“Don’t,” I warn. “Gladys don't you dare doubt yourself, you were wonderful to me. I wake up everyday feeling truly blessed that it was you that raised me.” I add more water to my neck. “And I didn’t purposely keep things from you...I just …I didn’t know how to tell you,” I add.
“Can you tell me now?”she asks. I turn and gaze at her wondering if I should, I can see from the look in her eyes she’s desperate for the answer.
“I think you’ve already worked it out,” I whisper.
“Abuse?” she whispers back.
I nod silently as I watch her face fall, her eyes brim with tears. So Gladys always suspected which makes my love for her bloom within me, she never pushed for an answer, never badgered me or shoved me off to a shrink.
“Sexual?” she questions, she can barely get the word out.
I nod again.
“Oh Coral,” she sniffs. “Why didn’t you tell me darling?”
“Don't feel sad for me,” I say. This is supposed to be a happy day!
“Coral, how can you say that?” she croaks.
“Easily, I don’t want you to look at me differently, like you feel sorry for me…I’d hate that,” I whisper.
Gladys nods once. “I can understand that,” she says. “I always had my suspicions it might be that,” she adds her voice full of remorse, and old painful memories.“You never acted like other children around adults; you would always withdraw and hide behind me. I think I knew it was something along those lines when I asked you to put a dress on. Do you remember?”she questions.
I close my eyes briefly, and shake my head.
“We were off to see the ballet with Joyce. I wanted you girls to look pretty for the occasion, but when I asked you to wear it, you shook your head at me, and hid in the corner all curled up like a feral child and started whimpering. I was mortified to see you like that, so broken…I never asked you again,” Gladys sniffs loudly.
“Mom, it’s in the past. Please…don't feel guilty about it,”I whisper.
Gladys sniffs loudly again. “You didn’t have anything like that happen here did you?” she questions.
“No!” I bellow. “Nothing bad ever happened to me here, this house is filled with warm, loving memories; you were my safety back then Gladys.This house was my sanctuary, you were my sanctuary. I know I never showed you that, or told you, and I’m sorry I didn’t, but I didn’t know how to communicate it to you.”
Gladys smiles warmly at me.“Oh darling girl,” she says, tucking my hair behind each ear, then taking my face in her hands she gently kisses both my cheeks. “What an awful start in life you had. I'm so proud of you Coral, of all you’ve achieved,” she says.
I snort with laughter. “I don't think becoming a secretary is an achievement,” I answer dryly.
“It is for you,” she argues. “I knew as you went through your teenage years I had a fifty-fifty chance you would go one way or the other. You chose the light not the darkness, no one else could have made that choice for you. You made sure you kept yourself on the straight and narrow. So yes, it is an achievement, a very big one. Keep that head held high young lady, high with pride, you made it, when so many others haven’t.”I'm speechless!
Gladys has never talked to me like this, not truthfully about what it was like for her to live with me, or how she dealt with raising me. I’m so happy she’s proud of me.
“Oh Mom,”I whimper, my voice cracking on me.I wrap my arms around her and hug her tightly.
Gladys rubs her hand up and down my back, comforting me.“Ah, there’s no need for tears,” she tells me.
“I know,” I sniff, trying to pull myself together. “I just...I just want you to know how much I love you, and how much I appreciate everything you did for me,” I sniff. “I'm going to miss you so much,” I croak, hugging her harder.
Pulling back, she takes my face in her hands, her expression serious.“Be honest darling. Do you want me to stay?”she asks scrutinizing me.
I sigh heavily – Of course I want you to stay!
“Yes, I want you all to stay. But not for me, because you want to,”I say.Gladys gives me her stern look.“Ok, if I hadn’t met Tristan I’d be begging you to stay, but I have met him and...I don't know it’s weird, like...he’s helping me grow up in a way, stand on my own two feet.” I shake my head, wondering if I'm making any sense at all. “I want you to go to Spain, I really do. You...you deserve it,” I add.
“You don't feel like I'm abandoning you?” she questions.Shit!
“No, I don't,” I answer firmly. “Don’t stay because of me, I’ll be fine,” I add.
