The Groundwater Diaries

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The Groundwater Diaries Page 36

by Tim Bradford


  We have made every attempt to find the copyright holders of quoted material, apologise for any omissions and are happy to receive emendations from copyright holders.

  Pubs that appear in the text

  italics – former pubs

  Albert, the (Victoria) 162

  Angel, the (Bermondsey Wall East) 339

  Archway Tavern, the (Archway) 152

  Arsenal Tavern, the (Highbury Vale) 15

  Auld Shillelagh, the (Stoke Newington) 66

  Balham Tup, the (Balham) 314

  Bank of Friendship, the (Highbury) 31, 63

  Banker, the (Dowgate Hill) 199

  Bar Lorca (Brixton) 411

  Bar Lorca (Stoke Newington) 68

  Becket Bar, the (Old Kent Road) 352

  Bedford Arms (Balham) 313

  Beehive, the (Vauxhall) 415

  Betsey Trotwood, the (Farringdon Road) 118, 126

  Birdcage, the (Stamford Hill) 187

  Blackstock Arms, the N4 64

  Boston Arms, the (Tufnell Park) 183

  Brady’s (Brixton) 409

  Coach and Horses (Brixton) 411

  Cock and Harp, the (Stoke Newington) 68

  Coopers (Kings Cross Station) 112

  Crown, the (Rotherhithe) 339

  Daniel Gooch, the (Royal Oak) 211

  Dove, the (Hammersmith) 252

  Durham Arms, the (Vauxhall) 415

  Eel Pie House (Stroud Green) 30

  Evergreens 162–3

  Falcon, the (Clapham Junction) 318, 320, 321

  Flask, the (Hampstead) 107

  Filthy McNasty’s (Amwell Street) 115

  Freemasons Arms, the (Covent Garden) 182–3

  Garden Gate (Hampstead) 108

  George Robey, the (Finsbury Park) 27

  Great North Railway Tavern, the (Hornsey) 144

  Green Man, the (Riding House Street) 183

  Green Man, the (Muswell Hill) 137–8

  Gunners, the (Highbury Vale) 63

  Gipsy Hill Tavern, the (Gipsy Hill) 402

  Hamilton Arms, the (Herne Hill) 402

  Hampshire Hog, the (Hammersmith) 250

  Hanover Arms, the (Brixton) 419

  Hare and Hounds, the (Walthamstow) 97

  Highbury Barn, the (Highbury) 64

  Hollybush, the (Hampstead) 261

  Hope, the (Clerkenwell) 118

  King’s Head, the (Blackstock Road) 63

  London Spa, the (Exmouth Market) 106, 107, 118, 183

  Lorne Arms, The E17 93, 94, 98, 396–7

  Magpie and Stump, the (Fetter Lane) 233

  Meyrick Arms, the (Battersea) 321

  Narrow Boat, the (Kensal Green) 233

  O’Hanlons (Tysoe Street) 118

  Paradise (By Way of Kensal Green) 227

  Park Tavern (Norwood) 404

  Pembury Tavern, the (Hackney) 70

  Penny Black, the (Farringdon Road) 268

  Pindar of Wakefield, the (Gray’s Inn Road) 113

  Prince Alfred, the (Pancras Way) 109

  Prince Edward (Hackney) 71

  Prince Regent Tavern (Brixton) 407

  Punch Tavern (Fleet Street) 120

  Raynes Park Tavern (Raynes Park) 295, 357

  Shakespeare’s Head, the (Arlington Way) 117

  Stanley Arms (Rotherhithe) 338

  Stoke Tup, the (Stoke Newington) 424

  Surrey Docks, the (Surrey Quays) 355

  Swiss Village, the (Muswell Hill) 138

  The Hope (Clerkenwell) 118

  Torch, the (Wembley) 276

  Three Crowns, the (Stoke Newington) 68

  Truscott Arms, the (Kilburn) 209

  Twelve Pins, the (Finsbury Park) 64

  Union Tavern, the (Kings Cross Road) 114–5

  Victoria, the (Hackney Wick) 72

  Water Rats, the (Gray’s Inn Road) 113

  Wells Tavern (Hampstead) 107–8

  Wethered, Thomas the (Clerkenwell) 126

  White House, the (Green Lanes) 32, 37

  William Wallace, the (Marylebone) 160

  Winchester Hall Tavern (Archway) 183

  Woodbine, the (Highbury Vale) 63

  Index

  The pagination of this electronic edition does not match the edition from which it was created. To locate a specific passage, please use the search feature of your e-book reader’s search tools.

