Satisfied that the memory is gone, I open my eyes and sit forward at my desk. I dash a look across the room at the clock on the wall, only 9.15am.I am fidgeting all over the place, my leg is bouncing up and down and as I look down I realise I am chewing my fingernail.Shit not good! Maybe I should see if I can get an appointment with George tonight?
He’s my therapist – my wonderful therapist. I shake my head at myself in frustration, this guy has got me feeling off the hook, all out of sync, and I haven’t even met him yet!
I pick up the phone and call George, only to be told by his partner Phil that he is at a function this evening, otherwise he would have fitted me in, but he can schedule me in for an earlier appointment tomorrow.
“No thanks Phil I’ll keep it at six.” I grumble.
“Ok, you have a good day.” He tells me perkily.
“You too.” I put the phone down and pinch the bridge of my nose.
Come on Coral you can do this!
Rob, that’s who I need, my best friend. My gay best friend, ever since my female best friend, Harriett, decided it was ok to be shagging the one and only guy I ever fell for. I shut the door on that thought, pull my mobile out of my bag, and text Rob.
*In trouble big time, call me!*
I leave my mobile on my desk and get to the rest of my work, which I have been ignoring for the last half hour. This is not me. I am fast, efficient and on time. I would normally have had all these letters typed up, signed by Joyce, and in the post by now.
This guy has got my head in a mess and I don’t like it.
I have to have control. I have to have routine. I have to know exactly how each day is going to go, no hidden surprises. Boring I know, but I need predictability, I need stability, I crave it like a drug – Control freak!
CHAPTER TWO
AFTER TWO HOURS OF TYPING and correcting the tons of spelling mistakes I have made, because I keep seeing a pair of dreamy chocolate eyes staring back at me, I finally wander in to Joyce to get her signature and approval.
“Are you alright Coral? I know it’s a shock but you seem out of sorts.” I shrug and try to smile. I have to remember compared to what Joyce is going through right now, my life is peachy.
“Really Joyce, I’m fine. A little shocked, but fine.” I say trying to placate her.
“You’re chewing your tips.” She tells me.
I pull my fingernail out of my mouth. Old insecurities, I don’t think they’ll ever go away.
“Are you still seeing Dr Vickers?” Joyce knows this about me because she supported Gladys when she told her she wanted to adopt me. But I guess she didn’t think she was going to get such a fuck up that needed constant therapy.
“Yes.” I grimace.
“Maybe you should arrange to see him’ – “I tried,” I interrupt, feeling sheepish. “He’s at a function tonight. I’ll see him tomorrow, as usual.”
“Good. In the meantime, my door is always open.” Joyce smiles and hands me back the signed letters. I don’t move from my seat opposite her.“Ok out with it missy! What’s on your mind?” I cringe at the fact that I haven’t had to say anything, Joyce knows me that well.
“I was wondering...?” I squeak.
“Yes.” Joyce cocks her head to the side.
“Mr Freeman. Well, is he…?” Why can I never get the words out that I want?
“He’s a good man Coral. Apparently his staff love working at his companies. He pays well, they have quarterly staff outings. Each of his buildings have a caféteria, a gym, a swimming pool and free parking.” She tells me.
I can't help feeling a little better, I love swimming.
“He’s no ogre Coral, I think you’ll find’ – “I’ve never wanted a male boss Joyce, you know that.” I snap a little more harshly than I mean to. “Sorry.” I whisper feeling instantly ashamed.
“Coral.” Joyce stands and walks over to me, she takes hold of my hand, and we walk over to the sofa. “Sit.” She orders and I do so. Joyce gracefully sits down next to me.“Darling girl,” she tucks a strand of my hair that’s come loose from my bun behind my ear. “At some point you have to stop running, stop hiding from life. It’ll get you in the end you know,” she says with worried eyes.
“I just’ – “I know you don't want a male boss, I won't say I understand why, but I really think you should give him a go, at least try it for a while. I really think he’ll be good for you.”
