Works of W. W. Jacobs

by Jacobs, W. W.

  “‘Afore the other chap could reply, the skipper hisself comes down, accompanied by the fust mate, with a look on his face which made Harry give the deepest and hollowest cough he’d ever done.

  “‘What they reely want,’ ses the skipper, turning to the mate, ‘is keerful nussing.’

  “‘I wish you’d let me nuss ’em,’ ses the fust mate, ‘only ten minutes — I’d put ’em both on their legs, an’ running for their lives into the bargain, in ten minutes.’

  “‘Hold your tongue, sir,’ ses the skipper; ‘what you say is unfeeling, besides being an insult to me. Do you think I studied medicine all these years without knowing when a man’s ill?’

  “The fust mate growled something and went on deck, and the skipper started examining of ’em again. He said they was wonderfully patient lying in bed so long, an’ he had ’em wrapped up in bedclo’es and carried on deck, so as the pure air could have a go at ’em. WE had to do the carrying, an’ there they sat, breathing the pure air, and looking at the fust mate out of the corners of their eyes. If they wanted anything from below one of us had to go an’ fetch it, an’ by the time they was taken down to bed again, we all resolved to be took ill too.

  “Only two of ’em did it though, for Harry, who was a powerful, ugly-tempered chap, swore he’d do all sorts o’ dreadful things to us if we didn’t keep well and hearty, an’ all ‘cept these two did. One of ’em, Mike Rafferty, laid up with a swelling on his ribs, which I knew myself he ‘ad ‘ad for fifteen years, and the other chap had paralysis. I never saw a man so reely happy as the skipper was. He was up an down with his medicines and his instruments all day long, and used to make notes of the cases in a big pocket-book, and read ’em to the second mate at mealtimes.

  “The fo’c’sle had been turned into hospital about a week, an’ I was on deck doing some odd job or the other, when the cook comes up to me pulling a face as long as a fiddle.

  “‘Nother invalid,’ ses he; ‘fust mate’s gone stark, staring mad!’

  “‘Mad?’ ses I.

  “‘Yes,’ ses he. ‘He’s got a big basin in the galley, an’ he’s laughing like a hyener an’ mixing bilge-water an’ ink, an’ paraffin an’ butter an’ soap an’ all sorts o’ things up together. The smell’s enough to kill a man; I’ve had to come away.’

  “Curious-like, I jest walked up to the galley an’ puts my ‘ed in, an’ there was the mate as the cook said, smiling all over his face, and ladling some thick sticky stuff into a stone bottle.

  “‘How’s the pore sufferers, sir?’ ses he, stepping out of the galley jest as the skipper was going by.

  “‘They’re very bad; but I hope for the best,” ses the skipper, looking at him hard. ‘I’m glad to see you’ve turned a bit more feeling.’

  “‘Yes, sir,’ ses the mate. ‘I didn’t think so at fust, but I can see now them chaps is all very ill. You’ll s’cuse me saying it, but I don’t quite approve of your treatment.’

  “I thought the skipper would ha’ bust.

  “‘My treatment?’ ses he. ‘My treatment? What do you know about it?’

  “‘You’re treating ’em wrong, sir,’ ses the mate. ‘I have here’ (patting the jar) ‘a remedy which ‘ud cure them all if you’d only let me try it.’

  “‘Pooh!’ ses the skipper. ‘One medicine cure all diseases! The old story. What is it? Where’d you get it from?’ ses he.

  “‘I brought the ingredients aboard with me,’ ses the mate. ‘It’s a wonderful medicine discovered by my grandmother, an’ if I might only try it I’d thoroughly cure them pore chaps.’

  “‘Rubbish!’ ses the skipper.

  “‘Very well, sir,’ ses the mate, shrugging his shoulders. ‘O’ course, if you won’t let me you won’t. Still I tell you, if you’d let me try I’d cure ’em all in two days. That’s a fair challenge.’

  “Well, they talked, and talked, and talked, until at last the skipper give way and went down below with the mate, and told the chaps they was to take the new medicine for two days, jest to prove the mate was wrong.

  “‘Let pore old Dan try it first, sir,’ ses Harry, starting up, an’ sniffing as the mate took the cork out; ‘he’s been awful bad since you’ve been away.’

