Darkest Fears Trilogy: Fallen For Him / Freed By Him / Forever With Him

by Clair Delaney

  I walk over to the breakfast table and place my e-reader down. I realise someone’s in the kitchen and spin around – Edith. I guess it’s going to take some getting used to, living with other people. I make my lips smile, but it’s off. Edith smiles sorrowfully at me, then quickly looks away and busies herself in the kitchen. That was awkward!

  I take a deep breath and hobble along the hallway. When I reach the stairs taking me down to Tristan in the Gym, I hesitate. Maybe he wants to be alone? Maybe I shouldn’t be the one apologising? After all, he was the one that shouted first. Why couldn’t he have just told me that he was feeling that way? I shake my head in anger and stare up at the ceiling – hoping I’ll get some divine guidance – Go down there Coral!

  Ok, ok! I take the first step, then slowly make my way down. Reaching the bottom, I tentatively walk along the hallway until I reach the Gym. The door is cracked open, so I peek inside and see Tristan at his punch bag – Boy he looks mad, and powerful, and sexy.

  I’m mesmerised, as I watch him in his vest and jogging bottoms, gloves on, hitting the bag repeatedly, jaw clenched, sweat poring off him. Man he’s fast!

  I wouldn’t like to be behind one of those punches, not that he would ever do that to me. I instantly think of him rescuing me from my attackers, the night he proposed. I remember how they both crumpled to the floor when he hit them – I shudder and wrap my arms around myself.

  The track changes. 30 Seconds to Mars, The Kill. He stops punching, grabs hold of the bag and rests his forehead on it for a while, I guess he’s catching his breath, then he lifts his head, shaking it slightly, and mimes the words. I know it well, it’s what I constantly listened to when Justin and I split. I close my eyes for a moment, hoping and praying Tristan isn’t thinking about finishing it with me, that he’s just listening to this track because he likes it, that it has nothing to do with me.

  I open my eyes and watch him again. He takes a deep breath, steps back and starts kicking the bag, over and over – God he’s fast! – I instantly feel like I’m intruding, this is a private moment of his. I take one last lingering look at him, and slowly hobble away.

  Back in the living room, I pick up my e-reader. I decide to chill out on the sofa, then I think no, because Edith is in the open-plan kitchen – Christ! I just want to be on my own.

  I head over to the library, open the door and find Stuart reading a book. God damn it!

  “Coral.” He says looking up at me. “Everything ok?” I frown at him and nod, quickly shutting the door as I do. I sigh inwardly, guess I’m heading back up the stairs.

  It feels like it takes forever to get back up to our room, so when I finally make it, I feel exhausted. The moment I reach our bed, I collapse onto it and instantly fall asleep...

  “CORAL.”TRISTAN’S VOICE ROUSES ME FROM MY SLUMBER.I stare up at him with weary eyes.His vest is dripping in sweat, and he has a towel wrapped around his neck. He kneels down next to the bed and smiles apologetically at me. I don't smile back. I'm still hurt by what he said, and as childish as it sounds, even though I went to speak to him, I’m not sure if I should be the one apologising first.

  I just don't know! I feel so confused!

  “Coral’ – “Go and shower Tristan,” I say, staring down at the bed. His body just looks too good, and it’s making me want him, here, now, despite how I feel.

  He quickly stands and silently runs a hot, sweaty finger down my cheek.“I'm really sorry I shouted at you,” he whispers, then leans down and softly kisses my cheek. “Just so you know, I’ve called the detective, he’ll be here at nine o’clock tomorrow.”

  “Fine.” I must be strong – I must not crumble. Even though all I want to do is wrap my arms around him and kiss him over and over again, and tell him everything’s going to be ok.

  He turns, and slowly walks away with his head held low; reaching the bathroom, he softly closes the door behind him.God damn it!

  HALF AN HOUR LATER, Tristan finds me curled up on the recliner in the library. Thankfully, Stuart wasn’t in here when I decided to try again, which pleased me. It’s given me some time to think logically about what I want to say to Tristan. I have the fire on even though it’s hot outside, it’s warming a cold I feel right in my bones.

  “Hey.” He says kneeling down next to me.

