His reply is immediate.
*I do apologise something came up. Missing you too, see you soon gorgeous Xxx*
Just as I’m about to text back a witty reply my mobile rings.
“Hi Joyce.”
“How are you feeling darling?”
“Oh fine, can I come back tomorrow?”
“Not until your bruising has gone.” She answers sternly.
I frown at her reply. “Why?” I question.
“It just...well doesn’t look good on the company darling, and do you really want all the girls gossiping about you? – Which they will,” she adds.
“I don’t care.” I snap.
“Well I do.” She retorts.
“So you want me to take the week off?” I question in horror.
“There’s no rush Coral, when the bruises have gone, come back.”
I sigh heavily.“Ok, if that’s what you want.” I mumble.
“Darling, use the time productively. Why not spend some time with Tristan while he’s here?”
I’m speechless. Then I remember what Tristan told me about their little chat.
“I’m finishing myself now so you won’t get anything else sent across today. Take some time off Coral, you deserve it.” Why do I get the feeling Joyce is pushing for this too?
“Um...sure ok,” I mumble.
“I’m doing the same tomorrow, a few hours in the morning and then I’m off again.” She tells me.
“Oh, ok.” I have to wonder what Joyce is up to. “Do you need me to help you with anything?” I ask hoping she’ll say yes. I’m going to go mad sitting around when Tristan’s gone.
“No, I’m fine thank you Coral.”
I shrug and sigh. “Ok, I’ll see you soon,” I grumble. “Bye.” I’m about to hang up when Joyce stops me.
“Oh Coral, Lily loved the dress, thank you for choosing it for me.”
“Anytime,” I smile, feeling momentarily better.
“Bye darling.” Joyce hangs up.
I check my mobile for a reply from Rob, still nothing. Guess I’m just going to have to be patient and hope that I’ll hear from him soon…
TWENTY MINUTES LATER Tristan comes waltzing into the studio looking sexy as ever, gone is the suit – I guess he went back to the hotel and got changed – now he’s in a pair of dark blue jeans, and a black t-shirt that fits snuggly against his muscular torso – Uh-Oh! I didn’t think he could look sexier than the suit, but he does!
I swoon at him for a second then snap out of it.“Hi,” I squeak.
Without a word, he places the take-out bag on the coffee table, pulls me into him and kisses me so forcefully, I almost fall backwards. And I would have done, had it not been for his strong arms wrapped around me. But there’s something more, something behind the kiss, a hint of desperation maybe, I don’t know.
“What was that for?” I ask breathlessly.
“Does there need to be a reason?” He asks, staring down at me with anxious eyes.
“I guess not.” I whisper.
“Your salad me lady,” he smiles his deep dimpled smile.
“Thanks.” I sit down on the sofa, open the packaging and see Tristan has ordered my favourite – Green leaf and avocado with black olives and sundried tomatoes.
“How did you know?” I beam as Tristan sits next to me.
“I’m observant and I listen,” he muffles, I look across and see he’s demolishing his food again.
“Hungry?” I chuckle.
“Yes.” Tristan gobbles his chicken salad down in no time at all, but I’m struggling again, all I keep thinking about is his hands on my body, his lips against mine and what it’s going to feel like when he’s finally inside me, making love to me.
Then I think about it happening for real, and I start to freak out, my heart starts hammering against my chest, making me feel nauseous.
“Will you tell me?” He softly asks.
“Tell you what?” I mumble as I pick at my salad.
“Why you’re having Hypnotherapy?”
“Tristan,” I moan putting my fork down, my appetite completely vanished.
“Please?” He begs.
“For god’s sake man, let me eat!” I admonish.
Tristan frowns back at me but he doesn’t push it, he nods once, stands and walks out onto the decking, I can hear him chatting away to Bob.
I take the alone time to try and eat the rest of my salad. I concentrate hard on chewing and swallowing, keeping my mind clear of all thoughts.
“Fancy going over to the house today?” He asks making me jump. I hadn’t noticed him come back in.
