by Dawn Martens
My eyes don’t leave my bedroom door until he walks back in the room. He comes straight to the bed and crawls in beside me. “Okay, now we can talk.”
“Talk?”
He nods, pulling me to him. “You asked about Sarah. I said we’d talk about her later.”
“Oh,” I whisper, not sure I want to talk about his girlfriend right after we had sex.
“Sarah’s a good woman. At least, she was when I first met her. But she was never you, and she knew that I didn’t have any real feelings for her. Knowing that she was just keeping me busy, while I waited for you, made her bitter.”
I saw them together enough to know that Sarah meant something to him. He can say what he wants, but I’ll never believe he doesn’t care for her. “Sarah means something to you.”
“No, she doesn’t. She could have, if it wasn’t for you. As soon as I realized you were no longer just a kid, she never had a chance.”
I’m about to ask him what he means when his cell starts to ring. He reaches to the floor and pulls it from his pants. “Yo.”
I watch as his face instantly loses its color, and he quickly swings his legs off the bed. “Where is she?”
He listens while pulling on his pants. “I’ll be there as soon as I can.”
Kidd shoves the phone in his pocket and starts to pull on his shoes. I watch him as he continues to get dressed. He stays quiet until he slides his cut over his shoulders. “I gotta go,” he barks out, voice sounding cold.
“What?” I ask, shocked at the change in him.
He looks to me with regret in his eyes. “Sarah needs me. We’ll talk about this shit later.”
With those words, he walks out of the room. Seconds later, I hear the front door slam. I curl into a ball, letting my tears wash away my heartache. I just don’t understand how he can say he wants me, but takes off after Sarah right after he we have sex? Maybe that’s the issue, he wanted sex and said whatever he had to in order to get it.
The more I think about it, the more angry I get. I know the guys at the club use girls all the time. Shit, the guys at school do too. But Kidd is my friend. At least he’s supposed to be. Friends don’t treat each other like that. Do they?
After nearly two hours of crying and fuming, I’ve had enough. I decide to go find out what the hell his problem is. I hop off my bed, grab my clothes, then quickly get dressed. I’m just walking out of my room when Chipper comes in the front door. For once in two weeks, he isn’t drunk, but he does look like shit.
“Where’re you going?” he asks, as he shrugs off his cut and throws it on the couch.
“I got to talk to Kidd,” I say, sounding angry and maybe a little hurt.
“He’s not at the clubhouse, darlin’,” he says with a shake of his head. “He’s with Sarah.”
I assumed he was going to Sarah, but hearing Chipper say it still hurts. More than the hurt, it pisses me off. How the hell could he do this to me? “Where are they at?”
His brow rises. “You haven’t heard?”
I shake my head in the negative. “Nope.”
“Sarah was in a car wreck, a bad one. The doctors doubt she’ll make it through the night.”
All of my anger vanishes, and I’m filled with a sense of self-loathing. Here I was, worried about what happened between me and Kidd, and she’s dying. “I’m going to the hospital.”
“I don’t think that’s a good idea.”
“I have to be there for Kidd,” I try to explain.
“I’m telling you, Jenna, that’s not a good idea.”
I know better than to argue with Chipper, so I go to my bed. I sit there silently, waiting for the sound of the TV in his bedroom to turn on. Once I know he’s out for the night, I’m going to the hospital. Good idea or not, I won’t let Kidd go through this on his own.
Kidd
I run my fingers through my hair, frustration and anger eating away at me. I should have left Sarah in Mateland. If I had, she wouldn’t be dead. This is my fault. A good woman is dead because of me. As I walk out of the hospital, our last conversation flashes through my mind.
She was so fucking upset. She didn’t want to leave, kept telling me she had nowhere to go. I knew she was telling the truth, but I didn’t care. The only thing that mattered to me was getting to Jenna. Hell, I was already on my bike heading to Chippers’ before Sarah even pulled out of the parking lot.
