Darkest Fears Trilogy: Fallen For Him / Freed By Him / Forever With Him

by Clair Delaney

  “Tristan!” I gasp.

  “Obviously, I had to cancel the first lesson, we’ll re-arrange it when you’re better,” he says.

  I suddenly remember our conversation that occurred after dining at The Hilton with Gladys and Malcolm. He had organised something for the Saturday after my birthday, I remember him teasing me about it. Wow, it seems so long ago…

  “You did this…ages ago?” I whisper in disbelief.“When you asked about my birthday?”

  “Yes.” He smiles triumphantly at me.

  I swallow hard. “Tristan, I can't believe you remembered that…” I croak. Then I think about getting better, going out there and learning to sail…Panic suddenly grips me, I don’t want to do that on my own. What if I get it wrong and fall overboard?

  “Hey,” Tristan says tugging on my chin so I have to look up at him. “I’ll be with you,” he says, reading my anxiety. My fears instantly fade and I start to feel a little calmer.

  “I can’t believe you did this,” I whisper staring at the paperwork. “You really are a wonderful man,” I say.This is too much!

  “And you are a wonderful woman,” he says, melting my heart.

  I swallow hard. “Thank you Tristan, this is...overwhelming.” I look up at him smiling back at me and shake my head at him, tears pooling in my eyes. “You’re spoiling me,” I sniff.

  “No, I’m not.” He states in his authoritative voice. It makes me chuckle at him. “Coral, are you sure you don't want to try this on your own? I don't want you to feel like I’m suffocating you.”

  “Suffocating me?” I squeak.

  “I don't have any friends, or many hobbies that would take me away from you, but I don't want that to influence you. I don't want you feeling like you have to do everything with me, I want you to have the choice.” He says, gazing intensely at me.

  “I want you to come with me,” I whisper, gazing back at him.

  “You do?” He clarifies.

  “Definitely,” I scoff. “Who will save me if I do something daft like fall overboard?” I add, my tone dry.

  Tristan chuckles at me. “Ok, ” he says, squeezing my hand – Oh, I’m so in love with him.

  “Now, on a more serious note, I want to talk to you about what you told me the other day.” He adds.

  “The other day?” I whisper, folding the paperwork and popping it into my clutch.

  “Yes, in the jewellers. I don't want to sound pessimistic Coral, but lots of people get that holiday feeling. A feeling of never wanting to leave, imagining themselves living at the place they’ve come to visit – It’s very common,” he adds, popping an olive into his mouth.

  “It is?” I say, feeling morose.

  “Hey.” Tristan pulls his chair closer to me. “Why don't you tell me why you are feeling this way?” I stare back at his wide eyes and slowly nod.

  I take a deep breath and begin. “Ok. I love the house that you’ve bought for us, so much so that if we could, I would say let’s bring it with us, but we can't do that. It’s just...I guess, I bought my studio because it was right on the water, it calms me, and I guess being here has made me realise how much I miss that, that it’s more important to me than I thought it was. I know it sounds crazy, but even though that little villa we are staying in is only two bedrooms, I’d gladly swap it for Brighton. I think it’s, you know, just waking up every morning to that view, and I know we have amazing views in Brighton, but it’s the other aspects too.”

  “Like what Coral?” Tristan asks. He’s being very serious again, soaking up every word I am saying, but I love that he is. I have overheard so many women at work moaning about the fact that their boyfriend, or husband, doesn’t listen to them – So right now, I feel like a very lucky woman.

  “Being able to hear the water for one, the gentle lapping of the sea when she’s calm, the roar of the waves when it’s windy, and the smell of the sea – it’s so potent, don't you think?”

  Tristan nods once, still listening intently.

  “It’s always been my dream to live in a house on a beach, like literally on a beach – but I never thought I would be in the lucky position to be able to have that. Maybe that’s why I subconsciously went for my studio, even though it’s so tiny. It’s used to drive me mad sometimes...” I laugh, shaking off the memory.

  “Coral, why didn’t you tell me this when I made it perfectly clear to you that I was buying a house for us?” he says.

