Ok, this is good, this is progress, and definitely something I should discuss further with George on Friday.I swallow hard, it’s nerve wrecking just thinking about it, and I have no idea why, but Susannah comes into my mind’s eye with her pencil skirt that’s so tight it looks like it’s been painted on, bet her husband loves that. Fuck!
Men do like all that kind of stuff, sexy dresses, skirts and heels.Tristan’s face comes into my mind. I can't help wondering if he’s a skirt and heels man?
I shake the thought away – Concentrate Coral!
Ok so I’ve got the heels part down to a T, seriously if I buy anymore heels I’ll need to start renting a garage to store them all in - Just need to sort out the skirt and dresses part.
Feeling satisfied that I’ve run through everything that I need to, and feeling less angry and fearful about it all, I pop my headphones back in.
I still can’t believe I caught Gladys in the kitchen smoking a joint and doing the deed with a guy, sounds more like what a teenager would be up to rather than a woman in her sixties.
I giggle aloud and stand up, ready to take my next sprint - God life is so strange!
GETTING BACK TO THE STUDIO after being out in the hot morning sunshine and not sweltering to death was, quite frankly, wonderful. I have to find some way to really thank Tristan. And I’m also quiet astonished with myself for not thinking about getting one anyway. Why melt when you can be cool? I hear Tristan’s voice echo in my head “The joys of technology”
Indeed, I couldn’t agree more…
AS I HEAD OUT THE PATIO DOOR for my walk to work, I see Bob’s already out there with his morning paper.
“Hey Bob.” I chirp cheerily as I lock the patio door.
“Morning, Coral.” He actually pulls his paper down and smiles at me.
I am grateful my sunglasses are hiding my puffy eyes.“Bob, would you like to come out for the day on Saturday?”
“With you?” He asks a little shocked.
“Yes,” I chuckle.
“Any man that says no to you is a fool,” he croons. “If I was your age, you’d be in trouble young lady.”
I raise my eyebrows at this little declaration.“Thanks Bob,” I chuckle. “But it’s not just me, it’s for Lily’s birthday. Rob, Carlos, Gladys and Joyce; they’ll all be there.” He’s met them all before at Christmas and at Gladys’s Sunday roasts, he shakes his head at me.“Too noisy?” I ask.
“How old is she?” He grumbles.
I swallow hard. “Five.” I answer, and try not to think about what happened to me at that age.
“Means I have to go shopping, get her a present,” he grumbles. “I hate shopping.”
“No you don’t,” I chortle. “I’ll get it for you. That’s what I’m doing on my lunch today. So will you come? It’ll be a fun day out!” I can see it’s not working.
“Gladys hasn’t seen you since Easter, and you keep saying no to her Sunday roasts. I think she’ll be very upset if you don’t come along,” I say. “And so will I.” I add sweetly.
And that does it, his blue eyes sparkle and I know I have him.
“Alright then,” he drawls.
“Excellent.” I beam, and kiss him goodbye, his cheeks flush as usual. I can't help chuckling as I walk away…
I AM SAT AT MY DESK EATING MY MUESLI. As usual I am early, but this morning I am especially early. After running for so long I decided to ditch swimming, I didn’t really want to do both, but I’ll get back to it tomorrow.Besides, I think I needed it, the fresh sea air, the sun on my face – the time to think and assess.
And earlier, when I attempted to put some makeup on, I could see my shoulders had caught the sun; in-fact, if it’s still this nice on Sunday, I may take my butt off to the beach for the day, catch some rays. I rarely sunbathe, I get too bored.
Tristan comes to mind again. I don’t understand why I keep thinking of him, he keeps randomly popping into my head. I know I’m denying it to myself, well trying as best I can to deny it, but the truth is, I miss him. I miss his face, his smile, his smell – I decide to go onto the Google page I saved. I click it open and all his pictures fill my screen.
I swallow hard.What is it about this guy that’s got me feeling so twisted up inside? I feel like there’s an eternal battle raging.
Staring at one of the photos, I feel my stomach swarm with butterflies. I instantly lose my appetite – “Coral?” I turn and see Joyce stood there staring at me with her mouth half open.