The last words she said to me was that she hated me. Well, now I hate myself.
I’m just stepping into the club house when Jenna comes running down the hallway. Shit! I don’t need this now. “What the hell are you doing here?”
“I went to the hospital, but you weren’t there, so I came here to check on you. I needed to make sure you’re okay,” she says, stopping in front of me.
“Do I look fucking okay to you?”
She takes a step back. “I was worried about you being here all alone.”
My anger is at a boiling point, anger at myself. “Did you ever consider I might have wanted to be alone?”
“I’m sorry. I thought you might need me.”
“I don’t need you. I don’t need anyone. Sarah is fucking dead, and you’re here trying to comfort me. Did you ever think that if you hadn’t been fucking me earlier, she might still be breathing?”
She shakes her head and tears come to her eyes. “No, no, no…. Don’t say that. Please, don’t say that.”
“Did you even once consider that if you had left us the hell alone, I may have claimed her?” I know she doesn’t deserve my words, but I’m too keyed up to stop. “If I did, she’d be alive right now. I’d have a woman in my bed instead of a little kid that I could barely even get hard for.”
As soon as the words leave my mouth, I want to take them back. Nothing I said was true; far from it. But when I look at her face I know it’s too late. I lashed out at her, and I did it in a way that I’ll never be able to take back. “I’m sorry,” I finally croak out.
She doesn’t respond, just shakes her head and turns to run out the door. I can’t let her leave like this. I’m just getting outside when I see a few of the brothers roll into the parking lot. Before I can say anything, she climbs on the back of Timber’s bike and shouts for him to go. Fuck!
Reese climbs off his bike and walks towards me. He motions towards the tail lights of Timber’s bike. “What’s going on with Jenna?”
“I’m a dick.” I say then turn and wall back into the club. I grab a bottle and head to my room, hoping to drink the pain away.
Jenna
Timber brought me to Merwin to show me some of the abandoned coal mines. The moonlight makes the small amount of coal still in the ground shine like diamonds. I walk around picking off the loose pieces of coal while Timber watches. He hasn’t taken his eyes off of me since we got here. I know he wants to talk, and wants me to tell him what happened, but I’m not ready to tell him yet. I’m not sure I’ll ever be ready to tell anyone.
I still can’t believe what happened at the clubhouse. I thought Kidd would need me to be there for him. I sure in the fuck wasn’t expecting whatever the hell that just was. All the things he said to me earlier were lies. We didn’t make love; we fucked. Timmons was right. That’s all I’m good for.
Today was all just a game to Kidd. He didn’t want me for anything other than sex. He’s just like every other guy out there. All he wanted was a piece on the side, and I gave it to him. Well, fuck him. That was the last piece he’ll ever get from me.
I can’t believe I truly thought he wanted me to be his old lady. I swear he could come crawling back to me, and I would never wear his brand. I won’t be his old lady. I won’t be anyone’s old lady. He wants to treat me like a whore. I’ll show him. I’ll be one.
Finally done with my pity party, I walk over to Timber and lay down. We lay there for what seems like hours, side by side, staring at the stars. I place one of the coal pieces up to the sky, showing Timber how it sparkles. “It’s beautiful here.”
&nb
sp; “Beautiful,” he agrees in his gravelly voice.
I look over to him and see that he’s staring at me. “You’re not even looking,” I say, motioning towards my rock.
“Why would I look at a chunk of coal, when I have someone as pretty as you lying beside me?”
His words send a blush to my face. I’ve been called pretty, mostly by Chipper and Mindy, but they sure as hell never said it the way he did. I can’t stop myself from looking at him, really looking. His light brown hair lays in waves to his shoulders, and he has a mustache the frames his mouth, ending right at his jaw line. I never thought guys with mustaches were hot, but Timber is definitely hot. I can’t believe I’ve never noticed how handsome he is before. I guess I was so caught up in Kidd that I never really paid attention.