Her eyebrows knit together as she tries to read my face, so I put on my best smile and start chuckling.Gladys smiles, shakes her head at me and pulls me in for another hug.
We stay like that for a while, although I’m not sure who’s comforting who, maybe we are comforting each other?
“Shall we go back?” Gladys asks appraising me.I nod and smile at her.“Tristan will be wondering where you are,” she adds, linking her arm in mine.
We head out the bathroom and into the kitchen, suddenly Gladys stops and turns to me.“Does Tristan know?” she whispers.I nod, unable to say anything.“That’s good darling,” she says patting my hand.I need to get of this subject!
“Bob said you’re having him over tomorrow?” I say. Then I panic, what if he tells her about someone trying to get in? Gladys will be beside herself – I must remember to call him.
“Yes darling. Would you and Tristan like to join us?”She asks.
I think aboutit for a moment and decide no, I want him to myself, I haven’t seen him all week and I want to devour him for the rest of the weekend.
I start to smile; a really goofy smile.
“No, maybe not,” she adds reflecting my ear splitting grin.
“Oh Gladys, he’s so good to me,” I swoon.
“I know, I can see that darling.”She says.
“I love him,” I whisper.
“Yes darling, I know. Tristan loves you too. It’s written all over the two of you,” she adds.
My ear splitting grin widens, we both giggle in unison.
The moment we are back outside I search for Tristan, I find him sat next to Malcolm,having what looks like a very serious discussion. He glances up and sees me, our eyes lock and he frowns at me. I nod slightly letting him know I’m ok, he smiles back at me, but I can tell he’s still worried. Gladys walks over to them and sits the other side of Tristan, interrupting his conversation with Malcolm.
Honestly, she’s like a bull in a china shop sometimes, but I love her so.Tristan looks up and winks at me, making my heart flutter as fast as a bird, then I notice Debs comes teetering over to me in her heels.Uh-oh!
“What’s up with you?” she whispers.
“Nothing,” I whisper back.
“Could have fooled me,” she argues.
“Alright then, I'm upset,” I bite back.
“What about now?” she drawls.
“Spain!” I hiss keeping my eyes locked on little Lily – I’m not going to see her grow up, not properly.
“Oh!” she answers somberly.
“Yeah oh!” I mock, just like Tristan does with me. “Could have told me Debs, warned me. I’d have spent more time with Lily’ – “Oh don't give me that!” she snaps interrupting me.“Besides its best this way, she hasn’t got too close to you, so it won't be so hard for her.”
“Nice. What are you saying, she won't miss me?” I bite.
“Probably not,” Debs retorts.
I grit my teeth and glare down the garden, if I look at her I swear I’ll lose it. At least Gladys had the decency to tell me to my face.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” I ask, crossing my arms in defiance.
“Mom said she would,” she answers sharply.
I shake my head at her. “Chicken shit!” I blurt, because she is a chicken. I'm not that scary, and it’s not like we have an amazingly close relationship like Ellie and Er
in, but she should have said something.
She finally has the decency to look guiltily at me.“I...I’m sorry Coral. Mom told me how it made you feel. I didn’t think you knew something was going on, I would have told you if I’d known. I really am sorry. And if it makes you feel any better Scott’s really mad with me, said we should have told you straight away.”
I turn and look at Scott, he and Malcolm got it so right, but I'm tired of feeling pissed off all the time.Tristan’s made me realise how much I still feel like that, and I'm done with it, I want a different life, a happy one!
Debs continues. “I’m really sorry Coral, Scott was right, I should have told you’ – “Chicken!” I blurt. Debs snaps her head round to argue, but when she sees that I'm grinning at her, she starts smiling too.
“Are you going to come and see us?” she asks, linking her arm in mine.
“Try keeping me away,” I answer. She nods her head and smiles back at me.
“That’s good. Lily will miss you Coral, we all will,” she says, resting her head on my shoulder, it’s such an unlikely thing for her to do.
“I know, I’ll miss you all too,” I say.
I try not to think too deeply about that, I know it’s going to be a very emotional day when it happens, but I'm trying to think like George has taught me, it’s in the future so there’s no point dwelling on it.
