Works of W. W. Jacobs

by Jacobs, W. W.

  “Mark my words,” ses Henery Walker; “if that cat don’t ‘ave exercise, you’ll lose it.

  “I shall lose it if it does ‘ave exercise,” ses George Barstow, “that I know.”

  He sat down thinking arter Henery Walker ‘ad gone, and then he ‘ad a little collar and chain made for it, and took it out for a walk. Pretty nearly every dog in Claybury went with ’em, and the cat was in such a state o’ mind afore they got ‘ome he couldn’t do anything with it. It ‘ad a fit as soon as they got indoors, and George Barstow, who ‘ad read about children’s fits in the almanac, gave it a warm bath. It brought it round immediate, and then it began to tear round the room and up and downstairs till George Barstow was afraid to go near it.

  It was so bad that evening, sneezing, that George Barstow sent for Bill Chambers, who’d got a good name for doctoring animals, and asked ‘im to give it something. Bill said he’d got some powders at ‘ome that would cure it at once, and he went and fetched ’em and mixed one up with a bit o’ butter.

  “That’s the way to give a cat medicine,” he ses; “smear it with the butter and then it’ll lick it off, powder and all.”

  He was just going to rub it on the cat when George Barstow caught ‘old of ‘is arm and stopped ‘im.

  “How do I know it ain’t pison?” he ses. “You’re a friend o’ Joe Clark’s, and for all I know he may ha’ paid you to pison it.”

  “I wouldn’t do such a thing,” ses Bill. “You ought to know me better than that.”

  “All right,” ses George Barstow; “you eat it then, and I’ll give you two shillings in stead o’ one. You can easy mix some more.”

  “Not me,” ses Bill Chambers, making a face.

  “Well, three shillings, then,” ses George Barstow, getting more and more suspicious like; “four shillings — five shillings.”

  Bill Chambers shook his ‘ead, and George Barstow, more and more certain that he ‘ad caught ‘im trying to kill ‘is cat and that ‘e wouldn’t eat the stuff, rose ‘im up to ten shillings.

  Bill looked at the butter and then ‘e looked at the ten shillings on the table, and at last he shut ‘is eyes and gulped it down and put the money in ‘is pocket.

  “You see, I ‘ave to be careful, Bill,” ses George Barstow, rather upset.

  Bill Chambers didn’t answer ‘im. He sat there as white as a sheet, and making such extraordinary faces that George was arf afraid of ‘im.

  “Anything wrong, Bill?” he ses at last.

  Bill sat staring at ‘im, and then all of a sudden he clapped ‘is ‘andkerchief to ‘is mouth and, getting up from his chair, opened the door and rushed out. George Barstow thought at fust that he ‘ad eaten pison for the sake o’ the ten shillings, but when ‘e remembered that Bill Chambers ‘ad got the most delikit stummick in Claybury he altered ‘is mind.

  The cat was better next morning, but George Barstow had ‘ad such a fright about it ‘e wouldn’t let it go out of ‘is sight, and Joe Clark began to think that ‘e would ‘ave to wait longer for that property than ‘e had thought, arter all. To ‘ear ‘im talk anybody’d ha’ thought that ‘e loved that cat. We didn’t pay much attention to it up at the Cauliflower ‘ere, except maybe to wink at ‘im — a thing he couldn’t a bear — but at ‘ome, o’ course, his young ‘uns thought as everything he said was Gospel; and one day, coming ‘ome from work, as he was passing George Barstow’s he was paid out for his deceitfulness.

  “I’ve wronged you, Joe Clark,” ses George Barstow, coming to the door, “and I’m sorry for it.”

  “Oh!” ses Joe, staring.

  “Give that to your little Jimmy,” ses George Barstow, giving ‘im a shilling. “I’ve give ‘im one, but I thought arterwards it wasn’t enough.”

  “What for?” ses Joe, staring at ‘im agin.

  “For bringing my cat ‘ome,” ses George Barstow. “‘Ow it got out I can’t think, but I lost it for three hours, and I’d about given it up when your little Jimmy brought it to me in ‘is arms. He’s a fine little chap and ‘e does you credit.”

  Joe Clark tried to speak, but he couldn’t get a word out, and Henery Walker, wot ‘ad just come up and ‘eard wot passed, took hold of ‘is arm and helped ‘im home. He walked like a man in a dream, but arf-way he stopped and cut a stick from the hedge to take ‘ome to little Jimmy. He said the boy ‘ad been asking him for a stick for some time, but up till then ‘e’d always forgotten it.

