by Joanne Ellis
“She’s leaving.”
“Who is and where?”
“Don’t play dumb, Lucas. Chelsea is leaving the hospital and the city. She’s going back to live with her parents. I think she’s selling the shop and moving permanently.”
His heart stopped when he realised he would probably never see her again.
You weren’t going to anyway.
This is what he tried to tell himself but he couldn’t understand why he suddenly felt so lost and alone.
“Lucas, you still there?”
“Yeah, I’m here.”
“Well, are you going to let her go?”
“It’s not my choice, Carrie. It’s hers.”
“Yes but you could change her choice.”
“She’ll be better off with her family. They’ll take care of her.”
“So can you.”
“Cleary. I did a rotten job of that already.”
“It wasn’t your fault, Lucas.” When he didn’t answer, she continued. “Okay fine, I just thought I would tell you, so you would at least realise that she would be gone from your life for good and let you discover how you feel about that. Good night.” Then she was gone.
Chelsea was leaving? How did he feel about this? Like someone had taken a knife and stabbed him through the heart.
She’ll be better off.
He went to bed and dreamt about her beautiful face being constantly out of reach. When he reached for her, she moved further away until he couldn’t see her anymore. Lucas woke up with a start and looked around the blackened room. Would he ever be able to escape his dreams?
* * *
Chelsea didn’t intentionally tell Carrie that she was leaving, it had slipped out. Well, sort of. She knew that deep down she did want to know what Lucas’ reaction would be to her leaving. Would he care?
She spent her last night in hospital, curled in a ball, wondering if she would ever be as happy again as she was for that one week with Lucas. Chelsea had believed she had found the one man she had wanted to spend forever with. Her Pa had said she would know. Had she gotten it wrong all over again?
Chapter 37
Goodbye
Monday
After attempting to eat her breakfast to find she couldn’t stomach it again, Chelsea decided to get up and shower before packing her things. Gingerly, she undertook the task and it ended up taking most of the morning to ready herself to leave. Once the doctor had cleared her, she decided to visit Charlotte on her way out.
“Hey, honey, how are you feeling?’
“Like someone shot me in the shoulder.”
“Good, you’re still as feisty as ever. You must be feeling better.”
“I want to leave but I have to stay one more day. I just want to go home.”
“I know, honey. When you’re discharged from the hospital tomorrow, I’ll have packed my clothes and we can go home altogether.”
“I guess you haven’t changed your mind then.”
“No I haven’t.”
“Suit yourself, but I wouldn’t let him get away.”
“It’s not my choice, it’s his. He broke up with me. Now I have to go, Mum will be waiting. See you tomorrow.”
On the way home in the car, Sarah began to drill her eldest child.
“Chelsea there really is no hurry to leave. I can stay with you for a few weeks while you consider some more.”
“I don’t need to consider anything, Mum. Nothing has gone right for me since moving to the city. I give up and I just want to go home.”
“At least think about leasing Bloom out for a while, in case you want to come back.”
“I won’t be coming back.”
“Are you sure, Chelsea? Once it’s done, you can’t change your mind.”
“I know and I won’t change my mind.”
Sarah dropped the subject and Chelsea remained silent. As soon as they walked in the door, Chelsea headed upstairs.
“That’s a good idea, honey, you go and rest. I’ll pick up some groceries.”
“I’m not going to rest, Mum, I’m going to pack.”
“That can wait. I’ll help you with it later. There really is no hurry. Charlotte won’t be leaving the hospital until tomorrow. Besides, you should be resting.”
“Mum, I rested in the hospital. I just want to get started.”
Sarah knew to argue with her would be pointless and let her go.
As Chelsea entered her room she flashed back to the last morning she’d seen Lucas sleeping in her bed, his handsome face so peaceful and .....
Stop it!
She opened her wardrobe, determined to make a start and cease the memories that threatened to take over her thoughts. As she began to pull clothes from the hangers and throw them on the bed, she noticed an overnight bag sitting on the floor of the cupboard. Puzzled, she picked it up and after opening it, regretted it instantly. Lucas’ masculine aroma assaulted her. Dropping the bag back where she had retrieved it, she stepped back until she ran into the bed and fell back onto it.
She lay down and put her head on the pillow Lucas had slept on and his scent greeted her once more. How am I going to get through this again? Heart wrenching sobs overcame her and she released the heartache she thought would never leave.
* * *
Lucas blew off work, something of a habit of late. He knew Chelsea would be leaving the hospital today and wondered again whether he’d made the right decision. He'd failed to protect her. It was the best thing for them both. He tried to convince himself and his heart that he’d made the right decision, but it did little to remove the emptiness living inside him. Why was this so hard?
I need closure. Once I have that, I can move on.
Remembering he’d left some of his possessions at her house, he thought it a perfect opportunity to collect them and to say goodbye. He drove slowly, dreading the thought of having to see her one last time and then never seeing her again. Sarah answered the door and her expression was a combination of hope and irritation.
