Works of W. W. Jacobs

by Jacobs, W. W.

  “You want a wash and some breakfast,” she said, softly, “especially a wash. There’s water and a towel, and while you’re making yourself tidy I’ll be getting breakfast.”

  The skipper hobbled to the wash-stand, and, dipping his head in a basin of cool water, began to feel himself again. By the time he had done his hair in the sergeant’s glass and twisted his moustache into shape he felt better still, and he went downstairs almost blithely.

  “I’m very sorry it was your father,” he said, as he took a seat at the table. “Very.”

  “That’s why you laughed, I suppose?” said the girl, tossing her head.

  “Well, I’ve had the worst of it,” said the other. “I’d sooner be upset a hundred times than spend a night in that cupboard. However, all’s well that ends well.”

  “Ah!” said Miss Pilbeam, dolefully, “but is it the end?”

  Captain Bligh put down his knife and fork and eyed her uneasily.

  “What do you mean?” he said.

  “Never mind; don’t spoil your breakfast,” said the girl. “I’ll tell you afterwards. It’s horrid to think, after all my trouble, of your doing two months as well as a night in the cupboard.”

  “Beastly,” said the unfortunate, eying her in great concern. “But what’s the matter?”

  “One can’t think of everything,” said Miss Pilbeam, “but, of course, we ought to have thought of the mate getting uneasy when you didn’t turn up last night, and going to the police-station with a description of you.”

  The skipper started and smote the table with his fist.

  “Father’s gone down to watch the ship now,” said Miss Pilbeam. “Of course, it’s the exact description of the man that assaulted him. Providential he called it.”

  “That’s the worst of having a fool for a mate,” said the skipper, bitterly. “What business was it of his, I should like to know? What’s it got to do with him whether I turn up or not? What does he want to interfere for?”

  “It’s no good blaming him,” said Miss Pilbeam, thinking deeply, with her chin on her finger. “The thing is, what is to be done? Once father gets his hand on you — —”

  She shuddered; so did the skipper.

  “I might get off with a fine; I didn’t hurt him,” he remarked.

  Miss Pilbeam shook her head. “They’re very strict in Woodhatch,” she said.

  “I was a fool to touch him at all,” said the repentant skipper. “High spirits, that’s what it was. High spirits, and being spoken to as if I was a child.”

  “The thing is, how are you to escape?” said the girl. “It’s no good going out of doors with the police and half the people in Woodhatch all on the look-out for you.”

  “If I could only get aboard I should be all right,” muttered the skipper. “I could keep down the fo’-c’s’le while the mate took the ship out.”

  Miss Pilbeam sat in deep thought. “It’s the getting aboard that’s the trouble,” she said, slowly. “You’d have to disguise yourself. It would have to be a good disguise, too, to pass my father, I can tell you.”

  Captain Bligh gave a gloomy assent.

  “The only thing for you to do, so far as I can see,” said the girl, slowly, “is to make yourself up like a coalie. There are one or two colliers in the harbor, and if you took off your coat — I could send it on afterwards — rubbed yourself all over with coal-dust, and shaved off your moustache, I believe you would escape.”

  “Shave!” ejaculated the skipper, in choking accents. “Rub — ! Coal-dust!”

  “It’s your only chance,” said Miss Pilbeam.

  Captain Bligh leaned back frowning, and from sheer force of habit passed the ends of his moustache slowly through his fingers. “I think the coal-dust would be enough,” he said at last.

  The girl shook her head. “Father particularly noticed your moustache,” she said.

  “Everybody does,” said the skipper, with mournful pride. “I won’t part with it.”

  “Not for my sake?” inquired Miss Pilbeam, eying him mournfully. “Not after all I’ve done for you?”

  “No,” said the other, stoutly.

  Miss Pilbeam put her handkerchief to her eyes and, with a suspicious little sniff, hurried from the room. Captain Bligh, much affected, waited for a few seconds and then went in pursuit of her. Fifteen minutes later, shorn of his moustache, he stood in the coal-hole, sulkily smearing himself with coal.

  “That’s better,” said the girl; “you look horrible.”

  She took up a handful of coal-dust and, ordering him to stoop, shampooed him with hearty good-will.