I look away from Joyce, she has no fucking idea why I don't want this – I swallow hard.
“Look, he’s a really, really hard worker. He’ll expect the best from you, give him that and you’ll be fine. I meant what I said Coral, you’re the hardest working, most efficient, competent member of staff that I’ve ever had.”
“Doesn’t make it any easier,” I sigh, feeling myself withdrawing. I just want to curl up into a ball and pretend like this isn’t happening.
“Coral, life isn’t always what we want it to be….I never imagined my life without John and now...’ – Joyce takes a deep breath – ‘point is, things come up that we don’t expect and the true character of who we are is shown to us by how we deal with those situations.”
I nod knowing exactly what she means. George is always on at me to try and take more risks, more challenges - drives me nuts!
“Look, it will take some getting used to, I know that. But if you find after a few weeks it’s not for you, I’m sure Mr Freeman will understand and work with you to find something else within the company.”
I nod back at her. “I guess…” I murmur.
I must admit, I never looked at it like that. I suppose I could move to a different department, but I like that it’s just me and Joyce, I don’t have to make stupid, idle, same-o conversations with the rest of the secretaries and listen to them bitching about each other.
I like me and my thoughts - without any other invaders!
“Well, back to your desk Coral. They’ll be here soon, we want to make a good impression.”
“Yes, of course.” I stand and walk towards the door.
“Coral,” I turn and look back at Joyce. “Everything will be alright, you’ll always have me to talk to, even if I’m in Florida.”
“I know Joyce, thank you.” I say and throw in a fake smile for good measure. I pull the door closed, lean my head back against it and close my eyes.
So he’s a nice guy huh? Yeah right, they always are until they show their true colours. My mobile buzzing on my desk pulls me from my musing. I dash over to it and see that it’s Rob.
“Ola!” He cries in an absurdly Spanish accent!
“You, me, cocktails tonight at Iguanas – my treat.” I say quickly and sharply.
“Who’s got your knickers in a twist?” He titters. An image of Mr Moneybags flashes in my minds-eye – Fuck!
“I’m sending you an image.” I snap.
“Oh Goodie, is he hot, handsome and rich?” He chuckles.
“Yes to all three, and my new boss!” I spit in defiance.
“What!?” Rob gasps - “Coral is the meeting room ready?” Joyce asks through the intercom.
“Damn, Joyce is calling me I have to go.”
“What time tonight?”
“I have Will tonight, say 7.30pm?”
“I’ll come to you first.”
“Cool, see you later.”
“Ciao!” Rob chuckles.
I hang up and answer Joyce. “All ready just waiting on lunch.”
“They’re leaving it a little late aren’t they?” She questions sounding concerned.
“No Joyce, they like to deliver fresh and they haven’t let us down yet. Don’t worry they’ll be here.”
“But it’s twenty-five to?” She argues, no doubt feeling nervous about the upcoming deal.
“I’ll call them.” I offer.
TEN MINUTES LATER, I am following the two delivery guys from Lunch Ideas up the stairs and into the board room. God it’s hot today! I fan myself as I watch the two men place the trays
of food down on the back table, then nod politely and leave. I turn the air conditioning on to help cool the room down then make my way back to my desk.
I call Joe on reception.
“Hi Cori.” She squeaks. She’s really nice, but a bit dim and always gets my name wrong.
“Joyce is having visitors at 12, call me when they arrive?”
“Sure thing.” She answers.
“Thanks Joe.”
“No problem Cori.” Grrr, why does she always call me that!
“It’s Coral Joe, I…..never-mind.” I sigh, then hang up and carry on with my work, remembering to send the photo of Mr Mogul to Rob.
Two seconds later, my mobile buzzes. I check Joyce is still on the phone and open the text.
*Delicious darling, don’t eat him up all at once ;-)*
Grrrrr, that’s not why I sent it! - I open my top drawer, throw my mobile in and slam it shut in a temper. Deciding I had better take a quick pit stop before they all arrive, and to try and calm myself down, I make my way to the ladies.
