Darkest Fears Trilogy: Fallen For Him / Freed By Him / Forever With Him

by Clair Delaney

  AS I’M SHOWERING AND GETTING nervous about driving Tristan’s Eighty Grand worth of sports car, I have a sudden thought – we haven’t discussed children. If Tristan and I really are the ones for each other (I think setting up home together, albeit Tristan’s home is a pretty big step) then surely things like marriage and kids should be discussed?

  I mean, I know we’ve kind of brushed over marriage – Just as I’m thinking that I get an image flash up in my mind’s eye.I’m in a long, ivory wedding dress and I’m walking towards Tristan, he looks so smart and handsome, and he’s smiling his deep dimpled smile at me – Stop!

  I freeze mid-wash.Hold the phone, did that just happen?Whoa!That was weird!

  I’m suddenly catapulted back in time to the dream that I had, and Tristan calling me Mrs Freeman – Ridiculous!

  I shake my head, involuntarily getting shampoo in my eyes– Damn it! – I decide to leave the big thinking until I’m out the shower…

  TWENTY MINUTES LATER, I AM DRESSED. My hair has dried into mellow waves, I’m spritzed with perfume and I’m putting my make-up on at the bathroom mirror. I spot Tristan’s aftershave and pick it up to see which one it is – Millionaire by Paco Robane – Figures!

  I put the bottle back down, and concentrate on the task at hand.Ok so where was I?

  The dream, the dress, marriage!Am I denying it to myself? George said that I should believe it’s possible for me.

  I stare back at my reflection.“Is that what you want Coral, to marry Tristan?” I questionaloud.A resounding yes echoes around my head – Holy Crap!

  I shake my head at that thought, it really is quite absurd, we have only known each other a couple of weeks and I’m thinking marriage!You need to slow yourself down girl and get a grip!

  I suddenly feel deflated about it all, like I’ve taken the excitement out of the prospect that it could actually happen for me.

  I glare back at myself.“You know what, you wanna marry Tristan you go right ahead.” There, that told me! – I shake my head at myself. What am I talking about?

  Putting down my eyeliner and reaching for my mascara, I decide to tackle the next big question – Kids.

  My heart slowly sinks. How do I tell him I can’t have them, that I'm unable to conceive. I feel sick just thinking about it.Closing my eyes, and pulling my hand up to cover my mouth, I take a deep breath and try to stop the nauseous feeling.

  Opening my eyes, I gaze back at myself. If it’s something Tristan really wants, then he should be with someone who can give him that, surely?

  My stomach rolls...I hate the thought of him being with anyone else, but if I can’t give him what he wants…I blow a deep breath out…this could be the end of us – Stop Coral, you’re worrying about the future again, just go downstairs and ask Tristan the question. Do you want kids?

  I stare back at my bright wide, sparkling because of Tristan, coral blue eyes, and take a deep breath.“You can do this!” I nod at myself, and make my way out of the bathroom.

  Picking up my shoulder bag from the bedroom, I wonder down the first flight of stairs. I decided to dress in my jeans, t-shirt and my Nike Air-Max trainers (just to see if he says anything) and because I want flats on to drive the car – I’m buzzing with an excited, nervous feeling!

  Walking hesitantly into the kitchen, the first thing I notice is the overpowering smell of Croissants and Chocolate – I feel myself light up inside, I really like those.

  The second thing is that Bruno Mars is singing in the background, Locked out of Heaven is playing, my head starts to bob as I sing along to the words.

  Then I see Tristan sitting on one of the breakfast stools reading a newspaper.

  He’s dressed in his dark blue jeans, a light blue t-shirt which clings to him in all the right places and – Oh my God! As I look down I see he’s wearing the same trainers as me, except his are dark blue, mine are gun metal grey.

  “Hey,” I skip over to him and kiss him on the lips, surprising him.

  “Good morning. Mmm…you smell heavenly,” he says, pulling me closer and kissing my neck.

  My pelvic muscles clench in the most delicious way, I instantly feel hot and moist down below.

  “What perfume are you wearing?” he asks, nibbling my earlobe.

  I almost climax there and then. “Absolutely Irresistible,” I groan, my head falling back, my eyes closing involuntarily, my heart spiking, my breathing erratic.