  At the end o’ the fust year that cat was still alive, to everybody’s surprise; but George Barstow took such care of it ‘e never let it out of ‘is sight. Every time ‘e went out he took it with ‘im in a hamper, and, to prevent its being pisoned, he paid Isaac Sawyer, who ‘ad the biggest family in Claybury, sixpence a week to let one of ‘is boys taste its milk before it had it.

  The second year it was ill twice, but the horse-doctor that George Barstow got for it said that it was as ‘ard as nails, and with care it might live to be twenty. He said that it wanted more fresh air and exercise; but when he ‘eard ‘ow George Barstow come by it he said that p’r’aps it would live longer indoors arter all.

  At last one day, when George Barstow ‘ad been living on the fat o’ the land for nearly three years, that cat got out agin. George ‘ad raised the front-room winder two or three inches to throw something outside, and, afore he knew wot was ‘appening, the cat was out-side and going up the road about twenty miles an hour.

  George Barstow went arter it, but he might as well ha’ tried to catch the wind. The cat was arf wild with joy at getting out agin, and he couldn’t get within arf a mile of it.

  He stayed out all day without food or drink, follering it about until it came on dark, and then, o’ course, he lost sight of it, and, hoping against ‘ope that it would come home for its food, he went ‘ome and waited for it. He sat up all night dozing in a chair in the front room with the door left open, but it was all no use; and arter thinking for a long time wot was best to do, he went out and told some o’ the folks it was lost and offered a reward of five pounds for it.

  You never saw such a hunt then in all your life. Nearly every man, woman, and child in Claybury left their work or school and went to try and earn that five pounds. By the arternoon George Barstow made it ten pounds provided the cat was brought ‘ome safe and sound, and people as was too old to walk stood at their cottage doors to snap it up as it came by.

  Joe Clark was hunting for it ‘igh and low, and so was ‘is wife and the boys. In fact, I b’lieve that everybody in Claybury excepting the parson and Bob Pretty was trying to get that ten pounds.

  O’ course, we could understand the parson— ‘is pride wouldn’t let ‘im; but a low, poaching, thieving rascal like Bob Pretty turning up ‘is nose at ten pounds was more than we could make out. Even on the second day, when George Barstow made it ten pounds down and a shilling a week for a year besides, he didn’t offer to stir; all he did was to try and make fun o’ them as was looking for it.

  “Have you looked everywhere you can think of for it, Bill?” he ses to Bill Chambers. “Yes, I ‘ave,” ses Bill.

  “Well, then, you want to look everywhere else,” ses Bob Pretty. “I know where I should look if I wanted to find it.”

  “Why don’t you find it, then?” ses Bill.

  “‘Cos I don’t want to make mischief,” ses Bob Pretty. “I don’t want to be unneighbourly to Joe Clark by interfering at all.”

  “Not for all that money?” ses Bill.

  “Not for fifty pounds,” ses Bob Pretty; “you ought to know me better than that, Bill Chambers.”

  “It’s my belief that you know more about where that cat is than you ought to,” ses Joe Gubbins.

  “You go on looking for it, Joe,” ses Bob Pretty, grinning; “it’s good exercise for you, and you’ve only lost two days’ work.”

  “I’ll give you arf a crown if you let me search your ‘ouse, Bob,” ses Bill Chambers, looking at ‘im very ‘ard.

  “I couldn’t do it at the price, Bill,�
� ses Bob Pretty, shaking his ‘ead. “I’m a pore man, but I’m very partikler who I ‘ave come into my ‘ouse.”

  O’ course, everybody left off looking at once when they heard about Bob — not that they believed that he’d be such a fool as to keep the cat in his ‘ouse; and that evening, as soon as it was dark, Joe Clark went round to see ‘im.

  “Don’t tell me as that cat’s found, Joe,” ses Bob Pretty, as Joe opened the door.

  “Not as I’ve ‘eard of,” said Joe, stepping inside. “I wanted to speak to you about it; the sooner it’s found the better I shall be pleased.”

  “It does you credit, Joe Clark,” ses Bob Pretty.

  “It’s my belief that it’s dead,” ses Joe, looking at ‘im very ‘ard; “but I want to make sure afore taking over the property.”

  Bob Pretty looked at ‘im and then he gave a little cough. “Oh, you want it to be found dead,” he ses. “Now, I wonder whether that cat’s worth most dead or alive?”

  Joe Clark coughed then. “Dead, I should think,” he ses at last. “George Barstow’s just ‘ad bills printed offering fifteen pounds for it,” ses Bob Pretty.

