Tristan gently turns me around so I’m facing the huge mirror above the sinks – Holy crap!
I didn’t take much notice in the hospital, but my face is sunken, my eyes look hollow, and they have dark rings underneath them; and I look fucking skinny – too skinny, even my boobs look smaller!
“See baby, not just me.” He says running his hand across collar bone, down to my ribs, then sliding over my pelvic bones that are jutting out – Crap! I look anorexic!
My bottom lip starts to tremble as I stare at our reflections. Catching my eye, Tristan turns me around, and softly enfolds me in his arms. He’s being so careful, so tender with me; it makes my love for him grow tenfold.
“Don't cry baby, you’re safe,” he soothes.
“I know, I just hate seeing us like this,” I croak.
“We’ll get better,” he says gently rocking me. “Or look at it this way, we can eat as much junk food as we want over the next week,” he chuckles once. I feel it vibrate through me, I really love his laugh.
“True,” I chuckle back, still sniffling.
“Come on baby, let’s get showered so we can get some food inside you,” he says.
“And you,” I sniff.
“Yes, and me,” he says bending down to kiss me sweetly. “Turn around baby, we can't get this wet,” he softly says.
“Ok.” I turn my back to Tristan’s front. He slowly peels the gauze off that’s tightly taped across my shoulder, protecting the stitches. It feels good to get some fresh air on it; it’s been itching so badly.
His eyes close for a fraction of a second as he stares down at my shoulder.
“You are one very lucky woman,” he whispers darkly, trailing his finger lightly over the wound. “No nerve damage, a small splinter of bone which they managed to remove, she mainly hit muscle, which is why you’re so sore...” He closes his eyes and takes in a deep ragged breath, then slowly opens them.“You’re going to need physiotherapy,” he adds, leaning down to place a soft tender kiss, right where she shot me.
“I know, Dr Green told me,” I whisper, staring up at his reflection, trying to get him to make eye contact with me, but he’s mesmerised. “Tristan,” I whisper. “I'm ok.”
“Does it hurt?” He asks, gently running his hand across my shoulder, kissing me there again.
“Not particularly, I just feel bruised, like I’ve been in a fight.” I say.
He sighs heavily and finally looks up at me, then holds out his hand for me to take it. I place my hand in his and slowly turn around, and as I do, I catch my reflection and see my shoulder.
There’s a small, round mark with several stitches across it, it’s red, raised and looks very sore, and there are several blue bruises surrounding it, and it’s in that moment that I realise, I’m going to be scarred, forever – Great!
Tristan slowly leads me over to the shower, opening the door and stepping inside, he turns the water on, then takes my hand and helps me inside. Closing the door behind us, he checks the temperature,then he takes my hand and places it under the water.
“How’s that feel?” He questions.
“Wonderful,” I whisper.
Tristan takes hold of each of my hands and wraps them around his waist. Then wrapping his arms around me, he lifts me up, takes a step to the side and places us under the cascade of water.
The moment my head is underneath it; I sigh with relief – What is it about showers that makes you miss them so much when you can't have one?
“Nice?” Tristan asks.
“Yeah...really nice,” I whisper.
“Is it stinging?” he asks.
“What?”
“Your scar?”
“No Tristan, it’s not,” I say, even though it is, but I need this, I need to feel clean.
“Jesus!” He hisses, his arms enfolding me closer to him.I rest my head under the crook of his neck, and place my cheek against his firm chest.I have missed this, missed us, missed the feel of his arms around me, and the smell of his skin. Then all of a sudden, and to my complete horror, Tristan starts to cry, strange, hoarse sounding manly sobs.
Holy Crap, he’s really crying!
I can tell he’s trying to fight it; to stop...It breaks my heart all over again. My baby no!
“Tristan!” I gasp.
“Don't move,” he croaks. “Please baby, just stay here,” he says his voice low and hoarse as his body racks with more strange, manly cries.
“Tristan...don't cry for me. I can't stand it, please...” I beg.
“Please baby...just stay here,” he manages to chokes out.
