached out for the Mountain Dew.

  “Thanks. It’s a shame they’re not still cold,” Jessica said with a Hispanic lilt to her voice.

  “Didn’t you want something to eat?” Lucy asked her.

  “I’m waiting for the mac and cheese to be ready,” Jessica told her.

  “Oh, good,” Lucy said. “Can I sit with you?”

  “Um... I guess,” Jessica replied. “You don’t have to do it ‘cos you feel sorry for me, though. I’m used to being on my own.”

  “No, that’s not it.” Lucy plopped herself down onto the cot beside the one that Jessica sat on.

  “Oh, alright then.” Jessica seemed to lose a little of the tension that she had been holding.

  “My names Lucy,” She told the girl.

  “Jessica... Or Jessy, if you like,” The girl said, as she cracked her can open.

  “That’s cute,” Lucy said kindly. Jessica raised an eyebrow at that, so Lucy quickly asked, “How’re you doing?”

  “I’m alive, so I’m not going to complain,” Jessica shrugged. “And i guess that’s probably down to you and your friends... I think that Stephen and Mr Hakeem were ready to give up, so thanks for that.”

  “We were glad to help,” Lucy insisted. “I think when we’ve eaten, we’re going to help clear some of the mall so that you guys can stay here.”

  “Well, that’s something I suppose. None of the others are made for a life on the road, and Stephen and Mr Hakeem don’t get along at the best of times,” Jessica gossiped. “They weren’t even riding together, but I was still sick of hearing them sniping at each other. Personally, of them all, I think Stephen is the only one I can stand.” Jessica gazed over at him and sighed.

  “Are you a friend of his daughter then?” Lucy guessed. Jessica snorted loudly and laughed.

  “No, definitely not. Laura is a puta. She thinks that because she’s nineteen and I’m fifteen, she’s too good to talk to me. Her Brother, Sean, is alright, though.”

  “Oh, so how did you end up here with them? You’re not related to any of them, right?”

  “You realise I’m part Mexican, don’t you?” Jessica laughed. “Jessica Mendoza... No, none of them are my family.”

  “Sorry,” Lucy apologised. She was finding this chick harder to talk to than she had expected.

  “No, it’s okay. I’m sorry. I know I can be a bitch sometimes,” Jessica smiled ruefully. “I’ve lived on the street too long to trust anyone.”

  “You lived on the streets? You’re only fifteen!” Lucy was shocked.

  “Yeah, well I ran away from home when I was thirteen. My mom’s boyfriend used to try it on with me and she used to let him. I didn’t have to take that shit.” Jessica shrugged. “I’ve slept in plenty of shop doorways but I never thought I’d be sleeping inside of a Target.”

  Lucy watched the girl let out a bittersweet laugh. She sat wordlessly and contemplated it, a girl of thirteen taking care of herself on the streets.

  “So, you asked how I ended up with the Woods’?” Jessica changed the subject. “Well, I’d been travelling state to state on the buses. I bought tickets with whatever money got tossed into my cup. I was on the same bus as Kristy when I saw my first zombie attack. Everyone freaked the hell out and I got caught in the crush when everyone was trying to get off. Kristy pulled me out of it and called Stephen to pick us up. Shit got crazy real quickly and there was just nowhere else to go.”

  At that moment, Pete approached them carrying two paper plates. “Ladies... Dinner is served,” He said, offering them the food. Jessica accepted one of the plates and tucked in. Laura was watching and it didn’t escape her notice.

  “Hey, can I get some of that too? Or did Jessica already eat it all?” Laura called over, her face puckered.

  Jessica glared at her and let loose a torrent of Spanish. Pete’s eyes widened as he looked at the girl, clearly the only one to understand her words. Lucy looked questioningly at Pete, but he had already noted that Laura was rising angrily from her seat.

  “It’s fine, there’s enough for everybody,” he explained, trying to calm the situation as Jessica put her plate aside.

  Lucy put a hand on the girls arm and she shook it off. “Don’t rise to it, that’s what she wants,” Lucy said, so that only Jessy could hear her. She considered Lucy’s words and glowered back at Laura with a look that could kill. Nonetheless, she picked her plate back up.

  Laura looked smug but said no more as her mother returned. It was not enough to stop her from sensing the tension.

  “What’s going on, Lulu?” Kristy asked.

  “Nothing, mom,” She smiled sweetly. “I was just asking if I could get something to eat.”

  “Your father’s fetching you some,” Kristy frowned, not believing her daughter. “I hope you aren’t fighting again.

  “Of course not,” Laura reassured her complacently. “...Oh, thanks daddy,” She said, when he returned and handed her a plate.

  “No problem, Sweetheart,” Stephen said lovingly and took a seat.

  Pete watched the exchange in disbelief. How could her parents have raised such a brat and be so blind to it? He looked back at Jessica. She was eating dejectedly beside Lucy, who was trying to make her feel better. It made him wonder how his child would have grown up, if she’d had the chance. She’d had the same name as Jessica. Perhaps she would have had the same fiery temper. He shook his head to dismiss the thoughts. He would hate to think that his daughter was having to fight to survive in this world, like Jessica would have to.