I finish chewing, swallow hard and as quickly and discreetly as I can, I close the page.“Yes,” I whisper back, wondering what I must have done wrong for her to be looking at me like that.
“Come into my office.” She orders, her face stern.
I put down my muesli and follow her in.
“Shut the door.” She tells me, so I do – What have I done now? I wonder for a moment if Tristan had made it all up yesterday and I was supposed to be in work.
Joyce puts her briefcase and handbag down, then turns to me with her hand on her hips, scrutinizing me.“What on earth has happened?” She asks.
I look from left to right trying to get my brain to find the right answer.“Um...I’m not really sure what you mean Joyce?”
“Your face?” She says.
“Huh?” I quickly pat my face with my hands. Have I got muesli on my cheek or something?
“How long Coral?” Ok, I’m getting annoyed now.
“Joyce, I’m sorry but you’ve really lost me?” I answer incredulously.
She sighs and shakes her head at me. “Follow me.”
I frown back at her, but do as she says and follow her out of her office, down the corridor, past the restrooms and straight into the bespoke kitchen.
“Sit down.” She tells me sternly pointing to one of the breakfast stools. I silently do as I’m asked and watch as she marches over to the fridge and pulls the door open.“Tell me you already know this one Coral?” She says as she takes out a cucumber.
I have to chuckle at that one, I have no frigging idea what she’s on about.
“Sorry, still lost!” I laugh.
With a slice of cucumber in-between each manicured fingernail, she walks around the breakfast bar until she is stood in front of me. Sighing heavily, she stares back at me with a painful look of regret in her eyes.
“What’s wrong?” I ask, ignoring the cucumber all together.
“I didn’t think you would take it so hard,” she says wearily. “Here, close your eyes.” I do as she asks, then I feel cool cucumber being placed over my eyelids.
“Wow!” I gasp. “That feels great, really cooling.”
Joyce sighs again.“Hold them in place,” she says. I hear her step-up and sit on the stool next to me. “You didn’t know cucumber is fantastic for puffy eyes?” She asks a little exasperated.
“Um...no,” I answer. “Should I?”
Joyce laughs at that one.“Well I suppose if you visited the beauty salon more often you would know these things,” she says artlessly. “So, you want to tell me about it?” She softly adds.
“Sorry?” I’m lost again, too busy thinking about how cool cucumber is, well I know it’s cool, but it literally feels like it’s taking the puffiness away – Amazing!
“Coral,” she admonishes. “I’ve never seen you with swollen eyes, which can only come from crying darling...and for a long time too.” Shit!
“Oh!” I whisper.
“Yes, oh!” she repeats wryly. “I’m so sorry, I didn’t think you would take it so hard,” she says gloomily.
“Take what so hard?” I ask dumbfounded.
“Stop being obtuse!” She barks, making me jump a little.
“I’m sorry Joyce, but I don’t know what you mean.” I say.
“You were crying?” She whispers.
“Yes.” I whisper feeling embarrassed.
“Last night?” She asks.
“Yes.” I confirm.
“Because of what’s happening here?” She que
stions.
“Oh! No, no Joyce…” Ok now I’m upset that she thinks she has caused this to happen to me, that I’m stuttering as I’m trying to get my words out.
“Joyce no...I mean, of course I’m upset you’re leaving. I…I’ll miss you like crazy, you...your family, m-my family…my aunty,” I choke. “But that’s not why I was crying.” I finish.
“Oh darling!” I can hear it in her voice; Joyce is shocked, I feel her wrap her arms around me and squeeze me tight. “I’ll miss you too darling girl.” She says, I hear a little sniff.
“Like you wouldn’t believe,” I chortle trying to lighten the mood.
Joyce lets go of me, I hear her step down and walk back over to the fridge. Then I hear her heels clicking as they reach me again. Her fingers gently peel away the cucumber; she looks so tired, so sad.“Want to talk about it?” She asks, hesitating slightly.
“No.” I answer staring down at the floor.