“Sure.” I say finally finishing my salad, which was delicious.
“Will you tell me now?” He asks solemnly. I know what he’s asking.
“No!” I bark.
Tristan sighs heavily then nods in resignation.“Ok, well I thought we could go to the house, choose what kind of furniture we would like, where it can go, and then go and see if we can find it.”
Ok, I think this is going way too fast!
“You don’t want to do that?” he says, his eyes narrowed, his brow furrowed. He runs his hand through his hair in frustration. “What’s wrong Coral?” He barks.
I sigh inwardly. Why is he asking about furniture shopping, when he knows I have work this afternoon, unless…Joyce has already told him? Then I think maybe Tristan has told Joyce about staying over and thinking back on it, she wants me to spend more time with Tristan…
“Did you ask Joyce to give me the day off?” I question, my eyes narrowed.
Tristan instantly looks guilty.
“You did!” I screech. “Tristan,” I scold. “You shouldn’t have done that.” I add, feeling agitated that I am losing all sense of control.
“It wasn’t like that,” he tells me sheepishly.
“Really? Enlighten me Tristan, how exactly was it?” I growl – I’m so pissed at him.
“Coral, it was very innocent, we got talking and I told her that.....well, we seem to be really getting along and that you’re going to spend some time at the house with me this weekend. She knows I’m going back Wednesday’ – Tristan sighs heavily – ‘I told her about your offer to help me find some furniture, she thought it was a nice gesture, so she offered to give you the afternoon off so we could – “Ok, I’ve heard enough.” I snap – I have to get away from him.
I stomp my way up the stairs, and when I get to my bedroom I plonk myself down on my bed and close my eyes, trying to work out why I’m feeling so pissed about it.
Is it because I feel as though my life is being planned for me? That I’m losing control? Or am I just annoyed about it all? I wanted to go back to work. I like having that sense of normality, routine, and for the first time ever it’s been taken away from me – without my approval!
I hear the bottom stair creak. “Can I come up?” His voice sounds torn. How can I deny him?
“Sure.” I open my eyes and sit cross legged on my bed.
Tristan runs up the stairs, then tentatively walks the couple of steps needed to be next to me, and hesitantly sits down. His face is as white as a ghost; he looks lost, torn.
“I’m so sorry,” he whispers. “I thought that you would like it, spending more time with me, and so did Joyce.”
“It’s not that,” I grumble.
“Then what is it?” He softly asks.
“I just...don’t I get a say?” I gripe.
“I...I thought’ – “Tristan,” I lean in closer to him, I need him to understand.“I like my routine, having a stable job to go to everyday gives me a sense of purpose. And with all the madness that goes on in my head, for that to just be stripped away from me without any say’ – “That’s what it feels like to you?” he interrupts.
“Yes,” I whisper in exasperation.
“Most people would love being given time off’– “Don’t,” I tell him. “Don’t go there, I’ve already told you I’m not like other people.”
“So yo
u don’t want to spend more time with me?” He questions.
“It’s not about that!” I shout. “Don’t you get it? I crave control Tristan, and having this job gives me that. Having two people I thought cared about me conniving behind my back so I can’t go to work feels like entrapment to me.” I bellow running my hands through my hair in frustration.
“I...I didn’t know you felt that way.” He says, frowning at the floor.
“That’s because you didn’t ask!” I shout, my temper getting the better of me.
“I think I should go.” Tristan says standing up sharply.
I almost go to agree with him, it’s my chance to let him go, but something deep within me tugs at my heart, it feels like it’s being crushed again – by the steel hand.
“Tristan,” I whisper, instantly regretting my little rant. “Please stay.”
“I don’t think that’s a good idea,” he tells me. Shit! What have I done? I don’t want him to leave!
I scramble to my feet, stand in front of him and tug on his hand.“Please, don’t go,” I beg leaning my forehead against his chest. “I...I’ll tell you more,” I barter.
“More?” He questions.
“Yeah...a-about me,” I stutter.