  “‘Harry’s worse than I am, sir,’ ses Dan; ‘it’s only his kind heart that makes him say that.’

  “‘It don’t matter which is fust,’ ses the mate, filling a tablespoon with it, ‘there’s plenty for all. Now, Harry.’

  “‘Take it,’ ses the skipper.

  “Harry took it, an’ the fuss he made you’d ha’ thought he was swallering a football. It stuck all round his mouth, and he carried on so dredful that the other invalids was half sick afore it came to them.

  “By the time the other three ‘ad ‘ad theirs it was as good as a pantermime, an’ the mate corked the bottle up, and went an’ sat down on a locker while they tried to rinse their mouths out with the luxuries which had been given ’em.

  “‘How do you feel?’ ses the skipper.

  “‘I’m dying,’ ses Dan.

  “‘So’m I,’ ses Harry; ‘I b’leeve the mate’s pisoned us.”

  “The skipper looks over at the mate very stern an’ shakes his ‘ed slowly.

  “‘It’s all right,’ ses the mate. ‘It’s always like that the first dozen or so doses.’

  “‘Dozen or so doses!’ ses old Dan, in a far-away voice.

  “‘It has to be taken every twenty minutes,’ ses the mate, pulling out his pipe and lighting it; an’ the four men groaned all together.

  “‘I can’t allow it,’ ses the skipper, ‘I can’t allow it. Men’s lives mustn’t be sacrificed for an experiment.’

  “‘‘T ain’t a experiment,’ ses the mate very indignant, ‘it’s an old family medicine.’

  “‘Well, they shan’t have any more,’ ses the skipper firmly.

  “‘Look here,’ ses the mate. ‘If I kill any one o’ these men I’ll give you twenty pound. Honour bright, I will.’

  “‘Make it twenty-five,’ ses the skipper, considering.

  “‘Very good,’ ses the mate. ‘Twenty-five; I can’t say no fairer than that, can I? It’s about time for another dose now.’

  “He gave ’em another tablespoonful all round as the skipper left, an’ the chaps what wasn’t invalids nearly bust with joy. He wouldn’t let ’em have anything to take the taste out, ‘cos he said it didn’t give the medicine a chance, an’ he told us other chaps to remove the temptation, an’ you bet we did.

  “After the fifth dose, the invalids began to get desperate, an’ when they heard they’d got to be woke up every twenty minutes through the night to take the stuff, they sort o’ give up. Old Dan said he felt a gentle glow stealing over him and strengthening him, and Harry said that it felt like a healing balm to his lungs. All of ’em agreed it was a wonderful sort o’ medicine, an’ arter the sixth dose the man with paralysis dashed up on deck, and ran up the rigging like a cat. He sat there for hours spitting, an’ swore he’d brain anybody who interrupted him, an’ arter a little while Mike Rafferty went up and j’ined him, an’ it the fust mate’s ears didn’t burn by reason of the things them two pore sufferers said about ‘im, they ought to.

  “They was all doing full work next day, an’ though, o’course, the skipper saw how he’d been done, he didn’t allude to it. Not in words, that is; but when a man tries to make four chaps do the work of eight, an’ hits ’em when they don’t, it’s a easy job to see where the shoe pinches.”

  A LOVE PASSAGE

  The mate was leaning against the side of the schooner, idly watching a few red-coated linesmen lounging on the Tower Quay. Careful mariners were getting out their side-lights, and careless lightermen were progressing by easy bumps from craft to craft on their way up the river. A tug, half burying itself in its own swell, rushed panting by, and a faint scream came from aboard an approaching skiff as it tossed in the wash.

  “JESSICA ahoy!” bawled a voice from the skiff as she came rapid
ly alongside.

  The mate, roused from his reverie, mechanically caught the line and made it fast, moving with alacrity as he saw that the captain’s daughter was one of the occupants. Before he had got over his surprise she was on deck with her boxes, and the captain was paying off the watermen.

  “You’ve seen my daughter Hetty afore, haven’t you?” said the skipper. “She’s coming with us this trip. You’d better go down and make up her bed, Jack, in that spare bunk.”

  “Ay, ay,” said the mate dutifully, moving off.

  “Thank you, I’ll do it myself,” said the scandalised Hetty, stepping forward hastily.