  My face falls. “You know why,” I whisper, remembering how I felt back then – Like a different person compared to how I feel now!

  Tristan shakes his head in frustration.

  “I knew I shouldn’t have told you,” I add, looking down at the weather worn, sun bleached wooden table.

  “Hey, that’s not why I’m frustrated,” he says, so I look up at him. “You didn’t say anything to me because you couldn’t see yourself in a relationship, right?” I nod once. “But you thought the house was magical?” he questions. He’s still being serious.

  I smile and nod again. “Tristan, I’d never seen inside a million pound house before, at the time, I was so in awe of it all. I can remember feeling like I was a princess at the top of a castle that over looked the sea, and well...then there was you.” I stop right there.

  Tristan smiles his shy smile. “So, if we had dated and I say...had stayed in hotels while we did, then we decided to move in together, that wouldn’t have been the house you would have chosen?” He concludes.

  I shake my head. “No, I don't think it would have been. But please understand me Tristan, because I don't want to sound unappreciative of what you did, I really do love that house and I really do think it’s magical, I just know it would have been a different house I’d have fallen in love with.”

  “One right on the beach, or at least over looking it?” He asks, deep in thought.

  “Yes.” I swallow hard and take a sip of my wine.

  “Well, I guess that changes things,” he says.

  “Changes what?” I whisper, slightly panicked.

  “My plans,” he says, with wide teasing eyes.

  I smile back at him, feeling calmer. “What plans?”

  “Well, I had every intention of buying more property now the houses in Birmingham and Leeds have sold. I suppose those plans don't necessarily have to change, but where we live will change the other plans I had set in motion.”

  “What other plans Tristan?” I ask, giddy with excitement.

  “Oh no,” he says, shaking his head at me. “For my eyes only,” he adds teasingly.

  “You are such a tease!” I say pouting at him.

  “As are you.” He laughs.

  I take a deep breath and ask the question. “So you wouldn’t mind living here?” I ask.

  “No Coral, I wouldn’t. It’s fairly easy to commute nowadays and if this really is where you want to be, then we shall be here,” he says.

  “Really?” I squeak.

  “Under one condition.” Tristan says. My face falls. “You don't make any hard and fast decisions, just yet.”

  “Why?” I soberly ask.

  “I’ve already told you baby, it’s very common to think like this when on holiday. Look, if we get back to Brighton and everything is back to normal and you say ‘I still want Cornwall’, then we’ll do it, deal?”

  “You want me to wait, to think it over?”

  “Yes, I do.”

  “Ok. It’s a deal.” I acquiesce.

  Tristan smiles warmly at me, leans forward and softly pecks me on the lips. Hmm, he tastes so good. He suddenly pulls back, I look up and realise the waiter has arrived to take our order....

  IT’S LATE, PAST TEN O’CLOCK. TRISTAN AND I HAVE enjoyed the magnificent sunset and are quietly sipping our coffees. The meal we ate this evening was delicious, I’ve never had Lobster Thermidore before, much to Tristan’s amusement, but it was absolutely mouth watering.

  The restaurant has taken on a very romantic feel, soft lighting, soulful plinky-plonky music so
ftly playing, and the moment the sun went down, a waiter came along placing candles in glass jars on each table.

  I look across at Tristan. He’s been staring out to sea for the past ten minutes, come to think of it, he’s been pretty pre-occupied all evening. Maybe he’s wondering about his plans? Well, whatever they are, they are taking his attention away from me. How to get him back?

  Hmm...I put my cup down, and stare at his beautiful profile. I want to do something sexy for Tristan tonight, but I don't know what? Inspiration hits!

  Maybe a little lap dance? I can do that, I’m a good dancer, and if I slip into something sexy, he might really enjoy it. I sit back, cross my legs and hitch my dress up a little, making sure the top of my lacy-hold up is on show.

  Tristan turns to look at me, his eyes immediately resting on my legs. Then his eyes reach mine, I can see they have darkened, in-fact his whole demeanour has changed.

  I smile teasingly at him, pick up my long mint chocolate stick that came with the coffee’s and gently place it in my mouth, then slowly suck. I hope I’m making myself very clear to him.