  “No good half doing it,” she declared. “Now go and look at yourself in the glass in the kitchen.”

  The skipper went, and came back in a state of wild-eyed misery. Even Miss Pilbeam’s statement that his own mother would not know him failed to lift the cloud from his brow. He stood disconsolate as the girl opened the front door.

  “Good-by,” she said, gently. “Write and tell me when you are safe.”

  Captain Bligh promised, and walked slowly up the road. So far from people attempting to arrest him, they vied with each other in giving him elbow-room. He reached the harbor unmolested, and, lurking at a convenient corner, made a careful survey. A couple of craft were working out their coal, a small steamer was just casting loose, and a fishing-boat gliding slowly over the still water to its berth. His own schooner, which lay near the colliers, had apparently knocked off work pending his arrival. For Sergeant Pilbeam he looked in vain.

  He waited a minute or two, and then, with a furtive glance right and left, strolled in a careless fashion until he was abreast of one of the colliers. Nobody took any notice of him, and, with his hands in his pockets, he gazed meditatively into the water and edged along towards his own craft. His foot trembled as he placed it on the plank that formed the gangway, but, resisting the temptation to look behind, he gained the deck and walked forward.

  “Halloa! What do you want?” inquired a sea-man, coming out of the galley.

  “All right, Bill,” said the skipper, in a low voice. “Don’t take any notice of me.”

  “Eh?” said the seaman, starting. “Good lor’! What ha’ you — —”

  “Shut up!” said the skipper, fiercely; and, walking to the forecastle, placed his hand on the scuttle and descended with studied slowness. As he reached the floor the perturbed face of Bill blocked the opening.

  “Had an accident, cap’n?” he inquired, respectfully.

  “No,” snapped the skipper. “Come down here — quick! Don’t stand up there attracting attention. Do you want the whole town round you? Come down!”

  “I’m all right where I am,” said Bill, backing hastily as the skipper, putting a foot on the ladder, thrust a black and furious face close to his.

  “Clear out, then,” hissed the skipper. “Go and send the mate to me. Don’t hurry. And if anybody noticed me come aboard and should ask you who I am, say I’m a pal of yours.”

  The seaman, marvelling greatly, withdrew, and the skipper, throwing himself on a locker, wiped a bit of grit out of his eye and sat down to wait for the mate. He was so long in coming that he waxed impatient, and ascending a step of the ladder again peeped on to the deck. The first object that met his gaze was the figure of the mate leaning against the side of the ship with a wary eye on the scuttle.

  “Come here,” said the skipper.

  “Anything wrong?” inquired the mate, retreating a couple of paces in disorder.

  “Come — here!” repeated the skipper.

  The mate advanced slowly, and in response to an imperative command from the skipper slowly descended and stood regarding him nervously.

  “Yes; you may look,” said the skipper, with sudden ferocity. “This is all your doing. Where are you going?”

  He caught the mate by the coat as he was making for the ladder, and hauled him back again.

  “You’ll go when I’ve finished with you,” he said, grimly. “Now, what do you mean b
y it? Eh? What do you mean by it?”

  “That’s all right,” said the mate, in a soothing voice. “Don’t get excited.”

  “Look at me!” said the skipper. “All through your interfering. How dare you go making inquiries about me?”

  “Me?” said the mate, backing as far as possible. “Inquiries?”

  “What’s it got to do with you if I stay out all night?” pursued the skipper.

  “Nothing,” said the other, feebly.

  “What did you go to the police about me for, then?” demanded the skipper.

  “Me?” said the mate, in the shrill accents of astonishment. “Me? I didn’t go to no police about you. Why should I?”

  “Do you mean to say you didn’t report my absence last night to the police?” said the skipper, sternly.

  “Cert’nly not,” said the mate, plucking up courage. “Why should I? If you like to take a night off it’s nothing to do with me. I ‘ope I know my duty better. I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

  “And the police haven’t been watching the ship and inquiring for me?” asked the skipper.

  The mate shook his bewildered head. “Why should they?” he inquired.

  The skipper made no reply. He sat goggle-eyed, staring straight before him, trying in vain to realize the hardness of the heart that had been responsible for such a scurvy trick.

  “Besides, it ain’t the fust time you’ve been out all night,” remarked the mate, aggressively.