“Hello, Lucas, please come in. Would you like some coffee?”
“No, thanks. I just came by to say goodbye.”
“I think she’s resting and I would prefer that you didn’t disturb her right now.”
“Maybe I should go.”
“No, have a coffee with me. I want to talk to you.”
Leaving no room for argument, she walked to the kitchen, poured two cups and gestured for him to join her outside.
“Is this really what you want?” she asked him bluntly.
“No, yes. It’s the best thing for both of us.”
“No, Lucas, it’s best for you.”
“I ... can’t ... I didn’t protect her, I ...” He stopped, unable to find the right words. “I’m not going to change my mind. She’s better off.”
Sarah shook her head and took away his untouched coffee. “She’s upstairs. Just say goodbye and leave. She’s been through enough.”
She disappeared into the house while Lucas sat for several moments, preparing himself to face Chelsea again.
Entering the house had been like walking straight into his memory. He’d relived each moment as he walked up the stairs, the visions flooding his mind, suffocated him. As he walked into her room, he swallowed down the lump in his throat.
His breath caught when he saw her curled up asleep on the bed, hugging the pillow on what had been, for a short time, his side. It took every ounce of his willpower not to join her. Instead, he sat at the foot of the bed and gently called her name.
“Sorry for intruding,” he said quietly when she opened her eyes.
“What are you doing here?” She sat up abruptly at the sound of his voice. Wincing, she brought a hand to her chest to press on her bandage. His throat constricted as his heart leapt into it. He cleared it.
“I heard you were leaving. I came to say goodbye.”
“Why? Wait, don’t answer that.” She furrowed her brow and crinkled her nose. Lucas went to lift his hand to touch
her face. It took all his resolve to stop himself. “You’ve said it now, so goodbye.”
He said nothing for a moment. “Did I leave any of my things here?”
“Probably,” she mumbled, well aware that he had but trying to make it as hard for him as possible.
She climbed tentatively from the bed and it was Lucas’ turn to wince. Chelsea opened her wardrobe and retrieved the bag holding his belongings. She threw the bag at him before walking over to her side table and retrieving his journal.
“Here have your old life back while you’re at it.” She threw the book at him. The gesture and her bitterness nearly broke him
“Chelsea, I’m sorry.”
“I don’t want to hear it,” she answered through gritted teeth.
“I didn’t protect you from him.”
She looked at him, puzzled. “You blame yourself?”
“Yes.”
“It wasn’t your fault, it was mine.”
“How can it be your fault?”
“You obviously don’t know the full story then.”
Damn he should have read the file. What could possibly have happened for her to even think this was her fault. “There is no way you could have done anything to make that .... him do what he did. The only one to blame is me. I should have done more.”
“It’s not your fault. I don’t blame you and neither should you. Now you have got that off your chest, you can go.”
She walked slowly out to the balcony and shut the sliding door tentatively behind her. The exertion caused her face to grimace in pain. Again his heart mirrored her expression.
He stared sadly after her for a moment before standing abruptly. He collected his bag and strode out, leaving his leather bound memories on her bed.
Chapter 38
Healing the Soul
One Month Later
Chelsea’s external wounds were healed but her heart refused to mend. Being around her family, although comforting, did little to alleviate her sorrow or shift her loneliness, so she simply withdrew. Try as she might she could not forget about Lucas. She told herself over and over that she was being ridiculous, juvenile and simply pathetic but her heart wasn’t willing to listen. Was this what it was like to give up on life?
Charlotte took her out and encouraged her to date, which Chelsea politely refused to do. Her ever-changing moods, from melancholy to anger and loneliness and back to melancholy, started to worry her family. The only company she kept was a leather bound book. Even though it was painful, she couldn’t control the urge to read it. She wanted to stop torturing herself but did it nevertheless. Having read it several times through, she’d come to understand the man who broke her heart better than she knew herself.
When she put Bloom on the market and urged her parents to do the same with the house, they did so reluctantly. Her Pa tried to coax her back into life and Charlotte advised her daily that there were plenty of fish in the sea. Chelsea only wanted one fish. Pathetic.
* * *
Maggie began to grow tired of her partner’s impossible mood swings. He growled at everyone and was abrasive with her. She couldn’t remember ever seeing him behave this way.
When they first became partners, he was insensitive and apathetic and, for a short time, she’d managed to entice him out of this, albeit only slightly. Over the years he had softened a little but after he'd met Chelsea, the real Lucas had resurfaced.
She'd had many conversations over the past month with Carrie, who reinforced Maggie’s belief that Lucas had changed for the better during his week with Chelsea. She told Maggie how he reminded her of the seventeen year old Lucas, the sweet young man who disappeared when they lost their parents. Chelsea had relit Lucas’s soul, which had turned dark once again. Maggie and Carrie were at a loss.
