Book Read Free

Do Elephants Jump?

Page 30

by David Feldman


  “Fore,” origins of golf expression

  Forewords in books, versus introductions and prefaces

  Forks, switching hands to use

  “Fortnight”

  Fraternities, Greek names of

  “Freebooter”

  Freezer compartments, location of, in refrigerators

  Freezers

  ice trays in

  lights in

  French dry cleaning

  French horns, design of

  “French” bread versus “Italian”

  “French” style green beans

  Frogs

  eye closure when swallowing

  warts and

  Frogs of violins, white dots on

  Frostbite, penguin feet and

  Fruitcake, alleged popularity of

  “Fry”

  Fuel gauges in automobiles

  “Fullback”

  Full-service versus self-service, pricing of, at gas stations

  Funeral homes, size of

  Funerals

  burials without shoes

  depth of graves

  head position of, in caskets

  orientation of deceased

  perpetual care and

  small cemeteries and

  “Funk”

  “G.I.”

  Gagging, hairs in mouth and

  Gallons and quarts, American versus British

  Game balls, distribution of football

  Gasoline, pricing of, in tenths of a cent

  Gasoline gauges, automobile

  Gasoline pumps

  rubber sleeves on

  shut off of

  Gasoline stations, full-service versus self-service, pricing of

  Gasoline, unleaded, cost of

  Gauge, width of railroad

  Gauges, fuel, in automobiles

  Geese, honking during migration

  Gelatin, fruit in

  “Gerrymander”

  “Get the sack”

  “Get your goat”

  “Getting down to brass tacks”

  Gifts, children and

  Girdles and fat displacement

  Glass, broken

  Glasses, drinking

  squeakiness of

  “sweating” of

  Glasses, wine, types of

  Glitter, sidewalks and

  Glow-in-the-dark items, green color of

  Glue

  stickiness in the bottle

  “Super” versus conventional

  “Super,” and Teflon

  taste of postage stamp

  Glutamates, MSG and

  Gnats, swarming of

  Goalies, banging of sticks by

  Goalposts, football, tearing down of

  “Goat”

  Goats, kids versus adult

  “Gobbledygook”

  Gold bullion, shape of

  Golf

  origins of eighteen holes

  origins of term “fore”

  pain of mishits

  Golf balls

  dimples on

  veering toward ocean while putting

  Golfers and sunglasses

  Gondolas, black color of

  “Good Friday,” origins of term

  Goofy

  identify of

  marital status of

  Goofy, Jr., origins of

  Goosebumps, faces and

  Gorillas, chest pounding of

  Gowns, and caps, at graduations

  Grades in school, E

  Grading of cigarettes

  Grading of eggs, meaning of

  Graduations, military academy

  “Grandfather” clock, origins of term

  Grape jellies, color of

  Grapefruit, sweetness of, canned versus fresh

  “Grape-nuts”

  Grapes, raisins and

  Gravel and placement on flat roofs

  Graves, depth of

  Gravy skin loss, when heated

  “Gravy train”

  Grease, color of

  Grecian Formula, process of

  Greek names of fraternities and sororities

  Green beans, “French” style

  Green color of glow-in-the-dark items

  Green lights, versus red lights, on boats and airplanes

  “Green with envy”

  “Green” cards, color of

  “Greenhorn”

  Greeting cards, shape of

  Gretzky, Wayne, hockey uniform of

  Grimace, identity of McDonald’s

  Grocery coupons, cash value of

  Grocery sacks, names on

  Grocery stores and check approval

  Groom, carrying bride over threshold by

  Growling of stomach, causes of

  Guitar strings, dangling of

  Gulls, sea, in parking lots

  Gum, chewing

  water consumption and hardening of

  wrappers of

  “Gunny sacks”

  “Guy”

  “Habit [riding costume]”

  “Hackles”

  Hail, measurement of

  Hair

  blue, and older women

  growth of, after death

  length of, in older women

  mole, color of

  parting, left versus right

  Hair color, darkening of, in babies

  Hair spray, unscented, smell of

  Hairbrushes, length of handles on

  Hairs in mouth, gagging on

  Hairy ears in older men

  Half dollars, vending machines and

  “Halfback

  Half-mast, flags at

  Half-moon versus quarter moon

  Half-numbers in street addresses

  Halibut, coloring of

  Halloween, Jack-o’-lanterns and

  Halogen light bulbs, touching of

  Ham

  checkerboard pattern atop

  color of, when cooked

  Easter and consumption of

  “Ham [actor]”

  Hamburger buns, bottoms of

  “Hamburger,” origins of term

  “Hamfatter”

  Hand dryers in bathrooms

  Hand positions in old photographs

  Handles versus knobs, on doors

  Handwriting, teaching of cursive versus printing

  “Hansom cab”