  He shifts in his seat as he watches me slowly suck the stick, his lips part, and he swallows hard. Oh yeah! I’m definitely affecting him, brilliant!

  I cock my head to the side, and smirk, then look directly at his crotch. Then I lean forward so no-one can hear me. “Mr Freeman,” I whisper, gazing back at his heated look. “Am I turning you on?”

  Tristan’s jaw clenches. “Coral,” he warns.

  “What?” I feign innocence.

  “Don't give me that innocent look,” he says his voice deep and husky.

  It makes me want him, here, now!

  “You better take me back then,” I challenge.

  Tristan shakes his head at me, places his hand at the top of my leg and pulls my dress back down to my knee. “Coral, you already have enough admirers this evening,” he says scanning the restaurant. “Please don't show them what’s mine,” he adds, then looks back out to sea. Hmph!

  What’s up with him, I was only teasing! I rack my brains for an explanation, but nothing comes to me. “Hey,” I touch his forearm. “You ok?”

  He turns and stares at me, and it’s as though he’s debating whether or not to tell me something? He smiles, but it quickly turns into a frown. He reaches over, squeezes my leg once more, then turns away.

  “Have I done something wrong?” I ask, feeling totally deflated – and rejected!

  “Let’s get back,” he says, gesturing to the waiter, completely ignoring my question.

  “Why?” I grumble.

  “Because we need to talk,” he says, his tone clipped.

  Fuck! I don't like the sound of that.

  “About what?” I gripe.

  Tristan turns in his seat, giving me his full attention. He crosses his one leg over the other, leans back in his chair, cocks his head to the side and just sits their appraising me, his forefinger running back and forth across his bottom lip.

  I swallow hard. His eyes darken, and his whole persona seems to have shifted, playful Tristan has definitely left the building. I’m sure he’s doing it on purpose though, trying to distract me and it’s bloody well working! Jeez! Why does he always have to look so intense? It makes me feel nervous, bashful, shy even.

  ‘Fantasies.’ He finally mouths. My heart leaps into my mouth.Why can't I look away from him? It’s like he’s pinning me to the chair. And why am I feeling so breathless?

  “Why can't we talk about that here?” I whisper breathlessly. I don't want to leave yet!

  “Coral, I really don't think this is the appropriate place to have that kind of conversation,” he says, glancing at the other diners, then locking eyes with me. “Do you want to go back Coral?” he asks, in an even deeper voice, his forefinger now tapping his bottom lip.

  My sex starts throbbing – Crap! – I quickly look away because I am not going to get this out if I look at him.

  “Oh...well yeah. I guess..I’ll um...I’ll just pop to the ladies then,” I say, feeling completely perplexed. The moment I push my chair back, Tristan stands and gives me his hand to help me up. “Thanks,” I whisper, but I’m already a million miles away.

  I walk through the restaurant in a complete daze, trying my best to calm my racing thoughts. Once I’m done, and I’m washing my hands, I take a deep breath and stare up at myself in the mirror. I look good, healthy, tanned – I was relaxed, but now...? Now I just feel on edge, and nervous as hell!

  Shaking my head at myself, I look up at my reflection again. You wanted this conversation Stevens! Don't go all weak at the knees because it’s about to happen.I nod in agreement with myself. I am about to marry this man, if we can't openly talk about this sort of stuff – we’re fucked! But what if I don't like what he says? What if he wants to do things I can't or won't do? What if – Stop it Coral! You are being ridiculous!

  I look up at myself again. “This is Tristan we are talking about, the kindest, sweetest, most loving man you’ve ever met!” I whisper to my reflection. Then, agreeing wholeheartedly with myself, I pick up my clutch and make my way back through the restaurant.

  Tristan is standing next to our table with his suit jacket on, waiting for me to return, and there’s an odd expression on his face – What is that? – Ok, now I’m really worrying!

  “Bills paid and I’ve ordered the taxi,” he tells me as I reach him. “Shall we?”

  I frown up at him. “Why are you acting...weird?” I mutter, feeling a little annoyed now.

