Lost

by Dean Murray

  While I was thinking all of the ramifications of what she'd gone through, she continued on.

  "Even now I can't bring myself to go back there. You're safe now, we could all leave. The three of you could make a clean getaway and I could go back to save whomever is left, but the thought of meeting their eyes and having to tell them that I sacrificed their friends to keep them alive makes me want to curl up on the floor and die.

  "I can't believe that I've done this, but by the same measure, I couldn't make myself leave. Every moment that passed I considered leaving, but I couldn't do it. I kept thinking that you could wake up at any point. I kept hoping that you'd wake up in time for me to get back, and then suddenly I realized that it was too late, Onyx had surely killed his first victim.

  "And then it was too late to do anything about whomever was dead, there was just you here and another twenty-four hours spent hoping you'd wake up before it was too late for me to return and prevent any more deaths."

  I pulled her in tight against my chest and hugged her. "I'm sorry, Celeste. I'm glad to be alive, but I'm sorry to have put you through that."

  "It's not your fault. You were right, you know. Every step you took was the right one to have taken. I can see that now. I wish that you'd just killed Pal without giving him a chance to poison you, but you were right to fight him, right to save Set and the rest of the enclave by extension. You seem to always do the right thing. I wish I was like that.

  "No, that's not right. I wish I could want to be like that, but the price is too high for me. There was never any other way to save my friends other than what I did."

  I lifted her chin so that she would have to meet my eyes. "We are like two sides of the same coin. I never thought that I had any choices. You always saw nothing but choices. I never took enough responsibility, you always took too much. I'm glad I met you, Celeste Hunt. There were things that I needed to learn from you."

  "You sound like you're leaving."

  She wanted to be kissed, I could feel it. The desire to give her what she wanted was almost overpowering, but I forced myself not to act on it. I hadn't earned that yet.

  "I have something that I need to go do…"

  I started to untangle myself from her, but she grabbed me with the kind of desperate strength that I hadn't been sure she was capable of. That required more emotion than she'd shown up until recently.

  "Is it because of Jess? You cried out for her a few times while you were asleep. I know you said that you'd started moving on, but if that's all that's stopping you then I can wait. I've traded in everything I've spent the last thirty years working towards for you, Isaac. Don't cast me aside; I don't think I could survive that."

  "It's not because of Jess. I really have moved on. It took me a while to realize it, but she really is gone. I still love her, but she's not coming back and I've come to accept that. There's nothing there to stop me from becoming…close…to someone else."

  Even as I said it, I realized just how true it was. I had vague memories of Jess being inside my dreams during the last week, but it had been Jess that I'd been dreaming of, not Jessica. I was sad she was gone, but I wasn't pining anymore after the girl wearing her body.

  "What is it then?"

  There it was, the one question I couldn't answer. If she thought back over our past conversations she'd know what it was, but right now she didn't remember the reason. Maybe that wasn't fair to her. Her whole world had changed so completely over the last few days that it was only natural that she would feel like my world had shifted just as dramatically.

  She could see that I had feelings for her, and for some people that was enough. Love changed everything for those kinds of people. They weren't wrong, love really did change everything, but it also changed nothing, all at the same time. She was going to have to figure out the answer on her own. If I just came out and told her, she'd have to make a decision, one she'd already made, but this time I'd be holding a gun to her head. I wanted her to do the right thing because it was the right thing, not because she thought it was the only way to win my affections.

  "Do you trust me?"

  She looked at me for several seconds before finally nodding. The nod was hesitant, almost as though I'd dragged it out of her in spite of her better judgment, but she nodded all the same.

  "Everything in my past tells me that I shouldn't trust you—that I shouldn't trust anyone—but I do trust you, Isaac. How did you manage that?"

  "I'm not sure, but I'm very glad that I did. I promise you that I'll tell you as much as I can as soon as I can. I can't promise that everything will work out perfectly, but I'll do the best I can for you, Celeste."

  "Okay. I already know that's the best I'm going to get out of you. I can accept it for now. Go do what you have to do, I'll be here waiting when you get back."

  I took her hand and pulled her up off of my bed. "You don't have to wait, you can come with me if you want to."

  We walked out to the living room like that, holding hands even though I wasn't sure that was a good idea. I didn't want to make promises to her that I couldn't keep. Holding hands wasn't the same kind of promise as kissing, but it was still a promise. In the end I didn't pull away because I knew that she already knew what I was thinking, and despite that she was still holding onto me with that same brittle, determined strength.

  I got yet another major shock when we stepped out into the living room and I saw Ash sitting a few feet away from Jax. I was so excited to see him with his eyes open that I pulled Celeste towards him. He stood as we crossed over to him. He took in the fact that we were holding hands, and I saw his lips tighten slightly before he finally relaxed and clasped me on the shoulders.

  "Celeste has been filling me in on your exploits. I owe you one for keeping Nicolas from finishing the job he started on me, and another one for getting us all here and keeping us safe for so long."

  "You would have done the same thing in my shoes."