“I'm going to check on Lily,” she says.
“Later Alligator,” I chuckle, remembering how we used to say that as kids.
“Stay loose Bull Moose,” Debs retorts grinning widely.
We laugh heartily with each other, hug briefly, and I watch my big sister go check on her little girl...
WE ALL SPEND ANOTHER HOUR OUTISIDE, chatting awaywith one another. I feel happy, contented, relaxed, but there’s one thing that’s really bugging me – Dresses!
It’s a beautiful hot sunny day, and for the first time in my life I wish I was in a dress, tanning myself freely like Gladys and Debs. All the women have them on, Joyce, Erin and Ellie and so do Erin’s little girls, and Lily.
I decide in that moment that I want to go out tonight. I want to be brave, put that dress on and go out for a nice meal with my sexy man. I still feel vulnerable and nervous about it, but I know I can handle that because I have Tristan with me and he’s not going to let any freaky pervert anywhere near me.
“He just can't take his eyes off you can he?” Joyce says pulling me out of my reverie.
I smile shyly at her. “No, but he’s hard to resist too,” I say feeling proud.
“Yes, I heard all about that,” she says smiling coyly at me – Huh?
“Heard about what?” I whisper, my face falling.
Joyce chuckles. “Coral, it’s one of the most brilliant ways to get a man, tell him it won't work. Men love challenges, so they go for it with everything they’ve got.”Joyce adds.
I gape ather.“No, I didn’t do it to get him…” I squeak.
“I know Coral,” Joyce says. “I was just teasing you,” she softly placates – Phew!
“Ok, good. I don't want to be cast like that,” I mumble.
“So, how did it go?” she asks. Go? What go?
“Hmm?” I can't help watching Tristan.
“The date and the dress?” Joyce asks a little bewildered by my reaction – Oh that!
“Oh, we’re doing that tonight. Tristan got back late last night, so we stayed in.” I lie.
“Well, have fun darling. Don't get too drunk,”she teases.
We both chuckle, then I think about the talk Tristan and I are going to have about Susannah when we get back.“Joyce, did you speak to Tristan about Susannah by any chance?” I ask.
“No darling. Now’s not the time. I will speak to him on Monday though, in private.”
“Did he say anything to you, ask you anything?” I question.
“No, darling he spent most of our time talking about you.”
I gape at Joyce again. “Me?” I squeak.
“Yes, he told me all about the wonderful gift you had made for him. You really are very sweet Coral,” she adds.
“Oh.” I smile shyly at her, not really knowing what to say to that.
Turning to look at Tristan I see he’s looking a little worn out, Gladys has been talking to him for at least forty minutes now and she’s tipsy, so she’s got her jabbery head on. Tristan could be there all night. I’d better go rescue him!
“Well, it’s getting late. We’d better get going.” I say to Joyce.
“It’s been lovely seeing you two together,” Joyce says smiling at Tristan. “You really do suit each other,” she adds.
“Thanks,” I say gazing adoringly at Tristan. He’s done very well today, he’s not faltered once, even when Gladys and Debs harped on at him over lunch about the two of us.
After saying goodbye to Joyce, I wander over to Tristan. Standing behind him, I lean down, wrap my arms around his shoulders and kiss his cheek, feeling completely and utterly in love with him.
“Ready to go?” I ask, wondering if I'm saving him.
“Darling, so soon…” Gladys slurs.
“Yes.” I giggle, leaning down to kiss her goodbye, wondering if Gladys is seeing me through different eyes.
“Well alright then, I want you both to come and see us again soon,” she says standing to hug me.
“We will,” I say, savouring the feeling of her arms around me.
Once we’ve said our goodbyes to everyone, Tristan takes my hand in his, and we walk down the hallway with Gladys following so she can wave to us from the front door, she’s always done that.
“Well that was interesting,”Tristan says as he helps me into the car.
I’m about to question him on it, but decide against it, it maybe something I don’t want to hear, so I divert to what I was thinking about earlier.
“I want to go out tonight,” I say as he gets in the driver’s side.
