Works of W. W. Jacobs

by Jacobs, W. W.

  Old Mrs. Martin, a neighbour, saw him first, and announced the fact with a scream that brought a dozen people round her. Bereft of speech, she mouthed dumbly at Mr. Blows.

  “I ain’t touch — touched her,” said that gentleman, earnestly. “I ain’t — been near ‘er.”

  The crowd regarded him wild-eyed. Fresh members came running up, and pushing for a front place fell back hastily on the main body and watched breathlessly. Mr. Blows, disquieted by their silence, renewed his protestations.

  “I was coming ‘long — —”

  He broke off suddenly and, turning round, gazed with some heat at a gentleman who was endeavouring to ascertain whether an umbrella would pass through him. The investigator backed hastily into the crowd again, and a faint murmur of surprise arose as the indignant Mr. Blows rubbed the place.

  “He’s alive, I tell you,” said a voice. “What cheer, Jack!”

  “Ullo, Bill,” said Mr. Blows, genially.

  Bill came forward cautiously, and, first shaking hands, satisfied himself by various little taps and prods that his friend was really alive.

  “It’s all right,” he shouted; “come and feel.”

  At least fifty hands accepted the invitation, and, ignoring the threats and entreaties of Mr. Blows, who was a highly ticklish subject, wandered briskly over his anatomy. He broke free at last and, supported by Bill and a friend, set off for the Peal o’ Bells.

  By the time he arrived there his following had swollen to immense proportions. Windows were thrown up, and people standing on their doorsteps shouted inquiries. Congratulations met him on all sides, and the joy of Mr. Joseph Carter was so great that Mr. Blows was quite affected.

  In high feather at the attention he was receiving, Mr. Blows pushed his way through the idlers at the door and ascended the short flight of stairs which led to the room where the members of the Ancient Order of Camels were holding their lodge. The crowd swarmed up after him.

  The door was locked, but in response to his knocking it opened a couple of inches, and a gruff voice demanded his business. Then, before he could give it, the doorkeeper reeled back into the room, and Mr. Blows with a large following pushed his way in.

  The president and his officers, who were sitting in state behind a long table at the end of the room, started to their feet with mingled cries of indignation and dismay at the intrusion. Mr. Blows, conscious of the strength of his position, walked up to them.

  “Mr. Blows!” gasped the president.

  “Ah, you didn’t expec’ see me,” said Mr. Blows, with a scornful laugh “They’re trying do me, do me out o’ my lill bit o’ money, Bill.”

  “But you ain’t got no money,” said his bewildered friend.

  Mr. Blows turned and eyed him haughtily; then he confronted the staring president again.

  “I’ve come for — my money,” he said, impressively— “one ‘under-eighty pounds.”

  “But look ‘ere,” said the scandalised Bill, tugging at his sleeve; “you ain’t dead, Jack.”

  “You don’t understan’,” said Mr. Blows, impatiently. “They know wharri mean; one ‘undereighty pounds. They want to buy me a tombstone, an’ I don’t want it. I want the money. Here, stop it! Dye hear?” The words were wrung from him by the action of the president, who, after eyeing him doubtfully during his remarks, suddenly prodded him with the butt-end of one of the property spears which leaned against his chair. The solidity of Mr. Blows was unmistakable, and with a sudden resumption of dignity the official seated himself and called for silence.

  “I’m sorry to say there’s been a bit of a mistake made,” he said, slowly, “but I’m glad to say that Mr. Blows has come back to support his wife and family with the sweat of his own brow. Only a pound or two of the money so kindly subscribed has been spent, and the remainder will be handed back to the subscribers.”

  “Here,” said the incensed Mr. Blows, “listen me.”

  “Take him away,” said the president, with great dignity. “Clear the room. Strangers outside.”

  Two of the members approached Mr. Blows and, placing their hands on his shoulders, requested him to withdraw. He went at last, the centre of a dozen panting men, and becoming wedged on the narrow staircase, spoke fluently on such widely differing subjects as the rights of man and the shape of the president’s nose.

  He finished his remarks in the street, but, becoming aware at last of a strange lack of sympathy on the part of his audience, he shook off the arm of the faithful Mr. Carter and stalked moodily home.

  THE THIRD STRING

  Love? said the night-watchman, as he watched in an abstracted fashion the efforts of a skipper to reach a brother skipper on a passing barge with a boathook. Don’t talk to me about love, because I’ve suffered enough through it. There ought to be teetotalers for love the same as wot there is for drink, and they ought to wear a piece o’ ribbon to show it, the same as the teetotalers do; but not an attractive piece o’ ribbon, mind you. I’ve seen as much mischief caused by love as by drink, and the funny thing is, one often leads to the other. Love, arter it is over, often leads to drink, and drink often leads to love and to a man committing himself for life afore it is over.