“Is it Gladys? She called me and said that you had...well, met Malcolm.” My eyes dart up to meet hers. I can tell she’s trying really hard not to laugh about it, which makes me burst out laughing.
“I...c-can't...believe...t-that h-h-happened,” I laugh, at least I can see the funny side of it now.
“Neither can I,” Joyce chuckles. “I bet you didn’t know where to put yourself.”
We really start laughing, so much so that my belly is hurting. I can see Joyce is trying really hard to compose herself, but it’s just not happening.
“I don't know who was more embarrassed, me or Malcolm?” I titter.
Joyce chuckles some more, it’s nice to hear after all she’s been through.
“Well, the cats out of the bag now!” She says, sighing again.
“Sure is,” I say, trying to keep this light hearted.
“How do you feel about it?” She asks.
I shrug. Joyce scrutinizes me again – I don’t want to talk about it. I think she picks up on that, because she nods and hands me the new slices of cucumber.
“Here, keep putting them on, replace them once they get warm’ – “But this is your cucumber.” I argue.
“Well I can always get another one!” She says rolling her eyes at me.
“Ok, ok!” I give in as I always do with Joyce, but I can tell she has more to say.
“So it’s not me, and not Gladys?” She questions narrowing her eyes at me.
I shake my head. I know she’s digging, but I can’t talk to her about it.
“Want to talk about it?” She asks again.
“No...I’m good,” I say swallowing hard. “I think I just needed a good old cry,” I say brightly. “I’m ok now.”
“Are you sure?” She asks scrutinizing my expression.
“Yes,” I smile. “Really, last night was...well once the crying was done I ate my pizza, had some wine and an early night.” I omit the part about taking cold medicine.
“Sure?” Joyce asks again, she is so watchful of me, always looking for hidden clues or signs that something more might be wrong. “You can take the day off if you want to?” She adds.
“No, really I’m fine. I’d like to stay, but thank you anyway.” I say hoping this will placate her and she won’t send me home.
“Alright then, as long as you’re sure?” She says still eyeing me speculatively. “If you change your mind though....?” She adds.
“I won’t. I’m fine. Oh, but there was one thing,” I say remembering my lunch date with Rob. It’s strange that I haven’t heard from him. I wonder if he’s remembered?“Is it ok if I take half hour off my lunch tomorrow and snag it onto today?” I roll my eyes. “I have to shop for Lily’s birthday, Rob’s meeting me.” I add.
“Coral, take two hours. You can get something from me too.” Joyce replies.
“Oh ok, thanks.” I beam brightly.
“And you don’t need to take it off tomorrow’s lunchtime.” She sternly adds.
“Yes boss,” I giggle. “What did you want me to get for Lily?”
“Something pretty, a nice dress…” Joyce looks lost for a moment. “Have my card off me before you go.” She adds.
“Ok, I will.” She smiles at me, but it doesn’t reach her eyes. Then she takes my hand in hers, squeezes it once, then turns and walks out the kitchen.
I still have the new pieces of cucumber between my fingers, so without a second thought I slap them both on…
THE MORNING HAS FLOWN BY and before I know it, Joyce is handing me her card so I can go shopping. Plus, earlier today I had a text from Rob asking what time to come and meet me, so at least he remembered.
“Hey trouble.” I say as I bound into reception and give Rob a big hug.
“Happy today?” He asks.
“Yes, Joyce has given me two hours for lunch, so we can take our time.” I beam, I hate rushing around trying to find gifts for people.
“So what’s new?” Rob asks as we head out into the sunshine.
“Loads,” I answer, not really wanting to think about it all. “But let’s shop first, then we’ll talk over lunch.”
“Cool.” We link arms and make our way over to Rob’s car. “So where to?” he asks.
“Churchill,” I say. “But can we make a stop at North Laine too?” I have no idea what to get Tristan, but I’m bound to find some inspiration there.
“Shall we have lunch there too?” Rob questions.
“Yes, good idea!” I answer.
We make our way over to Churchill Square Shopping Centre in complete silence, I’ve tried making conversation but he seems miles away.