  “That you are,” Tristan murmurs against my neck, softly kissing and grazing his teeth down towards my shoulder.

  “Um, Tristan…you shouldn’t really be doing that if you want to get out of here,” I murmur, trying to sound as though I’m capable of a conversation.

  “Really?” he questions, still kissing my neck, my jaw.

  I grip his hair at the nape and pull his head back, then kiss him with all the pent up sexual energy I have felt since he denied me this morning.

  “That,” I growl against his lips. “Is not fair, you deny me then tease me?”

  “I was just kissing you,” he says all innocently with puppy dog eyes.

  “Do you have any idea how that makes me feel?” I say sitting on the bar stool next to him.

  “I think I have a pretty good idea,” he smirks.

  “Oh really?” I challenge.

  “Yes.” He replies smugly.

  “Then how does it make me feel?” I question.

  Tristan looks bashful for a moment then he turns his intense gaze on me. “Exactly the way I feel when you kiss me.”

  “And how do I make you feel when I kiss you?” I ask,arms crossed.

  “Like I want you, instantly,” he says his face intense, his eyes dark. Oh wow!

  “Ditto,” I breathe, uncrossing my arms.“So what’ll it be Mr Mogul, sex or car?”

  “Both,” he says grinning cheekily at me.I shake my head at him and laugh.“Mr Mogul?” He questions – Crap! I can't believe I just said that out loud.

  “Have you?” I ask trying to change the subject.

  “Have I what?” he smiles.

  “Had car sex?”

  “Yes.”

  “When?”

  “I was a teenager.”

  “Oh,” I feel myself deflate a little.

  “You?”

  “No,” I whisper, feeling shy again.

  He leans towards me, so he’s almost touching my lips, taking my breath away again, then he moves and brushes his lips across my ear.

  “Maybe,” he whispers in a low husky voice, my body shudders all over. “We can do that today,” he adds.My heart is pounding.Car sex?

  I swallow hard.“Yes,” I whisper.

  He moves again so he’s right in front of me, and runs a cool soft finger down my cheek.

  “Whatever you want baby,” he says, seeing straight through me again.

  I stare down at my fingers. Why do I suddenly feel hot and flushed?

  “Hey?” Tristan slowly lifts my chin up so I have to look at him, I don’t know why I say it but I do.

  “I love you,” I whisper. “So much…” I frown at myself. “Too much…” I add.

  Taking hold of his face, I kiss him, hard.

  “Coral,” he mumbles, pulling away from me, and placing my hands on my lap. “You need to eat, and so do I, can we do that first?” he asks, smiling down at me.

  I stare at the floor feeling utterly rejected. Then I think back to our conversations that have involved sex, and it hits me, he doesn’t want me like that.I think back to last night, we had sex on the sofa, halfway through the film just as I thought we would – but we didn’t when we went to bed, or this morning.

  “You…you don’t want me like that?” I whisper, frowning deeply, keeping my eyes to the floor.

  “Hey,” he tips my head up. “Yes, I do, always.”

  “I don’t believe you,” I whisper, avoiding eye contact.

  “Well, I do,” he retorts.

  “Prove it,” I breathe.

  In the next breath,Tristan is
up on his feet, has swung my bar stool round and pulled me into his arms, his mouth claiming mine, his one hand tugging in my hair, the other hand sliding up my leg, gripping my thigh, my backside.

  I kiss him back with all the passion I feel burning inside me, I grip his hair with my hands then wrap my legs around him.His erection is firm and hard between my legs, making me want him all over again.

  Then taking me by surprise, he lifts me into his arms and carries me over to the sofa– Ok, got that wrong, he does want me!

  Placing me down, so my back is lying on the sofa he sinks to his knees. He unties my trainers, throws them off, undoes the belt on my jeans, the button, and the zipper and pulls them off me. Then he takes hold of my knickers and yanks them to the side.

  “You think I don’t want you?” he questions as his thumb starts circling my clitoris, his look full of hunger and want for me.“Do you?” He questions.

  I can't concentrate, I can only feel as his thumb continues circling, fulfilling a need I feel deep within me. Then with his other hand, he deftly undoes his belt, his zipper and pulls down his jeans and boxers, freeing his erection – Holy fuck!

