Where Seagulls Cry

by Yvonne Whittal

  Kim planned her own distasteful strategy in silence. As she served the different courses, she made a point of touching Adam, either by placing a hand on his shoulder, or by running her hand casually down the back of his head. It was a show of possessiveness Kim was rather ashamed of, but it had the desired effect, for at one stage Adam's hand found hers and clasped it where it lay on the table close to him, and he held it for some time before relinquishing his hold.

  At this unaccustomed display of affection, Bill sat back in his chair and smiled with satisfaction, while Ursula's eyes shot icicles at Kim. By the determined set of her lips, Kim knew that she would not admit defeat easily. This was merely the beginning of the battle which had been brewing for some time.

  After dinner they returned to the living-room, and Kim purposely seated herself on the arm of Adam's chair, which further annoyed Ursula. It was not long before Ursula played her usual trump card, but this time without much success.

  'Come on, Adam darling,' she purred invitingly. 'It's time we got down to work.'

  Bill shot Kim a glance that said quite clearly: 'Over my dead body will you allow her to drag Adam away!' but Adam, too, seemed rather reluctant to closet himself in the study with the delectable blonde.

  'Not this evening, Ursula. This is one night the work can remain in my briefcase where it belongs,' he said firmly, placing an arm about Kim's slim waist and drawing her closer. 'Any objections, Kim?'

  Kim's heart thumped heavily against her ribs. 'None at all,' she whispered joyously, lowering her head to place her cheek against his dark head just below hers.

  Intensely satisfied with the way things were developing, Bill relaxed in his armchair, lit a cigarette, and blew smoke rings into the air. Ursula, on the other hand, seemed at a loss to know how to handle this new situation, and Kim could not help but feel sorry for her. It was the first time she had seen Ursula's confidence shattered, and it was not something she felt inclined to rejoice about. Ursula wanted Adam, and if so, she must love him, Kim thought distractedly. If positions were reversed, would she not feel exactly the same as Ursula and, perhaps, react in precisely the same way?

  Ursula did not wait too long before she thanked Kim with chilly politeness for the dinner, and departed with nothing more than a cool nod in Kim's direction as she saw her to the door. Bill remained a while longer to have the coffee Kim had offered to make, before he, too, left for home.

  Kim cleared the table and washed the dishes while Adam went through to the bathroom. No matter how much she tried, she could not rid herself of the feeling that she had been persuaded to start something she might yet regret. Ursula was not the kind of person who would show reluctance to fight back, and she could become a venomous adversary. An alarming thought occurred to her. What if Adam actually desired the attention Ursula lavished on him? What if he still cared? Would it not have been more sensible then to have left things as they were?

  Kim went through to the bedroom and squeezed a liberal amount of hand lotion into the palm of her hand, massaging it into her skin with unnecessary vigour. If only Adam would talk about Ursula! If only he would make his feelings known to her, Kim thought agitatedly just as Adam emerged from the bathroom with a towel tied about his waist. He seemed to sense her presence and came towards her, looking lean and muscular, with his hair still damp from his shower, and the familiar odour of after-shave lotion still clinging to him.

  Standing perfectly still as he approached her, Kim savoured the bitter-sweet delight of knowing that she belonged to Adam completely, even if, at some time in the future, he should wish to terminate their uncertain relationship.

  His arms encircled her waist and he drew her unresistingly against him. 'Whatever that perfume is you're wearing, it smells good,' he remarked, nuzzling her neck. 'I like your dress as well. It's so soft and silky,' he continued, running his hands down the length of her body and making her tremble.

  'I—I'm glad you like it, Adam.'

  He raised his head suddenly, his expression registering a new concern. 'Have I neglected you very much lately?'

  'You have.'

  'Kim, my dear, please try to understand that I'm working against time.' The pressure of his hands was urgent against her back. 'We have to reach the testing stage of this project before Christmas. Do you realise that this gives me less than two months? If we don't continue working in the way we have, then—'

  'Please,' she silenced him with her fingers against his lips. 'Please don't say anything further. I understand, and I'm rather ashamed that I'm the cause of your not working this evening. It was unforgivable of me.'