“Yeah? Where to?” he asks starting the engine.
“I know a place,” I tell him. It’s perfect, sea-views, great food and up-market enough so I won't feel silly in a dress.
“Your wish is my command,” he tells me. Pulling out into the road, we both wave goodbye to Gladys.
Taking my hand in his, Tristan asks me, “Are you alright? I can't believe they started talking about that fucker,” he growls.
“Who?” I ask.
“Savile!” He bites menacingly.
“Oh, well I don't really know...but I can guess,” I answer, shivering slightly.
“You don't want to know baby, trust me.” I look up at Tristan; he’s caught the sun, his face has bronzed and his hair looks a little lighter.
“You’ve caught the sun,” I say. I reach up and run my hand through his hair.
“Yeah?” I nod and smile back at him, he places his hand on my knee and softly squeezes me.“So what are we doing? Get ready, go straight out?” he asks.
I look down at the clock on the dashboard, it’s only four o’clock.
“I have a better idea…”I say as seductively as I can.
Tristan instantly reads my mind. His smiles his most sexy smile as his foot hit’s the accelerator. I giggle in delight as he zooms in and out of traffic, getting us home as quickly as possible...
“WAKE UP SLEEPYHEAD.” I blink my eyes open. Shit! I fell asleep!
“Oh no!” I moan sitting up in bed. “What time is it?”
Tristan is lying next to me, completely naked.“Half five,” he answers squeezing my inner thigh.
“Did you fall asleep?” I ask.
Tristan smiles deeply and stretches out his body.“Yes, you’re wearing me out woman!” he chuckles darkly.
I snort with laughter.“Er...I don't think so,” I add dryly. “You’re the acrobat,” I blurt.
Tristan howls with laughter, so much so that he can’t get his words out.“Acrobat?” he finally chuckles with raucous laughter.
“Yeah,” I chuckle back shyly.
He smile
s warmly at me, leans down then kisses the tip of my nose.“Still want to go out?” he asks.I have to seriously think about it, Tristan and all night sex, or getting that dress on and going out with Mr Sexy Mogul. It’s a tough decision to make.
“Yes, you want to spoil me, and I want to wear my new dress.” Tristan’s mouth pops open.
I quickly stop any reply by placing my finger against his lips. “Let’s get ready gorgeous.”Jumping off the bed, and taking Tristan’s hand in mine, I lead him into the bathroom...
AN HOUR LATER, I AM STOOD IN front of the gigantic mirror in Tristan’s bathroom. Picking up my lip liner, I start to trace the outline of my lips; then I put on my lipstick. I feel excited, really excited, which is unexpected – I'm going to go out tonight with my sexy man.
Standing back to look at myself, I nod at my reflection with approval. I have styled my hair into big sexy waves, and pinned it up on the one side. My make-up looks good, and I have my favourite perfume on.
As I walk back into the bedroom, I take my robe off and hang it up. Then I walk over to the walk-in closet and collect my dress and the underwear I have chosen, which is a dark blue shiny corset, with matching half thong knickers, and a pair of nude silk hold ups; walking back into bedroom, I place them all down on the bed.
Taking a deep breath, I shimmy into the knickers and clip the corset on, turning around I take a quick peek in the full length mirror. Whoa!My boobs look massive! Shit! The corset really pushes them up. Maybe I shouldn’t wear this? Get on with it Coral!
Turning away from myself, I sit on the edge of the bed and open the packaging for the nude silk, hold-ups. I have never worn anything like this before, I’m nervous to know what it feels like. Pulling the first hold-up on, I’m amazed by how nice it feels…ooh so soft!
I quickly pull on the other. Hmm, really nice…I have to get more of these!
Taking a deep calming breath, I pick up the dress. Here goes nothing!
Undoing the zip, I step both feet in and carefully slide it up my body. Zipping it back up, I take a moment and sit on the edge of the bed. I look down at my hands and see they are steady, no shaking, my throat hasn’t dried up, and my heart rate is normal, as is my breathing.
Darkest Fears Trilogy: Fallen For Him / Freed By Him / Forever With Him Page 78