  I moan in approval. Then he stops, pulls a condom out of his pocket, rips it open and puts it on.“Lift up your legs,” he orders.

  I instantly do so, he grabs me by the hips and pulls me towards him, so I’m right on the edge of the sofa, his tip teasing my clitoris, his thumb still making circles.

  “You want this?” He growls.

  “Yes,” I gasp.

  He slams into me.Whoa!

  “Ahh…” I feel so full, the feeling is exquisite.

  Then he really starts to move, pumping hard and fast, in and out. I watch with wide eyes as his erection pumps in and out of me, it’s so fucking hot, so sexy, god I love him!

  “Tristan!” I gasp. I can already feel I’m building.

  “You think I don’t want you?” he pants, pumping harder, faster. It’s all going so fast!

  “No!” I shout.

  “Because I do,” he grunts. “I’ll always want you. Can you feel me baby? Can you feel how much I want you?” he croaks, his cheeks flushing, his eyes dark chocolate – Holy fuck!

  “Yes,” I cry out, my back arching, my head craning back. Jesus I’m so close!

  “Give it to me,” he shouts. “Come with me baby.” I manage to look up at him, he’s right on the edge.“Now Coral!” he shouts and I let go, just as he does, my head spinning, my whole body tensing as my orgasm pulses through me, through every cell in my body.

  Tristan collapses on top of me, his head on my chest,and I float away to a far distance place.I feel so content, so happy.

  It’s pure ecstasy, a sea of sexual bliss…

  “I’m sorry,” he croaks.

  I open my eyes, and see Tristan has his chin propped up on my chest. He’s staring at me with wide, guilty eyes.

  I frown back at him, and take his face in my hands.“What for?” I whisper.

  “That was…I’m sorry,” he repeats and rests his forehead on my chest. I run my hands through his hair and chuckle, his head whips back up, his look is one of confusion.

  “Tristan, that was hot,” I say, still breathing hard.

  “Hot?” He questions.

  “Yes,” I giggle. “Don’t you think so?”

  “I just…” He trails off again, closes his eyes and places his forehead back on my chest.

  “Tristan,” I pull his face up to look at me. “What’s wrong?”

  He clenches his jaw and stares at me, his eyes still wide.“You don’t think I was rough with you?”

  “What?” I choke. “No, Tristan, not rough, that was…” I stop, trying to think of the right word to say. “Mind blowing,” I add staring back at him. Why is he acting like this?

  I think about our lovemaking yesterday, after our bath and on the sofa, he was so sweet, so gentle with me. I don’t think he’s ever been like this, so…so rough?

  My face falls as it dawns on me why he’s being like this; he doesn’t want to be rough with me because he thinks it will trigger what it felt like being raped, how I felt then.

  “I knew I shouldn’t have told you,” I choke out, trying to fight back the tears.He lifts his head again, but doesn’t say anything. “I’m right aren’t I? You don’t want to be like that with me because you think it will remind me of being raped?”

  Horror dawns on his face, he knows I’ve worked it out. “Coral’– “No, don’t Coral me,” I choke. “Tristan, that was nothing like…” I squeeze my eyes shut and grit my teeth, trying to reign in my temper.“Tristan,” I whisper and open my eyes. “That was nothing…nothing like that, you and I, we have passion and love on our side. Don’t you understand that?”

  He still doesn’t look convinced. I sigh inwardly. How can I make him understand?

  “You can do that again, anytime you want, I thought it was really, really hot.” I pant.

  “You did?” He questions quizzically. “I…I didn’t hurt you?”

  “No!” I bawl running my hand through my hair. “Baby, isn’t sex supposed to be varied?”

  He closes his eyes and puts his head back on my chest.

  “Tristan, I love that you’re so sweet and gentle when you make love to me, you get right in there when you do, right into my soul. But that doesn’t mean I don’t enjoy a quick hard fuck too,” I say hoping to shock him.It has the desired effect, his heads snaps up and a very coy smile appears on his face.

  “Coral Stevens, what language,” he softly scolds.

  “Well, if you don’t cheer up, I’m going to flip you over, straddle you and fuck you all over again!” I say, teasing him.

