Works of W. W. Jacobs

by Jacobs, W. W.

‘“Put him in with the WOT?’ ses the unfort’nit man’s uncle, jumping off ‘is chair.

  “‘The tiger,’ ses Reddish. ‘We ‘eard something in the night, but we thought they was only ‘aving a little bit of a tiff, like. In the morning I went down with a bit o’ cold meat for the wild man, and I thought at first he’d escaped; but looking a little bit closer—’

  “‘Don’t, Ted,’ ses ‘is wife. ‘I can’t bear it.’

  “‘Do you mean to tell me that the tiger ‘as eat ‘im?’ screams old Sam.

  “‘Most of ‘im,’ ses Ted Reddish; ‘but ‘e couldn’t ha’ been much of a wild man to let a tiger get the better of ‘im. I must say I was surprised.’

  “‘We both was,’ ses Mrs. Reddish, wiping ‘er eyes.

  “You might ha’ ‘eard a pin drop; old Sam’s eyes was large and staring, Peter Russet was sucking ‘is teeth, an’ Ginger was wondering wot the law would say to it — if it ‘eard of it.

  “‘It’s an unfortunit thing for all parties,’ ses Ted Reddish at last, getting up and standing on the ‘earthrug.

  “‘‘Orrible,’ ses Sam, ‘uskily. ‘You ought to ha’ known better than to put ‘im in with a tiger. Wot could you expect? W’y, it was a mad thing to do.’

  “‘Crool thing,’ ses Peter Russet.

  “‘You don’t know the bisness properly,’ ses Ginger, ‘that’s about wot it is. ‘You should ha’ known better than that.’

  “‘Well, it’s no good making a fuss about it,’ ses Reddish. It was only a wild man arter all, and he’d ha’ died anyway, cos ‘e wouldn’t eat the raw meat we gave ‘im, and ‘is pan o’ water was scarcely touched. He’d ha’ starved himself anyhow. I’m sorry, as I said before, but I must be off; I’ve got an appointment down at the docks.’

  “He moved towards the door; Ginger Dick gave Russet a nudge and whispered something and Russet passed it on to Sam.

  “What about the ‘undered quid?’ ses pore Beauty’s uncle, catching ‘old o’ Reddish as ‘e passed ‘im.

  “‘Eh?’ ses Reddish, surprised— ‘Oh, that’s off.’

  “‘Ho!’ says Sam. ‘Ho! is it? We want a ‘undered quid off of you; an’ wot’s more, we mean to ‘ave it.’

  “‘But the tiger’s ate ‘im,’ says Mrs. Reddish, explaining.

  “‘I know that,’ ses Sam, sharply. ‘But ‘e was our wild man, and we want to be paid for ‘im. You should ha’ been more careful. We’ll give you five minutes; and if the money ain’t paid by that time we’ll go straight off to the police-station.’

  “‘Well, go,’ ses Ted Reddish.

  “Sam got up, very stern, and looked at Ginger.

  “‘You’ll be ruined if we do,’ ses Ginger.

  “‘All right,’ ses Ted Reddish, comfortably.

  “I’m not sure they can’t ‘ang you,’ ses Russet.

  “‘I ain’t sure either,’ says Reddish; ‘and I’d like to know ‘ow the law stands, in case it ‘appens agin.’

  “‘Come on, Sam,’ ses Ginger; ‘come straight to the police-station.’

  “He got up, and moved towards the door. Ted Reddish didn’t move a muscle, but Mrs. Reddish flopped on her knees and caught old Sam round the legs, and ‘eld him so’s ‘e couldn’t move.

  “‘Spare ‘im,’ she ses, crying.

  “‘Lea’ go o’ my legs, mum,’ ses Sam.

  “‘Come on, Sam,’ ses Ginger; ‘come to the police.’

  “Old Sam made a desperit effort, and Mrs. Reddish called ‘im a crool monster, and let go and ‘id ‘er face on ‘er husband’s shoulder as they all moved out of the parlour, larfing like a mad thing with hysterics.

  “They moved off slowly, not knowing wot to do, as, of course, they knew they daren’t go to the police about it. Ginger Dick’s temper was awful; but Peter Russet said they mustn’t give up all ‘ope — he’d write to Ted Reddish and tell ‘im as a friend wot a danger ‘e was in. Old Sam didn’t say anything, the loss of his nevy and twenty-five pounds at the same time being almost more than ‘is ‘art could bear, and in a slow, melancholy fashion they walked back to old Sam’s lodgings.

  “‘Well, what the blazes is up now?’ ses Ginger Dick, as they turned the corner.