“You don’t need to do that Coral. I just thought you’d be happy to spend more time with me, that’s all.”
I look up at his face, I can see I’ve hurt him – Damn it!
“I do want to spend more time with you. It’s just...it would have been better being done a different way, that’s all. Like Joyce actually asking me instead of telling me.” I say throwing my hands in the air.
“Do you have a problem with authority?” He titters lightly.
I smile back at him. “Yeah…I kind of do,” I say.
“Bet you were a real pain in the ass as a teenager,” he says taking my face in his hands and running his thumbs across my cheekbone.
“You have no idea!” I chuckle lightly, Tristan joins in.
“So are we shopping?” He asks playfully.
“Yes.” I beam, reeling at the thought of helping him furnish his house.
“Ok.” He leans forward and kisses my forehead.
“I need a few minutes.” I say.
“I’ll wait for you downstairs,” he says, then softly strokes my cheek.
As Tristan scuttles back down the stairs, I stop and think for a moment about the future, which I know I shouldn’t do, but I can't help it.
I envisage my life without him, going to work, the gym, seeing Rob occasionally. It makes me realise how deeply Tristan’s got under my skin, in just a few short days.I think about how scared I am, and how quickly this is all going. I know he wants me to move in with him, that he wants to marry me, but I’m just not there yet.
I close my eyes and imagine saying goodbye to him, walking away…A huge crater opens within me, it’s dark and barren, torn and twisted, and it hurts like hell!
I quickly think of the flip side.
Tristan’s house is what I see. I’m sitting outside on the decking, soaking up the sunset with a glass of wine. I look back inside and see Tristan is putting the finishing touches to the meal he’s made, I watch him walk towards me, a big dimpled smile spread across his face.
The image shifts and I’m alone in the house taking a soak in the bath, I hear Tristan come home, then he’s next to me, he’s naked and he’s joining me in the bath, he starts massaging my shoulders, it feels wonderful –“Coral, are you ready?” Tristan shouts.
I jump feeling startled, then giggle at myself.“Coming!” I shout back. I find my wedges, pull them on and run down the stairs to Tristan.
“So where to?” he asks.
“Depends what kind of furniture you’re looking for?” I say.
“What do you think?” he asks.
I narrow my eyes at him. “Tristan, this is your house, not mine.”
“Hmm, did you like how it was furnished?” He asks.
“Yes.”
“And the rooms? Keep them as they are?”
“Why are you asking me this?”
“I want you to be happy there.” He says shrugging slightly.
“Liar!” I blurt, teasingly.
His mouth twists trying to hide his smile.“Alright, I do have an ulterior motive…but I think it’s too early to say anything,” he says, looking nervous.
“Say it.” I push.He shakes his head at me.“Tristan!” I warn. “You won’t build trust with me if I know you’re hiding something.”
“Fine! I was going to ask you to move in with me, when you’re ready. It’s in the future, I know that, but I would have it instantly happen, and I want this place to feel like it’s just as much your home as it is mine.”
My mouth pops open. “Move in with you?” I whisper.
He moves forward and gently strokes my cheek.“One day, not now,” he says calming me. “I just want to know what you thought of the furnishings, the layout.”
“Perfect.” I answer, his eyebrows shoot up in surprise.
“Really?” He questions.
“Yes, I thought all the rooms were perfectly appointed. The office, the library and as for that sofa…” I drift off.
“So basically replicate what we viewed?”
“Yes, if that’s what you like too?”
“Oh baby…” He crushes me to him, inhaling my hair, my scent maybe, like I’ve done with him. “Perfectly matched,” he whispers.
Ok, now I’m excited. If we can get that house looking like it did, that would be awesome.Tristan smiles down at me and kisses me softly, then taking my hand in his, we head out into the blazing heat of the afternoon…
TRISTAN OPENS THE DOOR TO THE WAITING JAGUAR. I smile tentatively at him and slip inside. I feel like I’ve been rattled to pieces. My head is spinning, that was a hard session with George, not that I was honest with him – which he won’t be happy about if he finds out.
