Deep in the Heart

by Alexa Padgett

  “Won’t be noticeable from the stage?” I asked.

  Jenna shook her head. “Not unless people are up close.”

  “I love that. All right. This is all great. A couple of things: I’d like the neck out of walnut, not alder.”

  “Are you sure? The alder would be—”

  “I’d prefer the stock to match the body. Okay?”

  She nodded, that small scowl still pinching her brows.

  “We all done?” I asked.

  “Yes, once you sign off on these pages for my file.”

  I took the pen she offered and scrawled my name. Then, because I could, because I wanted to turn the knot in my chest into something better, I lifted her up onto the table next to the guitar. Her eyes widened as I leaned over her.

  “What—”

  “I have to kiss you now, sugar,” I rasped, trying to hold back the emotions. “I can’t wait any longer.”

  But I did wait—not giving her much space, holding my breath as she held hers, eyes searching, delving into mine. She dipped her head to acquiesce even as she closed the tiny distance separating us.

  I took her mouth in a demanding kiss that caused her to whimper in need. She gripped my wrists, tugging me closer as I plundered her sweet mouth, my tongue bursting with the flavors of her donut, my teeth nibbling, licking and sucking so that she was just as hot for me as I was for her.

  I pulled back in slow degrees. Not because I wanted to. Hell, I wanted to take her right here, right now. But her grandfather was in the next room.

  With one last lick and nibble, I settled back on a wooden stool. Heat blistered my veins and raged with the pounding in both my head and lower belly. I had zero control around this woman.

  That realization, more than any other, slicked my back with cold perspiration.

  “Goddammit, woman, I haven’t been this hot and bothered since—”

  “Kim?” she asked.

  I absorbed the blow, but now my heart raced for an entirely different reason. I snagged the bag of donuts I’d set on her desk earlier, clutching the paper in my hands so tightly, I expected all of it to combust.

  “No, I never felt like this for Kim,” I managed to say in an even voice. “But bringing her up now, after I shared that with you in confidence, proved as hurtful as you hoped.”

  I stood and stalked out the back door before she had time to respond.

  Yanking open the door to my truck, I pressed the ignition button and sped out of the parking lot, not caring about spewing gravel.

  A block up the road, I pulled over into a gas station and tried to regulate my breathing. Much as Jenna eased the whirring in my head, she caused it to escalate with her words just now.

  She’d lashed at me out of fear. Hurtful but understandable. Maybe not forgivable. I opened the donut bag and sank my teeth into the chocolatey-est one I’d bought.

  I moan tore from my throat. Good didn’t come close to describing the dance of pleasure my taste buds were doing.

  Thunder rumbled and the leaden skies opened, dousing my truck and the surrounding pavement in a thick wall of rain. Lightning kicked through the sky, barely visible through the sheets of water.

  I savored each bite of the donut, going so far as to lick my fingers to ensure I snagged each delicious crumb. I leaned back against the seat of my truck, enjoying the sound of pounding rain, and shut my eyes, trying to hold on to the pleasure still singing from my mouth.

  The knock on the window broke my moment of peace, and Jenna’s pale face and huddled form ruined it further.

  I flung open my door, causing her to stumble back. “What the hell are you doing out there?”

  Her teeth chattered and she clutched her arms to her wet shirt. The rain was hotter than sin, but she seemed chilled. “I’m s-s-sorry.”

  “Get your butt in the cab and warm up.”

  She started to walk around to the passenger door, but I snagged her wrist and towed her back. Before she could protest, I placed my hands under her armpits and hauled her into the driver’s seat. A long honk signaled some part of Jenna on the wheel, but I was too busy getting the door closed to notice.

  “You have got to stop running on pure emotion, sugar,” I said, settling back against the leather seat and maneuvering her body so she draped over me.

  “I really d-d-don’t run on j-just emotion. Except with you. l-I like that n-nickname. Though I’m n-not always s-sweet.” She shuddered again even as she burrowed closer.