  “There was three or four ‘undered people standing in front of the ‘ouse, and women’s ‘eads out of all the winders screaming their ‘ardest for the police, and as they got closer they ‘eard a incessant knocking. It took ’em nearly five minutes to force their way through the crowd, and then they nearly went crazy as they saw the wild man with ‘alf the winder-blind missing, but otherwise well and ‘arty, standing on the step and giving rat-a-tat-tats at the door for all ‘e was worth.

  “They never got to know the rights of it, Beauty getting so excited every time they asked ‘im ‘ow he got on that they ‘ad to give it up. But they began to ‘ave a sort of idea at last that Ted Reddish ‘ad been ‘aving a game with ’em, and that Mrs. Reddish was worse than wot ‘e was.”

  A GARDEN PLOT

  The able-bodied men of the village were at work, the children were at school singing the multiplication-table lullaby, while the wives and mothers at home nursed the baby with one hand and did the housework with the other. At the end of the village an old man past work sat at a rough deal table under the creaking signboard of the Cauliflower, gratefully drinking from a mug of ale supplied by a chance traveller who sat opposite him.

  The shade of the elms was pleasant and the ale good. The traveller filled his pipe and, glancing at the dusty hedges and the white road baking in the sun, called for the mugs to be refilled, and pushed his pouch towards his companion. After which he paid a compliment to the appearance of the village.

  “It ain’t what it was when I was a boy,” quavered the old man, filling his pipe with trembling fingers. “I mind when the grindstone was stuck just outside the winder o’ the forge instead o’ being one side as it now is; and as for the shop winder — it’s twice the size it was when I was a young ‘un.”

  He lit his pipe with the scientific accuracy of a smoker of sixty years’ standing, and shook his head solemnly as he regarded his altered birthplace. Then his colour heightened and his dim eye flashed.

  “It’s the people about ‘ere ‘as changed more than the place ‘as,” he said, with sudden fierceness; “there’s a set o’ men about here nowadays as are no good to anybody; reg’lar raskels. And if you’ve the mind to listen I can tell you of one or two as couldn’t be beat in London itself.

  “There’s Tom Adams for one. He went and started wot ‘e called a Benevolent Club. Threepence a week each we paid agin sickness or accident, and Tom was secretary. Three weeks arter the club was started he caught a chill and was laid up for a month. He got back to work a week, and then ‘e sprained something in ‘is leg; and arter that was well ‘is inside went wrong. We didn’t think much of it at first, not understanding figures; but at the end o’ six months the club hadn’t got a farthing, and they was in Tom’s debt one pound seventeen-and-six.

  “He isn’t the only one o’ that sort in the place, either. There was Herbert Richardson. He went to town, and came back with the idea of a Goose Club for Christmas. We paid twopence a week into that for pretty near ten months, and then Herbert went back to town agin, and all we ‘ear of ‘im, through his sister, is that he’s still there and doing well, and don’t know when he’ll be back.

  “But the artfullest and worst man in this place — and that’s saying a good deal, mind you — is Bob Pretty. Deep is no word for ‘im. There’s no way of being up to ‘im. It’s through ‘im that we lost our Flower Show; and, if you’d like to ‘ear the rights o’ that, I don’t suppose there’s anybody in this place as knows as much about it as I do — barring Bob hisself that is, but ‘e wouldn’t tell it to you as plain as I can.

  “We’d only ‘ad the Flower Show one year, and little anybody thought that the next one was to be the last. The first year you might smell the place a mile off in the summer, and on the day of the show people came from a long
way round, and brought money to spend at the Cauliflower and other places.

  “It was started just after we got our new parson, and Mrs. Pawlett, the parson’s wife, ‘is name being Pawlett, thought as she’d encourage men to love their ‘omes and be better ‘usbands by giving a prize every year for the best cottage garden. Three pounds was the prize, and a metal tea-pot with writing on it.

  “As I said, we only ‘ad it two years. The fust year the garden as got it was a picter, and Bill Chambers, ‘im as won the prize, used to say as ‘e was out o’ pocket by it, taking ‘is time and the money ‘e spent on flowers. Not as we believed that, you understand, ‘specially as Bill did ‘is very best to get it the next year, too. ‘E didn’t get it, and though p’r’aps most of us was glad ‘e didn’t, we was all very surprised at the way it turned out in the end.