  He smells divine, shower gel, aftershave, and Tristan’s potent scent all mixed into one, and for some odd reason he’s dressed in a pair of light grey suit trousers, and a cream work shirt, he has the sleeves rolled up to his elbows and the top two buttons open – He looks gorgeous!

  I put down my e-reader and look across at him.“Are you still mad at me?”

  “Yes and no.” He says, his brows pulled together.

  Ok, here we go, be strong Coral!

  I turn away from him and stare at the fire.“Tristan we hardly know each other, not really. So I want you to know, I did what I did because of what you told me about Olivia, and when I found out from her that it was Susannah...” I grit my teeth, trying to calm myself then continue.

  “Point is, you believed Susannah, not Olivia. I was so scared of you doing the same to me, I knew I had to wait, to bide my time...I couldn’t risk losing you,” I say. “I'm sorry if you think it was about trust because it wasn’t, it was about you choosing to believe Susannah over me, and how my fragile self-esteem wouldn’t have been able to take that.” I stare back at him with wide eyes.

  Tristan stands, then sits in the chair opposite me.“I'm sorry,” he says. “I didn’t look at it like that, and now I understand why you didn’t tell me. And I really am so sorry for shouting at you Coral. Can you forgive me for behaving so badly?”

  “Yes Tristan, that’s what people do when they love each other, they fight, forgive and make-up. But I have more questions, I want to talk.” I demand.

  “I know baby, but not now,” he softly says.

  “Why not now?” I huff.

  “Because...well let me show you,” he says, standing to his feet and offering me his hand.

  “No,” I say looking away from him. “I want to talk. I don't want to go anywhere.”

  “But baby’ – “I'm mad at you too you know, but I haven’t gone off at the deep end.” I say tears pooling in my eyes – Shit! Don't crumble!

  Tristan kneels down next to me and entwines his fingers with mine. “What are you mad about baby?” He softly asks.

  “You...you told me you’d tell me and you haven’t!” I squeak.

  “Tell you what?” He softly asks.

  “When I was last here, telling you about Susannah, you went to walk out on me...” I stop and close my eyes, remembering his words when I begged him not to walk out on me like my Dad did. I remember what he said to me. ‘You’re already waiting for that to happen anyway’

  “Why did you do that? Why did you want to walk out? Why didn’t you stop me leaving? Why did you tell me to go? What did you do when I left? I was devastated, my fears had come true. I opened up to you, told you everything and you…you just ended it! So don’t you dare act all high and mighty and rave on at me about trust, you didn’t trust me either!” I bite.

  “That’s a lot of questions,” he says, his lips twitching at the corners – He finds this funny?

  “Jesus Tristan! You’re laughing at me?” I bite.

  He frowns, instantly losing the grin. “I wouldn’t dare,” he says, staring down at our fingers. “Everything you have asked me, I will answer but’ – “But what Tristan?” I interrupt, feeling frustrated.

  “You have guests arriving,” he says. “It was supposed to be a surprise.” He shakes his head then looks up at me with his puppy dog eyes.“Shall I tell them you’re tired and we can do this tomorrow?” he asks.

  He’s still tense, I hadn’t noticed that.

  “Tristan, what’s really wrong?” I ask, finally relenting and gently stroking his cheek.He stares back at me, judging whether or not to tell me. “Please…tell me,” I add.

  Tristan subtly shakes his he
ad at me. “Not now,” he whispers, swallowing hard. So there is something else?

  “Fine.” I sigh inwardly, and stare back at him for what feels like a very long time. And as I do, I come to the surprising conclusion, that even though I’m still mad at him, that even though he shouted at me, that even though he’s been snappy with me, and I now know that he’s holding something back from me, I still want him.

  I cannot and will not live without this man. So I have to ask the question – What am I waiting for? It’s in that very moment that I realise what it is I want. So I guess I better let him know, but not yet.

  “So this surprise,” I say my frown deep.

  “Yes,” he says. “A late birthday celebration coupled with the fact that you are home, so it’s a welcome home party too.”

  “Oh,” I whisper.

  “Shall I tell them to come tomorrow?” He asks again.

  “No Tristan, let’s just get this over with so we can talk.”

  “Hey, I will answer all of your questions, but I’d rather you be in a better mood for this.”

