Shenandoah Christmas

by Lynnette Kent

  "Give me some time," she said finally. "I can't make this decision on the spur of the moment. Not because I don't want to," she said, as the hope in his eyes dimmed, 1 'but there are other people involved, contracts and commitments and—and a hundred details to be taken care of."

  He pulled in a deep breath. "Makes sense, much as I hate to admit it." His smile was rueful. "Take whatever time you need. The kids and I aren't going anywhere. And if you do, well...I won't feel any different. I guess there's one advantage to having been married before—I recognize when love is strong enough to last a lifetime. And that's what I feel for you."

  Cait pulled her hands free and wiped her fingers gently under her lower lashes. "You shouldn't make me cry in front of all these people. My mascara will run and I'll look like a raccoon."

  "Then let's go back to dancing, and I'll try to keep from saying anything more serious than 'You stepped on my toe.'" He pulled her up from the chair and out into the crowd again.

  "I don't step on anyone's toes when I dance," Cait said indignantly.

  "Then why am I limping?"

  She grinned, and let him lead her into a mock argument. "You aren't—that's just your uneven sense of rhythm kicking in."

  They danced until the music stopped and stayed after

  to help with cleanup, which in Ben's case meant being sure Peggy didn't carry any ham biscuits home with her. Then he drove Cait back to the Remingtons'.

  "I love you," Ben told her at the front door. He touched a finger to the tip of her nose. ' 'When you start coming up with all the reasons not to marry me, just remember that."

  "As if I could forget," Cait murmured, watching him jog back to the car. She remembered seeing Ben in the Food Depot all those weeks ago, remembered thinking that here was a man who could tempt her to settle down. Now he'd done exactly that.

  Be careful what you wish for, she reminded herself ruefully. You just might get it.

  Wednesday's choir practice was a disaster. Shep and Neil fell to wrestling with each other whenever Cait's attention wasn't on them. Brenna had a sore throat and Maddie pouted because Cait wouldn't let her sing the angel song alone. The shepherds still didn't know their song, and the wise men weren't much better. Most of the girls who would be angels spent their time giggling and whispering behind their hands.

  Cait held on to her temper with an effort. "You guys have been singing this carol since you were in nursery school," she told the wise men. "How hard can it be to learn one extra verse?''

  Mothers had attended the rehearsal to fit costumes, and kept calling singers out—always, it seemed, just when Cait needed their voices. She'd never been so glad to see five o'clock arrive.

  "One more Wednesday," she told the kids when she managed to get them quiet for a second. "Then a dress rehearsal on Saturday and—boom!—it'll be Christmas

  Eve. If you're ever going to know your lines and your songs, next Wednesday would be a really good time."

  As the choir scattered, she saw David and Ben standing together at the back of the church. She glanced at them surreptitiously, studying Ben as if she'd never seen him before. He still looked like a marble statue of a Roman emperor. Yet he was anything but cold and stony. Now she knew what that beautiful mouth felt like on hers, and how his rough palms could heat her skin, and how hard his heart thudded when she kissed the pulse at the base of his throat.

  And how his eyes laughed when he was having fun with his kids. How meticulous a craftsman he was, whether building his own furniture or the backdrop for a children's Christmas pageant. How much he loved his family and friends and his town, how he never resented the considerable time he spent taking care of them.

  This was the man who wanted her to marry him. Why couldn't she just say yes?

  Ben glanced her way and grinned, then started down the aisle with David following. "How's it going?" he said when he reached her. "Not too many rehearsals left, are there?"

  Cait groaned. "Don't remind me. Remind them." She looked at David. "What time do you think you'll be home? I'll get dinner ready. More turkey leftovers, do you think?"

  David didn't even smile. "I'll be here awhile yet. I really need to get this work finished up before the baby comes. You and Anna eat without me, and I'll grab a sandwich when I come in."

  "David, you really need—" She was talking to thin air. Her brother-in-law had already left for his office.

  "Hi, Daddy." Maddie joined them, still subdued and

  unhappy. "Brenna couldn't sing today so we didn't practice the angel song."