I relent and squeeze him tighter, even though it’s making my shoulder throb with pain. I don't know how long we stay like that, but I hold him tight and let him cry it out, just like I did when he cried about missing his folks. I sigh inwardly. I have to try and look at it from his perspective, how I would feel if it was Tristan coming home after surviving being shot, I know I would cry in relief too – But it hurts, hurts so badly to hear him in pain, suffering, I want to take it away for him.
“I'm sorry,” he finally chokes out.
I look up at him, his eyes are red and bloodshot, but he seems to have gotten it out of his system. He looks relieved – almost. He takes my face in his hands, leans down and tenderly kisses me.
“Why Coral? Why did you do that? You should have let her shoot me.” He says, his eyes searching mine for an explanation.
“Oh Tristan...I love you...so much, and I'm so sorry, sorry for putting us through this, but I couldn’t just stand by and watch her hurt you, not you...you’re too much of a good man to have anything like that happen to you...I can't lose you, not now, not ever...if Susannah had shot you, you might not have survived...and I don't think you realise that for me, that would have been it, game over...there’s no point being alive if you’re not here with me’ –“Stop,” he says, his voice hoarse, his eyes are dark and blazing with fury. “Don't you ever say anything like that again,” he growls.
“It’s true,” I croak, tears pooling in my eyes again. “I can't go on, not without you.”
Tristan closes his eyes for a moment, when he opens them they are round, wide, and full of fear.It’s unnerving. I can see his fear, it’s reflected in my eyes, my fear, his fear, the fear of us losing one another.“Let’s just make sure nothing like this ever happens again,” he says hoarsely. “Honesty, always...we have to talk to one another Coral, no secrets.”
“No secrets,” I agree.
“Oh baby...I have missed you,” he says, pulling me into his embrace.
“And I you Tristan,” I sniff.
He takes in a deep breath, moving my cheek against his chest as he does, and slowly blows it out, then kissing the top of my head he says, “Come on baby, let’s get finished up in here so we can eat.”
“You’re hungry,” I mumble into his chest.
“Yes,” he sighs. “I think my appetite has come back with a vengeance,” he adds.I look up into his dark, weary, fearful eyes and slowly nod.“Turn around baby,” he softly says. “Let’s get these beautiful locks washed.”
I smile and turn my back to him. I hear him pick up the shampoo, squirt some into his hands and begin his slow, meticulous massage...
I AM SAT, CROSS LEGGED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BED, as Tristan sits behind me, slowly drying my hair. He’s being very meticulous about it, one strand at a time...Jeez we’ll be here all day at this rate! But I can't do it myself, so I guess I just have to be patient.
I feel warm and cosy.I’m dressed in another new pair of dark blue sweats, and a light blue long sleeved t-shirt to go with it – I am being spoiled!
Finally, he switches off the hairdryer.
I’m instantly drawn to the song that’s playing, Sade’s By Your Side, and I wonder for a moment if Tristan is playing it on purpose. If he’s trying to tell me this is how he feels – It’s certainly how I feel. I already know I’ll never leave him now, no matter how hard it gets. I am his, forever.
“All done,” he softly says, kissing the back of my head.
“Thank you baby,” I say and turn to kiss him – Pain! I wince, and turn back around.
“The nurse will be here at twelve,” he says, wrapping his arms around me, pulling me back against his chest.
“Good, I'm starting to hurt,” I say, relishing the feeling of his arms wrapped around me. In fact, now I’ve showered and feel lovely and clean; I feel sleepy again.
“Come on sleepyhead, food and back to bed,” he says kissing my temple.
“Food and then talking,” I tell him.
“Talking?” He questions.
“Yes, we have a lot to talk about Tristan.”
“Yes,” he agrees. “We do, but food first.”I groan and sit forward, Tristan moves, but I stop him by placing my hand on his shoulder.“What?” he says.
“Come here baby,” I say.
He cocks his head to the side and scoots towards me so his one leg is behind me, the other in front, then looks up at me with those puppy dog eyes.
“Have I done something wrong?” he questions.
