A sinking feeling spreads within me, this isn’t normal, surely? How the hell am I going to feel when he’s gone? Feeling empty and deprived of him even though he’s stood in front of me, I deepen the kiss, forcing his lips apart and finding his tongue.
He tastes of toothpaste and coffee, and I’m glad Tristan hasn’t pulled away, afraid of hurting my nose again. It’s a very long, amazing, wonderful kiss, I feel like I’m on cloud nine, all heady and light.
“You really shouldn’t do that,” he says his cheeky grin spreading across his face.
“Do what?” I ask breathlessly.
“Kiss me like that, or we’ll never make it out of here.”
“Sounds good to me,” I wrap my arms around his neck. Tugging on his hair, I push his lips harder against mine.
Tristan pulls back, I frown. “Careful baby, your nose.”
“It’s fine.” I gripe and pull on his hair again. Tristan takes hold of my hands and brings them down in front of me, I sigh heavily and stare at the floor.
“Hey,” Tristan lifts my chin. “We have all the time in the world for that.” He grins broadly at me and kisses me once more, but it’s a quick, soft tender kiss.
I sigh inwardly. I’m not so sure about that.
“Come on or we’ll be late,” he says, tugging on my hand.
Stepping outside, I notice it’s yet another scorching hot day. I’m sure Tristan is just melting in that sexy suit of his. Just as I’m locking the patio door my mobile starts ringing.
Pulling it out of my bag I notice it’s Rob – Yes!
“Hey Robster, I’m so glad you called,” I breathe.
“Coral, I’m just calling to let you know Carlos and I will be away for a couple of weeks,” he states grimly.
“W-why, where are you going?” I ask feeling shocked by this news.
“To his parents,” he answers.
“In Spain?” I gasp.
“Yeah…” He sounds tortured.
“Why? Oh Rob won’t you tell me’ – “I’m coming to see you when we get back.” He interrupts.
“You are?”
“Yes, there’s going to be some changes...I...” Rob chokes up again. I feel myself start to crumble. Something is really, really wrong.
“I’m here for you always, whatever it is,” I tell him my voice trembling.
“I know,” he whispers.
“I’ll miss you,” I tell him.
“Me too,” he croaks.
“Tell Carlos I miss him too won’t you?”
“C-Coral...” He whispers, his voice laced with pain. My heart constricts for him – Oh Rob, please tell me what’s wrong! “I’d better go,” he quickly adds.
“Ok, love you Rob,” I say fighting against the lump in my throat.
“Love you too.” He croaks.
“Safe flight,” I whisper.
“Bye.” He hangs up. So something major is up, I was right all along. I turn to Tristan and wrap my arms around him, he grips me tightly.
“Did he say?” I shake my head.
“They’re going away for a couple of weeks.” I frown hard trying to figure it all out. Why would they go to Spain? They don’t even get on with Carlos’s dad that well, he’s very old fashioned, doesn’t really understand that being gay is nature, not nurture. He thinks Carlos is doing this to piss him off.
Tristan squeezes me tighter and kisses the top of my head.“We have to move Coral.”
I pull out of his arms and swipe at the tears that have fallen. Tristan takes my hand, and in a daze I walk along the concourse, deep in thought.As we reach the Gym, I’m about to ask Tristan how we’ll be getting to the Doctors when I see Stuart pull up. Tristan opens my door for me and I slide in the backseat.
“Morning Stuart,” I sniff.
“Miss Stevens,” he nods. “Are you feeling any better?” he politely asks as Tristan slips in beside me.
“Yeah, much better thanks. It was agony at the time.”
“I bet it was,” he answers pulling out onto the main road.
As the car moves smoothly through traffic, I notice Ed Sheeran’s Lego House is playing on the radio, I love this song. I turn and smile at Tristan.
“I love this song,” he says.
“Me too,” I smile back at him – How we think and feel, it seems so synchronized, we seem so in tune with one another, Tristan picks up my hand and kisses it.
I shake my head and gaze out the window.I'm trying so hard not to fall for this guy, but I'm really starting to think it’s too late...