  ‘A Certain Ratio’ 348

  Abbey Wood 369, 372, 378, 379

  Abney Park Cemetery 67, 424

  acoustic guitar 82

  Action Man 273

  Acton 243, 244, 245, 249

  (bloody), 249 (East), 245, 249 (North), 249 (Station), 245

  (Wells) 248, 249

  (West), 249

  actresses 140 (affairs with), 288

  acupuncture 386

  Adam and the Ants 207

  Adverts, the 210

  Aeronauts, the 157

  aerosols 29

  Aethelred, King of Mercia 321

  afterlife, the 140

  Agincourt, Battle of 327

  aikido 19

  ‘Ain’t Love Good, Ain’t

  Love Proud’ 231

  Albanian Patrick Swayze

  Lookalikes 26

  alchemical 55 (secrets), 410

  alcohol 123, 134, 230

  (poisoning), 252, 323

  Alder Brook 317

  Alexandra Palace 131, 132, 137 (park), 147

  Alfred the Great, King 83, 84, 92

  algae 18, 28

  aliens 110 (jellied eels from space), 100

  (spacecraft), 182, 302

  (at Wimbledon Centre Court)

  all-day drinking 396

  altered superbrew state 167

  Americans 39, 87, 88

  Amstrad computers 140

  Amundsen, Roald 260

  Amwell, Herts 25

  anal retentiveness 7, 47

  anarchists 67 (drinking habits of), 395

  Anatomy of Melancholy, The 424

  angels 238, 347

  Anglo Saxon Chronicles 50, 318, 321

  angry-faced blokes with ‘taches (photos of) 327

  anti-global capitalism

  protestors 191, 273

  (assassination of by Action Man)

  archaeologists 197

  Archduke Franz Ferdinand 65

  architects 131

  Archway 152–3

  Area 51 56

  Armada, Spanish 39, 367

  Arsenal FC 45, 47, 60, 63, 64, 65, 75, 77, 109, 394

  Arsenal Fish Bar 64

  art 139, 201, 399, 408

  Art Beardy Socialists 252

  Arts-and-Crafts 4, 148, 315

  Ashcroft, Dame Peggy 341

  Ashton, JE 444

  asthma 81

  Atlantis (lost city of) 93

  ‘Atmosphere’ 231

  attractive English teachers 257

  Austen, Jane 226

  Austin Maxi 298

  Baader Meinhof gang 159, 216

  backtaping 24

  Bader, Douglas 159, 327

  bag-ladies 363

  Bagnigge Wells 113, 114

  Balham 315

  balls of string 56

  Baltic Quay 354

  bandy grandads in slacks 247

  Bangladeshis 361

  bankers 133

  Barbican 361

  Barbie 273

  Bardot, Brigitte 390

  Barefoot Doctor 384

  Barker, Sue 302

  barmaids 109, 117, 356

  Barnes 286, 299

  Barney the Dinosaur 356

  Barrow People, the 96

  Barton, Nicholas 34, 47, 335, 412–3, 443

  Bass, Alfie 319

  bassists 403, 423

  Bastard modernism 281, 342

  Bastin, Cliff 48

  Batman transfers 216

  Battersea 309, 319, 377

  Battersea Creek 322

  Battersea Power Station 217, 322

  Battersea Shield 309

  Ba
ttle Bridge Brook (Fleet) 106

  Baxendale, Helen 83

  Bayswater Rivulet 206

  Bazalgette, Sir Joseph 73, 360

  Beatles, the 35, 58, 78, 79, 152, 151

  Beauty and the Beast 275

  Becket, Thomas a 167–8, 326, 352

  bedroom computer shop in Hanwell 140

  beefy gipsy woman 182

  beer 35–6, 55 (rivers of), 71, 78 (swimming pools of), 101 (smell), 102, 107–21, 122, 135, 136, 137, 252, 260, 291, 312, 338, 339, 356–7, 371, 377, 424 as philosophy 139, 141