  Ben put an arm around her shoulders. "Sounds to me like there were a lot of other people who needed more practice than you do. You already know your song."

  "Yeah." She sighed. "And I get to sing Friday in our program at school." The light came back into her face. "You're going be to there, right, Miss Caitlyn? Daddy said he'd save you a seat on the front row."

  "I wouldn't miss it."

  Ben thought Cait's smile looked strained. He sent Mad-die to get Shep and collect their coats. Then he took Cait's hand and pulled her a little farther away from the kids. "What's the problem?"

  Watching Maddie, she shook her head. "Nothing, really. Except—" she glanced at him, obviously worried "—would you mind if we didn't sit on the front row on Friday?"

  "No problem. Why?"

  She drew her hand out of his. "It's just...I may have to leave before the program ends. I—I'm supposed to be in D.C. at noon."

  He waited for her to continue, but she didn't volunteer any more information. A tiny crack formed in the rose-colored lenses through which he'd been viewing the world since Sunday night. "What's the rush? Won't one o'clock do as well?"

  "People will be waiting for me." She obviously didn't want to tell him who.

  So he asked. "Which people?"

  "My band." j

  "Your band will be in Washington on Friday?"

  "We have a concert Friday night."

  "Ah." The crack widened. "I thought you weren't performing again until after Christmas."

  "This is an emergency. One of my agent's other acts is... sick...and he asked me to take her place. It's a sold-out crowd. Really good publicity."

  "I imagine it is." This had to happen, of course. And if they spent the rest of their lives together, these situations would come up all the time. He shouldn't set a precedent for raising Cain about each and every one.

  Even though he was mad as hell right now. "So you're planning to come to Maddie's program and then leave when it's over?"

  "Or—or maybe a little before it's over? I want to see Maddie sing, of course. But then I may need to get on the road, which is why the front row..." She gazed up at him for a few seconds. Then her weak smile collapsed entirely, and she turned away. "It's the best I can do," she said in a soft, rough voice.

  Ben pulled in a deep breath. "Okay, it's the best you can do. We'll deal with it, starting by making it easy for you to slip out without disturbing the program."

  Suddenly, she was in his arms, hugging him tightly. "You are such an incredible man," she whispered in his

  ear.

  What are you doing, Daddy?' He opened his eyes to see Maddie and Shep staring at him holding Cait.

  She let him go, blushing, and turned to the kids. ' 'I was giving your dad a hug for being such a great guy. You understand that, I bet."

  Maddie nodded, her face serious. "Does this mean you're going to get married?"

  Cait laughed. "Not right this minute. Right now I'm going home to fix supper for Miss Anna. But I'll see you Friday morning."

  He and Maddie and Shep were at the door when Ben had a brilliant idea. "Cait," he called, stepping back into the dim sanctuary. "Do you suppose there would be three tickets left for that concert on Friday night?"

  Her grin lit up the whole room. "There will be. I guarantee it!"

  Cait was still floating when she stopped the car in Anna's driveway. Maybe she and Ben could do this. With most men, having a career like hers and a
marriage and children would have been impossible. But Ben was unique, so strong and completely dependable, so accommodating ...

  A wavering voice greeted her the second the door swung open. "David? Cait?"

  Cait ran into the bedroom. "Anna, are you all right?" One glance told the story. The bed was a mess, the sheets tangled, wet. Anna lay curled up in the middle, her arms cradling her stomach.

  "Dear God—are you bleeding?"

  Anna shook her head. "But the contractions are every three minutes." A shiver passed through her body. "That would be now. Oooh, Cait..."

  She reached out her hand and Cait took it, let her sister wrap tight fingers around hers, a grip so strong that Cait winced at the pain.

  Finally, Anna eased her hold, relaxed into the bed. "The baby is coming. What are we going to do?"

  Cait picked up the phone. "I'm calling David, first."

  Anna shook her head. "I've tried for the last two hours. There's no answer at church, no answer on his cell phone." *

  Damn the man. Damn him. "Did you call an ambulance?"