I’ve always liked Timber. He’s a great guy. He knows a little of what I went through at the other club. We’ve never really talked about it, but I can tell by the way he looks at me sometimes. It’s a mixture of sadness and anger. I know without a doubt that he would kill Timmons if I ever told him what he did.
While Kidd was away, I met a lot of the guys at the club. I liked most of them, but Timber and I became true friends. When Kidd wasn’t there for me at Mindy’s funeral, Timber sat by my side. He was there for me the whole time, never letting go of my hand. Why couldn’t I just feel the same for Timber what I feel for Kidd? He’s a great guy. He could be perfect for me.
“Wanna tell me what’s wrong, pretty girl?” Timber asks, bringing my mind back to our conversation.
“Kidd was an asshole.”
“I figured that. What’d he do?”
For some reason, the whole story comes flowing out of me. “I’ve had a crush on him since I first came here. I kept telling myself it would go away, but it never did. Then… Well, you know what happened at Mindy’s funeral.”
He nods, anger flashing through his eyes. “I know what the mother fucker did. He should’ve set that bitch in her place.”
“You shouldn’t talk about a dead person like that.”
“Dead or not, that bitch was a bitch.”
I ignore his words and continue my story. “My birthday was today. I was at the house all alone when he stopped by. He started telling me all this stuff about how I was his old lady. Then, we... Well, we had sex.”
I feel Timber’s body grows taut next to mine. “Kidd claimed you?”
“I thought he did, but then he went off after Sarah. When I saw him at the clubhouse, he said it was my fault that she died,” I whisper out, afraid that he may agree with Kidd.
“What the fuck?” he shouts. “The bitch was driving too fast. Rum saw her. He said she had to be going eighty.”
“But Kidd says that if we hadn’t been together, it would’ve never happened.”
“It’s not your fault, babe. Kidd’s just being a dick right now, because they had just had a fight. He feels guilty, nothing more.” He rolls towards me. “He’s probably already kicking himself in the ass for saying that shit to you. I know Kidd. He ain’t gonna want to let you go.”
I shake my head. “No, I waited for him for forever. I would’ve done anything for him, but now I’m done. Ever since he brought Sarah home, it’s been one thing after another. This, well, this was the last straw,” I say as I lean my head onto his shoulder.
He shifts slightly and wraps his arm around me, bringing me in closer. “You know there are other brothers that would take you for an old lady.”
I shake my head against his chest. “I’m never going to be an old lady.”
“Why don’t you let me try to change your mind?” He says, placing his lips on mine.
Kidd
“Is she home yet?” I ask.
“I told you I’d let you know when she got here. There’s no reason to keep calling me,” Chipper growls out.
I don’t bother responding, just hit end and stick my phone in my pocket. Calling Chipper and letting him know what happened between me and Jenna wasn’t fun. I swear if we’d been face to face, he would’ve ripped my fucking head off. No doubt, I deserve it.
I lie in bed for a while longer then decide I need another drink if I’m ever gonna get to sleep. I’m walking into the common room just as Timber comes walking through the door. It’s nearly four o’clock in the fucking morning, and I have no doubt he’s been with Jenna this whole time. “Where the hell have you been?”
He stops and smiles at me, and his smile is anything but friendly. “I was spending some time with my girl.”
I take a step closer to him, getting in his face. “She ain’t your fucking girl.”
“She’s not yours either. She could have been, but you threw her away.”
“She’s mine. I don’t give a shit what she told you.”
“She’s didn’t have to tell me shit. Her tears soaking through my shirt did the talking for her,” he says in a near shout.
I pull back and wipe my hand over my face. “I fucked up.”
“You sure as hell did. You treated her like trash, and she ran away,” he says with a nod of his head. “But you know what they say. One man’s trash is another man’s treasure.”
As soon as the words leave his mouth, I have my hand against his chest, pushing him across the room. “You stay the fuck away from Jenna.”
“Brother, you can beat my ass all you want. I’ll still do everything I can to make her mine.” With that, he pulls away from me and walks to his room.