  Sailormen give way to it most; they see so little o’ wimmen that they naturally ‘ave a high opinion of ’em. Wait till they become night-watchmen and, having to be at ‘ome all day, see the other side of ’em. If people on’y started life as night-watchmen there wouldn’t be one ‘arf the falling in love that there is now.

  I remember one chap, as nice a fellow as you could wish to meet, too. He always carried his sweet-heart’s photograph about with ‘im, and it was the on’y thing that cheered ‘im up during the fourteen years he was cast away on a deserted island. He was picked up at last and taken ‘ome, and there she was still single and waiting for ‘im; and arter spending fourteen years on a deserted island he got another ten in quod for shooting ‘er because she ‘ad altered so much in ‘er looks.

  Then there was Ginger Dick, a red-’aired man I’ve spoken about before. He went and fell in love one time when he was lodging in Wapping ‘ere with old Sam Small and Peter Russet, and a nice mess ‘e made of it.

  They was just back from a v’y’ge, and they ‘adn’t been ashore a week afore both of ’em noticed a change for the worse in Ginger. He turned quiet and peaceful and lost ‘is taste for beer. He used to play with ‘is food instead of eating it, and in place of going out of an evening with Sam and Peter took to going off by ‘imself.

  “It’s love,” ses Peter Russet, shaking his ‘ead, “and he’ll be worse afore he’s better.”

  “Who’s the gal?” ses old Sam.

  Peter didn’t know, but when they came ‘ome that night ‘e asked. Ginger, who was sitting up in bed with a far-off look in ‘is eyes, cuddling ‘is knees, went on staring but didn’t answer.

  “Who is it making a fool of you this time, Ginger?” ses old Sam.

  “You mind your bisness and I’ll mind mine,” ses Ginger, suddenly waking up and looking very fierce.

  “No offence, mate,” ses Sam, winking at Peter. “I on’y asked in case I might be able to do you a good turn.”

  “Well, you can do that by not letting her know you’re a pal o’ mine,” ses Ginger, very nasty.

  Old Sam didn’t understand at fust, and when Peter explained to ‘im he wanted to hit ‘im for trying to twist Ginger’s words about.

  “She don’t like fat old men,” ses Ginger.

  “Ho!” ses old Sam, who couldn’t think of anything else to say. “Ho! don’t she? Ho! Ho! indeed!”

  He undressed ‘imself and got into the bed he shared with Peter, and kept ‘im awake for hours by telling ‘im in a loud voice about all the gals he’d made love to in his life, and partikler about one gal that always fainted dead away whenever she saw either a red-’aired man or a monkey.

  Peter Russet found out all about it next day, and told Sam that it was a barmaid with black ‘air and eyes at the Jolly Pilots, and that s
he wouldn’t ‘ave anything to say to Ginger.

  He spoke to Ginger about it agin when they were going to bed that night, and to ‘is surprise found that he was quite civil. When ‘e said that he would do anything he could for ‘im, Ginger was quite affected.

  “I can’t eat or drink,” he ses, in a miserable voice; “I lay awake all last night thinking of her. She’s so diff’rent to other gals; she’s got — If I start on you, Sam Small, you’ll know it. You go and make that choking noise to them as likes it.”

  “It’s a bit o’ egg-shell I got in my throat at break-fast this morning, Ginger,” ses Sam. “I wonder whether she lays awake all night thinking of you?”

  “I dare say she does,” ses Peter Russet, giving ‘im a little push.

  “Keep your ‘art up, Ginger,” ses Sam; “I’ve known gals to ‘ave the most ext’ordinary likings afore now.”

  “Don’t take no notice of ‘im,” ses Peter, holding Ginger back. “‘Ow are you getting on with her?”

  Ginger groaned and sat down on ‘is bed and looked at the floor, and Sam went and sat on his till it shook so that Ginger offered to step over and break ‘is neck for ‘im.

  “I can’t ‘elp the bed shaking,” ses Sam; “it ain’t my fault. I didn’t make it. If being in love is going to make you so disagreeable to your best friends, Ginger, you’d better go and live by yourself.”

  “I ‘eard something about her to-day, Ginger,” ses Peter Russet. “I met a chap I used to know at Bull’s Wharf, and he told me that she used to keep company with a chap named Bill Lumm, a bit of a prize-fighter, and since she gave ‘im up she won’t look at anybody else.”

