“Yes, until Gramps found out and he taught me to box.” He adds, grinning widely.
That’s it! – I knew it! I knew there was something else there, something I couldn’t put my finger on. And now I know. I instantly feel even more protected (if that’s possible) I was right; Tristan can look after himself, which means me too.
“Ok, back up why were you bullied?”
“Boys will be boys,” he answers, then takes a spoonful of pudding and eats it.
“What, you went to a boy’s school?”Tristan nods.“So did you get the bully back?” I grin hoping he’ll say yes. I hate bullies. I take a spoonful of pudding too.
“Oh yeah, he never came at me again and neither did his mates. I was so mad and so tired of all their bullshit.” Tristan scoops some more pudding.
“What bullshit?” I take another spoonful.
“Kids are kids right? Whatever they can take the piss out of they do, so they took the piss out of the fact that my parents were old, they took the piss out of my clothes’ – “What was wrong with your clothes?” I squeak, my spoon frozen midair.
“They were awful, second hand and definitely not in fashion.”
“Oh.” I frown trying to understand him, what he went through.
Tristan continues. “I was one of those quiet kids, you know. I didn’t cause trouble, I paid attention in class, but I was a loner, always have been, I guess I always will be. I didn’t really feel the need for friends, so I guess that made me a sitting duck, because I wasn’t like them. They needed each other for validation, but I didn’t need anyone but my folks. Besides what good were friends that bully you, make you feel like shit, to me that’s not a friend.”
I look down at the table, trying to imagine what that felt like as a kid.“What else did they bully you about?” I nervously ask.
Tristan sighs. “Clothes, shoes, bag, coat, pencil case, you name it they took the piss out of it.”
“Why?” I question, trying to understand.
Tristan shrugs. “We didn’t have much money.” I can tell there’s more there, but I decide to leave it be.
“That sucks.” I say frowning hard.
“Yeah, but I kind of didn’t care.” Tristan eats more pudding.
“Why?” I eat more too.
“Because I knew I had better parents than them.”
“How did you know that?”
“Because I was…happy,” he says simply.
“And they weren’t?” I conclude.
“Nope, the leader, his Dad was...” Tristan trails off and looks down at his pudding.
“Was what?” I ask totally enthralled in his story.
“An alcoholic,” he answers still looking at his pudding.
I sigh heavily. “Yeah...guess there are lots of parents around like that.” I say bitterly.We both eat more pudding, but I want to know more, so I chew quickly and swallow, Tristan’s on a roll I want to keep him going.
“So his Dad was a drunk? Bet he was having a hard time at home.” I muse.
“You on the bullies side now?” I look up from my pudding, Tristan is stony faced.
“No, of course not,” I gripe. “I just...never mind,” I say shaking my head. “So what about the other kids?”
Tristan shrugs. “I don’t know, I could just tell the other kids didn’t have it easy either. It was a tough school you know, lower class kids, rough parents. I don’t think any of them made anything of themselves.”
“Except you,” I say proudly.
“In the business world, yes,” he grins.I frown at him.“I got expelled,” he chuckles.
“Expelled?” I gasp. “Well that makes two of us,” I add, wondering how much more stuff is going to come up where Tristan and I seem identical.
“You…expelled,” he chuckles.
“Um...yeah, I kind of had anger issues.” Tristan loses his grin. “Anyway enough about me, you were expelled for fighting I presume?”
“Yes, well that’s how they saw it. Gramps saw it differently of course, he went to the education board, they agreed to let me be home schooled. Gran was my tutor.” I throw down my spoon.“What’s wrong?” He asks his spoon halfway to his mouth.
“Nothing, it’s just weird how many similarities we seem to have. Gladys home schooled me.” I tell him.
“Ah,” Tristan eats more pudding.
“What age for you?” I ask totally intrigued.
“Nine.”
I gasp aloud. “You were nine?”
“Um...yeah, you?” Tristan doesn’t understand my surprise.
“Fourteen, I did the last year at home.”
“Wow.”
“Yeah.”We sit silently for a while, enjoying our puddings.“Did you like it, studying from home?” I ask.