  'You've been rather distracting this evening, but pleasantly so,' he grinned down at her with a hint of mockery. 'I needed the break, Kim. We all did,' he added, lowering his head to claim her lips. 'The dinner was superb, by the way.'

  'Thank you very much, kind sir.'

  'You've cut your hair,' he said in astonishment as he pushed his fingers through it. 'You have, haven't you?'

  'Only a little.'

  'You've done something else to it as well, 'he persisted, frowning with concentration, his fingers moving disturbingly through her hair. 'It's curling softly at the ends.'

  'Yes,' she admitted, smiling to herself. 'The hairdresser assured me that it made me look quite elegant.'

  Adam twisted a strand of hair about his hand and tugged at it gently, the same glimmer of amusement on his face which she had seen earlier that evening. 'Am I right in thinking that this was all done for my benefit?'

  'Naturally.' The dark hairs on his chest were soft and springy beneath her fingers. 'Do I ever do anything which isn't for your benefit?'

  'Was that why Bill went to such dramatic lengths to describe what you looked like?'

  Kim swallowed with nervous embarrassment. 'You're far too clever, Adam. How did you know?'

  'It's chemistry,' he laughed, burying his lips against the hollow in her throat, and sliding his hands possessively over her hips, 'and at this moment there's a chemical reaction between us which is truly delightful.'

  Confused and outraged, she struggled against him. 'You're hateful! Let me go!'

  'It's too late, Kim,' he declared, mocking her gently as his arms tightened about her. His hard mouth took possession of hers and she fought against the overwhelming desire to surrender. 'You started this, remember,' he murmured eventually against her lips, 'now you have no option but to see it through to the end. You've tantalised me all evening with your fragrant presence, and the subtle invitation in every remark you made. You can't withdraw now.'

  The heavy beat of his heart was beneath her fingertips, his lean, hard body compelling and warm against her own.

  'I can, and I will,' she stated defiantly, but the defiance in her voice sounded unconvincing to her own ears, and she was incapable of offering any resistance as her zip gave way beneath his strong fingers.

  'Why am I fighting it?' she asked herself suddenly as she thrilled to the touch of his warm hands against her skin. Adam needed her. He called it chemistry; she called it love, but it was the only weapon available to her… his need, and her love for him.

  Long after Adam was asleep, Kim still lay awake with her cheek resting against his shoulder, his cool breath against her forehead. Was this the only way she could hold him? With her body? she wondered unhappily. 'When there is no love,' her father had once told her, 'a man can tire of the physical bondage a woman places on him.' Would Adam eventually tire of her? And when he did, would he turn again to Ursula?

  'No!' she groaned aloud, flinging her arm about him and burying her face against his neck. She could not live without him now, or ever. It was unthinkable!

  'Kim?' Adam questioned, aroused from his sleep. 'Are you all right?'

  'Yes, Adam. I—I was dreaming,' she lied convincingly to reassure him, and his arms went about her instantly, warm and comforting, and safe. Safe for the moment, until those disturbing thoughts returned and became a frightening reality.

  'Oh, God,' s
he prayed silently. 'Don't let anything, or anyone take him away from me. Not now! Not while I love him so!'

  CHAPTER EIGHT

  Cape Town was experiencing a heatwave just before Christmas that left everyone limp and lethargic as the humidity increased. During the evenings when Adam was home, they spent their time relaxing in deck chairs on the rooftop garden, staring at the stars and revelling in the refreshingly cool breeze that blew up from the sea. It was peaceful just to lie there with the sound of the traffic no more than a faint hum in the background, and a comfortable silence lingering between them.

  That evening, as on several other occasions, Adam lay smoking his pipe, the sweet, cloying aroma of the tobacco hovering pleasantly in the air.