  “The Flower Show was to be ‘eld on the 5th o’ July, just as a’most everything about here was at its best. On the 15th of June Bill Chambers’s garden seemed to be leading, but Peter Smith and Joe Gubbins and Sam Jones and Henery Walker was almost as good, and it was understood that more than one of ’em had got a surprise which they’d produce at the last moment, too late for the others to copy. We used to sit up here of an evening at this Cauliflower public-house and put money on it. I put mine on Henery Walker, and the time I spent in ‘is garden ‘elping ‘im is a sin and a shame to think of.

  “Of course some of ’em used to make fun of it, and Bob Pretty was the worst of ’em all. He was always a lazy, good-for-nothing man, and ‘is garden was a disgrace. He’d chuck down any rubbish in it: old bones, old tins, bits of an old bucket, anything to make it untidy. He used to larf at ’em awful about their gardens and about being took up by the parson’s wife. Nobody ever see ‘im do any work, real ‘ard work, but the smell from ‘is place at dinner-time was always nice, and I believe that he knew more about game than the parson hisself did.

  “It was the day arter this one I’m speaking about, the 16th o’ June, that the trouble all began, and it came about in a very eggstrordinary way. George English, a quiet man getting into years, who used when ‘e was younger to foller the sea, and whose only misfortin was that ‘e was a brother-in-law o’ Bob Pretty’s, his sister marrying Bob while ‘e was at sea and knowing nothing about it, ‘ad a letter come from a mate of his who ‘ad gone to Australia to live. He’d ‘ad letters from Australia before, as we all knew from Miss Wicks at the post-office, but this one upset him altogether. He didn’t seem like to know what to do about it.

  “While he was wondering Bill Chambers passed. He always did pass George’s ‘ouse about that time in the evening, it being on ‘is way ‘ome, and he saw George standing at ‘is gate with a letter in ‘is ‘and looking very puzzled.

  “‘Evenin’, George,’ ses Bill.

  “‘Evenin’,’ ses George.

  “‘Not bad news, I ‘ope?’ ses Bill, noticing ‘is manner, and thinking it was strange.

  “‘No,’ ses George. ‘I’ve just ‘ad a very eggstrordinary letter from Australia,’ he ses, ‘that’s all.’

  “Bill Chambers was always a very inquisitive sort o’ man, and he stayed and talked to George until George, arter fust making him swear oaths that ‘e wouldn’t tell a soul, took ‘im inside and showed ‘im the letter.

  “It was more like a story-book than a letter. George’s mate, John Biggs by name, wrote to say that an uncle of his who had just died, on ‘is deathbed told him that thirty years ago he ‘ad been in this very village, staying at this ‘ere very Cauliflower, whose beer we’re drinking now. In the night, when everybody was asleep, he got up and went quiet-like and buried a bag of five hundred and seventeen sovereigns and one half-sovereign in one of the cottage gardens till ‘e could come for it agin. He didn’t say ‘ow he come by the money, and, when Bill spoke about that, George English said that, knowing the man, he was afraid ‘e ‘adn’t come by it honest, but anyway his friend John Biggs wanted it, and, wot was more, ‘ad asked ‘im in the letter to get it for ‘im.

  “‘And wot I’m to do about it, Bill,’ he ses, I don’t know. All the directions he gives is, that ‘e thinks it was the tenth cottage on the right-’and side of the road, coming down from the Cauliflower. He thinks it’s the tenth, but ‘e’s not quite sure. Do you think I’d better make it known and offer a reward of ten shillings, say, to any one who finds it?’

  “‘No,’ ses Bill, shaking ‘is ‘ead. ‘I should hold on a bit if I was you, and think it over. I shouldn’t tell another single soul, if I was you.’

  “‘I be’leeve you’re right,’ ses George. ‘John Biggs would never forgive me if I lost that money for ‘im. You’ll remember about keeping it secret, Bill?’

  “Bill swore he wouldn’t tell a soul, and ‘e went off ‘ome and ‘ad his supper, and then ‘e walked up the road to the Cauliflower and back, and then up and back again, thinking over what George ‘ad been telling ‘im, and noticing, what ‘e ‘d never taken the trouble to notice before, that ‘is very house was the tenth one from the Cauliflower.

  “Mrs. Chambers woke up at two o’clock next morning and told Bill to get up further, and then found ‘e wasn’t there. She was rather surprised at first, but she didn’t think much of it, and thought, what happened to be true, that ‘e was busy in the garden, it being a light night. She turned over and went to sleep again, and at five when she woke up she could distinctly ‘ear Bill working ‘is ‘ardest. Then she went to the winder and nearly dropped as she saw Bill in his shirt and trousers digging away like mad. A quarter of the garden was all dug up, and she shoved open the winder and screamed out to know what ‘e was doing.