  His sexy grin appears as he softly shakes his head at me.“My, my, surprising me again,” he says, his eyes going all warm and gooey.

  I take his face in my hands again. “Tristan, I love you and I trust you. I know absolutely, without a shadow of a doubt, that you will never, ever hurt me, ok? Now stop moping, and help me up. All that fucking has made me hungry.” I chuckle.

  He finally laughs along with me, then leans forward, takes my face in his hands, and kisses me softly.“You are one surprising, challenging woman,” he says, his thumbs skimming my cheeks.

  I stare back at his beautiful face. “And you are one challenging man,” I retort.

  He smiles shyly at me, kisses me briefly, then leans up onto his hands and gently pulls out of me.“I’ll just get rid of this,” he says, winking at me.

  I watch him walk along the hallway towards the downstairs bathroom, when he steps inside I sit up and pick up my discarded jeans. I’m just buckling my belt when he walks back in the room. Bending down in front of me, he picks up my trainer and holds out his hand for my foot.

  “Left or right?” I tease, even though it’s obvious which one he wants.

  He cocks an eyebrow up at me. “Right.” He answers sternly.

  I give him my right foot, he pushes my foot in the trainer, and ties up the lace, then he does the same with the left.

  “Why thank you,” I say sweetly.

  “My pleasure,” he laughs, shaking his head at me.

  “So what now?” I ask.

  He cocks his head to the side. “If I remember rightly, you informed me that ‘all that fucking has made you hungry’?” he says.

  “Ah, but I didn’t say what kind of hungry?” I tease.

  His mouth pops open. “Again?” he gasps.

  I shake my head, laughing at him. “No,” I chuckle. “Definitely food, although I like the idea of car sex,” I say kissing him on the cheek.

  He rises to his feet, pulls me up by my hands and crushes me against the length of his body, then kisses me so softly I literally melt in his hands.

  “I have a favour to ask,” I say, remembering Bob.

  “Anything you want, it is yours,” he tells me softly.

  “I need to get a dinner to Bob today, a roast. They do takeaways at The Sportsman.”

  “Of course, at lunch
time or’ – “No, we normally have them early evening,” I interrupt.

  “Ok, consider it done.” He kisses my forehead and takes hold of my hand, steering me back towards the kitchen. Well that’s that then, I don’t have to feel guilty about Bob anymore.

  “Take a seat,” Tristan says when we reach the breakfast stools.

  I prop myself up, place my chin in my hand and watch him move around the kitchen.How can it be that even the way he moves is hot and sexy? I could watch him all day long. Jeez Coral, get a grip!

  I blink several times trying to snap myself out of it. I’ve got it so bad for him, shaking my head at myself, I take a deep breath in trying to reign in my overactive imagination, and I’m hit with one of the best smells in the world –Tristan and Chocolate Croissants – What more could a girl ask for?

  “Yummy,” I beam at him.

  “I guess you know what my surprise is,” he says, smiling widely at me.

  “Wouldn’t be Chocolate Croissants by any chance?” I say, smirking at him.

  Tristan shakes his head at me as he brings the plate out of the warmer, and places it in front of us. There are already two small plates set up, with forks and napkins and two glasses of orange juice.“Coffee?” He asks.

  “Yes please.” Tristan brings the jug over and fills up both our cups.

  I am loving that this feels so normal, so easy going. It’s as though we’ve been together for years, not days.

  “When did you get all of this?” I ask picking up a warm croissant and ripping it open, the smell is divine.

  “Yesterday.” He says, smirking slightly

  “But I didn’t see you pick them up in the supermarket?” I say.

  “I guess you’re not very observant,” he chortles. I know he’s winding me up!

  “No, you’re sneaky,” I bite narrowing my eyes at him as he sits next to me. “Snap.” Tristan looks bemused. I kick his foot, which makes him look down.

  “Ah Nike’s…” he exhales, a look of appreciation on his face.

  “Indeed.” I say, smiling broadly.

  Bruno starts singing Just The Way You Are,I hadn’t even noticed the music was still playing, I guess I was preoccupied. I can't help humming along as I eat and drink.

  “You like Bruno Mars?” Tristan asks.