Once I’m finished, and I’m drying my hands I take a good look at myself in the mirror.
My dark brown hair is still pinned in place with a bun, as I do every morning. And I'm wearing very little makeup; mascara, blusher and a little lip-gloss. I attract enough attention as it is without heavier makeup, but in all honesty I have George to thank for that.
A lifetime of self-degrading, damaging thoughts can wreak havoc on the self-esteem. He got me to finally accept that I’m actually as pretty without makeup as I am with it, so I guess I’m getting better, bit by bit.
I sigh heavily and stare back at my reflection. My coral-blue eyes are wide and full of fear, like a deer staring at a pair of headlights. I have to wonder if it has anything to do with Mr Moneybags, with feelings that I know are trying to surface? I mean I have to admit it, I loved my ex Justin, probably to the point of obsessively, but he never knew how I felt about him.
Always too afraid to show my real feelings, I kept my heart on my sleeve and the sleeve very tightly wrapped up. One of the reasons he said he fell into Harriet’s arms was that I didn’t let him in, I wouldn’t let him get close to me.
Well that’s just tough, I can’t operate any other way, take me or leave me I told him and well…he left – with Harriet. I shake my head at myself.You cannot allow any man to get under your skin Coral, not ever, you hear me?
I nod vigorously in agreement with myself, take a deep breath, square my shoulders and march out of the ladies.
I SCUTTLE BACK TO MY DESK AND SIT DOWN. Gathering my thoughts I check any updates that Joyce has sent across to me, nothing! I feel agitated that I haven’t got something to do to take my mind off things. My leg starts doing its involuntary jig; I clamp my hand down onto my knee to stop its rapid movements.
My phone rings, I look down and see its Joe from reception – Fuck they’re here!
“Joe.” I answer sharply, even though I don't mean to.
“Hi Cori, Mr Free’ - “I know who it is Joe, I’ll be right down.” I snap and hang up.
I call through to Joyce to let her know they are here, she instructs me to show them straight up to the boardroom.Crap! Joyce knows I’m no good at this, meeting new people, especially men. I hope I don’t have to shake hands with any of them. Panic tries to grip me!
I hang up, stand quickly, and march away from my desk.
If I keep moving, I’ll keep calm.
I walk along the hallway, down the small flight of stairs and into the reception area.Mr Freeman hasn’t noticed me; he’s busy talking to some leggy blonde, all high heels and the tightest pencil skirt I think I have ever seen. I notice he’s in a dark blue pin-stripe three piece suit, with a light blue shirt to match, and a deep red tie.
I nod politely to the three other men who have noticed me and ignore the usual stares.Yes, yes, it’s just a face!
Leggy Blonde smiles sweetly at Mr Mogul, and gestures that I have come to meet them, that’s when he turns and looks at me - I instantly stop walking towards them.
I think my heart has relocated itself somewhere in my throat, and I have the strangest feeling spreading within me, like every single cell in my body has awoken. And there’s this weird, magnetic pull that feels as though my body is being involuntarily pulled, helplessly, towards him.
What the fuck is that? – I frown at the floor and place my hand on my stomach – Am I getting sick?
As I look up, I see he is frowning deeply at me in the most peculiar way, and as we stand staring at each other, I’m struck with the strangest feeling of all - I feel like I’m finally home – Whoa!
I feel like my world has just tipped upside down. I shake my head slightly to try and get myself together and when I do, I notice they are all staring at me, and then back at him in wonder. Especially the leggy blonde, she doesn’t look happy at all. Maybe she’s shagging him?
His eyes narrow for a moment, his gaze intense, I feel like he can see straight through me. He clenches his jaw, then walks graciously towards me.
Oh God, my legs feel like jelly! I can’t breathe!
“Coral?” His voice is low and husky, yet soft.
“Yes.” I answer breathlessly. Why is my heart beating so erratically?
“Tristan Freeman.” He holds out his hand for me to shake it – Shit! I hesitate for a moment, frightened by the prospect of it, it’s almost as if I know that if I do, that will be it, that will be the end of life as I know it.