I AM SAT INSIDE A VERY POSH EXAMINATION ROOM. Tristan is sitting in the corner, flicking through a newspaper, while I’m sitting on a very high tech examination table, being examined by a man called Dr Andrews, he really isn’t what I was expecting at all. He looks younger than me, has jet black hair, deeply set brown eyes and is quite frankly, a hunk as Debs would say, in-fact he reminds me of Keanu Reeves – Bet he’s gonna get all the ladies after him!
“Well Coral, you’re healing up nicely.” Dr Andrews smiles.
“Good.” I smile up at him.
“Are you getting any dizzy spells, blurry vision?” I shake my head. “Good, any headaches?”
“No, my nose is just tender from being bumped so hard…” And when Tristan is kissing me. I glance across at him – I really could ogle at him all day and not get bored.
“Yes, that’s to be expected. Just take some Aspirin or Ibuprofen, but if anything changes come back and see me straight away.”
“Ok.” I look across at Tristan again - I feel ridiculous in my jeans and t-shirt while he sits their looking like a gozillianaire!
“Well you’re all done.” Dr Andrews smiles.
“Thanks,” I say and jump down off the examination table.
“Ready to go?” Tristan asks.
“Yep.” I swoon at him again.
Tristan shakes Dr Andrews hand.“Thank you for fitting us in at such short notice.”
“It’s my pleasure,” he says reaching his hand out to me – Fuck it, he doesn’t seem slimy!
I take his hand in mine and we shake. I sigh with relief, his hand is cool and dry.He hands Tristan a card and we leave his very plush office.
Tristan takes hold of my hand again.“Why do you do that?” I ask.
“What?”
“Hold my hand?”
He shrugs. “I like it.” I’m sure there’s more to it than that, but I decide to let it go. Whatever those reasons might be, I don’t care. It feels really, really, good. Tristan hands me Dr Andrews card, I shove it in my bag.
“Did you like him?” Tristan asks frowning down at me.
“Who?” I ask, bewildered.
“Dr Andrews.”
I smile up at him. “What makes you ask that?”
“You shook his hand,” he says darkly.
“Oh…well, he…he didn’t seem slimy,” I whisper, frowning at the floor.
“Hmm.” Tristan doesn’t seem convinced.
“Tristan, if you’re jealous, I’ll tell you now. You have no need to be.”
He smiles wryly at me, squeezes my hand, and we continue walking out of the plush building, and into the blinding morning light. Stuart pulls up outside the building, Tristan opens my door for me again, and just as I’m about to lean down I freeze – Was that Rob’s car?
I instantly straighten up trying to get a better view over the roof of the Jaguar, but I can’t see where it went, and I couldn’t really see if it was Rob driving.
“Coral.” Tristan touches my elbow bringing me back to him. “You ok?”
I nod, and frown in the direction of the car park. If that was Rob’s car, what is he doing here, in the hospital car park? I slide into the Jag in a daze. I can’t decide whether to text him or not, to find out if he was there, then I think even if he was, would he deny it?
My stomach drops then turns over. What if Rob’s sick? I shake the thought away. No way, if he was he would tell me. Maybe he was visiting a friend or something,
if it was him at all.
“Coral, what’s on your mind?” Tristan says pulling me from my musing. I notice we are on the move again.
“I thought I just saw Rob’s car,” I whisper, frowning at my own thoughts.
He is watching me with worried eyes. I think about how I would be reacting to Rob’s behaviour if Tristan wasn’t with me. I’d be climbing the walls, I would have to know. I would have knocked down his door by now to get to the truth. I pull out my mobile and I’m about to text Rob when it starts ringing, it’s George.
“Hi George.”
“Good morning Coral. I thought I’d let you know that I’ve spoken to Cindy, she can get you in for a regular session with me on Tuesdays at 5pm.”
“So I’ll see her tomorrow, before you?”
“Yes.”
“Where?”
“My place.”
“Really, that’s great George. You’re an angel, thank you so much,” I gush feeling utterly grateful.
“You’re more than welcome,” he says. “Did Lily have a nice birthday?” I groan and tell him all about our little coming together, which makes me think of the hospital, then seeing Rob.