  I

  Pale-faced, with shadows all around her eyes, Anna shook her head. "I didn't want to be carted off without anybody I knew to come with me. I'm not a—a cow." She gave a sobbing laugh. "Even if I look like one."

  "You don't" Cait pushed tangled, damp curls back from Anna's face. "I'll call them. If this baby wants to be born tonight, then we'll just make sure everything goes the way it's supposed to."

  She made the call, then sat through another of Anna's contractions. When it passed, she helped her sister into a clean gown and robe. The next contraction hit at two minutes. Cait stripped the bed, got it made again just as Anna gasped. Less than two minutes. The ambulance wouldn't be here for twenty minutes at least.

  Ten minutes later, Anna groaned. "I need...I need to..." She bore down for the length of a contraction, then fell back, panting. "The baby's coming. I need to push."

  Cait grabbed the phone and called the hospital. "I've got a woman at home about to deliver a baby several weeks premature. What do I do?"

  "Have you called her doctor?" The nurse's voice was calm. Infuriatingly calm.

  "She's pushing now. What do I do?"

  The calm voice picked up some interest. "I'll get an ambulance sent. Where does she live?"

  "EMTs are on the way. The baby will be here first. Tell me how the hell to handle this."

  As the nurse started shooting out instructions about blankets and water and string, the door in the kitchen opened and shut again, hard. Cait put a hand on Anna's cheek. "Hold on. I'll be right back."

  Taking the phone with her, still listening to the nurse, she stalked into the kitchen to find David leaning over the table, his head hanging. He looked up. "Cait, what—"

  "Hold on a minute," she told the nurse. Then she walked up to her brother-in-law. "You bastard, you turned off the phone in the office, didn't you? And you let your cell phone die. Again, your wife is in labor, and you're so wrapped up in your own stupid problems, so concerned about your reactions and your worries, you let her go through this by herself. If she didn't need you, I swear, I'd put you in the hospital with a broken face."

  Eyes round with horror, he stared at her for a second.

  "Go, damn you." Cait pushed him toward the hallway. "Go!" David ran toward the bedroom, and Cait went back to the phone. "Blanket, warm water, what else?"

  When the paramedics arrived about twelve minutes later, the hard part was over. Anna lay propped against the pillows, smiling through tears as she stared into the face of a tiny—but perfect—baby boy. David sat beside her, his glasses crooked, his shirtfront wet with his own tears.

  Leaving the paramedics to their work, Cait went into the kitchen. She poured a glass of juice and only then realized her hands were shaking. No wonder. She'd received a new baby into those hands, the first person in this world to touch him. Her throat closed with awe, with relief, and she set the glass on the counter.

  A song lived within this moment, she could feel it growing inside her, though she didn't have the stamina to write it out tonight. All she wanted to do, she realized, was talk to Ben.

  "Anna just had her baby," she said, with no introduction and no hello, when he answered the phone. "Here at home. Can you believe it?"

  "Is she okay? Is the baby?"

  "So far. The ambulance is here and they have an incubator. Oh, Ben, he's so tiny."

  "But he's hung on this long. He's a real fighter, and he'll make it." After a moment, he said, "Was Dave there?"

  All Cait's fury came rushing back. "At the end. Only by accident—Anna couldn't reach him when she tried to call."

  "I can tell how you feel about that. What does Anna think?"

  "I don't know. I think she's just so relieved the baby is alive that she's not thinking beyond that fact. If I were in her place..." She stopped, struck by a sudden vision of Maddie or Shep being sick, injured, or maybe just upset; of Ben, depending on the support of his wife, the child's mom...and herself on a concert tour a thousand miles away.

  "Cait? You still with me?"

  "Um...sure. Just spaced out, I guess, after the excitement. Listen, Anna's getting ready to leave. I'll talk to you later, okay?"

  "Give her my love."

  "I will." She hung up the phone, and then heard the rumble of wheels in the living room which meant Anna was heading for the ambulance.

  Standing by the gurney, she took her sister's hand. "Make sure they take care of you."