“Yeah I did, no more crap from other kids. But I got a little lonesome sometimes, for company my own age I mean.”
“Like a buddy to go hang around the woods with, or go on a bike ride with?”
Tristan shakes his head at me.“There weren’t any woods, and I didn’t have a bike.”
“Well what did you have?” I ask.
Tristan sighs. “See this is what most people can’t get their head around’ Most people? ‘All those things that you’re talking about are material possessions right?”
“Yeah?” I say hesitantly.
“Well I was bought up to understand from a very early age that it means nothing, sure it’s nice to have things, but to put anything like that against a loved one, was, well…shallow.”
“It’s not shallow to want a bike when you’re a kid Tristan.” I argue.
“I know that, but I didn’t feel the need for one.”
“Why not?” This is weird.
“I just didn’t. I wasn’t like other kids Coral. I hadn’t been brought up that way. I mean, I get what you’re saying - Didn’t I ever want to play? Yeah course I did, and when I wanted to I did, with my dog, we’d play in the garden for hours.” Tristan looks frustrated.“Look, I was always with either Grandparent. At weekends I’d either be learning how to cook, or get a coal fire going with Gran, or I’d be learning with Gramps how to make things like chairs and cupboards and...” he trails off and stares into space.
“He was a carpenter?” I ask calmly.
“Yes.” His answer is clipped, he seems pissed?
“And your Gran, did she work?”
“No, she wanted to be a housewife.” Another clipped answer.
“I’m sorry Tristan. I wasn’t knocking you or the way you were raised, just trying to get in your head, so I know how you feel, that’s all.”
“Know the feeling,” he retorts with sarcasm.
I sigh heavily. Why are we arguing?
“What was your dog’s name?” I ask brightly.
“Max.”
“What kind of dog was he?”
“Border Collie.”
“They’re cute and real intelligent right?”
“Yep.” Tristan seems to have withdrawn into himself, I don't understand it at all.
“You know, I understand my reasons for clamming up about my past, but I don’t understand yours?”
“Nobody gets it that’s why, and I always get ‘the look’ it’s very annoying.” I tense up feeling the frustration rolling off Tristan.
“Am I giving you the look?” I ask sullenly.Our eyes finally meet after what seems like a long time, Tristan silently shakes his head at me, and I don’t know why, but I get up from my chair and walk round to him.“Turn around.” I say.
Tristan moves so his legs are in front of him, I take a seat on his lap and wrap my hands around his neck, his arms slowly snake their way around my waist.
“I think it’s beautiful the way you were raised, because it’s made you who you are today. And who you are right now....it’s almost as though it’s all pre-ordained. Like I was meant to go through what I went through and you were raised like that, so one day when we met, we would be perfect for each other. I love that you are who you ar
e. You’re the only straight guy I’ve ever…felt...” I trail off, then I go into a mini panic. I just used the word Love! Fuck!
“I think what I’m trying to say is that your upbringing turned you into a great man, a really wonderful, kind loving man. The kind that’s perfect for me...”Breathe Coral.
“None of my exes thought that.” Tristan says, surprising me again. “And I’m far from perfect,” he adds glumly.
“Well I’m glad they thought that because it means I get to have you.” Am I really saying this?
“Well according to my exes I’m boring, predictable...oh and too nice.” He says, I see a sadness in his eyes, buried deep inside.
“I’m sorry Tristan but that’s bullshit, if anyone’s boring it’s me.” I scoff.
“Believe me Coral, you are the opposite of boring.” He says gazing up at me.
I close my eyes for a second then lean my forehead against his.“Well just for the record you are not boring or predictable. You’re dependable and sweet and charming and well-mannered, which I love. And as for being too nice, that’s just crap...you really must have dated some hard hearted bitches, who evidently wanted to get themselves hooked up with some shallow, vain, bad-boy that would treat them like crap.”
I open my eyes and take a deep breath, exhaling slowly after my little rant.
Tristan smiles warmly at me. “I think you have more to offer than you could ever imagine Coral, but that’s probably because you don’t seem to see yourself very clearly – or think you’re worthy.” He adds. Whoa! Nail on the head Tristan.
