Loved Him to Death: Haru of Sachoné House

by K. M. Frontain

  “I know it, but the scars that came of Jumi were just too thick, and you were going to leave me the moment I ripped them wide. It would have torn me to my centre.”

  He said nothing, and I smiled a shark’s smile of cynicism.

  “You didn’t care that your old Oradhé died unhappy for having loved you. You only cared that another mortal had failed to set you free. And in setting you free, you still would not care that a mortal dies unhappy for having loved you.”

  I set my feet back on their course. “Who would you have gone to, Intana, had you been freed? Your father, or Vaal? Why don’t you answer as you would have a day earlier?”

  I heard a crash, and then my body spun around, caught in Intana’s grasp. “I wept!” he said. “I wept that another man was about to suffer because of me!”

  “You wept that the eyes you needed were about to be cauterized from their sockets!” I spat. “You delayed, hoping that this stranger in the amphitheatre might somehow find a way around the sacrifice. And now you are frustrated because my success at staying sighted has availed you nothing.”

  His fingers were close to crushing the muscles of my arms, but I made no cry of protest. Despite my anger, despite my pain, he had begun to expand, to become translucent. I clenched my eyes shut at once. He cursed, yanked me forward and kissed me. My lips bled from his abuse.

  “I’m hungry!” he growled against my wounds. “Vaal should have eaten you! You taste good!”

  “Then have patience. He’s a shark. No doubt I shall displease Him someday and that shall be my fate. Perhaps you’ll be able to scavenge for scraps.”

  I opened my eyes a crack and observed blood on his lips. I looked down, found my supply of oils broken in the crate. Damn that Intana. He would not be kind to my property. “You are never to be my porter again, even if you offer.”

  He released my arms. “I didn’t mean to drop it. You made me angry.”

  How could he be penitent after the accusations and the attempts to hurt? “You came to me angry. I will not listen to your lies and your specious justifications,” I said.

  I didn’t wait for an answer. I spun about and marched on up the street. Again.

  People watched us. They said nothing, moved only their heads or eyes. I supposed they were secretly glad someone punished me for destroying the perfect order of their lives, but I didn’t care. My perfect order had been destroyed, too, and at that moment, because I was angry, I felt satisfaction they suffered as well.

  I didn’t want to arrive at my destination with my face covered in blood. I unbuttoned my vest and used an end to press against the cuts on my lips. Vaal’s kisses had been gentler, and yet His teeth had been sharper.

  “Why do you insist upon thinking of him like this?” Intana shouted at me, close upon my heels again. “I can feel the respect in your thoughts! You’ve none like that for me!”

  “He is my god and you are my slave. There is no need to think in a respectful manner with regards to you.”

  “Ah, I detest you!”

  “My lips know it. My arms as well.” A horrific pain throbbed within the break of my right arm. I thought I might be sick. I hadn’t managed to take my vest off entirely. It still rested on my right shoulder because I couldn’t bear to move that arm.

  “I’m sorry. I’m sorry, Haru. I won’t do it again.”

  “You just said you detested me.”

  He rushed in front of me. “I don’t. I just can’t stand you!”

  I laughed. And then he laughed, and then he kissed me again, this time tenderly, but my lips were too sore to appreciate it. He lifted a bottle higher. “There was one left unbroken. Will it help your lips?”

  “Perhaps. But I think I’ll just press the wounds shut a little longer.” My blood smeared his mouth again, and he licked at it without thinking. Predators. I was bound to predators, and I’d never much liked any. I put the vest against my lips and shoved past Intana. He came up to walk at my side.

  “I really am sorry, Haru. Please!”

  “You cannot undo the pain, Intana. Leave it go. I must endure until it is gone, and so must you.”

  “Yes. Yes, I know,” he whispered, and I understood he didn’t mean the pain of my body, but that which still rested in my soul.

  On my chest, the shark circling my heart felt cold and yet burned, like when Vaal had put His palm over it. I wanted to weep. How was my spirit to ever heal when Vaal came to me with Jumi’s face and body?