“Hey George, you haven’t heard from Carlos or Rob have you?”
“Not directly, but we had friends over last night. Apparently they’re off to Spain for a couple of weeks, it’s alright for some isn’t it,” he laughs.
“Yeah,” I smile not really feeling it reach me. “Did they see them before they left?”
“No I don’t think so, well they didn’t really say. Why?”
“Nothing I just’ – “Coral don’t think the worst,” he admonishes, interrupting me.
“I know,” I sigh. “It’s just not like Rob...” I stop myself. I can go through all of this tomorrow night. “George, you’re an angel, thank you for organising that for me. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“Yes, see you tomorrow.” I smile down the line.
“Bye George.” I hang up then send a text to Rob.
*Did I just see you at Montefiore’s? Xxx*
I pop my mobile back in my bag and look up at Tristan, he looks deep in thought.
“Coral, I’m sorry but I’ve got to go into the office for a couple of hours.” Ah, so that’s why he’s suited and booted!– “Stuart will take you in to see Will, and get you back to your studio,” he tells me.
I burst out laughing. “No he won’t, no offense Stu,” I offer looking at him in the rear view mirror.
“Coral don’t be difficult,” he says, exasperated.
“Difficult?” I question.
“Yes,” he snaps. I don’t know why, but Tristan’s demeanor seems to have changed since George called.
“Tristan...?” He holds one finger up to me.
My mouth presses into a hard line. I can't help gritting my teeth at him. A minute later Stuart pulls up outside the office. Tristan nods to him, leaving the engine running, Stuart steps outside.
“What’s that all about?” I ask.
“He’s giving us some privacy,” he answers.
“Oh!” I swallow hard. Why do I feel like I’ve done something wrong?
Tristan turns in his seat so he’s facing me and takes my hand in his.“I really want Stuart to’ – “Tristan don’t. I’m quite capable of getting myself home from the gym. Don’t treat me like an injured animal, it’ll just piss me off!”
“Ok.” Tristan holds his hands up in the air in defeat.
“Is that all?” I snipe feeling annoyed at him. Tristan stares ahead contemplating what he’s got on his mind.“Oh for heaven’s sake Tristan, just spit it out!”
“You have your therapist tomorrow?”
“Yes.”
“And someone else?” Why oh why did he have to hear that.
I sigh heavily. “Yes.”
“Who?”
“What?”
“Coral, I want to make sure you’re’ – “She’s a hypnotherapist,” I blurt in frustration.
“A...a hypnotherapist?” he stutters. “Why would you need one of...” Tristan trails off and stares into space. Finally he turns to me, and runs a cool, soft finger down my cheek, then takes my hands in his and entwines our fingers. “Give me your word that you’ll tell me....one day,” he adds.
“I...I can’t Tristan, I can’t guarantee you that,” I croak.
“Why not?” he asks, his voice low and husky.
“Because I don’t want to let you down,” I mumble. “I don’t know if I have the courage to...” I stare down at our entwined fingers. “Can we talk about this another time, I’d like to get home,” I snap.
My nose hurts, I’m hungry and I don’t want to assess how I’m really feeling about Tristan. He wants so much from me, and I don’t know if I can give that back to him.
I pull my hands out of his, cross my arms and pout.
Tristan purses his lips, then frowns deeply and narrows his eyes at me.“Coral, why do I get the feeling that you’re going to say goodbye, and I won’t see it coming?” He asks, his voice shaking slightly. Shit!
I shake my head and run my hand through my hair.“I don’t know,” I lie, turning to stare out the window. I can’t look at him, if I do I’ll crack, and I don’t want him to know the real depravity of my feelings.
I’m deeply scarred by the events of my past, and he doesn’t know how deep those scars run. I feel like a have an internal battle raging within me, and I already have enough battle wounds. I don’t think I could take anymore, and falling for Tristan is starting to make me realise how deep those wounds go.
My heart is broken, torn in two, it needs stitching back together, but I don’t know how to do that. I’m not even sure if it will ever heal completely, and I’m starting to realise that if I really let Tristan in, and it goes wrong, my heart will snap in two and I’ll never repair from it.I’ll be a broken fuck up, just like my mother, and I just don’t think I can take that risk.