I take in a deep ragged breath. What am I doing?
“You know, I never thought I would meet someone like you, maybe it’s the age difference, I don’t know? Point is, I love that you have all those qualities and more. I will always know where I stand with you. There’s no pretence, no bull-shit, no secrets. You’re a straight up guy Tristan, and for me, that’s like a dream come true...” I gaze down at his lips. “I’m glad all those women let you go.” I say breathlessly.
His eyes are seeing straight through me again. I can feel the pull resonating from him, my heart is hammering, my stomach is swarming with butterflies and my soul feels like it’s just expanded a thousand fold.
“You know I’m in love with you don’t you.” Tristan says his voice all low and husky.
My mouth pops open in shock. Did he really just say that? I scowl at him. He can’t be, we don’t know each other. This is weird.
Tristan shakes his head. “I know that sounds odd, coming from someone you hardly know, but there isn’t anything in the world I wouldn’t do for you, whatever you want, it is yours.”
Holy fuck! I let out a raspy breath, lean my forehead against his, and close my eyes. I feel his hands make their way through my hair, his thumbs stroking my cheeks, and in that moment I know I have to tell him, I have to let him know. I pull my head up from his and open my eyes.
“I’m warning you Tristan, I don’t really know how to be close to you...I don’t even know if I can be...intimate.” I say, my voice sounding raspy and breathless.
Tristan closes his eyes and exhales slowly.“Coral, don’t you know?” he whispers huskily, opening his eyes as he does. “Just being with you is enough – more than enough. I want to be your man baby, you just have to say yes and I’ll show you, I’ll show you how you can build trust with me, how I’ll protect you. We can take this real slow, day by day. I’m yours,” he adds, gently stroking my hair as he does.
I place my hand against his cheek. This feels so deep already, it’s really scaring me.
“Hey,” Tristan lifts my chin. “I don’t want to frighten you off. Did I just do that?” He questions.
“Kind of…” I whisper, trying to pull my gaze away from his.
“Shit!” Tristan runs his hand through his hair in frustration. I instantly feel bad, I’m sat on his lap telling him how great he is – which he is – and then I’m half running out the door when he declares himself to me – Fuck it! – I have to stop all this bullshit.
I place my other hand against his cheek, run my thumb across his bottom lip and stare down at his parted lips. I will be brave. I will kiss this man and see once and for all if I can really do this, the moment is just too beautiful to pass by.
I lean down, my lips inches from his – “Hello?” Knock, knock, knock.
“You have got to be kidding me,” I hiss. “It’s Gladys,” I add gritting my teeth. Tristan nods, understanding that like it or not, she will be coming in.
I feel myself deflate like a balloon. I get up from his lap, walk over to the door, pull the curtain across and open the door to Gladys and Malcolm.
“Ooh, do I smell Roast Dinner?” She slurs, leaning in to kiss my cheek. Oh great! She’s tipsy we’ll never get rid of her now!
“Yes,” I sigh, smiling tentatively at Malcolm. “Hi Malcolm.”
“Hello Coral.” He leans down and kisses my cheek as they both walk in. Gladys stops in her tracks as she notices Tristan standing to his feet.
“Oh! I didn’t think you’d have company?” Gladys says looking from me to Tristan to Malcolm.
“Hello Gladys.” Tristan says, leaning in he kisses her cheek then shakes Malcolm’s hand.
I close the door and walk over to the kitchenette. “Would you like a glass of wine or coff’ – “Ooh wine please.” Gladys interrupts me plonking herself down on the sofa.
“Malcolm?” I ask as I give Gladys a small glass of wine.
“Coffee thank you Coral. How are you feeling?” I smile at Malcolm, how sweet of him to ask.
“Much better thank you, I’ve been in very good hands.” I smile shyly at Tristan, he smiles shyly back at me, in-fact I think he looks a little uncomfortable.
“That’s good to hear, although your nose still looks very sore,” he adds.