  “Was she very fond of ‘im, then?” asks Ginger.

  “I don’t know,” ses Peter; “but this chap told me that she won’t walk out with anybody agin, unless it’s another prize-fighter. Her pride won’t let her, I s’pose.”

  “Well, that’s all right, Ginger,” ses Sam; “all you’ve got to do is to go and be a prize-fighter.”

  “If I ‘ave any more o’ your nonsense—” ses Ginger, starting up.

  “That’s right,” ses Sam; “jump down anybody’s throat when they’re trying to do you a kindness. That’s you all over, Ginger, that is. Wot’s to prevent you telling ‘er that you’re a prize-fighter from Australia or somewhere? She won’t know no better.”

  He got up off the bed and put his ‘ands up as Ginger walked across the room to ‘im, but Ginger on’y wanted to shake ‘ands, and arter he ‘ad done that ‘e patted ‘im on the back and smiled at ‘im.

  “I’ll try it,” he ses. “I’d tell any lies for ‘er sake. Ah! you don’t know wot love is, Sam.”

  “I used to,” ses Sam, and then he sat down agin and began to tell ’em all the love-affairs he could remember, until at last Peter Russet got tired and said it was ‘ard to believe, looking at ‘im now, wot a perfick terror he’d been with gals, and said that the face he’d got now was a judgment on ‘im. Sam shut up arter that, and got into trouble with Peter in the middle o’ the night by waking ‘im up to tell ‘im something that he ‘ad just thought of about his face.

  The more Ginger thought o’ Sam’s idea the more he liked it, and the very next evening ‘e took Peter Russet into the private bar o’ the Jolly Pilots. He ordered port wine, which he thought seemed more ‘igh-class than beer, and then Peter Russet started talking to Miss Tucker and told her that Ginger was a prize-fighter from Sydney, where he’d beat everybody that stood up to ‘im.

  The gal seemed to change toward Ginger all in a flash, and ‘er beautiful black eyes looked at ‘im so admiring that he felt quite faint. She started talking to ‘im about his fights at once, and when at last ‘e plucked up courage to ask ‘er to go for a walk with ‘im on Sunday arternoon she seemed quite delighted.

  “It’ll be a nice change for me,” she ses, smiling. “I used to walk out with a prize-fighter once before, and since I gave ‘im up I began to think I was never going to ‘ave a young man agin. You can’t think ‘ow dull it’s been.”

  “Must ha’ been,” ses Ginger.

  “I s’pose you’ve got a taste for prize-fighters, miss,” ses Peter Russet.

  “No,” ses Miss Tucker; “I don’t think that it’s that exactly, but, you see, I couldn’t ‘ave anybody else. Not for their own sakes.”

  “Why not?” ses Ginger, looking puzzled.

  “Why not?” ses Miss Tucker. “Why, because o’ Bill. He’s such a ‘orrid jealous disposition. After I gave ‘im up I walked out with a young fellow named Smith; fine, big, strapping chap ‘e was, too, and I never saw such a change in any man as there was in ‘im after Bill ‘ad done with ‘im. I couldn’t believe it was ‘im. I told Bill he ought to be ashamed of ‘imself.”

  “Wot did ‘e say?” asks Ginger.

  “Don’t ask me wot ‘e said,” ses Miss Tucker, tossing her ‘ead. “Not liking to be beat, I ‘ad one more try with a young fellow named Charlie Webb.”

  “Wot ‘appened to ‘im?” ses Peter Russet, arter waiting a bit for ‘er to finish.

  “I can’t bear to talk of it,” ses Miss Tucker, holding up Ginger’s glass and giving the counter a wipe down. “He met Bill, and I saw ‘im six weeks afterward just as ‘e was being sent away from the ‘ospital to a seaside home. Bill disappeared after that.”

  “Has he gone far away?” ses Ginger, trying to speak in a off-’and way.

  “Oh, he’s back now,” ses Miss Tucker. “You’ll see ‘im fast enough, and, wotever you do, don’t let ‘im know you’re a prize-fighter.”

  “Why not?” ses pore Ginger.

  “Because o’ the surprise it’ll be to ‘im,” ses Miss Tucker. “Let ‘im rush on to ‘is doom. He’ll get a lesson ‘e don’t expect, the bully. Don’t be afraid of ‘urting ‘im. Think o’ pore Smith and Charlie Webb.”