  Ash shook his head. "No, I would have tried to do the same thing, but I would have failed. You made it happen against all odds. I'm grateful, and more than just for my own sake."

  Jax gave me a lazy wave. "Don't mind me, I'm just still in shock. Not only did I dodge a bullet by getting out of New Orleans, I also get to see Ashley…I mean Ash…again. It seems like it was just yesterday that he was running around, getting underfoot and playing pranks on people. If I were going to pick two people to try and reestablish the pack with than I could have done a lot worse than Ash and Celeste."

  My mind skipped a track at the idea of super-serious Ash ever engaging in pranks, but the astonishment only lasted until I had a chance to register the last half of what he'd said.

  "Actually, that's why I came out here. It's time to go see if I can do something about all of that. You can come or stay as you'd like."

  Ash and Celeste shot each other confused looks, but my words didn't seem to have even registered for Jax. I headed towards the door out into the valley, and Celeste was only one step behind me, still clutching my hand for all she was worth.

  Ash asked Jax to keep an eye on Kristin and then he was jogging to catch up with us before the curtain closed.

  "What are you talking about, Isaac? There isn't anything that can be done about the past."

  I didn't look back at Ash as I continued to lead Celeste down the winding path that led towards the main lamia cavern.

  "I'm not so sure about that anymore, Ash. It's time to see if the lamias have yet another trick that none of us have thought to ask them about."

  The two workers stationed outside the cavern entrance saw us coming and one of them turned and hissed something to someone deeper inside the cave. Set arrived just seconds after we did.

  "Isaac Nazir! I am very glad to see that you have survived. I have worried much about you these last several days. Had you died we would have had a great honor debt to your enclave. Even more than that though, I would have missed your presence here in the enclave."

  "I understand th
at I have you to thank for my survival, Set. I appreciate you moving so quickly to inject me with the anti-venom. I didn't know that there was such a thing when it comes to lamia poison."

  Set gave me an uncomfortable smile and looked back and forth at Ash and Celeste before responding. Evidently his queen's order to answer all of my questions was still in effect even if there were other shape shifters present.

  "The poison drives most things when it comes to my kind. It is the development of poison glands that allows a worker to become a consort. It is a…painful…transition. There is always some poison that leaks out of the glands and some of the workers do not survive the transformation. Even when we get older the leaks continue."

  "Is that why you heal slower than a hybrid would?"

  Set nodded. "The workers heal at a similar rate as you sun people, but the older a consort gets the more potent his venom becomes and the slower he heals from most injuries. Luckily our anti-venom becomes more potent as well or the leaks from the venom would eventually kill us."

  It was an amazing insight into their physiology. They were organisms that were in a constant state of war with themselves. If at any point their production of anti-venom were to drop they would sicken and die in short order.

  I opened my mouth to thank Set again, and noticed for the first time how worn-down he looked. Celeste had looked briefly like she'd aged a decade; Set looked like he'd aged a century. Whatever illusion kept their full nature from showing through was masking at least part of how much he'd changed, but he had definitely changed. His face was now lined and his skin had turned an ashy shade of white that didn't seem to bode well for his continued health.

  "Injecting me with the anti-venom put you at risk, didn't it, Set?"

  He didn't want to answer that one, but he wasn't going to lie and he knew that I wasn't going to just let this question go.

  "Yes, Isaac Nazir. There was some risk, but it was controllable. The anti-venom does more than just keep us alive, it is also a safety measure in case a consort accidentally injects another consort or worker with venom. For our kind, a quick injection of anti-venom from the consort who accidentally poisoned the worker or consort in question is enough to combat the effects of the poison.

  "I did not think it would be enough for you though, Isaac Nazir. Your kind lacks our natural resistance to our own venom. As much as I am overjoyed that you survived, you should be dead."

  I waved his comment away. "How much risk are we talking, Set? How dangerous is what you just did for me?"

  "Under normal circumstances the consort who injects someone with anti-venom is the same consort who injected the individual with poison in the first place. In those cases there is no risk because the decrease of anti-venom in the consort's system is balanced by a corresponding reduction in the amount of venom leaking into their body."

  "But that wasn't the case for you."

  "No, it was not I who injected you initially, but I cleared my glands of poison shortly after using my anti-venom on you. The risk did not arise until I had been injecting you for several days. The anti-venom only leaks into the body when the glands are full, but the poison leaks into the body, albeit at a lesser rate, even when the glands are empty. There has been some pain, and my normal regenerative abilities have been weakened temporarily as a result."

  I had to close my eyes and take a few deep breaths to maintain control of myself. I'd been poisoned myself, I had a pretty good idea of the amount of pain he'd been in—that he was probably still in. It wasn't a minor thing for all that he was doing his best to underplay it.

  He'd been slowly poisoning himself in an effort to keep me alive, and he'd been in excruciating pain nearly the entire time. Set had never called me friend, but I couldn't think of any surer sign of friendship.

  I reached up my puny human hands and clasped him on his arms. The gesture probably looked ludicrous given the sheer disparity in our sizes, but that didn't stop me from doing it.