  I wrapped my arms around her wet, cold shoulders, rubbing my palms up and down her icy arms. “Don’t I know it.”

  The horn honked again, so I used my left hand to press the toggle switch to move my seat back. Jenna settled more firmly in my lap and sighed as her cheek pressed against my throat.

  We sat there until her shivers ceased.

  “You’re right. I said that to hurt you.”

  I used my right hand to tip her chin up. “I don’t think you want to hurt me.” I waited for her to nod in agreement. “You want to push me away. Like you did the other night.”

  “Yes.”

  This time, she tried to lower her lashes to hide from me, but she forgot I had a younger sister and I’d been married. I’d learned a few tricks of my own. Silence once again permeated the space, undercut by the occasional door slam or car honk outside my truck cab.

  “I just managed my way through a deep hurt, and I…” She paused.

  I stared at the crown of her head, willing her to look up. She didn’t.

  “I don’t want to hurt you,” I said.

  “No, you want me to give you all of me. But you’ll move on. You’re famous,” she muttered. “And…and you don’t stay in one place for more than a few days.”

  Her eyes were stormy with fear but desire lurked behind that. Desire I could work with to overcome the fear. Why I kept pushing her, I couldn’t say. Just that, on a visceral level, I craved this woman—her scent, her taste, but most of all, how she made me feel. The calm she brought to my overwrought head.

  “When I’m touring, I’m not here much. You’re right. But the only big event on my agenda right now is on the Fourth.” Sort of, but I had weeks until then—weeks to convince her to stick around. To be with me. “I need to write another album, then record it. I plan to do both of those here in Austin so I can be nearer to my mother and sister. They need me right now.”

  “But then you’ll leave again,” she said, her shoulder rolling forward in defeat. She knew musicians—hell, she was close friends with many of them. She wouldn’t let me hide behind my half-truth, not that she should.

  “And I…I don’t want to be alone.” She whispered the last like one would a terrible confession. Maybe to Jenna loneliness was.

  I placed my hands on both sides of her waist and rubbed my thumbs along her rib cage. Her top was damp but no longer dripping. The skin beneath was warm. I wanted to touch her—feel its silkiness again.

  “Eventually, I’ll need to tour.”

  That made it sound farther off than it was. Not smart…not playing the long game here. I was trying to win the immediate skirmish. Because I needed to kiss her mouth. Now.

  “That’s where a large portion of my income comes from,” I admitted.

  She dropped her head back into the crook of my shoulder. “I’ve seen how hard that grind is on relationships. I’ve seen how it nearly broke some of my friends—and they’re so in love it’s gross.”

  I rubbed my hand up and down her back in what I hoped was a soothing rhythm. In her hunched position, I could feel each of her vertebrae, reinforcing Jenna’s physical fragility.

  Of all the women to be attracted to, I chose the one who needed me as much—more?—than I needed her. Fate was a cruel wench.

  “How about this?” I kept my voice coaxing, kind. “How about we get to know each other better over these next few weeks while you finish up my instrument. From there, we can see if we want to jump in deeper or not. Planning right now seems a bit counterintuitive what
with us not knowing if we’ll even be able to stand each other in a month or two. But for now…I can help you. Keep you safe from Ben while we see where—if—we want to go somewhere.”

  She raised her head again, her eyes darting from one of mine to the other. “You’d wait for me? I mean, we could hang out and talk, and this isn’t just about sex?”

  The last words rushed together. I smiled. Part of her charm was her directness—her willingness to face a situation head-on even though the topic was stressful.

  “I can’t say I don’t want you.” I pulled her down tighter into my lap and she bit her lip when she felt the bulge behind my zipper. “But I am a thirty-one-year-old man, and I have been known to exercise restraint a time or two.”

  “I get Cam restrained?”

  “You get Cam the man.”

  She giggled even as she wrinkled her nose. “I am not calling you that.”

  “Never expected you to. But I’m serious. I don’t want to be a performer with you. I want… You put my mind at ease, Jenna. I can’t explain to you how important that is. How rare.”