  Kim observed him in silence, finding pleasure in just letting her glance slide over him. He had shed his jacket and tie, and his shirt sleeves were rolled up to above his elbows, while his shirt buttons were left undone almost down to the belt of his trousers. In the darkness she was only just able to see the dark patch of hair on his muscular chest, his white shirt contrasting heavily with the tan he had acquired by spending as much time as possible in the sun. There was not an ounce of superfluous fat on him, and at first glance he appeared almost thin, but that lean, hard body was deceptively wiry and muscular. Those slender hands, usually so gentle, could at times be equally ruthless in their strength.

  It was Adam who finally broke the companionable silence between them by saying matter-of-factly: 'I hope you don't mind, Kim, but I've invited Ursula to come over on Christmas Day and have dinner with us that evening.'

  Anger and disappointment choked her. 'Did you have to ask her?'

  'I am rather under an obligation to her, and as she's on her own, I thought it the only decent thing to do.'

  'I don't know why you have to feel under an obligation to her,' Kim protested hotly. 'She gets paid for the job she's doing.'

  'That was uncalled-for,' he rebuked her sharply, and Kim winced inwardly. She had deserved that.

  'I'm sorry, but I had hoped that we might be able to spend the day in the country, or that you might like to take a trip out to your parents on the farm.' Her anger simmered as she continued persuasively, 'I've never been there, and—'

  'Kim, when will you realise that my father and I live very much our own lives?' Adam interrupted impatiently, removing his pipe from his mouth and knocking the ash into the ashtray beside him.

  'But he's your father, and it will be Christmas,' she protested, shocked by his remark. 'I really don't understand you, Adam. If I hadn't telephoned your father some months ago, he would still have been under the impression that we were at Heron's Bay.'

  'My father has his new wife, Libby, to think about,' Adam stated bluntly, his expression inscrutable in the darkness. 'It might also interest you to know that, when I lost my sight, he was too busy to pay me a visit in hospital.'

  'Perhaps he was busy,'

  'Yes, it was shearing time, but if my son…'

  'Adam, don't hold it against him,' she pleaded swiftly, understanding his feelings, yet doggedly defending his father's actions.

  'I don't hold it against him. I merely live my own life and let him get on with his,' he stated with a finality that was forbidding.

  'To get back to Christmas Day,' Kim continued with a touch of defiance. 'If you have invited Ursula, then I don't suppose you'll object if I invite Bill?'

  'Bill is becoming rather a pain in the neck lately.'

  She drew her breath in sharply and snapped: 'So is Ursula!'

  'Jealous?'

  The air was painfully tense as she swung her feet to the ground and sat facing him. 'Have I reason to be?'

  'You're my wife, Kim.'

  'I'm amazed that you occasionally remember that,' she said abruptly, her voice heavy with unaccustomed sarcasm.

  'And what is that supposed to mean?' There was an ominous sound to his voice in the darkness and Kim trembled involuntarily.

  'Oh, Adam, I wish—' She bit back her words, not knowing whether to continue.

  'Go on,' he urged calmly. 'You don't usually hesitate to speak your mind.'

  'I wish I were more sure of you, and knew exactly where I stood,' she burst out, not caring what interpretation he put on those words.

  Adam seemed to be a long time choosing his words, and when he finally spoke, his voice sparked off a chill that grew alarmingly inside her. 'There's nothing in this world today which one can be sure of. The best remedy is to take things as they come.'

  'That's a rather cynical observation!'

  'It may be cynical, but it's true,' he pointed out, rising to his feet and towering above her, his expression harsh in the dim light coming from the living-room.

  'In other words, you don't consider anything to be lasting.'

  'No, I don't.'

  Kim swallowed convulsively, her voice sounding as though it belonged to someone else. 'Not even our marriage?'

  'Especially not our marriage,' Adam replied without hesitation, turning his back on her as he refilled his pipe. 'You may tire of me. I may tire of you. Who knows?'

  Shaken to the very depths, Kim rose slowly to her feet and stared hard at his imposing back through a film of tears. Adam knew her weak spot and when he struck, he struck hard, and obviously with little thought for her feelings. She stood there on trembling limbs, the aching hurt in her heart searing through her with every agonising beat. She was bereft of speech for some considerable time as she struggled to control the violent trembling of her lips.