  “I am thinkin’ of ’em,” ses Ginger, slow-like. “Is — is Bill — very quick — with his ‘ands?”

  “Rather,” ses Miss Tucker; “but o’ course he ain’t up to your mark; he’s on’y known in these parts.”

  She went off to serve a customer, and Ginger Dick tried to catch Peter’s eye, but couldn’t, and when Miss Tucker came back he said ‘e must be going.

  “Sunday afternoon at a quarter past three sharp, outside ‘ere,” she ses. “Never mind about putting on your best clothes, because Bill is sure to be hanging about. I’ll take care o’ that.”

  She reached over the bar and shook ‘ands with ‘im, and Ginger felt a thrill go up ‘is arm which lasted ‘im all the way ‘ome.

  He didn’t know whether to turn up on Sunday or not, and if it ‘adn’t ha’ been for Sam and Peter Russet he’d ha’ most likely stayed at home. Not that ‘e was a coward, being always ready for a scrap and gin’rally speaking doing well at it, but he made a few inquiries about Bill Lumm and ‘e saw that ‘e had about as much chance with ‘im as a kitten would ‘ave with a bulldog.

  Sam and Peter was delighted, and they talked about it as if it was a pantermime, and old Sam said that when he was a young man he’d ha’ fought six Bill Lumms afore he’d ha’ given a gal up. He brushed Ginger’s clothes for ‘im with ‘is own hands on Sunday afternoon, and, when Ginger started, ‘im and Peter follered some distance behind to see fair play.

  The on’y person outside the Jolly Pilots when Ginger got there was a man; a strong-built chap with a thick neck, very large ‘ands, and a nose which ‘ad seen its best days some time afore. He looked ‘ard at Ginger as ‘e came up, and then stuck his ‘ands in ‘is trouser pockets and spat on the pavement. Ginger walked a little way past and then back agin, and just as he was thinking that ‘e might venture to go off, as Miss Tucker ‘adn’t come, the door opened and out she came.

  “I couldn’t find my ‘at-pins,” she ses, taking Ginger’s arm and smiling up into ‘is face.

  Before Ginger could say anything the man he ‘ad noticed took his ‘ands out of ‘is pockets and stepped up to ‘im.

  “Let go o’ that young lady’
s arm,” he ses. “Sha’n’t,” ses Ginger, holding it so tight that Miss Tucker nearly screamed.

  “Let go ‘er arm and put your ‘ands up,” ses the chap agin.

  “Not ‘ere,” ses Ginger, who ‘ad laid awake the night afore thinking wot to do if he met Bill Lumm. “If you wish to ‘ave a spar with me, my lad, you must ‘ave it where we can’t be interrupted. When I start on a man I like to make a good job of it.”

  “Good job of it!” ses the other, starting. “Do you know who I am?”

  “No, I don’t,” ses Ginger, “and, wot’s more, I don’t care.”

  “My name,” ses the chap, speaking in a slow, careful voice, “is Bill Lumm.”

  “Wot a ‘orrid name!” ses Ginger.

  “Otherwise known as the Wapping Basher,” ses Bill, shoving ‘is face into Ginger’s and glaring at ‘im.

  “Ho!” ses Ginger, sniffing, “a amatoor.”

  “Amatoor?” ses Bill, shouting.

  “That’s wot we should call you over in Australia,” ses Ginger; “my name is Dick Duster, likewise known as the Sydney Puncher. I’ve killed three men in the ring and ‘ave never ‘ad a defeat.”

  “Well, put ’em up,” ses Bill, doubling up ‘is fists and shaping at ‘im.

  “Not in the street, I tell you,” ses Ginger, still clinging tight to Miss Tucker’s arm. “I was fined five pounds the other day for punching a man in the street, and the magistrate said it would be ‘ard labour for me next time. You find a nice, quiet spot for some arternoon, and I’ll knock your ‘ead off with pleasure.”

  “I’d sooner ‘ave it knocked off now,” ses Bill; “I don’t like waiting for things.”

  “Thursday arternoon,” ses Ginger, very firm; “there’s one or two gentlemen want to see a bit o’ my work afore backing me, and we can combine bisness with pleasure.”

  He walked off with Miss Tucker, leaving Bill Lumm standing on the pavement scratching his ‘ead and staring arter ‘im as though ‘e didn’t quite know wot to make of it. Bill stood there for pretty near five minutes, and then arter asking Sam and Peter, who ‘ad been standing by listening, whether they wanted anything for themselves, walked off to ask ‘is pals wot they knew about the Sydney Puncher.