  She cupped my cheeks, and her eyes were clear blue when she said, “I know.”

  She did. Jenna understood those demons buried deep, so far down they’d never get ripped out nor would they ever go completely mute.

  “I’m afraid I’m going to fall in love with you,” she said on a sigh. “Because of how safe you make me feel.”

  “I am potent.”

  At her look, I chuckled, but cuddled her closer.

  “Attachment is always a possibility, and I told you, you’re better for me than my Werther’s.” I waited another moment, my hand delving into her long, silky hair, smoothing down the strands. “Do you accept my proposition?”

  “Since it isn’t indecent—” she raised her eyebrow “—yet, I will accept.” She paused. “I’d like the bodyguard, the protection your name brings.”

  In that moment, with her words, I got a full sense of how hard Jenna worked these past few days—hell, maybe years—to put on a bright enough façade for the world. She didn’t feel safe. Not even in her own shop. Even with all that, she came to work each day and created something magical.

  As my fingers tried to curl into fists, I forced them back open. I inhaled slowly and exhaled slower still. I’d deal with my reaction later. Right now, I’d gotten what I wanted—Jenna, here in my arms.

  “But I also want the opportunity to change it to indecent and all about sex if I so choose,” Jenna continued, unaware of the depth of my response to her words. “Based on our mutual need for each other.”

  I clasped her hips, anchoring her to my lap. “Well, that there’s a deal I’m happy to make.” I leaned in and kissed the tip of her nose. “Now, I better get you back to the shop. People have been snapping our photo for the last few minutes.”

  “What?” she gaped at me. “No!” She turned to look out the steaming window, and sure enough, there was a small crowd with their phones raised.

  “I did not sign up for this,” Jenna moaned as she climbed into the seat next to me. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

  “Two reasons. First, I love how you fit in my lap.” I slipped my seatbelt into its lock and waited for her to do the same before I shifted the truck into gear.

  “And?” she prompted, pushing a few strands of golden hair from her bright pink cheeks.

  “I’m not sure I want to tell you.” I pulled the truck out into the street, turning back toward her shop.

  “But you will anyway. I’m going to demand honesty, Cam.”

  “I’ll give it long as you do the same.”

  She nodded, her eyes solemn. “Deal.”

  Well, now was as good a time to spring this as any. I clutched the wheel, hoping my talk with her grandfather proved enough. “Because I liked those people thinking we’re together. I like my fans knowing I’m dating you. I like the idea that the little shit Ben and even the media knows you’re mine.”

  Jenna folded her arms over her chest as she leaned back into the sumptuous leather. I’d paid a wheelbarrow-full of money for this truck. The ride was smooth and the leather was near as soft as the skin on Jenna’s neck. I liked nuzzling into Jenna’s neck more.

  “Does that mean you’re mine?” she asked, her voice carefully neutral.

  I pulled around to the spot I’d been in earlier and killed the engine.

  “Absolutely.” I raised my eyebrows and gave her the look I used on my men. “I don’t share.”

  When she opened her mouth—probably to argue with me, stubborn woman—I leaned in and kissed her lips. This kiss was soft, more of a light glide. She lifted her hand to the back of my neck and tugged me in closer, those beautiful red lips rubbing over mine. I pulled back slowly.

  “I’ll see you tomorrow,” I said, smoothing my thumb across her cheek.

  “What’s tomorrow?” she asked, her eyes still clouded with desire.

  “The day you quit pretending you’re too busy, and we finally go out on a date.”

  She fumbled to open her door, and a blast of hot, humid air sliced through my T-shirt.

  “It’s too hot.”

  “Not for what I got planned.”

  “I don’t do crowds.” She stepped out of the truck.

  “I’ll be with you. Everything will be fine.” I leaned over and pulled on the door handle to escape before she came up with another reason to fight me. “See you tomorrow, sugar.”

  I slammed the door shut, smirking at the disgruntled look on her face.

  Yep, dating Jenna was going to be fun.