  Once everyone had eaten their fill, the adults’ conversations turned to how best to tackle the clearance of the rest of the mall.

  “I wonder if any more of the internal doors are already shut?” Frank questioned aloud. “That would make it easier.”

  “I’d expect that there were a few unfortunates who couldn’t get out in time and barricaded themselves in,” Stephen Wood speculated. “On the whole though, I doubt that we’d be lucky enough that they all are.”

  Pete sighed thoughtfully, he didn’t like the idea of going out there blindly and hoping for the best. “There must be a way to do this without getting killed in the process.”

  “I could be thinking too far outside of the box here,” Andy warned them before continuing, “But I’m trying to think of things that might prevent us from just charging into the mall, all guns blazing. So, won’t there be staff corridors and entrances into the stores?”

  “If this store’s anything to judge by, then no,” Pete frowned. “Zahra said that her and Kristy found a back room near the pharmacy, but it didn’t lead out into the shopping centre.”

  “Okay, what about...” Andy’s eyes turned upwards as his brain ticked aw
ay, grasping for a solution. He observed the plain ceiling tiles without really seeing them, but then his eyes grew wide and lit up his face as he grinned. “Guys, I think I’ve got it!”

  “Let’s hear it,” Harry said, looking at him expectantly.

  “What if we got up there?” Andy pointed upwards. “I bet we could get up through one of the tiles. That’s got to at least make it easier to move around this place... Even if we can’t get into every part of the mall, we can probably secure the parts we can much easier.”

  “You,” Pete paused and looked at him, “Are a genius.” A smile spread across Pete’s face. Andy beamed proudly, crossing his arms and leaning back.

  “We should send someone up there to check it out before we settle any plans,” Harry suggested.

  “I’ll do it,” Andy replied easily. “Seeing as it was my idea and all.” He stretched his arms out and rolled his head, as though limbering up for a boxing match. Then he rose from his camping cot. “Anyone wanna help me find a step ladder?”

  “I will,” Frank volunteered. “Pete, maybe it would be a good idea to see if the doors are clear yet? Then we can get to the truck. We’re going to need more ammo.”

  “Absolutely. Hopefully it’s calmed down out there and we can get some whilst you’re up there,” Pete nodded.

  “I’ll give you a hand,” Lucy piped up from the other side of the circle. “I told Xin to rest her leg and I’m sure that the others could use a break too.”

  “We all could,” Stephen expressed. “But I’d rather help. It’s my family and our friends that you’re doing this for and I won’t let you do all the work for us.”

  “Well then, let’s get to it,” Pete said. “Lucy, Stephen... With me. Harry, stay and help Frank and Andy.”

  33.

  ‘All I wanted was a safe place for my family, somewhere that we could wait all this out. The mall had everything we could possibly need and offered one of the best chances for survival. We’d just needed a way to get to it. Once we were there the situation wasn’t ideal and it was going to be hard and dangerous work, but it was a chance. I couldn’t let myself imagine the long term side of it, only the here and now. If we could secure this place, then maybe then we could start to look at the bigger picture. For now, anything could happen. These newcomers were a godsend. All I know was that I couldn’t have done it alone and Ahmed was less than useless. All I had left in me was the determination to protect my wife and children.’

  Andy’s legs dangled from the hole in the ceiling, kicking as he tried to propel himself into the dark space above.

  “I can’t see a thing up here. Someone pass me a torch,” Andy called down as his feet disappeared and his face came back into view. Frank picked up one of the battery-powered lanterns and climbed the small ladder to pass it up. Andy reached down and took it before disappearing completely from view.

  “What can you see?” Harry called up to him. There was no response, just a few scraping sounds as Andy shuffled around above them. Five minutes passed before he reappeared.

  “I think it’ll work,” Andy sounded triumphant as he hung his legs back through the hole. “Frank, could you move the ladder?”

  When the space was clear, he let himself drop back down, landing neatly despite the tight jeans he was wearing.

  “From what I can gather, the space up there goes on forever, but there’s no sign of anything hostile up there either... Not that I thought there would be. I mean, how could there be? They’re not that smart, right? The tiles are fairly stable but it’d be smart to go easy, just in case. It would kind of ruin the plan if anyone fell through,” Andy explained. “All of the tiles pull out, so we can pull up more to shoot through. They seem to stretch out over the stores but it’s gonna be dark as hell if we don’t wait until daylight.”

  “We should talk to the others about waiting until morning, although, I’m sure Xin won’t go for it. But it’s not like we can rig up any lighting without power and the torches won’t be enough. At least it’s a relatively safe idea,” Harry pointed out.

  “We should see how they’re getting on,” Frank stated, referring to Pete and Lucy. “Those boxes are heavy.”

  Once everyone had gathered again at the makeshift camp, Harry broached the subject. Xin was tired and already irritated to be of no use to the team, she was even more indignant at the idea of wasting so much time.