  “Coral,” he quietly says, leaning down to whisper right in my ear. “People are watching and I don't want a scene, please be good and just come with me.” I look around the restaurant and see that Tristan is right. Several diners have stopped what they are doing and are silently watching us. Ugh!Don't they have anything better to do?

  “Fine!” I grumble, and place my hand in his. We head out of the restaurant, and silently stand next to one another, not touching at all – Hurry up Taxi!

  The wind has kicked up, so of course, I start to shiver. “Where’s your wrap?” Tristan asks.

  “I didn’t bring it,” I say, purposely not looking at him. In my peripheral vision, I see Tristan shrug out of his jacket, stand behind me, and gently place it over my shoulders, then I feel him kiss the back of my hair. “Thanks,” I mumble, my good manners taking over.

  The taxi arrives, thank god! Tristan opens the door for me, I slide across the seat. Tristan climbs in next to me and we head back to the villa – in total silence.

  I study his profile for a moment. He’s staring out the window deep in thought – Don't think the worst, don't think the worst...I turn away from him and stare out of my window, nervously biting my lip – Jesus age Christ! I was blissfully happy ten minutes ago, how did it get to being so serious? Tears pool in my eyes, fucking hormones!

  Five minutes in and the taxi drops us outside the villa. Tristan pays him, clasps my hand in his and gently pulls me across the seat. We step out the taxi and Tristan shuts the door.

  “Tristan,” I croak, but I can't look up at him.

  “Inside,” he says, leading me up the steps.

  My legs are shaking so badly – Why do I feel like this is such a humungous deal? Like it could be make or break for us? I swallow hard and try to control the panic attack I feel coming on.

  Tristan opens the front door, steps aside to let me in, shuts the door behind him and walks over to me. Taking his jacket from my shoulders, he hangs it on the back of the breakfast stool, then returning to me, he clasps my hand in his and walks us over to the sofa – I need a drink!

  I manage to find my voice. “Tristan, you’re really scaring me,” I tremble.

  “I’m sorry, but I’m scared too,” he replies, his voice equally shaky.

  “You’re scared?” I squeak, finally looking at him.

  He nods once. “I think I need a drink for this, you?”

  My mouth pops open in shock. This is not good, not good at all!
r />   “Sure,” I murmur. My heart sinks to the pit of my stomach. I don't think I’m going to like this. What’s wrong with Tristan? He looks so, so...sad? Worried maybe, I’m not sure?

  I watch him walk over to the mini-bar and pour us both a Brandy. Then sitting next to me, he hands one to me and takes a sip of his. “Can you forgive me Coral for my despicable behaviour at the restaurant, and in the taxi?” He asks, staring at the amber liquid in his glass. Why does he seem so melancholy?

  “Tristan, I don't think you’re behaviour was despicable? Weird yes, but not bad,” I say, trying to calm my racing heart.

  “Ok,” he says, still staring into his glass.

  “You know, when you act like this, you have me thinking you’re more fucked up than me,” I scoff. The corner of his lips turn up as he stares into his glass – Now I know something is really wrong, because he would be telling me off for saying I’m fucked up – which I am – kind of!

  “Tristan, is this about what you want to talk about, you know...fantasies?” I say swallowing hard. He nods once. “Ok, this is hard for you to say?” I surmise.

  He nods again. Shit!

  “Want some help?” I ask lightly, even though I feel like I’m about to explode!

  He turns and gazes at me, and I can see he’s worried. “I’m really worried about scaring you away. I can't lose you Coral.” He says, echoing my thoughts.

  “You’re not going to lose me Tristan,” I tell him firmly. He turns away, shaking his head slightly and gulps back the rest of his Brandy, I watch him walk over to the mini bar.

  “Tristan, will you please just tell me what’s going on. I’m really freaking out over here!”

  He sighs heavily, his eyes closing as he does. “Ok...when I was with Olivia, we had...we did...” He breaks off, running his hand through his hair, and pours the brandy into his glass.

  “What Tristan?” I push. “Just say it!” I add feeling frustrated.

  “She liked things...a certain way. And well, turns out I liked it too,” he says, stopping to gaze down at me. “I was trying to tell you the other day, when we took a bath.”