  11

  Jenna

  Coming back into the office, I found a piece of paper on my desk. I wasn’t sure when he left it there, but I was noticing that Cam was stealthy. His penmanship showed thought and control. And it was neater than mine. Each stroke was as bold as he was, the lines clean and strong. I liked the shape of the black ink on the page.

  Who was I kidding? I liked Camden Grace—his voice, his eyes, his touch, his kiss, his desire to care for me, keep me safe, and even his handwriting. Too much.

  Looking forward to seeing you tomorrow.

  Cam

  My fingertips drifted over the page once more, lips curving up at his confidence. Finally, I turned away to fire up my computer and catch up on the morning business.

  When I stepped into the workshop, I found Pop-pop bent over his table, nose so close to the wood the two were almost touching.

  “Good chat with Cam?” Pop-pop didn’t bother to look up.

  “Maybe.” I sighed. “I don’t know.”

  “Why’s that?”

  “He’s older.”

  This time my grandfather lifted his head, his eyes bright under the bushy, white brows. “Not by that much.”

  “You’re right. But…he’s been married, Pop-pop. I can’t take care of a plant. I’ve just learned to manage myself.”

  “You’re quite good at that, dove. Look at all your success here.”

  “How can I handle being involved with a man who has millions of adoring fans?”

  Pop-pop slid off his stool and wrapped his arm around my shoulder. “You’re thinking of Robbie.”

  I nodded. “I know they’re different people. I know I’m older. Supposedly wiser.”

  “More cautious.”

  I dipped my head in acknowledgment.

  “Let me ask you something.” Pop-pop wiped his hand on a rag. “Even when you were in Seattle, were you happy?”

  I chewed on my lip. After a long moment of reflection, I shook my head. “I had moments of happiness. I have the best group of ladies there. They watch my back.”

  “But you’re here. In Austin. Not in Seattle with your—” he pursed his lips “—home girls.”

  I rolled my eyes, a smile tugging at the corners of my mouth. “I don’t need a man to complete me, Pop-pop. You said so yourself just a few days ago.”

  Pop-pop’s eyes remained sharp and fixed on my face. “But you didn’t like
watching them all pair off either.”

  The wise and sneaky man. He got right at the heart of the issue.

  He tapped my nose with a begrimed forefinger. “You crave love, Jenna-dove. You soak it up and dish it back a hundred times over. I don’t think you need a husband to fulfill you—hell, you and I have both made sure of that—but you do need someone to talk to, someone who gets you.”

  He turned back to his table, hunching over his work.

  I opened my mouth to argue. I watched him for a moment, replayed my conversations with Cam over in my head.

  And I’d be smart to listen to Pop-pop’s words, especially when it came to relationships. Pop-pop and Grammy were married for fifty-four years before cancer took her from him. And while Pop-pop still enjoyed his work, his eyes no longer held the same light or gleamed with the same relish for life.

  Which meant being in a relationship could hurt more than it soothed.

  I closed my mouth and headed to my side of the long, thick-hewn table, caught up in the tumult roiling through my head.

  I pulled the body design Cam approved closer to me. After studying the pieces, I went over to match walnut wood for a neck. After a distracted search, I finally found a piece I liked from our supply. I ran back to my desk to get the spec sheet and then spent the next few hours cutting, molding, and sanding the wood. I stopped sanding, grimacing when my hands cramped, and picked up a pen to write down the material I wanted to try for the frets. I hoped they’d pick up the distinct vibration I wanted the guitar to emanate.

  If not, the standard steel would work. Wouldn’t be as flashy or as interesting, but sometimes tried and true were the best choice.

  “You almost finished for the night?”

  I jumped at Pop-pop’s voice, my heart beating with erratic speed. “You scared me!”

  “Because you’ve been in a kind of trance for hours. I asked you at six if you were ready to shut down and you didn’t even answer.”

  I massaged my aching right hand. “What time is it?”

  “After eight, and way past this old man’s dinner time.”

  No wonder my hands hurt. I’d been at it for almost nine hours. “Sorry! Let’s lock up so you can get home to your meal and shows.”