  Vaal had sworn never to return me to my lover, but if Vaal hadn’t destroyed Jumi’s soul, then Jumi had gone back to Creation.

  I recalled the revelation during Kima’s kiss. For interceding to save the souls in Vaal’s gut, I had been granted an understanding at odds with the philosophy of my people. We Brellin were raised to believe that our souls returned to Creation through Vaal, but He had nothing to do with Creation. Nothing at all.

  I had merely to end my life to be with Jumi again.

  Intana yanked me to a halt. I knew at once that he’d intercepted thoughts I would rather have kept hidden.

  “You don’t understand, do you?” he said.

  “Understand what?” I answered, staring determinedly at the stones of the street. “That the best way to free us both might be to look upon you as you are, and then end myself before Vaal stops me? If dying returns me to Jumi, then so be it.”

  “He ate Jumi, Haru. He ate him. For you to feel Jumi, you need only touch Vaal’s skin. For you to feel his presence, you must let Vaal near you. And if Vaal says he will never give you back to Jumi, then he means never to eat you, for he would be giving you to Jumi if he did.”

  “But…but he said He didn’t destroy Jumi.”

  “Jumi has become his skin, Haru. They are one being, inseparable.”

  I sagged onto the cobblestones. My forehead came to rest on Intana’s thigh. “Have pity. Don’t tell me these things.”

  “You look to be a man under two decades,” Intana said. “You will always look to be a man under two decades. You are marked with Vaal’s symbol and have swum in his wake since the day you received it. Beautiful Haru, you have no idea how truly he named you. You will be that way for eternity, or for at least as long as Vaal exists. You were born and just by being born, you made a god love you, so much that he must have everything you adore.”

  There are some days when a man doesn’t want to know anything. That day was one for me, but I could not shut my ears. Intana ripped the lies and the complacency from me, and I saw truths I hadn’t wanted to see.

  I had swum in Vaal’s wake all these years. I had been unusually lucky as well as ageless. I’d received a share of worship meant for Him. I hadn’t quite been human since the day I had waded into Blood Bay.

  Prince, priest, man of good fortune. Chief Grandmother had known when she slashed the scars on my chest that I had been claimed, and claimed for all eternity. If she left a hole in the circle around my heart, she meant to show my soul would bleed no matter how many years passed after Jumi died. I would always hurt, always be vulnerable, and that was how Vaal wanted me. There would forever be a scent of blood in the water to please his senses.

  “Haru?”

  I swiped tears off my face with a bloody end of vest, realized what I’d done and took a clean section to swipe again.

  “Haru?”

  “Yes?”

  “I’m very hungry.”

  I choked out a laugh. “Yes. I’m getting up.”

  I did, and I set off again for the place of good food. This time Intana chose to follow in silence, and I was glad of it.

  Chapter Fourteen

  The place of good food: the mother of the house let me in, but she was nervous and shoved me along faster for being slow. I only wished to accord due respect, but she wanted no bows or polite greetings. First a hand to my wrist, and then a yank and a hard shove against my back.

  “Ah, Haru Sachoné! The things you have done to Verdant! I should throw you out, but all the men of Verdant have los
t their balls this day, and I can’t run this establishment for men without balls. Since you seem to be the only one left with any, I must be practical.”

  She slammed the purple door shut the moment Intana, frowning, came in. I blinked in the muted light of the entry hall and listened to her harangue me further for making business difficult. In typical Brellin style, I slipped past the accusations and went for polite conquest.

  “We’ve come to eat your good food, Yrrylos. Can we not enter Flower Court, where I may listen to your account of men’s shortcomings in comfort?”

  Yrrylos snapped her mouth shut, gave me a frustrated look and set her plump self off toward Flower Court. I followed, a smile coming to my lips, because I adored plump women. I winced at once and put the vest back over my face. I had just made my injuries bleed again.

  “Where have you brought me?” Intana hissed from behind.

  “A house of good food,” I answered, “and entertainment.”