  belly-button fluff (and a theory of the universe) 387

  Belsize Park 157

  Beltane 151, 190. 191

  Beowulf 51, 52

  Bergkamp, Dennis 109

  Bermondsey Abbey 327, 336, 339

  Beverley Brook 284–300, 414

  big existential sigh 281

  ‘Big Maz in the Desert from the Trolley’ 208

  big sky 60, 194, 209

  bikes (in river) 4, 291

  biography of a dead posh

  person 139

  birds 144, 263, 328, 374, 387

  Birds, The 247

  Bishopsgate 195

  Black Ditch, the 358–64, 414

  black hole machine 273

  Black Mary’s Hole 114

  Blackfriars 105

  Blackmore, Richie 403–4

  Blackpool FC 98

  Blackstock Road, N4/N5 12, 30, 31, 38, 54, 63, 82, 417, 418, 425

  Blair, Tony 33, 201, 354

  Blake, William 211, 347, 348, 351

  Blazing Saddles 395

  bloated corpses of drunkards 27

  blood 10, 110, 119, 180

  (-stained cross) 189

  (swimming in) 212, 265 (of an omniscient deity’s son) 270, 407

  bloodstream (with tiny Raquel Welch clones in miniaturised submarines) 384

  Bloomsday breakfast 111

  Blue Peter 187

  Boarded River, the 34, 38, 53, 65

  boats 85 388, 394

  Bob the Builder 83

  ‘body language’ 135, 162

  Boer War 296

  Bollo Brook 245

  bombs 58 (bombsites), 363, 386

  bondage trousers 216

  Bonnie Prince Charlie 167

  boring people at parties 405

  Boswell, James 106

  Boundary dispute

  (between MOT garages) 172

  Bow Bells 361

  Bowie, David 267, 352

  bra, taking off a 260–1

  bra-less women 157

  Bradford City FC 150

  brain 143 (delta waves), 252 (-wave) 268

  (cells), 293 (-cooking)

  brass bands 67, 347–8

  Brat Bride, the 263–4, 275

  breasts 18 (huge), 273, 392

  Brent Cross Shopping

  Centre 270, 271, 272, 274

  Brent, River 45, 256–80, 414, 423

  Brentford FC 45, 279

  breweries 55, 73

  Bridgit 257, 267, 271, 276, 279

  Brinks Mat robbery 8

  Britain, Battle of 328

  British Electric

  Foundation 356

  British Leyland 256

  Britons, ancient (see Celts) 118, 192

  Britpop summer 106

  Brixton 400, 405, 410

  Broadwater Farm Estate 148, 149

  Brockwell Park 408

  Brompton Cemetery 238

  brown elastic band (as mourning accessory) 208

  Brunel, Isambard

  Kingdom 228, 277

  bubblegum cards 97

  Buckingham Palace 156, 169, 181

  Buffalo Bill 238

  buff-cheeked gibbons 89, 170, 365

  bulldozers 341

  bullet-proof glass 173

  Bullshit Detector 5, 59, 92, 177, 191, 431

  bull-worshipping 189, 199

  Burden of Dreams 394

  burial mounds 391

  Burroughs, William 126

  Bush, Tracey 264

  buskers 429–31

  butchers 118–9

  butterflies 135, 268, 275, 328, 350, 388

  Byrds, The 253

  Byrne, Gabriel 315

  Cabaret Voltaire 348

  Caecilius 189, 190

  Caligula 190

  Camden Town 323, 361

  Camus, Albert 98

  canals 119–20

  Canary Wharf 354, 362

  Canonbury 38

  Canute/Cnut, King 279, 400

  capitalism 78, 139, 216, 272, 365–8

  carnival 190, 233

  cars 70, 73, 78, 149, 274, 278, 298 (smell of ham sandwiches in ), 353 (burnt out bits of), 394, 419