  “I’ll give that or more when I come into the property,” ses Joe Clark.

  “There’s nothing like ready-money, though, is there?” ses Bob.

  “I’ll promise it to you in writing, Bob,” ses Joe, trembling.

  “There’s some things that don’t look well in writing, Joe,” says Bob Pretty, considering; “besides, why should you promise it to me?”

  “O’ course, I meant if you found it,” ses Joe.

  “Well, I’ll do my best, Joe,” ses Bob Pretty; “and none of us can do no more than that, can they?”

  They sat talking and argufying over it for over an hour, and twice Bob Pretty got up and said ‘e was going to see whether George Barstow wouldn’t offer more. By the time they parted they was as thick as thieves, and next morning Bob Pretty was wearing Joe Clark’s watch and chain, and Mrs. Pretty was up at Joe’s ‘ouse to see whether there was any of ‘is furniture as she ‘ad a fancy for.

  She didn’t seem to be able to make up ‘er mind at fust between a chest o’ drawers that ‘ad belonged to Joe’s mother and a grand-father clock. She walked from one to the other for about ten minutes, and then Bob, who ‘ad come in to ‘elp her, told ‘er to ‘ave both.

  “You’re quite welcome,” he ses; “ain’t she, Joe?”

  Joe Clark said “Yes,” and arter he ‘ad helped them carry ’em ‘ome the Prettys went back and took the best bedstead to pieces, cos Bob said as it was easier to carry that way. Mrs. Clark ‘ad to go and sit down at the bottom o’ the garden with the neck of ‘er dress undone to give herself air, but when she saw the little Prettys each walking ‘ome with one of ‘er best chairs on their ‘eads she got and walked up and down like a mad thing.

  “I’m sure I don’t know where we are to put it all,” ses Bob Pretty to Joe Gubbins, wot was looking on with other folks, “but Joe Clark is that generous he won’t ‘ear of our leaving anything.”

  “Has ‘e gorn mad?” ses Bill Chambers, staring at ‘im.

  “Not as I knows on,” ses Bob Pretty. “It’s ‘is good-’artedness, that’s all. He feels sure that that cat’s dead, and that he’ll ‘ave George Barstow’s cottage and furniture. I told ‘im he’d better wait till he’d made sure, but ‘e wouldn’t.”

  Before they’d finished the Prettys ‘ad picked that ‘ouse as clean as a bone, and Joe Clark ‘ad to go and get clean straw for his wife and children to sleep on; not that Mrs. Clark ‘ad any sleep that night, nor Joe neither.

  Henery Walker was the fust to see what it really meant, and he went rushing off as fast as ‘e could run to tell George Barstow. George couldn’t believe ‘im at fust, but when ‘e did he swore that if a ‘air of that cat’s head was harmed ‘e’d ‘ave the law o’ Bob Pretty, and arter Henery Walker ‘ad gone ‘e walked round to tell ‘im so.

  “You’re not yourself, George Barstow, else you wouldn’t try and take away my character like that,” ses Bob Pretty.

  “Wot did Joe Clark give you all them things for?” ses George, pointing to the furniture.

  “Took a fancy to me, I s’pose,” ses Bob. “People do sometimes. There’s something about me at times that makes ’em like me.”

  “He gave ’em to you to kill my cat,” ses George Barstow. “It’s plain enough for any-body to see.”

  Bob Pretty smiled. “I expect it’ll turn up safe and sound one o’ these days,” he ses, “and then you’ll come round and beg my pardon. P’r’aps—”

  “P’r’aps wot?” ses George Barstow, arter waiting a bit.

  “P’r’aps somebody ‘as got it and is keeping it till you’ve drawed the fifteen pounds out o’ the bank,” ses Bob, looking at ‘im very hard.

  “I’ve taken it out o’ the bank,” ses George, starting; “if that cat’s alive, Bob, and you’ve got it, there’s the fifteen pounds the moment you ‘and it over.”

  “Wot d’ye mean — me got it?” ses Bob Pretty. “You be careful o’ my character.”

  “I mean if you know where it is,” ses George Barstow trembling all over.

  “I don’t say I couldn’t find it, if that’s wot you mean,” ses Bob. “I can gin’rally find things when I want to.”

  “You find me that cat, alive and well, and the money’s yours, Bob,” ses George, ‘ardly able to speak, now that ‘e fancied the cat was still alive.

  Bob Pretty shook his ‘ead. “No; that won’t do,” he ses. “S’pose I did ‘ave the luck to find that pore animal, you’d say I’d had it all the time and refuse to pay.”