  “As you please,” said the skipper, leading the way below. “Let’s have a light on, Jack.”

  The mate struck a match on his boot, and lit the lamp.

  “There’s a few things in there’ll want moving,” said the skipper, as he opened the door. “I don’t know where we’re to keep the onions now, Jack.”

  “We’ll find a place for ’em,” said the mate confidently, as he drew out a sack and placed it on the table.

  “I’m not going to sleep in there,” said the visitor decidedly, as she peered in. “Ugh! there’s a beetle. Ugh!”

  “It’s quite dead,” said the mate reassuringly. “I’ve never seen a live beetle on this ship.”

  “I want to go home,” said the girl. “You’ve no business to make me come when I don’t want to.”

  “You should behave yourself then,” said her father magisterially. “What about sheets, Jack; and pillers?”

  The mate sat on the table, and, grasping his chin, pondered. Then as his gaze fell upon the pretty, indignant face of the passenger, he lost the thread of his ideas.

  “She’ll have to have some o’ my things for the present,” said the skipper.

  “Why not,” said the mate, looking up again— “why not let her have your state-room?”

  “‘Cos I want it myself,” replied the other calmly.

  The mate blushed for him, and, the girl leaving them to arrange matters as they pleased, the two men, by borrowing here and contriving there, made up the bunk. The girl was standing by the galley when they went on deck again, an object of curious and respectful admiration to the crew, who had come on board in the meantime. She stayed on deck until the air began to blow fresher in the wider reaches, and then, with a brief good-night to her father, retired below.

  “She made up her mind to come with us rather suddenly, didn’t she?” inquired the mate after she had gone.

  “She didn’t make up her mind at all,” said the skipper; “we did it for her, me an’ the missus. It’s a plan on our part.”

  “Wants strengthening?” said the mate suggestively.

  “Well, the fact is,” said the skipper, “it’s like this, Jack; there’s a friend o’ mine, a provision dealer in a large way o’ business, wants to marry my girl, and me an’ the missus want him to marry her, so, o’ course, she wants to marry someone else. Me an’ ‘er mother we put our ‘eads together and decided for her to come away. When she’s at ‘ome, instead o’ being out with Towson, direckly her mother’s back’s turned she’s out with that young sprig of a clerk.”

  “Nice-looking young feller, I s’pose?” said the mate somewhat anxiously.

  “Not a bit of it,” said the other firmly. “Looks as though he had never had a good meal in his life. Now my friend Towson, he’s all right; he’s a man of about my own figger.”

  “She’ll marry the clerk,” said the mate, with conviction.

  “I’ll bet you she don’t,” said the skipper. “I’m an artful man, Jack, an’ I, generally speaking, get my own way. I couldn’t live with my missus peaceable if it wasn’t for management.”

  The mate smiled safely in the darkness, the skipper’s management consisting chiefly of slavish obedience.

  “I’ve got a cabinet fortygraph of him for the cabin mantel-piece, Jack,” continued the wily father. “He gave it to me o’ purpose. She’ll see that when she won’t see the clerk, an’ by-and-bye she’ll fall into our way of thinking. Anyway, she’s going to stay here till she does.”

  “You know your way about, cap’n,” said the mate, in pretended admiration.

  The skipper laid his finger on his nose, and winked at the mainmast. “There’s few can show me the way, Jack,” he answered softly; “very few. Now I want you to help me too; I want you to talk to her a great deal.”

  “Ay, ay,” said the mate, winking at the mast in his turn.

  “Admire the fortygraph on the mantel-piece,” said the skipper.

  “I will,” said the other.

  “Tell her about a lot o’ young girls you know as married young middle-aged men, an’ loved ’em more an’ more every day of their lives,” continued the skipper.

  “Not another word,” said the mate. “I know just what you want. She shan’t marry the clerk if I can help it.”

  The other turned and gripped him warmly by the hand. “If ever you are a father yourself, Jack,” he said with emotion, “I hope as how somebody’ll stand by you as you’re standing by me.”

  The mate was relieved the next day when he saw the portrait of Towson. He stroked his moustache, and felt that he gained in good looks every time he glanced at it.

  Breakfast finished, the skipper, who had been on deck all night, retired to his bunk. The mate went on deck and took charge, watching with great interest the movements of the passenger as she peered into the galley and hotly assailed the cook’s method of washing up.