  The skipper favored him with a glance the dignity of which was somewhat impaired by his complexion, and in a slow and stately fashion ascended to the deck. Then he caught his breath sharply and paled beneath the coaldust as he saw Sergeant Pilbeam standing on the quay, opposite the ship. By his side stood Miss Pilbeam, and both, with a far-away look in their eyes, were smiling vaguely but contentedly at the horizon. The sergeant appeared to be the first to see the skipper.

  “Ahoy, Darkie!” he cried.

  Captain Bligh, who was creeping slowly aft, halted, and, clenching his fists, regarded him ferociously.

  “Give this to the skipper, will you, my lad?” said the sergeant, holding up the jacket Bligh had left behind. “Good-looking young man with a very fine moustache he is.”

  “Was,” said his daughter, in a mournful voice.

  “And a rather dark complexion,” continued the sergeant, grinning madly. “I was going to take him — for stealing my coal — but I thought better of it. Thought of a better way. At least, my daughter did. So long; Darkie.”

  He kissed the top of a fat middle finger, and, turning away, walked off with Miss Pilbeam. The skipper stood watching them with his head swimming until, arrived at the corner, they stopped and the sergeant came slowly back.

  “I was nearly forgetting,” he said, slowly. “Tell your skipper that if so be as he wants to apologize — for stealing my coal — I shall be at home at tea at five o’clock.”

  He jerked his thumb in the direction of Miss Pilbeam and winked with slow deliberation. “She’ll be there, too,” he added. “Savvy?”

  MATRIMONIAL OPENINGS

  Mr. Dowson sat by the kitchen fire smoking and turning a docile and well-trained ear to the heated words which fell from his wife’s lips.

  “She’ll go and do the same as her sister Jenny done,” said Mrs. Dowson, with a side glance at her daughter Flora; “marry a man and then ‘ave to work and slave herself to skin and bone to keep him.”

  “I see Jenny yesterday,” said her husband, nodding. “Getting quite fat, she is.”

  “That’s right,” said Mrs. Dowson, violently, “that’s right! The moment I say something you go and try and upset it.”

  “Un’ealthy fat, p’r’aps,” said Mr. Dowson, hurriedly; “don’t get enough exercise, I s’pose.”

  “Anybody who didn’t know you, Joe Dowson,” said his wife, fiercely, “would think you was doing it a purpose.”

  “Doing wot?” inquired Mr. Dowson, removing his pipe and regarding her open-mouthed. “I only said — —”

  “I know what you said,” retorted his wife. “Here I do my best from morning to night to make everybody ‘appy and comfortable; and what happens?”

  “Nothing,” said the sympathetic Mr. Dowson, shaking his head. “Nothing.”

  “Anyway, Jenny ain’t married a fool,” said Mrs. Dowson, hotly; “she’s got that consolation.”

  “That’s right, mother,” said the innocent Mr. Dowson, “look on the bright side o’ things a bit. If Jenny ‘ad married a better chap I don’t suppose we should see half as much of her as wot we do.”

  “I’m talking of Flora,” said his wife, restraining herself by an effort. “One unfortunate marriage in the family is enough; and here, instead o’ walking out with young Ben Lippet, who’ll be ‘is own master when his father dies, she’s gadding about with that good-for-nothing Charlie Foss.”

  Mr. Dowson shook his head. “He’s so good-looking, is Charlie,” he said, slowly; “that’s the worst of it. Wot with ‘is dark eyes and his curly ‘air — —”

  “Go on!” said his wife, passionately, “go on!”

  Mr. Dowson, dimly conscious that something was wrong, stopped and puffed hard at his pipe. Through the cover of the smoke he bestowed a sympathetic wink upon his daughter.

  “You needn’t go on too fast,” said the latter, turning to her mother. “I haven’t made up my mind yet. Charlie’s looks are all right, but he ain’t over and above steady, and Ben is steady, but he ain’t much to look at.”

  “What does your ‘art say?” inquired the sentimental Mr. Dowson.

  Neither lady took the slightest notice.

  “Charlie Foss is too larky,” said Mrs. Dowson, solemnly; “it’s easy come and easy go with ‘im. He’s just such another as your father’s cousin Bill — and look what ‘appened to him!”