  Happy endings, crying and

  Hard hats

  backward positioning of, in ironworkers

  exterminators and

  Hard-boiled eggs, discoloration of

  Hat tricks, in hockey

  Hats

  cowboy, dents on

  declining popularity

  dents in cowboy

  holes in sides of

  numbering system for sizes

  Haystacks, shape of

  “Hazard [dice game]”

  “Head [bathroom]”

  “Head honcho”

  Head injuries, “seeing stars” and

  Head lice, kids and

  Headaches and aspirin

  Headbands on books

  Headlamps, shutoff of automobile

  “Heart on his sleeve”

  Hearts, shape of, idealized versus real

  Heat and effect on sleep

  “Hector”

  “Heebie jeebies”

  Height

  clearance signs on highways

  of elderly

  restrictions on fences

  voice pitch and

  Heinz ketchup labels

  Helicopters, noise of

  Helium and effect on voice

  Hellman’s Mayonnaise, versus Best Foods

  “Hem and haw”

  “Hep”

  Hermit crabs, bathroom habits of

  Hernia exams and “Turn your head and cough”

  “Heroin”

  “High bias,” versus “low bias,” on audio tape

  “High jinks”

  High-altitude
tennis balls

  “Highball”

  Highways

  clumping of traffic

  curves on

  interstate, numbering system

  traffic jams, clearing of

  weigh stations

  “Hillbilly”

  Hills, versus mountains

  “Hip”

  “Hobnob”

  “Hobson’s choice”

  Hockey

  banging of sticks by goalies

  hat trick

  Montreal Canadiens uniforms

  Wayne Gretzky’s uniform

  “Hold a candle”

  “Holding the bag”

  Holes

  in barrels of cheap pens

  in elevator doors

  in fly swatters

  in ice cream sandwiches

  in needles and syringes

  in pasta

  in saltines

  in thimbles

  in wing-tip shoes

  on bottom of soda bottles

  recycling of, in loose-leaf paper

  refilling of dirt

  “Holland,” versus “Netherlands”

  Home plate, shape of, in baseball

  “Honcho”

  Honey, spoilage of

  Honey roasted peanuts, banning of, on airlines

  Honking in geese during migration

  “Honky”

  “Hoodwink”

  “Hoosiers”

  “Horsefeathers”

  Horses

  measurement of heights of

  posture in open fields

  shoes

  sleeping posture

  vomiting

  Hospital gowns, back ties on

  Hospitals and guidelines for medical conditions

  Hot dog buns

  number of, in package

  slicing of

  Hot dogs, skins of

  Hot water, noise in pipes of

  Hotels

  amenities, spread of

  number of towels in rooms

  plastic circles on walls of

  toilet paper folding in bathrooms of

  “Hotsy totsy”

  Houses, settling in

  “Hue and cry”

  “Humble pie”

  Humidity, relative, during rain

  Humming, power lines and

  Hurricane, trees and

  “Hurricanes” as University of Miami nickname

  “Hut,” origins of football term

  Hydrants, fire, freezing water in

  Hypnotists, stage, techniques of

  “I [capitalization of]”

  “I could care less”

  “I” before “e,” in spelling

  Ice

  fizziness of soda

  formation on top of lakes and ponds

  holes and dimples in

  in urinals

  Ice cream

  black specks in

  cost of cones versus cups

  pistachio, color of

  thirstiness

  Ice cream and soda, fizziness of

  Ice cream sandwiches, holes in

  Ice cubes

  cloudy versus clear

  shape of, in home freezers

  Ice rinks, temperature of resurfacing water in

  Ice skating, awful music in

  Ice trays in freezers, location of

  Icy roads, use of sand and salt on

  Ignitions

  automobile, and headlamp shutoff

  key release button on

  Imperial gallon, versus American gallon

  “In like Flynn”

  “In the nick of time”

  Index fingers and “Tsk-Tsk,” stroking of

  “Indian corn”

  “Indian pudding”

  “Indian summer”

  Indianapolis 500, milk consumption by victors in

  “Inflammable,” versus “flammable”

  Ink

  color of, in ditto masters

  newspaper, and recycling

  Insects

  attraction to ultraviolet

  aversion to yellow

  flight patterns of

  in flour and fruit

  Insects [see specific types]

  Insufficient postage, USPS procedures for

  Interstate highways, numbering system of

  Introductions in books, versus forewords and prefaces

  Irish names, “O’” in

  Irons, permanent press settings on

  Ironworkers, backwards hard hat wearing of

  Irregular sheets, proliferation of

  IRS and due date of taxes

  IRS tax forms

  disposal of

  numbering scheme of

  “Italian” bread, versus “French”

  Itching, reasons for

  Ivory soap, purity of

  “J” Street, Washington, D.C., and

  “Jack [playing card]”

  Jack Daniel’s and “Old No. 7”