“You ok?” I ask turning to face him as he parks the car.Rob shrugs solemnly – Uh-oh! – “Things still rough with Carlos?” I ask, hoping he’ll say no.
“Same-o, same-o,” he says, but there’s an odd look behind his eyes, one I can’t get the meaning to.
I frown back at him.
“Come on, we haven’t got long.” He says, changing the subject all together.
I shrug. “Ok.” I step out of the car and decide its best left alone, if he wanted to share he would – Rob’s never been one for holding back…
FORTY MINUTES LATER we have successfully reached our goals. I have found a pretty dress in Next for Joyce, got a big box of crayons from Bob – You can never have enough crayons when it comes to Lily – and Rob has bought her a Magnetic Tile Art Gift. Debs is going to love that one, I can already imagine the fridge freezer covered in Lily’s designs, and I have bought her a Baboushka Russian Doll Painting Kit, I hope she likes it.
Then I think the kid gets so many presents anyway it doesn’t really matter if she does, harsh but true. She is in my opinion, sweet but a little spoilt by her parents, but Debs did have two miscarriages before her so that’s probably why they spoilt her rotten.
As we wander down North Laine trying to decide on where to eat, I am suddenly captured and have to stop. I am staring at a very large painting of an old E-Type Jaguar, the artist has captured it effortlessly and set the scene so you can just imagine yourself stepping out of the car and having a lazy evening picnic.Set high on a cliff with the sun setting and the sea for a background, the green Jaguar looks lovely, almost as though it’s bouncing out of the picture, begging you to take her for a drive.
I don’t know why – because it’s not Tristan’s model, and I have no idea if he likes the classics – but something deep within me tells me to buy it. I know it will be a one-off and would look lovely hung in the main living area, above the over-large sofa. That’s if he buys that place!
“Coral?” Rob pulls me from my thoughts. “You ok?”
“Uh-huh,” I nod. “I’ll be back in a minute.” I say.
I walk inside the gallery and enquire to the price. Thankfully, it’s not so expensive that I can't afford it, but it will still make a dent in my savings. I quickly put a deposit down, explaining to the woman that I want to have lunch first, then come back to collect it and pay the remainder, she is animated and evidently happy for the sale.
“It was for Tristan.” I tell him matter-of-factly.
Rob beams from ear to ear, pulls me into him and squeezes me tight. “I knew you’d come around,” he chuckles.
“No,” I bark. “You’ve got it all wrong.”
“Have I?” he snaps back, I frown at him. “You should go for it with him Coral I really want you to try. I’m tired of seeing you on your own.”
“Not you too…” I groan.
“Me too?” he questions.
“Yes, you, George and Gladys, telling me I need to find someone.” I mumble.
“Well, he is rather delicious,” Rob states. “And you’re a fool if you don’t,” he adds tersely.
I shake my head at him and roll my eyes.
WE FINALLY FIND a place to eat, and decide to sit outside – it’s too nice to be indoors. We place our orders with the waitress, and I watch Rob pour cold, still water into both of our glasses.
“So what’s your news?” He asks even though he looks distracted.
I explain all about my day with Tristan, about him buying me an air-conditioner, and my thought of buying him a gift to say thank you, and that it can be as a moving in present too.
“So he’s bought it?” Rob asks with renewed vigor.
“I don’t know, but does it matter?” I say shrugging my shoulders.
“I guess not…” he sighs drifting off.
I stare back at him, he really doesn’t seem right today. I can't help watching him observe everything that’s going on around him, like he’s sucking it all up for the last time, he looks kind of...sad?
“I have other news.” I say hoping to bring him back to me.
“Yeah?” He smiles back at me, but it doesn’t reach his eyes.
Our salads arrive and as I tuck into mine, I notice Rob is just picking at his, so something is definitely off – I feel my stomach drop fearing the worst – then I take a deep breath and remember that I shouldn’t be doing that, thinking that way, or worrying about the future.
I really need to put into practice everything George and I have been working towards, so I carry on with what I was about to say.
Darkest Fears Trilogy: Fallen For Him / Freed By Him / Forever With Him Page 21