  Miss Dowson shrugged her shoulders and subsiding in her chair, went on with her book, until a loud knock at the door and a cheerful, but peculiarly shrill, whistle sounded outside.

  “There is my lord,” exclaimed Mrs. Dowson, waspishly; “anybody might think the ‘ouse belonged to him. And now he’s dancing on my clean doorstep.”

  “Might be only knocking the mud off afore coming in,” said Mr. Dowson, as he rose to open the door. “I’ve noticed he’s very careful.”

  “I just came in to tell you a joke,” said Mr. Foss, as he followed his host into the kitchen and gazed tenderly at Miss Dowson— “best joke I ever had in my life; I’ve ‘ad my fortune told — guess what it was! I’ve been laughing to myself ever since.”

  “Who told it?” inquired Mrs. Dowson, after a somewhat awkward silence.

  “Old gypsy woman in Peter Street,” replied Mr. Foss. “I gave ‘er a wrong name and address, just in case she might ha’ heard about me, and she did make a mess of it; upon my word she did.”

  “Wot did she say?” inquired Mr. Dowson.

  Mr. Foss laughed. “Said I was a wrong ‘un,” he said, cheerfully, “and would bring my mother’s gray hairs to the grave with sorrow. I’m to ‘ave bad companions and take to drink; I’m to steal money to gamble with, and after all that I’m to ‘ave five years for bigamy. I told her I was disappointed I wasn’t to be hung, and she said it would be a disappointment to a lot of other people too. Laugh! I thought I should ‘ave killed myself.”

  “I don’t see nothing to laugh at,” said Mrs. Dowson, coldly.

  “I shouldn’t tell anybody else, Charlie,” said her husband. “Keep it a secret, my boy.”

  “But you — you don’t believe it?” stammered the crestfallen Mr. Foss.

  Mrs. Dowson cast a stealthy glance at her daughter. “Its wonderful ‘ow some o’ those fortune-tellers can see into the future,” she said, shaking her head.

  “Ah!” said her husband, with a confirmatory nod. “Wonderful is no name for it. I ‘ad my fortune told once when I was a boy, and she told me I should marry the prettiest, and the nicest, and the sweetest-tempered gal in Poplar.”


  Mr. Foss, with a triumphant smile, barely waited for him to finish. “There you—” he began, and stopped suddenly.

  “What was you about to remark?” inquired Mrs. Dowson, icily.

  “I was going to say,” replied Mr. Foss— “I was going to say — I ‘ad just got it on the tip o’ my tongue to say, ‘There you — you — you ‘ad all the luck, Mr. Dowson.’”

  He edged his chair a little nearer to Flora; but there was a chilliness in the atmosphere against which his high spirits strove in vain. Mr. Dowson remembered other predictions which had come true, notably the case of one man who, learning that he was to come in for a legacy, gave up a two-pound-a-week job, and did actually come in for twenty pounds and a bird-cage seven years afterwards.

  “It’s all nonsense,” protested Mr. Foss; “she only said all that because I made fun of her. You don’t believe it, do you, Flora?”

  “I don’t see anything to laugh at,” returned Miss Dowson. “Fancy five years for bigamy! Fancy the disgrace of it!”

  “But you’re talking as if I was going to do it,” objected Mr. Foss. “I wish you’d go and ‘ave your fortune told. Go and see what she says about you. P’r’aps you won’t believe so much in fortune-telling afterwards.”

  Mrs. Dowson looked up quickly, and then, lowering her eyes, took her hand out of the stocking she had been darning and, placing it beside its companion, rolled the pair into a ball.

  “You go round to-morrow night, Flora,” she said, deliberately. “It sha’n’t be said a daughter of mine was afraid to hear the truth about herself; father’ll find the money.”

  “And she can say what she likes about you, but I sha’n’t believe it,” said Mr. Foss, reproachfully.

  “I don’t suppose it’ll be anything to be ashamed of,” said Miss Dowson, sharply.

  Mr. Foss bade them good-night suddenly, and, finding himself accompanied to the door by Mr. Dowson, gave way to gloom. He stood for so long with one foot on the step and the other on the mat that Mr. Dowson, who disliked draughts, got impatient.