Tristan must have his player on shuffle, because the track changes to Biffy Clyro’s Many Of Horror. I feel myself choking up again, I swallow hard against the lump that’s formed, then I lean forward and take his face in my hands.
“I want to look at you,” I say, swallowing hard again. I start examining the gash on his forehead. I probe softly with my fingers and trace the cut all the way into his hairline – I suddenly feel overwhelmed with rage...Maybe Susannah can just rot in hell for this!
“Hey,” Tristan says. “Less of that.”
“Of what?” I say between gritted teeth, staring at the nasty gash, the few stitches I can see.
“Anger,” he softly says, stroking my cheek. “Your breathing has kicked up and I can see it in your eyes Coral.”
I close my eyes in frustration.“I'm sorry,” I whisper. “I just...I hate seeing you like this,” I add.
“Know the feeling,” he retorts light heartedly.
I open my eyes and stare at his wide eyes, they are sparkling with humour, but it has no effect on me. I feel moody and glum. I guess a lot’s gone on lately, and I just need some time – Time to sit and be still, and try and get my head round it all.
“Come on,” Tristan says jumping up off the bed. “I want to introduce you to Edith.” I watch him walk over to his player, unplug it, and walk back over to me with his hand held out.
Reluctantly, I gently scoot off the bed and place my hands in his...
CHAPTER EIGHT
TRISTAN PLACES ME DOWN on one of the breakfast stools after carrying me down the stairs again – I guess I'm just going to have to put up with being an invalid for a while. Then he walks over to the stereo and reconnects his player. Stereophonics’s It Means Nothing starts paying, I bite my lip and hide my smile – I really love this song. It’s freaky how similar our tastes are!
Tristan walks back over to me. “Back in a sec,” he says pecking my lips.Then turns and walks down the entrance hall, towards the utility room. “Don't you dare move,” he admonishes, as he looks back at me over his shoulder, then he winks and smiles at me.
I can't help the goofy grin that spreads across my face, his answering grin is breathtaking...Oh Boy! I place my hand on my chest in an effort to calm my racing heart, moments later, he returns with a woman following him, I take a good look at her.
She’s short like me, quite plump, has curly black hair and piercing green eyes, her face is soft and round, and as she walks past Tristan into the bespoke kitchen; I see she looks naturally at home.
“Edith,” Tristan says; his grin is infectious. Edith smiles warmly at him as he comes and stands beside me, wrapping his arm around my waist. “I’d like you to meet my future wife, Miss Coral Stevens. Coral, meet Edith.”
“Well hello lass,” she says. I’m surprised, she has a strong Scottish accent and I love it. “I won't shake your hand, I don't want to hurt you,” she adds. I wonder for a second if that’s true, or Tristan’s told her about me?
I smile back at her. “Hello Edith, it’s really nice to meet you,” I say.
“Ah, same here, glad to see you back home,” she says grinning widely at me – I'm already warming to her, she’s so nice and cuddly; just like Gladys.
“Thanks,” I whisper shyly and look up at Tristan; he’s grinning like a fool.
“Now, what would you like to eat?” She asks looking directly at me. “This one looks like skin and bone,” she says pointing to Tristan. “So it’s a proper man’s breakfast for him’ – Tristan chuckles at her – ‘How about you lass?”
I giggle along with them. “Um...breakfast sound good,” I say, not wanting her to go out of her way.
“Now, if you want something lighter, you only have to say,” she adds with a school teacher air about her, her hands placed firmly on her hips.
“Ok, but a breakfast sounds good,” I say.
“Right you are, go on...off you go, the two of you. I’ll bring you a drink...well actually I know Tristan has coffee. What would you like?” she asks.
I like her, she’s funny, dominating, like a mother figure who will tell you off, I can see why Tristan hired her straight away.
“Coffee would be great,” I say, smiling broadly at her.
“Alright, off you go now and relax; both of you,” she says waving her hand at us.
Tristan lifts me up off the breakfast stool, still chortling to himself, takes hold of my hand and we walk over to the large sofa.