  “Jack,” “John” versus

  Jack-o’-lanterns, Halloween and

  Jams, contents of

  Japanese

  baseball uniforms

  boxes, yellow color of

  flags, red beams and

  Jars, food, refrigeration of opened

  “Jaywalking”

  Jeans

  blue, orange thread and

  Levis, colored tabs on

  origin of “501” name

  sand in pockets of new

  “Jeans [pants]”

  “Jeep”

  Jellies, contents of

  Jellies, grape, color of

  Jello-O, fruit in

  Jeopardy, difficulty of daily doubles in

  “Jerkers”

  Jet lag, birds and

  “Jetsam,” versus “flotsam”

  “Jig is up”

  Jigsaw puzzles, fitting pieces of

  Jimmies, origins of

  “Jink”

  “John,” versus “Jack”

  Johnson, Andrew, and 1864 election

  “Joshing”

  Judges and black robes

  Judo belts, colors of

  “Juggernaut”

  Juicy Fruit gum, flavors in

  “K rations”

  “K” as strikeout in baseball scoring

  Kangaroos, pouch cleaning of

  Karate belts, colors of

  “Keeping up with the Joneses”

  Ken, hair of, versus Barbie’s

  Ketchup, Heinz, labels of

  Ketchup bottles

  narrow necks of

  neck bands on

  restaurants mating of

  “Ketchup”

  “Kettle of fish”

  Keys

  automobile, door and ignition

  piano, number of

  teeth direction

  to cities

  “Kidnapping”

  Kids versus adult goats

  Kilts, Scotsmen and

  Kissing

  eye closure during

  leg kicking by females

  “Kit cat club”

  “Kit,” “caboodle” and

  “Kittycorner”

  Kiwifruit in gelatin

  Kneading and bread

  Knee-jerk reflex in humans

  Knives, dinner, rounded edges of

  Knives, serrated, lack of, in place settings

  Knobs versus handles, on doors

  “Knock on wood”

  “Knuckle down”

  “Knuckle under”

  Knuckles, wrinkles on

  Kodak, origins of name

  Kool-Aid and metal containers

  Kraft American cheese, milk in

  “L.S.,” meaning of, in contracts

  Label warnings, mattress

  Labels on underwear, location of

  Labels, food, lack of manufacturer street addresses on

  “Ladybug”

  Ladybugs, spots on

  Lakes


  effect of moon on

  fish returning to dried

  ice formations on

  versus ponds, differences between

  versus ponds, water level of

  wind variations

  “Lame duck”

  Lane reflectors, fastening of

  Large-type books, size of

  Laryngitis, dogs, barking, and

  Lasagna, crimped edges of

  “Last ditch”

  “Last straw”

  Laughing hyenas, laughter in

  Lawn ornaments, plastic deer as

  Lawns, reasons for

  “Lawyer”

  “Lb. [pound]”

  Leader, film

  “Leap year”

  Leather, high cost of

  Ledges in buildings, purpose of

  Left hands, placement of wristwatches on

  “Left wing”

  Left-handed string players, in orchestras

  Leg kicking by women while kissing

  Legal-size paper, origins of

  “Legitimate” theater, origins of term

  “Let the cat out of the bag”

  Letters

  business, format of

  compensation for, between countries

  Letters in alphabet soup, distribution of

  Levi jeans

  colored tabs

  origin of “501” name

  Liberal arts, origins of

  Lice, head, kids and

  License plates and prisoners

  License plates on trucks, absence of

  “Licking his chops”

  Licorice, ridges on

  Life Savers, wintergreen, sparkling of, when bitten

  Light bulbs

  air in

  fluorescent, stroking of

  halogen

  high cost of 25–watt variety

  in traffic signals

  loosening of

  noise when shaking

  plinking by fluorescent

  three-way, burnout

  three-way, functioning of

  wattage sizes of

  Light switches, height and location of

  Lighters, disposable, fluid chambers of

  Lightning, heat

  Lights in freezers

  “Limelight”

  Lincoln, Abraham, and Andrew Johnson

  Linens, unpleasant smell in

  Lions, animal trainers and

  Lips

  black, on dogs

  upper, grooves on

  Liquids as treatment for colds

  Liquor, proof and

  Liquor distilleries during Prohibition

  Lizards

  eyes during sleep

  sunburn and

  “Lobster Newburg”

  Lobsters

  ambidexterity of

  color of, when boiled

  leftover, in restaurants

  “Loggerheads”

  “Lollipop”

  Lone Ranger, origins of

  “Long in the tooth”

  “Loo”

  Looking up while thinking

  Loons, lunatics and

  Loose-leaf paper, recycling of holes in

  Lotion, after shave, and stinging

  “Love Jones”

  “Lucre”

  Lumber, measurement of two by fours and

  Lunatics, loons and

  Lunula, fingernails and

  “Lynching”

  M&M’s

  blue

  colors of

  imprinting of

  meaning of name

  peanuts in plain

 

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