  “A house of whores!” he spat. “You’ve brought me to a house of prostitution!”

  “There is no such thing as prostitution to a man of Brellin,” I murmured and thrust through a curtain of amber beads into Flower Court. The light of the sun hit me again, coming down from windows set in slanted portions of the ceiling. Everywhere along the walls, in the more shadowy places, paper and wood privacy dividers formed compartments, and pots of tall ferns and flowering plants brought seclusion to remaining open spaces. The hanging lamps within these artful nooks were not lit. From this fact, I realized we were the only visitors.

  “If there’s no such thing, why are you here?” said Intana, hard on my heels.

  “To eat, to rest, to enjoy the company of amenable women.”

  “I hate you!” he said, and it sounded as though the words had come through his teeth. “There is prostitution! Even for you!”

  “I don’t agree. There is only pleasant entertainment, good food and gifts to women whose company I enjoy.”

  “Bastard.”

  Yes, perhaps. But this was the way of the people of Brellin. We did not disrespect women by naming them whores after we men had come panting on our knees just to get between their legs. Our mothers and sisters would bash us with their frying pans for being so hypocritical.

  Yrrylos halted. She’d brought us to a nice nook, one with a tall plant that had white flowers in blossom. They smelled delightful. She smelled delightful.

  I admit; I have this thing for mature women, and Yrrylos often caught my fancy before her courtesans did. Today she wore the colour of her guild, a vivid purple robe of fine silk, but with green scarves in her hair and about her waist. She’d lacquered her fingernails a brilliant rose. I couldn’t help think of their colour on my shaft while her fingers rode up and down.

  Behind me, Intana hissed a wordless warning. Clearly, I was to reconsider my fantasies or endure further damage to my person.

  “He’s renowned for choosing only men as his Oradhé,” Yrrylos said, looking at Intana mistrustfully.

  “He’s been given little alternative,” I replied.

  Yrrylos’s expression became more mistrustful. I didn’t doubt Intana showed his spite in some manner. The air had the feel of thunderstorms.

  “Is he grimacing at you?” I asked Yrrylos.

  “Yes,” she said. “They never let him in a house like this before, and he’s never tried to come to one.”

  “He generally has a difficult time straying from his Oradhé,” I answered. “Today he is here, because today I am here.”

  I decided to ignore Intana’s discontent and sat on a silk covered mat. Yrrylos knelt to take off my footwear, while Intana watched with a scowl. Out from behind a screen, girls pattered forward with washing bowl and scented soap to lave my face, hands and feet. They beheld Intana and spilled water on the polished wood, stalling in their tracks.

  “Shuh, shuh, shuh!” Yrrylos cried. “What are you thinking? See after our guests!”

  “But it’s the Oradhé! And the dragon god!”

  “And they aren’t guests? Move, you silly things! They still have faces and hands and feet!”

  And our faces and hands and feet were washed, after I ordered Intana to be seated and to stop making a threat with his face, and Yrrylos went off clucking about the disaster that was my vest, which she confiscated and took with her.

  “Teach him not to bite, why don’t you, Haru?” she said as she left. “I’m surprised you aren’t also bleeding between your legs.”

  “He’s politer with some parts of me,” I replied, but she didn’t hear. No matter. She’d return with pain relieving ointments to save my lips from further suffering. Yrrylos ran a good house. She was a perfect mother.

  “She’s hideous,” Intana said.

  Ah, he was just so petty. “Why must you fuss about this?”

  “Because I discover every day that something else stands between me and your heart!”

  “You have no reason to want all of my heart any longer, Intana. You have made a deal with Vaal.”

  “Bastard.”

  Ah, well. Again perhaps. “You’ll like the food here.”

  “It only means I have to start shitting.”

  I laughed, then winced, blood coming into my mouth again. My lips had to be in tatters to have this much.

  “Ah, Vaal’s going to bite my ass if we don’t fix that,” Intana said, now looking worried. “Where is that whore mother and her medicines?”

  Without warning, I picked up the bowl of washing water, and flung it and the contents at him. The girls fled screaming.