“How did it go?” Tristan asks, clasping my hand in his.
I feel a little hesitant to answer him, and I don't want Stuart to overhear our conversation.
“Good,” I answer, not wanting to give away anymore, and gaze out of the window.
Yesterday when we had finished our mad shopping spree, Tristan asked me if I wanted to stay at his house while he’s away, but I declined. Seeing it again made me remember how I was feeling about him when we first viewed it; how scared I was, still am if I’m honest.
In fact, the more I think about it, the more I can feel myself spiraling down, withdrawing into myself, shutting myself away from him. Just thinking about him leaving tomorrow is filling me with dread.
I swallow hard and try to chase away the horror.
Of course, I didn’t tell George any of this, because I know what he will say, that I’m self-destructing the relationship, but I don’t think he’ll ever understand me, not truly, but he did say that Tristan leaving was probably a good thing, get some perspective, some distance.
I frown at that thought, I’m not sure I actually want distance, but at the same time I do – I’m so confused, why can’t I just feel fucking normal, for one day…
“Coral?” Tristan prompts.
“Hmm,” I turn and look at Tristan, he looks worried.
“How did it go?” He asks again.
“Good.” I repeat.
I hope this isn’t how it’s going to be – Tristan drilling me every time I come back from a session, because I just can’t take that, and I don’t want to open up too much to him. Things are going so well at the moment, and I don't know why, but I keep getting the feeling that he’ll run a mile when he finds out about me, I know he will.
I sigh inwardly. As much as George keeps telling me I can heal and repair, I’m not so sure I can, or will, being scarred so badly as a child changes everything. When you’re a kid, you should be able to trust the adults that are around you, and when you realise you can’t, your whole world view changes, completely.
Tristan laughs sarcasticall
y at me. I glance across at him.“So full of information as usual,” he bites.
“I know what you want,” I tell him staring out the window, watching the world go by.
“I don’t think you do,” he argues.
“You want to know everything,” I retort.
Tristan sighs heavily as Stuart pulls up outside the gym. I watch him jump out and walk round to my door; he pulls it open and holds out his hand to me.
“I want you to open your heart to me,” he says as I place my hand in his.
I step out the car and stare down at the floor.“I’m trying Tristan, but the more you keep asking, the more I’ll pull away.”
He lifts my chin, leans down and gently kisses my lips.
“Tristan,” I whisper wrapping my hands around his neck. “What if I can’t ever tell you? Would you be satisfied with that?”
He softly kisses me again.“I wouldn’t really have a choice, would I?” he says. “Let’s not fight,” he adds, wrapping his arm around my shoulder. “I’m leaving tomorrow, this is our last night together. Want to go through more booklets for furniture tonight?”
“Sure.” I smile tentatively at him, and we walk arm in arm towards my studio.
What I really want to do – which I can’t tell him - Is go straight upstairs and try the one and only skirt I have on, I want to know if the Hypnotherapy has started working.
I unlock the patio door, walk inside, and without looking back at Tristan I go straight up the stairs. Reaching my closet, I start pulling the neatly piled clothing out to get to the skirt at the back of the shelving, but I can’t reach it – God damn it! – I’m right on the tips of my toes, my arm stretched to breaking point, when I hear Tristan behind me.
“What are you doing?” he asks.
I stop stretching and turn to look at him. I can see he’s looking around at all the clothes strewn all over my bed, trying to work out what I'm doing, and I don’t know why, but I suddenly feel really shy, I look down at my knotted fingers.
“Are you looking for something?” He softly asks.
I nod my head at him.
“Need some help?”– Please God, don’t let him ask why? Or any other questions!
I finally look up at him “Yes please.” Tristan takes the few steps needed to reach me. “There’s a Jane Norman bag at the back, can you see it?” Tristan looks up, then leans forward and effortlessly pulls the bag out. He silently hands it to me, I can see he’s dying to ask what’s in the bag.
Darkest Fears Trilogy: Fallen For Him / Freed By Him / Forever With Him Page 39