  “Well you shouldn’t have shouted at me,” I say still feeling sore.Such conflicting feelings!

  “I know, and I’m very sorry about that baby, I didn’t handle it very well. But I want you to enjoy this evening which you won’t doif you’re still pissed at me.” He’s right – again!

  I won’t enjoy it if I stay mad, and right now I hate that I am still mad, the damn breaks again – What the hell is wrong with me?

  “Hey,” Tristan says wrapping his arms around me, I weep quietly into his neck.

  “Why am I being like this?” I sniff.

  “Baby, you’ve been through a traumatic event, it’s normal to feel up and down.”

  “It is?” I squeak. I don’t get it? I’ve had worse experiences than this and I was not a blubbering wreck then.

  “Yes,” he states. “Now come on, I’ll take you upstairs so you can get cleaned up.”

  “Ok.” Tristan lifts me up into his arms again, and despite how I feel, I relish the feel of his strong arms encasing me, protecting me.

  “You promise we’ll talk later?” I ask.

  Tristan stops midway on the stairs. “Promise?” He questions.I nod twice.“You don’t like that word,” he says.

  “I know, but it’s nicer than ‘your word’. And maybe you won’t break your promises to me like my Dad did.” I hesitantly say.

  Tristan leans down and kisses me, my lips part for his tongue, his taste…Are we about to?

  I moan slightly and deepen the kiss. He stops kissing me, shakes his head slightly and leans his forehead against mine.

  “No!” he whispers, answering my unspoken question. “And yes, I promise we’ll talk later. I won’t ever break my promises to you Coral.” He swiftly kisses me on the lips and continues up the stairs.

  “Oh and while you’re at it, you can tell me why you were being so frosty with Dr Green.” He stops walking, and goes deathly white – He looks like he’s just seen a ghost!

  “Tristan!” I have stopped breathing. “What is it?” His jaw clenches several times as he stares blankly ahead. Why won’t he make eye contact with me?

  “Tristan’ – “Coral stop!” He barks, marching into the bedroom and setting me down on the bed, he takes a deep breath and crouches down in front of me.“Baby, just for a few hours, can we just forget everything, all the questions we both have and just try to have a good time?” He says, his big eyes pleading – God damn it!

  “Fine…Ok,” I say my hands in the air, then a plan forms. “I promise to be good, enjoy tonight and not ask you any questions, on one condition.”

  “No!” He snaps, instantly reading my mind.

  “But I want you,” I say, trying to make my eyes go all puppy dog like Tristan’s.

  “And I want you, but no!” He is not to be argued with.

  “Ok, how about a kiss?” I say as innocently as I can.

  Tristan looks up at me, his eyes wide and bleak.“Oh what you do to me,” he says, leaning forward, his hands entwining in my hair, his lips gently meeting mine, a soft moan coming from his throat.

  My lips part,and our tongues gently and softly tease one another…oh I have missed this… I run my fingers through his hair, then take his face in my hands and kiss him more firmly. Tristan pulls away, but I take hold of his shoulders to stop him from moving.

  “Kiss me again, like that,” I whisper.

  He takes my face in his hands, staring intensely at me and we begin all over again…

  I HAVE CHANGED INTO A PAIR OF JEANS and a t-shirt, brushed my hair, and put on a little make-up. I could make more of an effort, but in all honestly, I’m bone tired again. Besides, if I get dressed up, I’ll spoil the surprise for everyone.

  Since our very sexy kissing – Tristan really is an excellent kisser – I seem to have calmed down. I feel more balanced, and I don’t feel angry anymore, it seems to have magically disappeared. So, while I was getting ready, I went over what I was thinking about earlier.

  Firstly, before everyone arrives, I need to tell Tristan that I told Gladys that he proposed to me. I wonder if he’ll be mad about that?

  Secondly, I haven’t told him Carlos and Rob’s news.

  Thirdly, and most importantly, I need to tell Tristan I want to marry him sooner rather than later; so I’m going to need my engagement ring back.

  I look down at my hands, suddenly realizing what’s missing…Shit!Where’s my watch? And more importantly, where’s my bracelet that Tristan bought me? Have I lost it?

  My heart starts hammering against my chest…No!