  “Ow! Haru!”

  “You are unmannerly! You will not shame me further! Do you understand?”

  “Yes,” he whispered, his expression startled.

  I gave him a fallen towel to wipe his dripping face. “In my society, there is only one type of whore, and this is a woman that breaks a contract of paternity. There is no other type. Do you understand? The women here are sociable persons who enjoy the company of men. That is all. Is it clear?”

  “Yes.” He gave the towel back to me, and I put the damp cloth on my face to stop the blood from travelling down my chin to my chest.

  Not long after, Yrrylos returned and had her less cowardly girls correct the mess we had created. While they fluttered about like so many bright petals in the wind, I held up my face for Yrrylos to clean and dab with an astringent, and then smear the injuries with a medicated ointment. Intana remained polite throughout it all, but mostly because he said nothing.

  Food came after, and we set to eating, but I knew Intana still insisted, if silently, that Yrrylos was hideous. And fat. Such discourtesy and intolerance. Why he should think I would prefer women as hard and slender as a man, I had no idea.

  “Do you have children here on Verdant?” Intana asked suddenly, halfway through our meal.

  “Not to my knowledge,” I said and gave him a flat stare he decided to heed.

  Into the following silence came a loud racket, and my new Halva burst into Flower Court.

  “Lord!”

  “Yes, Halva?”

  “Oh! I found you!”

  I gave him a small smile, amused that he’d thought to lose me so easily, and after I’d made sure of his familiarity with this address.

  “I’ve brought your new crew!” he cried, and I sat there with my mouth dropping open and no words coming out. “Lord? They’re waiting outside for inspection.”

  A crew?

  “What did you want a crew for?” Intana demanded. “You don’t have a ship! I leave you alone for a few hours, and you do something strange! I should have found a way to eliminate this boy the moment I saw you with him.”

  “Intana! Stop it!” I rose to my feet. I didn’t bother with my boots, but followed Halva back to the front door, Intana trailing us. Intana and I stood in amazement in the entrance while Halva turned and beamed at us. There, in a row behind my sea chest, stood fifteen or so dirty, skinny children, all of them sopping wet.

  �
��It’s a crew of rags and bones,” Intana said.

  “Hush,” I murmured. I looked at Halva. “What have you done?”

  “Made them swim with Little Brother,” he said. “And here they are. Your crew.”

  Some of them weren’t the age requiring this, but it was too late to protest. They had swum.

  “Were there any that swam and didn’t come out?” I asked.

  “Not of my crew,” Halva said proudly.

  I considered this, my regard falling on a pair of girls who shivered and clutched each other. “Not of your crew?” I prodded.

  “There was a man who jumped in the water after I told him why we were swimming with Little Brother. He shouted that it was all lies. Said Omos was going to destroy the false god that had murdered the people of Verdant, and that the harbour sharks didn’t eat people anyway. I mean Little Brother.”

  “I see,” I murmured.

  “Little Brother ate him,” Halva added needlessly. He jerked his head back at the queue of children. “I had to get in to save that one, because she almost drowned then. The blood made her faint.”

  He had indicated the smaller girl. The pair looked to be sisters. “Halva, women do not swim with Little Brother,” I said.

  He blinked. “They don’t?”

  “No. They have enough trials bearing children. We never ask women to swim with Little Brother. You must apologize to these girls.”

  Halva’s skin acquired so red a blush he seemed ready to smoulder into flames. With a chagrined expression, he approached the two girls and uttered a stumbling apology. The taller hauled back and slapped him with all her might. I laughed and then winced, remembering too late my lips.

  “Grandmother’s going to adore her,” I muttered. Halva came back to me, a weak smile on his face. “I see you like her.”

  His blush became that much more a threat to roast him. “Shh!” he whispered. “That’s the first she ever touched me!”

  “Well, don’t use Little Brother as a means to get her attention again,” I advised. I made room in the entrance and ordered my sea chest brought in. Two emaciated boys at once hauled it up and stumbled forward.