  “You don’t seem to understand. We need to be on the road again by tomorrow!” Xin tried to keep her voice level but the anger crept in.

  “We won’t be on the road at all if one of us falls through the ceiling into a pitch black mall full of starving zombies, you stupid woman!” Harry didn’t yell but his anger exceeded her own.

  “This isn’t even our problem!” Xin did shout this time. “I want these people to be safe, truly I do, but we already got them in here. We can even leave them weapons. We’ve given them something they can build on, but time is something we cannot spare!”

  Pete had been sat quietly with his head in his hands. Reluctantly, he looked over at Xin.

  “You know that there aren’t enough able bodies here for them to do that alone...” Pete paused; he had spoken the words unemotionally and wanted her to see that he was speaking the truth and not judging her for her thoughts. He continued, trying harder this time to mask his feelings. “Perhaps I should stay here.”

  Xin opened her mouth to argue but he raised a hand to stop her. “Hear me out. If I stay behind, Stephen and I can clear this place out. We can secure one shop at a time. Whilst ever all of us are here there is going to be urgency, and the more we rush the more dangerous the job becomes... But I could stay and help.”

  Xin was looking at Pete. It pained him to see that hurt expression in her eyes. He could see the feeling of abandonment written all over her face and could tell she was blaming herself, wondering if the things she had said were driving him away.

  “Xin...” Pete started.

  “No,” Her eyes looked glossy, as though maybe she would cry, but it could have just been the lighting. “You said you wouldn’t let me do this alone.”

  “And I never would, but you won’t be alone.” Pete gestured to Lucy, Frank, Andy and Harry. “You can trust them, I know I do. They’re our friends.”

  “You don’t think I know that?” This time a tear did slide down her cheek. “They’re the best people I’ve ever known, but it’s you that I can’t do this without.”

  Pete got up and walked over to kneel in front of her. Gently, he reached out to her and cupped her face.

  “You absolutely can do this. I know you can,” Pete said confidently, wiping away the tear with his thumb. He took a deep breath. “There are always going to be sacrifices to make in order to do the right thing. At least whilst the world is like this. This is just one of them.”

  Xin didn’t reply to him. Her eyes were closed and her head leant into his hand. Lucy, Frank and Andy were completely dumbfounded and didn’t seem able to find their tongues. The new group seemed unwilling to intrude on the moment. They knew that they needed all the help they could get and so they couldn’t turn down his offer, but it made them uncomfortable to witness the exchange, all the same. They sat quietly, listening in but pretending to focus on other things. Harry, however, seemed to be thinking about what Pete had said.

  Pete was still questioning himself. He had offered himself so that both groups could survive. He wanted to leave no more than Xin wanted him to, but he saw no other choice.

  The lack of conversation threatened to override his willpower. He started talking again just to fill up the silence and stop himself from backing out.

  “Anyway... Once it’s safe here, maybe I can come after you. I could find you if... Maybe you could leave me some kind of markers or messages, so I’ll know which way you went...” Even he knew that it sounded unlikely.

  “Don’t worry about it,” Harry said eventually. “It’ll be Okay.” He spoke quietly and Xin’s eyes opened. She and narrowed them in
his direction, ready to lose her temper again at any moment.

  “What will?” Pete interjected, before she could vent her emotions onto him any further.

  “I’ll do it... I’ll stay behind,” Harry said.

  Sensing that nobody knew how to respond, he elaborated. “I’ve considered it before. I thought about it when we were still in Caliente, and then again when we argued about the Centre for Disease Control.”

  “You thought about it in Caliente?” Andy finally spoke. “Was it because they have a good setup there? ‘Cos they can survive on their own, you know?”

  “I know and that’s why I didn’t stay,” Harry responded. “They didn’t need me. I didn’t leave for the CDC either because I’d never have made it there alone anyway. You have to understand, though, I never wanted to save the world either, just the people that I could save. I respect the mission that you’ve carved out for yourselves and I hope that you guys are right and can win this thing, but for me, it hangs on too much mumbo jumbo. I can actually help people, here and now, and that’s a fact, rather than just a chance.”

  “Are you sure about this?” Pete asked him, after his words had had a chance to sink in.

  “Surer than I have been about much else since Rodge died,” Harry said. “’Sides, your lady needs you. Anyone can see that you two are meant to be with each other.”

  “Yeah, that is definitely true.” Frank laughed and received a swift elbow in his ribs from Lucy. “Ouch... What was that for? It is true!”

  “Show some sensitivity!” Lucy hissed quietly.

  “And you two,” Harry laughed, pointing to Frank and Lucy. “Well, you two already act like an old married couple.”

  Frank stopped rubbing his side and looked up sheepishly at Harry. Lucy blushed next to him.

  “That’s definitely true too.” Xin’s laugh was a surprise that made Pete smile. Her face had lightened once her burden had been lifted, but she turned serious again shortly after. “Harry, I’m sorry...”