  “Ready?” Tristan asks as he walks towards me with his arms open wide.I stare up at him from my seated position on the bed. He instantly registers the panic on my face and bends down in front of me.“What is it?” he softly asks.

  “M-my bracelet…I think I’ve lost it,” I whimper.

  “No baby, it’s in the safe with your watch. We can get them when we go downstairs.”

  I sag with relief. “Thank god,” I whisper.

  “You would have been upset if you’d lost it?” He questions.

  “Mortified,” I answer.

  Tristan smiles shyly at me. “You really liked it that much?”

  “I love it, and it would have killed me to lose it. Tristan, you picked that particular one for me, and I know you put a lot of thought into it, that’s what makes it so special. I will always cherish it,” I say, feeling the weight of my words.

  “Baby, that is so sweet,” he says. I smile shyly at him.“Shall we go?” he asks.

  “Before we go down I need to tell you something,” I say, patting the bed next to me.

  “Ok.” Tristan sits next to me on the bed, and takes my hand in his.

  “Ok, well firstly, when Gladys came to see me, she…” I shake my head and stare out the window. I feel nervous, so I take a deep breath and continue. “I told her you proposed Tristan,” I add. He is silent, so I turn and stare at him. “And I know Rob knows too,” I add, cocking one eyebrow up.

  His cheeks flush red. “Ah, he told you,” he says.

  “That you two argued, yes.”

  “Are you mad I fought with him?”

  “No. Surprised though…”

  “He really cares about you.”

  “I know.”

  “Well I guess the cats out of the bag…” He muses quietly.

  “Are you mad?” I whisper, staring at the floor.

  “No, why would I be?” He softly says.Because we’re arguing all the time, and because you’ve turned into Mr Snappy Pants!

  “Because you seem to be…” I stop and stare up at him, changing my mind on questioning him about it. “When Gladys took me back to hers after the news about my mother, Rob was there when I woke up. I finally found out why they disappeared,” I say.

  “And?” Tristan prompts.

  “Carlos found a lump, they had a biopsy done and went away to wait for the results.”

&nb
sp; Tristan clutches my hand tighter. “Is he ok?” He softly asks.

  “Yes, thank god…he is. Rob told me it was benign. Oh…and they’re adopting a baby from China – Carlos has always wanted a family,” I add.

  Tristan frowns at the last part. “That’s good baby,” he says, but he seems miles away.

  “Yeah…I haven’t really seen him since Rob told me.” I add. Tristan smiles at me, but it doesn’t reach his eyes; he’s being very quiet again.“And there’s one more thing…” I say feeling really nervous. “I know we have a lot to talk about, and we seem to be arguing…a lot, but my feelings haven’t changed Tristan. I love you, more now than ever before, it feels stronger for some reason…” I take a deep breath and slowly blow it out. “Did you hire the Wedding Planner?” I ask.

  “No, I didn’t really have the time as all hell broke loose,” he answers dryly.

  I nod and stare at my twisted fingers. Come on Coral, be brave!

  “What is it?” he asks.

  “I want to marry you Tristan, like today if I could,” I say, laughing nervously.

  “Really?” He says, his eyebrows raised in surprise.

  “Yes.”

  “Why?”

  “I don’t know,” I whisper, shrugging, then wincing in pain – Shouldn’t have done that!

  “You don’t know?” He questions.

  “I just want my life to start with you. I want to be your wife and I want to call you my husband.”

  Tristan stares down at the floor for a moment.“And the honeymoon?” He asks.Honeymoon?I hadn’t thought of that.

  “We can do that when I’m better,” I say, Tristan looks a little shocked and confused. “Ok, I’ll be honest,” I say cringing slightly.

  Tristan instantly tenses up beside me. “Honest?” He whispers.

  “Yes,” I murmur.

  “Ok,” he says, shifting slightly.

  “When you left to go back up north…and I had a whole week to think about things…” I run my hand through my hair. “Tristan, I was bricking it, I mean really, really, bricking it. I just couldn’t see how two people, who hardly know each other, could seem so right for each other…so quickly. I was going to talk to you about it when you got back, hold off the wedding for a while, move in together, get to know one another more…but then…” I take a deep breath.