  "There was no one else who could share the burden with you?"

  "No, Isaac Nazir. The burden was mine alone to carry. With Pal gone there are only two consorts to protect the enclave. I could not allow my brother to empty himself of venom and leave our queen defenseless from the greater threats in the world. Even doing so myself was a risk that I should not have taken, but my queen gave me permission to proceed regardless."

  "I thank you once again, Set. Though you have never called me such, I consider you my friend and feel that I am in your debt."

  "It was nothing less than what honor required, Isaac Nazir."

  "I know, but even among your own people honor is not always followed. I name you exceptional despite your protests, my friend."

  After a second, Set finally bowed his head in acknowledgment and clasped me on the shoulders. "I'm very glad that you survived, Isaac Nazir. Much more grateful than I imagined I could be when you first arrived here in the enclave."

  After a minute we released each other and stepped back. I forced out my question. If it had just been for me then I wouldn't have said anything, but it wasn't for me. There was a lot depending on his answer.

  "I'm sorry to ask this given the fact that I'm already in your debt, Set, but am I owed a boon for having survived the fight with Pal?"

  He didn't move, but I could feel him withdrawing slightly. I didn't blame him—I knew how it looked, knew that he thought I'd just been buttering him up, but I had to ask.

  "Yes, Isaac Nazir. Honor demands that you be granted a boon if you choose to ask for one."

  "As much as I would like to stay here with you, Set, I will be leaving soon and I think that my queen and the rest of her people will be coming along too."

  Celeste gripped my hand harder, but she didn't say anything despite how hard it must have been to know that our entire trip had been a waste. Ash stepped forward as if he was about to say something, but I shot him a look that let him know that he was out of his depth and that—at least for now— I was the one calling the shots.

  "I'm sorry to see you go, Isaac Nazir, but I can't deny that it will make many things much easier to have you gone."

  "I understand. Is it possible for you to manipulate the exact time of our return? If so, this is the boon that I would ask of you. I don't want to return to Louisiana weeks after our departure, I want us to return as close to when we fought Onyx as possible."

  Set relaxed slightly as though the thing that I'd asked from him wasn't as bad as what he'd been expecting.

  "Yes, Isaac Nazir. What you ask for is possible. If you leave in the next little while there is an opening in the time stream that I can use to drop you off very close to your boat only a few of your minutes after we left our territory."

  "This is indeed what I want."

  "I will go make the arrangements, Isaac Nazir. Please have all of your party ready to go before one of your hours has passed."

  Celeste's hand had relaxed in mine and there was a sense of wonder on her face. I'd just bought her a chance to get back to New Orleans in time to stop Onyx from killing any of her people. Ash didn't look as happy, but I knew I could bring him around if I could get a few minutes alone with him.

  As Set turned to go, a worker hurried up to him and hissed something complex. I'd just looked up, so I had a chance to see Set's reaction to whatever he'd just been told. His shoulders bent forward as though he'd just been handed an enormous burden, and his skin went even more ashen.

  Set looked off into space, motionless and silent, for nearly a full minute before he finally turned back to us. The expression on his face was the look of a man who'd just been betrayed by his family and deity all at the same time.

  "Isaac Nazir, my queen commands that I relay a message."

  I tried to stop him; I knew that whatever he had to say wasn't good, but he talked over me.

  "She bids me to tell you that if you'll stay for one last challenge match, this one to start immediately, that she'll meet with your queen immediately after the fight and tell yo
ur queen all that she wishes to know."

  He didn't have to tell me who my opponent would be. I could see it in every line of his face and posture.

  "Against you?"

  "Yes. Those are her terms."

  The next second seemed to stretch out to eternity. I heard Celeste gasp in astonishment and felt her hand tighten in mine as she realized that there was a chance for her to get everything she'd set out for. I'd just finished doing the deal she needed to get back earlier than she'd believed possible, and now she was being offered the opportunity to talk to Set's queen.

  Ash had gone completely still. In that way he was like the lamias. He probably hadn't realized yet that Celeste wasn't planning on using her question to save Kristin, so for him this also felt like a chance at the dream he'd been sure he was going to have to give up.

  None of us had any illusions about Set's ability to fight me. Normally I would have been virtually guaranteed to lose a match against him, but right then he could barely move.

  It was all there for the taking. Everything we'd been fighting and bleeding for. Talking to the queen had become a kind of Holy Grail for all of us, but the price was too high. At least for me it was too high.

  I wasn't going to murder the man who'd saved my life not just once but twice. I wasn't going to take advantage of the fact that he'd nearly put himself in a coma to save me. I didn't know what kind of game his queen was playing at, but I wasn't going to be a pawn on her board. I was finally ready to admit that there was an endless array of possibilities before me.

  The only limiting factor was what I was willing to sacrifice to get the outcome I wanted. For every person the sacrifices they were willing to make were going to be different, but for me those sacrifices weren't going to be paid by innocent people. I wasn't going to sacrifice Set, his life wasn't mine to discard on a whim like that.