  “Don’t you like the sea?” he inquired politely, as she came and sat on the cabin skylight.

  Miss Alsen shook her head dismally. “I’ve got to like it,” she remarked.

  “Your father was saying something to me about it,” said the mate guardedly.

  “Did he tell the cook and the cabin boy too?” inquired Miss Alsen, flushing somewhat. “What did he tell you?”

  “Told me about a man named Towson,” said the mate, becoming intent on the sails, “and — another fellow.”

  “I took a little notice of HIM just to spoil the other,” said the girl, “not that I cared for him. I can’t understand a girl caring for any man. Great, clumsy, ugly things.”

  “You don’t like him then?” said the mate.

  “Of course not,” said the girl, tossing her head.

  “And yet they ‘ve sent you to sea to get out of his way,” said the mate meditatively. “Well, the best thing you can do” — His hardihood failed him at the pitch.

  “Go on,” said the girl.

  “Well, it’s this way,” said the mate, coughing; “they’ve sent you to sea to get you out of this fellow’s way, so if you fall in love with somebody on the ship they’ll send you home again.”

  “So they will,” said the girl eagerly. “I’ll pretend to fall in love with that nice-looking sailor you call Harry. What a lark!”

  “I shouldn’t do that,” said the mate gravely.

  “Why not?” said the girl.

  “’Tisn’t discipline,” said the mate very firmly; “it wouldn’t do at all. He’s before the mast.”

  “Oh, I see,” remarked Miss Alsen, smiling scornfully.

  “I only mean pretend, of course,” said the mate, colouring. “Just to oblige you.”

  “Of course,” said the girl calmly. “Well, how are we to be in love?”

  The mate flushed darkly. “I don’t know much about such things,” he said at length; “but we’ll have to look at each other, and all that sort of thing, you know.”

  “I don’t mind that,” said the girl.

  “Then we’ll get on by degrees,” said the other. “I expect we shall both find it come easier after a time.”

  “Anything to get home again,” said the girl, rising and walking slowly away.

  The mate began his part of the love-making at once, and, fixing a gaze of concentrated love on the object of his regard, nearly ran down a smack. As he had prognosticated, it came easy to him, and other well
-marked symptoms, such as loss of appetite and a partiality for bright colours, developed during the day. Between breakfast and tea he washed five times, and raised the ire of the skipper to a dangerous pitch by using the ship’s butter to remove tar from his fingers.

  By ten o’clock that night he was far advanced in a profound melancholy. All the looking had been on his side, and, as he stood at the wheel keeping the schooner to her course, he felt a fellow-feeling for the hapless Towson, His meditations were interrupted by a slight figure which emerged from the companion, and, after a moment’s hesitation, came and took its old seat on the skylight.

  “Calm and peaceful up here, isn’t it?” said he, after waiting some time for her to speak. “Stars are very bright to-night.”

  “Don’t talk to me,” said Miss Alsen snappishly.

  “Why doesn’t this nasty little ship keep still? I believe it’s you making her jump about like this.”

  “Me?” said the mate in amazement.

  “Yes, with that wheel.”

  “I can assure you “ — began the mate.

  “Yes, I knew you’d say so,” said the girl.

  “Come and steer yourself,” said the mate; “then you’ll see.”

  Much to his surprise she came, and, leaning limply against the wheel, put her little hands on the spokes, while the mate explained the mysteries of the compass. As he warmed with his subject he ventured to put his hands on the same spokes, and, gradually becoming more venturesome, boldly supported her with his arm every time the schooner gave a lurch.

  “Thank you,” said Miss Alsen, coldly extricating herself, as the male fancied another lurch was coming. “Good-night.”

  She retired to the cabin as a dark figure, which was manfully knuckling the last remnant of sleep from its eyelids, stood before the mate, chuckling softly.

  “Clear night,” said the seaman, as he took the wheel in his great paws.

  “Beastly,” said the mate absently, and, stifling a sigh, went below and turned in.

  He lay awake for a few minutes, and then, well satisfied with the day’s proceedings, turned over and fell asleep. He was pleased to discover, when he awoke, that the slight roll of the night before had disappeared, and that there was hardly any motion on the schooner. The passenger herself was already at the breakfast-table.