“It’s getting better. Did you have a nice time with your daughters?” I hand him his coffee as he sits next to Gladys. Malcolm tells me all about his daughters, their husbands and their children, so he’s a Grandpa too!
I pick up my wine and sit next to Gladys.I’m trying not to glare at her, even though I want to have it out with her as to why she didn’t tell me about Malcolm when she told Debs. Tristan comes and sits next to me on the arm of the sofa, I love that he wants to do that, be so close to me.
“So, what have you two been doing today?” Gladys slurs. I go to answer but Tristan beats me to it, and goes into an animated story about our day. Gladys is mesmerized, blinking rapidly as she watches Tristan – So it’s not just me…
“Tristan, I have to say thank you again for looking after Coral so well,” she says hugging and kissing me, Malcolm narrows his eyes at my uncomfortable reaction.
“Tristan, I have a business question, would you mind?” Malcolm says, and gestures for Tristan to follow him.
Tristan looks surprised. “Not at all,” he says and they walk over to the patio door.Subtle Malcolm, very subtle! – They begin chatting away so I use it as my opportunity to probe Gladys.
“So Debs came round today,” I casually say.
“Oh, how lovely, you two rarely see each other anymore.”
“Kind of difficult when she’s got a kid and a husband to look after,” I bite. “Which reminds me, she let it slip that she already knew about Malcolm.” I add. Gladys’s face falls, I can see she’s trying hard to hide her true feelings, to put a mask on.
“So you want to tell me why she knew and I didn’t?” I ask.Gladys is silent.“Mom,” I say using that word feels wrong. “I’m really upset she knew and I didn’t,” I add softly, I don’t want to upset her, but she needs to know what she did was wrong.
Gladys takes hold of my hand and squeezes it. “I’m sorry darling…it’s just...well you don’t take too well to change,” she says.
“I know that, but just because you started seeing someone doesn’t mean everything has to change,” I answer. A guilty look appears on her face. “And now I know Debs is selling up too, yo
u both are. Is there something else I don’t know about?” I ask just as I did with Debs.
“No, no...o-of course not,” she stutters looking totally uncomfortable, which just confirms there is.
“Please Mom, tell me,” I whisper. “I won’t freak out,” I add.
Our eyes meet and I know in that instance I am right. Something big is going down, and I don’t know about it, she’s having the exact same reaction as Debs.
“Oh darling it’s lovely hearing you call me that,” she squeaks. “Anyway how about you and Tristan?” she whispers so he can’t hear, and totally changing the subject. “He’s a real dish darling, you’ve done very well there. Are you going to start seeing each other?” she asks.
I sigh heavily, she’s not going to tell me.“Yeah…” I answer glumly.
“Oh that’s wonderful dear,” she beams enthusiastically.
“Yeah...he’s really...” I can’t think of the right word to describe who he is to me. My anchor, my north, my south. In such a short space of time, he’s become my home.
“Well, you just be sure to take care of him. Men need looking after just as much as us girls,” she tells me. I nod silently in repsonse.
Gladys drains the rest of her wine and stands up.“Well, we’d better be off,” she says nervously.
I frown deeply at her odd behaviour and look across at Tristan, the moment our eyes meet he frowns too, he knows something’s up.
“Already darling, but we’ve only just got here?” Malcolm argues.
“Malcolm!” Gladys warns. “I’m tired, please take me home.”
Malcolm blushes a little. “Of course darling.” He places his coffee in the kitchen sink and walks over to me, holding his hands to me, I use them to pull up off the sofa.
“Thanks.” I squeak.
“Bye Coral,” he says kissing me on the cheek again. “Sorry it was such a short visit.”
I try to smile at him. “Don’t worry about it,” I mumble. Tristan comes and stands next to me, placing his arms around my waist as he does. It feels so good that he’s here next to me.
“Bye darling,” Gladys gushes kissing me on the cheek. I show no enthusiasm. Malcolm looks confused from me to Gladys to Tristan. “Nice to see you again Tristan,” she beams kissing him on both cheeks. “Look after that daughter of mine,” she adds.
Darkest Fears Trilogy: Fallen For Him / Freed By Him / Forever With Him Page 35