I look down at his hand, shakily reach out and place my hand in his.
His breath catches with the contact. My eyes shoot up to meet his and I’m surprised to see his eyes widen, his chocolate eyes growing darker in colour – Ok, that’s weird, what is that?
A strange, wonderful, exhilarating feeling is raging through my system, making all coherent thoughts disappear, except for what it would feel like to have his lips brush against mine - Fuck, this really isn’t good!
Looking away from him, I try to pull my hand out of his, but he just tightens his grip. My eyes shoot back up to his - He’s triggering my flight response and he doesn’t even know it.
Please let me go! I beg internally, and almost as though he can read my mind, he drops his hand and takes a tiny step back.
“Forgive me,” he murmurs. Holy crap, his voice is so silky, yet deep and manly.
I nod my head and turn to look at the rest of his team. I can see they’re all amused and trying hard not to show it.
I clear my throat and finally find my voice.
“If you would all like to follow me, I’ll show you to the board room.” I’m answered silently by smiles and smirks, except for the Leggy blonde who is glaring at me – What’s her problem?
I turn around and try not to march away too quickly - as would be my usual response to anyone who threatens my equilibrium - but as my right foot takes the first step on the stairs, I notice he’s at my side, taking the steps at the same time as me.
I instantly get a whiff of aftershave and something else – but I can't work out what it is?
He smells so good!
I take a cautious look across at him, just as he looks at me – Fuck!
We both look away as quickly as we can. I feel like a complete idiot! Oh Rob’s going to have so much fun with this, I know he is.
“Did you know Mr Garland well?” What, did he just ask me something?
As we reach the top of the stairs, I stop and look up at him. Leggy blonde has to take a step round me, so she doesn’t bump into me.
“Sorry?” I answer a little bewildered.
“I asked, did you know Mr Garland well?”
I frown at the reminder.“Um yes, he was like an uncle to me.”
His eyebrows shoot up in response.“An Uncle?” Was that a question?
I guess I better explain.“Joyce, Mrs Garland, her best friend is my adoptive Mother.” I offer feeling myself pale a little. “We all spent a lot of time together,” I add.
“Ah,”
his frown deepens. Then he turns from me and stares straight ahead as though he’s deep in thought. “My condolences,” he adds.
I nod, look away from him and continue walking down the hallway, only this time I don’t stop. I silently walk all the way up the first flight of stairs and straight into the board room.
I check everyone has what they need, tea, coffee etc and try not to watch as Mr Mogul takes his suit jacket off, revealing the body I pretty much thought would exist.
I quickly turn to leave so I can let Joyce know they are ready and waiting.
“Coral…” His voice stops me.What does he want?
I feel my legs go to jelly again. I slowly turn and look up at him.
“May I accompany you?” I frown and nod silently to him.
Please leave me alone, oh this is not a good start, not a good start at all!
We walk silently down the stairs, turn to the left and head towards my desk.
“This is where you work?” He asks looking around the room.
It’s a nice room with a big bay window letting in lots of light. Ok it’s old and nothing like his buildings and simply oozing with wonderful architecture, but I love it, I love its charm. Built in the 1820’s this three story house was bought by John and Joyce with a view to converting the first floor to offices, which they did, and used the next two floors as living accommodation.
As the years went by the company grew, and eventually the whole place was converted into office space. With the added perks of two bathrooms with showers, a large rest area with comfy sofas and a fully blown modern kitchen, Joyce likes to eat fresh every-day; and there have been plenty of occasions when someone has had a big case on and they have slept at the office.
“Interesting.” He murmurs, then turns and smiles at me - Holy mother of God!
His teeth are perfect, as is his smile.
I think he’s finding my gobsmacked expression amusing because his grin widens, making his nose and eyes crinkle in the most delectable way. My breathe catches, I quickly sit down in my chair before my legs give way.Jesus, I could stare at that face all day.
Darkest Fears Trilogy: Fallen For Him / Freed By Him / Forever With Him Page 2