* * *
Lucas woke up with a hangover, again. This, he discovered, was the only way to cease the images haunting him day and night. Every dark haired girl on the street during the day caused his heart to leap. At night, in his dreams, he relived every moment of their time together. There was no escape.
He opened one eye cautiously and was relieved to find he was alone. He had come close many times over the past weeks, in his drunken haze, to bringing home another nameless girl. This is how he used to fill his empty days, before Chelsea, when his heart was a shadow. Meaningless nights with just any girl would do nothing to ease the oppressing loneliness he lived with now that she was gone.
Last night was still blurry in his mind as he tried to recall through the fog what had occurred. He remembered attempting to pick up a brunette in the bar. He was now, in the cold light of day, thankful he hadn’t. His self-loathing was appeased only slightly, by the fact that he hadn’t used some poor girl to mollify his emptiness, albeit for one night. He knew though, even if he hadn’t been alone, he would still have been lonely.
This morning, for this very reason, he decided enough was enough.
He was still crazy in love with Chelsea Summerville and it was time to have her in his life again, where she belonged. He no longer desired to wake up alone and without her.
* * *
Two Weeks Later
The drive to her parents' house was scenic and relaxing, though it didn’t calm his ragged heart from beating uncontrollably.
What if she doesn’t want me back in her life?
Three anxious hours later, he drove up the sweeping driveway and stared in awe at the majestic house. Immediately catching the eye were stone pillared balconies jutting from upstairs rooms, while the front alcove leading to a set of double doors looked a little magical. His notions were so fanciful and everything appeared different to him now.
The beautiful, vast gardens, sprinkled with the various colours of summer, brought memories flooding back to a time when they lay whispering to each other in the wee hours. He remembered every little detail now, as though it was yesterday, when she’d recounted stories from her life in Tidwell. Her beautiful face had lit up and her eyes had grown wide and vivacious as she’d spoken about her first love, flowers.
His knock was answered by Charlotte and her first reaction was to scowl before bursting into a beaming smile. He knew the large two story house contained two wings separated by a sweeping staircase through the middle, but a quick glance over Charlotte’s shoulder revealed that Chelsea had understated the house’s size and appearance.
“It’s about time you showed up. Chelsea is sulking upstairs.”
Chelsea sat on a small love seat by a large inviting window providing a view of the lovely gardens below. She was hugging her knees to her chest and her face was turned away towards the window. Beside her on the seat sat his journal and his heart beat frantically in hope. He cleared his throat.
* * *
Chelsea stared out into the garden, unseeing. Someone had purchased both Bloom and her house. Her life in the city was over. Now that it was done, she felt sadder than before. Her parents advised her both properties were purchased through an agent and they were unaware who the buyer actually was. That chapter of her life was now over but she still couldn’t close the book. What was she going to do now?
A familiar throat clearing jolted her from her reverie and for a moment she thought she’d imagined it. She turned slowly to find Lucas perched on the foot of her bed, gazing at her, his face guarded and his eyes amber. Her heart leapt.
“What are you doing here?” she asked.
“I want you to come back to the city.”
“Why?”
“Because I do.”
“Why? Besides, I can’t. I've sold Bloom and the house.”
“I know. I bought them both.”
“What? Why?”
“My parents left me some money, which was more than enough to purchase the shop and house. I want you to come home.”
“Why?”
“Because...”
“Because what, Lucas?”
“Because ... I’m in love with you. I was from the moment I saw you.”
He stood up and strode the short distance across the room. He lifted her up from the seat and drew her in close to him. A wave of emotions coursed through her as she studied his expression. His crooked smile sent her heart into a flurry and his eyes were full of love. His hand came to her face and he ran a fingertip down her cheek and stopped at her chin.
“Can you forgive me?” he asked in a broken voice.
She nodded, unable to speak.
His lips sought hers, lovingly, hungrily. She wrapped her legs around his waist and returned his kiss with vigour, the long lonely weeks pouring from her lips to his. He pulled back to stare into her eyes and saw he was still there.
“I love you too.” She smiled with delight.
“Please come home with me.”
“If you promise you won’t ever leave me again.”
“I’m not going anywhere,” he said and kissed her again.
Epilogue
Six Months Later
“I’m so glad we still live here,” Chelsea said to Lucas while curled up in his lap in their favourite spot. “The view is just too good.”
“It is,” he said, but he was only looking at her.
She began to nibble his ear.
He cleared his throat.
“Ok, shoot,” she said.
“What?” His innocent expression didn’t fool her.
“I know you want to say something important because you cleared your throat and now you have a serious face on.”
“Well, I do have something to ask you and it is very serious,” he said, with a straight face.
“What is it?” she said, looking concerned.
“Well, I was wondering if you would make me really happy and marry me?” He pulled a ring from his pocket.
“Oh Lucas,” she cried, throwing her arms around his neck and kissing him all over his face. “Of course I will. I love you,” she said and she kissed him passionately.