“She’s great,” I whisper as we both sink down in the corner. Tristan picks up his controller and turns the music down a little just as the track changes to Snow Patrol’s Chasing Cars.
“Yeah,” he smiles. “She is.”
“Kind of like a mother figure who’ll scold you if you backchat her,” I whisper, still chuckling.
“Yeah...she’s done that with me enough times!” He laughs.
“She has?” I say, surprised.
“Yes, well jokingly of course, but she says those kind of things because she cares,” he says, his eyes warm with memories.
“What did she say?” I whisper, not wanting her to overhear us.
“Well, she mainly tells me off for working too hard, and if I don't eat regularly and well... she was the one that got me out and about again after Gran died...” Tristan trails off, his cheeks flushing again.
“Hey, don't talk about it baby, I can see it upsets you.”
“It does but...I want you to know me Coral, inside out,” he says, his knuckles skimming my cheek.
“Ok,” I whisper, and wait for him to continue.
“Edith was...a tower of strength for me. Maybe there is a little of that mothering instinct that I gravitate towards...I mean I loved my folks, of course I did, but I don't think it’s the same as having your real parents, your biological mother and father raise you, as you well know.
“So, I guess what I'm trying to say is she felt like another mother to me. I was in pretty bad shape, not working...moping around the house, grieving of course, but also feeling sorry for myself.Edith kicked my arse into gear, told me I needed to get up off my backside and out into the world again, no matter how painful it was.” Tristan smiles at me, then drifts off for a moment. He’s never talked about anything like this before, not how he truly felt, or what he was doing with his life, what he was going through...
He continues. “So I started socialising again, you know charity events, functions...I guess I realised how down I’d become, everything seemed monotonous. Always the same people, the same conversations. I knew then, I needed to take a good look at my life. I guess I hadn’t realised how bored I’d become, how dreary my life had become. I started looking at going abroad for a while...travelling maybe, but I quickly brushed off the idea. I had responsibilities, companies to run, so I started going back into the office...and then one day I hear through the grapevine that John had died.
“I’d met both
John and Joyce on several occasions, they always came across as a happy, respected couple, and they still looked at each other like...I don't know,” Tristan laughs at himself, runs his hand through his hair, then continues.
“I can remember being at a function, it was a couple of years ago now, and as I stood there watching them from across the room, I could see how happy they both were, they still looked so into each other and it suddenly became clear to me, that what they had was what was missing in my life, Gran had been saying it for years...” Tristan breaks off again, and takes a few deep breaths.
“So I send Joyce some flowers, as she did to me when my folks passed on, then I get a call from her, we talked for a while,who better to understand what she was going through. Then a couple of weeks later she invites me down to see her, so I came down to Brighton, and we talked all night.” Tristan stops as Edith is coming over to us, tray in hand, she places the tray on the coffee table, smiles at us both and wobbles back into the kitchen.
“Tristan, I didn’t know you knew Joyce before...well buying the company?” I whisper, feeling shocked.
He turns and smiles at me.“Yes, we knew each other. I didn’t want to tell you though, well not at the time. I was afraid you would think that it was all set up, you know, what happened between us...” I nod my head in agreement. He’s right! I would have freaked out about it – It’s spooky how well he knows me!
Tristan smiles at me, his dimples deep, then continues.
“Joyce told me of the difficult decision she had to make, to stay or leave as John had asked her to do, I offered to help her in any way I could, and it was left like that. A month later I get a call from her, she wants to know if I'm interested in branching out...and well, history tells the rest.
“But what I didn’t expect for a single second was for you to come walking into my life, with your crazy talk, bad temper and hypnotic eyes. That day we met, I felt like you could see straight through me, right to the heart of me, I was instantly under your spell.
“That’s why I pursued you, I had to know what it was about you that made me feel so good, like there was a fire ignited in me and only you could tether the flame. And suddenly, my life became crystal clear, I knew what I wanted, what I needed, and it was you.I think I knew I loved you the moment I met you Coral. You’re my lifeline baby, always will be.”
Darkest Fears Trilogy: Fallen For Him / Freed By Him / Forever With Him Page 96