  Tears rolled out of Anna's eyes into her hair. "I miss him already. Isn't that strange? I only held him for a few minutes, and now he's in the incubator and I feel empty."

  Cait leaned down to kiss her sister's forehead. "He'll be with you soon, I know he will. He's a big guy, for just thirty-four weeks. I'll drive up to see you both tomorrow. Try to get some sleep."

  Anna managed a chuckle. "I don't have to sleep on my

  left side anymore. I think I'll spend all night lying flat on my back."

  "Do it." Cait stepped back as the gurney started to roll. She watched the paramedics put Anna and the incubator into the ambulance, saw them drive into the night, lights flashing. When she turned back into the living room, David was standing just behind her, holding Anna's suitcase.

  "I'm following them with her clothes," he said, not meeting her eyes. "I don't expect to come back tonight. If anyone calls for me, give them the hospital number, okay?"

  "Okay." She crossed her arms and waited for him to say something else. Excuses? Rationalization? An apology? At the very least, she expected a confession of relief that the baby was alive and Anna would be okay.

  But her brother-in-law just turned and walked back through the house and out the kitchen door. She heard the engine of his car start up, saw the lights as he backed down the drive and headed in the direction the ambulance had taken.

  Shaking her head, Cait locked all the doors, made herself a cup of tea and went back to her bedroom. She wondered what would happen between David and Anna now. How did you deal with a spouse who let you down, who wasn't there when you needed them? And if you knew that's the kind of spouse you would be, did you owe it to the ones you loved to spare them the ordeal?

  Would it be better for Ben—and Maddie and Shep—if she refused to marry him?

  Thursday afternoon, Anna stood at the window of the NICU, watching her son sleep. The tubes in his tiny arms scalded her heart—how could anyone stick a needle into a little baby, even for his own good? He wore a blue knit

  cap and a diaper, and was no bigger than she could hold in her two hands. Dr. Hall said he was doing very well for being so small.

  Not well enough that she could take him home. They let her come in and touch him, talk to him, let her squeeze her breast milk from a syringe into his feeding tube. But it wasn't enough. She wanted to cradle him in her arms.

  She also wanted to name him. He'd been born, he was here to stay, according to the doctors and nurses who cared for him. He need
ed a name.

  David had stayed through the night at the hospital, but there hadn't been time for them to talk. Once the doctor had checked her over, once they'd consulted the neonatal pediatricians and nurses, once they'd simply gazed at the miracle of their son, Anna had been too exhausted to say more than good-night before she fell asleep. And David had been gone when she woke up this morning. She'd called the house and reached Cait... but her husband appeared to have gone missing.

  Again.

  Through a kind of mental fog, she remembered the terror of last night, the endless ringing of the church phone in her ear, the automated message telling her the cellular customer she had dialed was not in service, the knowledge that she could end up delivering her baby without anyone to help. And then Cait had come, and David, and everything had turned out well.

  But where had he been? And why, when he knew she could go into labor at any minute, hadn't he made sure the phone worked?

  "Mrs. Remington?" A nurse stood beside her, his smile a little worried. "You've been standing there for a couple of hours now. Wouldn't you like to go back to your room and he down for a while? Maybe take a nap?"

  Fear struck like lightning. "Is something wrong with the baby? Are you going to do something to him you don't want me to see?"

  "No, no, not at all." He put an arm around her shoulders and walked her away from the window. "He's doing very well. We were worried about you. You have to take care of yourself, so you'll feel good enough to take care of him."

  Settled in her semiprivate room, she could hear the cries of the baby on the other side of the curtain, hear the mother's crooning voice, the sounds of an infant being fed.

  Sitting in her bed, Anna put her head down on her knees and started to cry.

  "Anna? What's wrong?" David took hold of her shoulders and sat her up to see into her face. "Are you okay? Is—is the baby sick?"

  She wanted him to hold her, to draw her close so she could sob out the pain of last night, the desperation of the last eight months, on his shoulder.

  He didn't. "Anna, please, what's wrong?"