  Cash, Pat 302

  Castenada, Carlos 55

  Celts/Celtic 6, 9, 12, 50, 73, 83, 199, 200, 238, 257, 309 (warrior), 310, 406

  cemeteries 149, 226–31, 238, 299, 349

  Chadwell, Herts 25

  Chadwick, Edwin 313–4

  chalybeate 107, 108, 115

  Chapman, Herbert 47, 65, 77

  chattering classes, the so-called 263

  Cheam 286, 287, 288

  Cheapside 361

  Chelsea Creek 238

  Chelsea FC 45, 62, 118, 238

  Chessmen, the 134–5

  Chevalier de Recci 336, 407

  chi 384–91

  chicken blood 405, 409

  Chicken People, the 68

  Children’s Film

  Foundation 354

  Chinatown 359–64

  Ching, River 82, 85, 382–394, 415

  Chingford 86, 383

  Chingford Town FC 391

  chips 102, 107

  Chiswick 244, 245

  Chitty Chitty Bang Bang 402

  Christie, Julie 227, 263

  churches 109–111, 177, 197, 249

  Churchill, Winston 327

  churned-up windpipe

  burgers 273

  City, the 94, 133, 134, 187–200, 335, 361, 365–6

  Clapham Junction 315, 318

  Clapton 98

  Clarke, Allan ‘Sniffer’ 214

  Clarke, Benjamin 55, 69, 70, 71, 444

  Clash, the 210, 215, 218, 231

  classical music 429–30

  Cleckheaton (W. Yorks) 229

  Cleethorpes Winter Gardens 213

  Clerkenwell 34, 75, 105, 106, 118, 122, 126, 142

  Clissold Park, N16 14, 20, 38, 40, 66, 425–36

  clowns 87, 299

  clubbing 356–7

  cocaine 101

  Cockneys 62, 68

  (rhyming slang), 359–6

  Coil 412–7

  cold Northern crematoriums 230

  Coltrane, John 190

  communism 365

  confessional writing 243

  Connaught Water 391

  consensus politics 266

  Consolations of Philosophy (de Botton) 138

  Cooper, Henry 352, 361

  Corn Laws, the 139

  cosmic druggy stardust 226

  cosmic energy 165

  Counter’s Creek 11

  (Bridge Creek), 45, 224–239, 414, 423

  Countess of Oxford 226, 239

  country music 23, 401

  Covent Garden 83

  Crass 59, 177, (record label), 191, 281, 395

  crazy old knife woman 222

  Crecy, Battle of 328

  cricket 20, 27, 81, 158, 338, 415

  crocodiles 17, 21

  Crossness Sewage Works 369–79

  Crouch End 138, 142, 152

  Crouch Hill 53

  Crowe, Russell 100, 200

  Croydon 355

  Cruise, Tom 100, 221

  culverting 370

  Currie, Edwina 377

  Curtis, Ian 208, 238

  Dagenham Brook 45, 80–100, 413

  Daleks 390

  Dalton’s Peanut Factory 74

  Damned, the 208

  Danes 83, 92

  Danish punk music
175–81, 310, 370

  Daphne (from Scooby Doo) 232

  Davies, Dave 150–1

  Davies, Ray 132, 133, 136, 137, 141, 146, 151

  Davis, Brad 134

  De Vere, Edward 239

  death 226

  Deep Purple 403–5

  Defoe, Daniel 31, 33

  Denmark 5, 36, 59, 83, 92, 175–81

  department store phobia 267–8

  Derek from Coronation

  Street 83

  Detritus Velocity

  Channel 375

  ‘Devil Rides Down to Georgia’ 202

  devil worship 24

  Dickens, Charles 57, 78, 106, 140, 246, 327, 331, 334, 361

  Dillon, Matt 335

  disembowelment 263

  Dixon, Ken 400

  DIY 245, 281–2, 336

  ‘Do They Owe Us A Living?’ 59, 191

  Docklands melancholy 354

  dogs 40–1, 84 (fierce), 92 (pitbulls), 101–2, 105 (dead), 108

  (dead), 322, 350, 394

  (shit)

  Dome, Millennium 380

  Domesday Book, the 105

  Diana, Princess 222

  dominoes 229

  Don’t Look Now 227

  Doreen’s Pet Shop, Hackney 71

  ‘Down in the Sewer’ 220

  dowsing 37, 143, 187, 278, 325, 326, 424

  Dr Who 326

  dragons 90, 165

  drains 148, 149

  Drake, Nick 401

  Drake, Sir Francis 367

  dreams 3, 4, 13, 17, 20, 49, 137, 187, 225, 243, 399, 417, 420

  drinking water 16–39

  drinking fountains 109, 338

  Driving Miss Daisy 341

  drowning 4

  drugs 356–7, 424

  drug dealers 409

  druids 62, 106, 151, 156, 168

  drunkenness 7, 8, 198, 252, 330, 384, 396, 424

  ‘Duchess’ 219

  Dudman’s Yard, Mr 354

  Dulwich 406

  Dun, Aidan 106

  Drury, Ian 208

  Earl’s Court 226, 238

  Earl’s Sluice 45, 352–55

  ear-popping white noise 201

  East End 361, 383, 419

  East Midlands 18, 85

  (Magical Realist Bollocks), 177, 260

  (feminisim), 288 (attitude to pornography), 407

  East Sheen 299

  Eco-friendly pooh

  engines 376

  ecstasy 356–7

  Eddie and the Hot Rods 208

  Edmonton 150

  Edward VII, King 71, 76

  Edward, Prince 71, 169, 425

  Edwardians 12, 23, 265

  Edward the Confessor 166

  Edwards, Duncan 126

  Eorcenwald of Barking 321

  Effra, the 355, 398–415

  Effra Farm Estate 409

  Effra Redevelopment

  Agency 408

  eighteenth-century

  bordellos 268

  ejaculation 135 (in trousers), 140

  Eleanor of Aquitaine 58

 

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