“I’ll be back at lunchtime. Can I pick you anything up?” His voice is low and strained.
“Sure, a salad would be nice.” I whisper.
“Done,” he answers. I can feel him watching me, waiting for me to look at him.“Coral,” he whispers, I turn and look up at him, he looks lost and as though he’s in pain.
I squeeze my eyes shut for a second, feeling guilty for making him feel like this.
“I’m sorry Coral, I’ - I move forward and press my lips against his.“Don’t be, you’re curious. I would be too.” I kiss him softly, trying to ease his anxious look.
He gazes back at me, and gently strokes my hair. “I have to go,” he says.
“I know,” I whisper and sit back in my seat.
“See you later?” I nod at him and pull my lips up in a semblance of a smile.He narrows his eyes at me, leans forward and gently kisses my forehead – His kiss sears me, changing my mind again. What the fuck am I doing?
Tristan steps out of the car. I watch him walk over to Stuart and chat to him for a moment, then Stuart hops back in the car.“So just to the Gym,” he clarifies, smiling broadly at me.
I nod silently, already lost in thought...
TEN MINUTES LATER I HAVE SAID goodbye to Stuart and I’m walking into the Gym. I have no idea if Will is even here this time of day. I don’t know if he’s a full or part time fitness instructor so I decide to ask at reception. As I stand waiting to be seen, I’m eyed speculatively by the two girls that are serving clients. I roll my eyes at them, and I'm about to say something when I’m tapped on the shoulder. I turn around and see Will’s mouth gape open in shock, before he even asks me a question, he’s tugging me along and pulling me into a small office.
“Coral!” Jeez he looks really angry!
“This isn’t what it looks like!” I say raising my hands in the air to stop him.
“Oh really’ – Will crosses his arms – ‘Denial, it’s always the first step,” he barks.
“Will, my niece did this to me,” I snap, he scowls back at me. “I swear to you
,” I add, then tell him how it happened, but he still doesn’t look convinced.
“Will,” I whisper closing my eyes as I do. “I would never let anyone do this to me.” I open my eyes and continue. “I came in here to tell you I can't do tonight, and that I’ll see you on Thursday, my nose should have healed up by then.”
He sighs heavily. “You know you can always tell me if anyone’ – “Will!” I bark. “I get you care about me, but I’m telling you my niece did this!” I bellow feeling annoyed at him.
“Alright Coral,” he nods, but I’m still not sure he’s convinced.
I shake my head at him and walk over to the door. “See you Thursday,” I grumble wrenching the door open. I don’t need this shit! I’ve got enough going on.
I march out the gym and all the way home…
THREE HOURS LATER I have caught up with all the work that Joyce sent over this morning, and resent it for her to print and sign. I have welcomed the work; it’s taken my mind of Tristan, and the raging battle that’s going on. I’m so confused from all the fucked-up-ness that goes on in my head.
I sigh inwardly and sit back against the sofa.I look up at the time, Tristan will be back soon. I shake my head at myself. What am I going to do? It all feels like it’s going so fast.
I take a deep breath trying to calm myself, but all I can smell is Tristan, his scent is all over this place now – It was a bad idea letting him stay here, building memories with him.
I wish I could talk to Rob, he would help me rationalise it all, maybe I could tell him why I’m like this, tell him the truth, tell him all about my past, maybe then – My mobile buzzes at me, pulling me from my musing, I pick it up and see there’s a text.
I scramble to open it, hoping it’s a reply from Rob.
*Hey my sexy, gorgeous girl ;-) What kind of salad would you like? Tristan Xx*
I grin like an idiot. I instantly feel lifted from my somber thoughts. He’s so hard to resist, not only does Tristan think I’m gorgeous and sexy – which is a very heady feeling in itself – but I got a wink too, I press reply and send one back to him.
*I’m starving and missing you, hurry back. Surprise me baby Xxx*
Darkest Fears Trilogy: Fallen For Him / Freed By Him / Forever With Him Page 38