  “Bill stood up straight and wiped ‘is face with his shirt-sleeve and started digging again, and then his wife just put something on and rushed downstairs as fast as she could go.

  “‘What on earth are you a-doing of, Bill?’ she screams.

  “‘Go indoors,’ ses Bill, still digging.

  “‘Have you gone mad?’ she ses, half-crying.

  “Bill just stopped to throw a lump of mould at her, and then went on digging till Henery Walker, who also thought ‘e ‘ad gone mad, and didn’t want to stop ‘im too soon, put ‘is ‘ead over the ‘edge and asked ‘im the same thing.

  “‘Ask no questions and you’ll ‘ear no lies, and keep your ugly face your own side of the ‘edge,’ ses Bill. ‘Take it indoors and frighten the children with,’ he ses. ‘I don’t want it staring at me.’

  “Henery walked off offended, and Bill went on with his digging. He wouldn’t go to work, and ‘e ‘ad his breakfast in the garden, and his wife spent all the morning in the front answering the neighbours’ questions and begging of ’em to go in and say something to Bill. One of ’em did go, and came back a’most directly and stood there for hours telling diff’rent people wot Bill ‘ad said to ‘er, and asking whether ‘e couldn’t be locked up for it.

  “By tea-time Bill was dead-beat, and that stiff he could ‘ardly raise ‘is bread and butter to his mouth. Several o’ the chaps looked in in the evening, but all they could get out of ‘im was, that it was a new way o’ cultivating ‘is garden ‘e ‘ad just ‘eard of, and that those who lived the longest would see the most. By night-time ‘e’d nearly finished the job, and ‘is garden was just ruined.

  “Afore people ‘ad done talking about Bill, I’m blest if Peter Smith didn’t go and cultivate ‘is garden in exactly the same way. The parson and ‘is wife was away on their ‘oliday, and nobody could say a word. The curate who ‘ad come over to take ‘is place for a time, and who took the names of people for the Flower Show, did point out to ‘im that he was spoiling ‘is chances, but Peter was so rude to ‘im that he didn’t stay long enough to say much.

  “When Joe Gubbins started digging up ‘is garden people began to think they were all bewitched, and I went round to see Henery Walker to tell ‘im wot a fine chance ‘e’d got, and to remind ‘im that I’d put another ninepence on ‘im the night before. All ‘e said was, ‘More fool you,�
� and went on digging a ‘ole in his garden big enough to put a ‘ouse in.

  “In a fortnight’s time there wasn’t a garden worth looking at in the place, and it was quite clear there’d be no Flower Show that year, and of all the silly, bad-tempered men in the place them as ‘ad dug up their pretty gardens was the wust.

  “It was just a few days before the day fixed for the Flower Show, and I was walking up the road when I see Joe and Henery Walker and one or two more leaning over Bob Pretty’s fence and talking to ‘im. I stopped, too, to see what they were looking at, and found they was watching Bob’s two boys a-weeding of ‘is garden. It was a disgraceful, untidy sort of place, as I said before, with a few marigolds and nasturtiums, and sich-like put in anywhere, and Bob was walking up and down smoking of ‘is pipe and watching ‘is wife hoe atween the plants and cut off dead marigold blooms.

  “‘That’s a pretty garden you’ve got there, Bob,’ ses Joe, grinning.

  “I’ve seen wuss,’ ses Bob.

  “‘Going in for the Flower Show, Bob?’ ses Henery, with a wink at us.

  “‘O’ course I am,’ ses Bob ‘olding ‘is’ ead up; ‘my marigolds ought to pull me through,’ he ses.

  “Henery wouldn’t believe it at first, but when he saw Bob show ‘is missus ‘ow to pat the path down with the back o’ the spade and hold the nails for ‘er while she nailed a climbing nasturtium to the fence, he went off and fetched Bill Chambers and one or two others, and they all leaned over the fence breathing their ‘ardest and a-saying of all the nasty things to Bob they could think of.

  “‘It’s the best-kep’ garden in the place,’ ses Bob. ‘I ain’t afraid o’ your new way o’ cultivating flowers, Bill Chambers. Old-fashioned ways suit me best; I learnt ‘ow to grow flowers from my father.’

  “‘You ain’t ‘ad the cheek to give your name in, Bob?’ ses Sam Jones, staring.

  “Bob didn’t answer ‘im. Tick those bits o’ grass out o’ the path, old gal,’ he ses to ‘is wife; ‘they look untidy, and untidiness I can’t abear.’