  'I've suddenly seen a side of your nature that appals me, Adam,' she managed at last, forcing the words past the aching lump in her throat. 'You're shallow, and incapable of any of the finer, deeper feelings most people are endowed with. You treat people like garments which can be discarded when they're of no further use to you, and I think you're despicable!'

  Adam remained standing with his back turned rigidly towards her, almost as if he had not heard a word she had said, and Kim felt the most overwhelming urge to shake him violently. Not trusting herself to remain a minute longer in his presence, she stormed inside, shaking with rage, and with only one thought in mind: He and Ursula deserved each other with their twisted, cynical, scientific attitude towards life.

  For the first time that night, Kim went to bed before Adam, pretending to be asleep when he leaned over her, whispering her name softly. Despite her anger, she could not prevent her heart from leaping wildly at his nearness when, after a few suffocating seconds, the tips of his fingers lightly brushed her eyelids to make sure that she was actually sleeping. His breath fanned her cheek and, to her surprise, she felt the caressing touch of his lips against her temple before he turned over and switched off the light. Kim lay motionless, hardly daring to breathe as her eyes became accustomed to the darkness.

  Adam's callous remarks had hurt her deeply, yet she could not bring herself to remain angry with him. Loving him as much as she did, she could only pity his inability to accept the fact that love actually existed, and that it was not merely a word which was bandied about to appear fashionable.

  He stirred restlessly beside her, his hand seeking hers. Kim forced herself to keep her hand lifeless in his clasp, but despite this he seemed satisfied and lay quietly beside her until his deep, regular breathing told her he was asleep. She closed her eyes then and tried to relax, but her conversation with him kept milling through her mind, making her unhappiness a vibrant, living thing that lay heavily in her soul until tiredness washed over it and brought relief in sleep.

  Christmas Day was not at all as Kim had planned it. Instead of spending a quiet day alone with Adam and his family, she found herself dancing attendance on Ursula, with Adam and Bill running a close second and third. It was a hot, humid day, that demanded cold meats and carefully prepared salads, with cool, refreshing drinks sipped leisurely throughout the day.

  After dinner that evening, Kim felt close to collapse. Ursula's niggling presence had built up a tension within her that stretche
d her nerves to breaking point. If it had not been for Bill's cheery presence, she would have come close to throttling Ursula on several occasions when she deliberately issued orders which Kim could not avoid obeying. Kim became the maid, seeing to her employer's wishes, and spending more time in the kitchen preparing delicacies than in the company of her guests. All this, of course, gave Ursula more time with Adam, and she used it by oozing charm and flattery that obviously pleased and delighted Adam, for he looked as contented as a cat that had got at the cream, Kim thought fiercely, as she prepared yet another tray of refreshments.

  To her surprise, Ursula had managed to tear herself away from Adam's side on this occasion, and she came strolling into the kitchen and stood watching Kim moving about, rinsing glasses and filling them up once more with iced orange juice. Kim's shoulders moved uneasily beneath the silk of her blouse, but she gave no other indication that Ursula's presence disturbed her. What did she want? Kim wondered distractedly. Why this sudden interest in the kitchen?

  'The domesticated little wife, aren't you?'

  Kim glanced up into cold grey eyes that were sparkling with venom, and laced with obvious mockery. 'I try to make Adam happy.'

  'And for how long do you suppose this domesticity will keep him enthralled?' Those crimson lips twisted sardonically, and for some reason Kim was instantly on her guard.

  'I don't think I know what you're implying.'

  Ursula's perfectly manicured hands gestured expressively as she draped herself elegantly against the dresser. 'Adam has always thrived on intellectual discussions with knowledgeable people on a scientific level. Do you know anything about science?'

  Kim fought against the white-hot rage that flared within her, and she warned herself urgently to remain calm. 'No, but Adam and I have not yet reached the point where we find we have nothing to say to each other.'

  'What happens when you do?' Ursula smirked.

  'I think I shall worry about that when the time comes.'