  “I swear I wouldn’t, Bob,” ses George Barstow, jumping up.

  “Best thing you can do if you want me to try and find that cat,” says Bob Pretty, “is to give me the fifteen pounds now, and I’ll go and look for it at once. I can’t trust you, George Barstow.”

  “And I can’t trust you,” ses George Barstow.

  “Very good,” ses Bob, getting up; “there’s no ‘arm done. P’r’aps Joe Clark ‘ll find the cat is dead and p’r’aps you’ll find it’s alive. It’s all one to me.”

  George Barstow walked off ‘ome, but he was in such a state o’ mind ‘e didn’t know wot to do. Bob Pretty turning up ‘is nose at fifteen pounds like that made ‘im think that Joe Clark ‘ad promised to pay ‘im more if the cat was dead; and at last, arter worrying about it for a couple o’ hours, ‘e came up to this ‘ere Cauliflower and offered Bob the fifteen pounds.

  “Wot’s this for?” ses Bob.

  “For finding my cat,” ses George.

  “Look here,” ses Bob, handing it back, “I’ve ‘ad enough o’ your insults; I don’t know where your cat is.”

  “I mean for trying to find it, Bob,” ses George Barstow.

  “Oh, well, I don’t mind that,” ses Bob, taking it. “I’m a ‘ard-working man, and I’ve got to be paid for my time; it’s on’y fair to my wife and children. I’ll start now.”

  He finished up ‘is beer, and while the other chaps was telling George Barstow wot a fool he was Joe Clark slipped out arter Bob Pretty and began to call ‘im all the names he could think of.

  “Don’t you worry,” ses Bob; “the cat ain’t found yet.”

  “Is it dead?” ses Joe Clark, ‘ardly able to speak.

  “‘Ow should I know?” ses Bob; “that’s wot I’ve got to try and find out. That’s wot you gave me your furniture for, and wot George Barstow gave me the fifteen pounds for, ain’t it? Now, don’t you stop me now, ‘cos I’m goin’ to begin looking.”

  He started looking there and then, and for the next two or three days George Barstow and Joe Clark see ‘im walking up and down with his ‘ands in ‘is pockets looking over garden fences and calling “Puss.” He asked everybody ‘e see whether they ‘ad seen a white cat with one blue eye and one yaller one, and every time ‘e came into the Cauliflower he put his ‘ead over the bar and called “Puss,” ‘cos, as ‘e said, it was as likely
to be there as anywhere else.

  It was about a week after the cat ‘ad disappeared that George Barstow was standing at ‘is door talking to Joe Clark, who was saying the cat must be dead and ‘e wanted ‘is property, when he sees a man coming up the road carrying a basket stop and speak to Bill Chambers. Just as ‘e got near them an awful “miaow” come from the basket and George Barstow and Joe Clark started as if they’d been shot.

  “He’s found it?” shouts Bill Chambers, pointing to the man.

  “It’s been living with me over at Ling for a week pretty nearly,” ses the man. “I tried to drive it away several times, not knowing that there was fifteen pounds offered for it.”

  George Barstow tried to take ‘old of the basket.

  “I want that fifteen pounds fust,” ses the man.

  “That’s on’y right and fair, George,” ses Bob Pretty, who ‘ad just come up. “You’ve got all the luck, mate. We’ve been hunting ‘igh and low for that cat for a week.”

  Then George Barstow tried to explain to the man and call Bob Pretty names at the same time; but it was all no good. The man said it ‘ad nothing to do with ‘im wot he ‘ad paid to Bob Pretty; and at last they fetched Policeman White over from Cudford, and George Barstow signed a paper to pay five shillings a week till the reward was paid.

  George Barstow ‘ad the cat for five years arter that, but he never let it get away agin. They got to like each other in time and died within a fortnight of each other, so that Joe Clark got ‘is property arter all.

  SHORT CRUISES

  CONTENTS

  THE CHANGELING

  MIXED RELATIONS

  HIS LORDSHIP

  ALF’S DREAM

  A DISTANT RELATIVE

  THE TEST

  IN THE FAMILY

  A LOVE-KNOT

  THE DREAMER

  ANGELS’ VISITS

  THE CHANGELING

  MR. GEORGE HENSHAW let himself in at the front door, and stood for some time wiping his boots on the mat The little house was ominously still, and a faint feeling, only partially due to the lapse of time since breakfast, manifested itself behind his waistcoat. He coughed — a matter-of-fact cough — and, with an attempt to hum a tune, hung his hat on the peg and entered the kitchen.