I watch him walk away and realize that I’m gonna be fighting more than just Jenna’s anger to get her back. I’ll also be fighting at least one of my brothers.
CHAPTER Ten
Jenna
It’s finally my graduation day, and I’m so nervous that my knees are knocking together. I’m on stage, getting my diploma; something I thought would never happen; something, both Chipper and Mindy pushed on me; something that would’ve never happened without them supporting me.
I look out to the crowd and tears start to pool in my eyes. Chipper, my dad, the man that is more of a father to me than anyone ever has been, is sitting in the front. His bright toothy smile hasn’t left his face since I walked on stage. He told me this morning that he was as proud as any dad could ever be, and I told him that I was as lucky as any daughter could ever be.
My tears are for my mother. The mother of my heart, that is. Mindy would have been front and center to see this day, this moment. I can almost see the smile on her face, and missing that smile makes my heart ache. I see the time that I had with her for the gift it was, but I’m still angry that it had to end so soon.
Reese, Timber, and most of the other guys from the club are here. In fact, it seems like the front of the auditorium was reserved for the Renegade Sons. But there is one chair empty. The one right next to Chipper. I know that Chipper was saving that seat for Kidd. The fact that he isn’t here cuts me to the core.
He was here earlier. I spotted him near the back when I walked in. We stared each other for what seemed like hours, but he never said anything and neither did I. Kidd has tried many times to talk with me since that night. Each time he does, I can tell that he’s just doing it because he feels like he has too. I would rather he ignore me than feel like I’m some kind of obligation.
I know he’s hurting. His woman is dead, and he was fucking me when she was dying, but it wasn’t my fault. I don’t care what he says. I didn’t cause her death. I never would’ve let him touch me if I’d known they were still together. At least, that’s what I tell myself. To be honest, I’m not sure I could ever tell him no. Even now, knowing he’s as much of a jerk as my father is, I’m not sure I could turn him away.
Realizing that, I’ve been doing my best to stay clear of him. I probably won’t be able to avoid him for long, because tomorrow, I have to tell Chipper my choice. I have to leave the club or join it. See, the club has rules. Women can’t be members, but they can be property. There’s only two ways to become Renegade Sons property. One is by becoming an old lady. The oth
er is to become a whore. What you can’t be is unclaimed. Now, I could go out into the world on my own if I wanted to, but I’d no longer be a part of the club. I’d still have Chipper, but my time with the rest of the boys would be cut back. I wouldn’t be allowed at the club house, except for family gatherings. There’d be no more poker parties at the club house with Timber, no more bartending lessons with Preach, and no more midnight bonfires in the club yard with Reese and Pebbles.
Chipper doesn’t want me to become a club girl. He wants me to get out and get away from all of this, but this is my family. Timber, Chipper, and Reese are three important men in my life that I can’t live without. I’ve made my choice. I’m just not willing to give all that up. Really, I don’t have many options. I hate school, so college is out. There’s no damn way I’m spending the rest of my life flipping burgers, and that’d be the only job I could get without any kind of education. I could always dance at The Kitty Kat, but those girls end up being club whores before long anyway. So I don’t see the reason in putting it off.
I think Chipper knows I’m leaning towards becoming a whore, because he’s been talking to me about becoming one of the boys’ old lady instead. He says that there are a lot of members that will take me, but I don’t want any of them. We fought about that too. Maybe I still am holding out hope for Kidd? Nah, that can’t be it. I need to give up that fantasy. I know what being an old lady entails, and no way in hell am I going to be some house wife while my husband goes out and fucks around on me every night.
I shake off thoughts of Kidd, Sarah, and even Mindy, as I snatch my diploma from the superintendent’s hand, and march off the stage. Unlike the rest of the parents that sit in their seats and clap, my family comes running. Before my feet even hit the auditorium floor, I’m tossed over Chipper’s shoulders and Timber shouts, “It’s time to fucking party!”