Heartfelt Lies

by Kristy Love

  This was all I ever wanted.

  I’d take things slow, help her feel comfortable and confident. I’d spend every second of every day showing her I was worth this second chance.

  “He’s happy,” Cassie said. She rested her head against the back of the chair, smiling.

  “He’s very happy.”

  “He likes your dog.”

  I chuckled. “I’m pretty sure Smokie likes him, too.”

  Ben collapsed on the ground, laughing hard. Smokie flopped down next to him and bathed his face in kisses. Ben pushed away from Smokie before pulling him back and hugging him tight, burying his face in Smokie’s fur. “Today has been awesome.”

  We hadn’t done much of anything. After breakfast, Roxie had to go show a couple of houses to a family. I helped Cassie clean up the dishes, then we went to my house. After letting Smokie outside to do his business, I fed him, then we took him for a walk. When Smokie was exercised and Ben was complaining of hunger, I took them to lunch before we came back to my house. Ben had been playing with Smokie since. Cassie sat beside me and we watched them cavort in the grass. My heart was so warm and so full that it was almost painful, but I wouldn’t have it any other way. “I’m glad you had fun.” I turned my head to face her. She was still smiling. I couldn’t think of a time all day when her lips weren’t curled up.

  “It was more than fun, Jax. This has been . . . magical.”

  Just when I thought it couldn’t get any better, she took her pinkie finger and wrapped it around mine, squeezing it lightly.

  “I know it’s only been a few days, but I don’t want any regrets,” I said, swallowing hard. Her smile slipped a little bit before she caught it. “I love you, Cassie. Always. Forever. I never stopped loving you.”

  The smile slid from her lips completely and my heart broke. “Jax . . .” Her voice trailed off.

  “It’s okay. I know it seems too quick. We’ve only been on good terms a short time, but I know. I know. Hell, I’ve known for almost six years that you held my heart firmly in your hand and I don’t want it back. I just want you. If you don’t feel the same way that’s fine, but you need to know how I feel.”

  “Jax,” she said again. I tried to smile, though I felt my heart shattering and my hope dying. I turned away, gazing out into the yard, seeing Smokie and Ben sitting next to each other in the grass. Ben was petting him, the two of them fast friends. It’d suck when they weren’t able to hang out. It was too good, too fast. I felt too much, too soon, and I should have kept my big, fat mouth shut, but I couldn’t. She needed to know how I felt because I was being crushed by it all. I needed her to know that I needed her, wanted her, loved her.

  Surprising the hell out of me, she crawled into my lap and wrapped her arms around me, burying her face into my neck. I stiffened and glanced at Ben. He watched us curiously. “Cassie, Ben . . .”

  Cassie quieted me with a finger over my lips and stared into my eyes. “I love you, Jax.” I closed my eyes, joy and relief washing over me. I was startled again when Cassie held the sides of my face and pressed her lips to mine. I wrapped my arms around her waist and pulled her tight to me, feeling like I was officially home. Everything was perfect, everything was the way it needed to be, should be. She pulled away, still holding my face. “Ben needs to know that you’re in my life, because you aren’t going anywhere.”

  I smiled, my cheeks hurting from how big it was. I nodded and she pressed another kiss to my lips before laying her head on my chest. I kept my arms around her.

  Ben smiled knowingly.

  “SLOW DOWN, BEN!” I yelled. We were at a water park today and Ben was everywhere at once, it seemed. One second he wanted to swim in the wave pool, then the next he was racing toward a water slide. Cassie followed behind us, smiling and laughing, teasing me. She’d been doing this for years.

  Unfortunately, I was unprepared for how much energy Ben had.

  We climbed to the top of the stairs that led to a water slide.

  “This is the biggest slide in the park. I’ve been putting it off for last,” Ben said, grinning wide.

  “But it’s only three o’clock. We’ll be here longer.” I tousled his hair.

  “It’s the only slide I haven’t gone on yet.” Ben acted so excited, bouncing on his toes.

  “You haven’t done that slide over there,” Cassie said, pointing to another section of the park.

  “Really?” Ben looked defeated.

  “We can go over there and ride that one before this one,” I suggested.

  “No, I really want to ride this one.”

  “It’ll be the last slide we ride before we go home. That way you can still say you saved it for last.” I winked at him. He smiled. Cassie wrapped her arm around my waist.

  Things had been good. I loved spending time with Ben and Cassie and tried to milk every second we were together. They still lived with Roxie and I still lived in my house. It sucked. I wanted them around all the time, but again, we were trying to go slow.

  After we rode a few more slides, we went back to our towels to get a drink and Ben wanted a snack. He dried off a little bit and opened a bag of chips.

  “Hello, people,” Roxie said. She had a frozen strawberry margarita in her hand. She sank down into a low chair and sipped her drink.

  “Having fun?” Cassie smiled at her sister. Roxie had come with us to the water park, though she was really just sitting in a lounge chair and tanning. It was fine. I liked hanging out with Cassie’s sister. She was funny and really cool. Plus, she always spoke her mind. You never had to guess what she thought.

  “Definitely.” Though Roxie had sunglasses on, I noticed her scanning the bodies in front of us. I had a feeling she liked staring at the various partially naked men more than she liked getting in the water.

  “Have you even been in the pool yet?” I asked.

  “No, I’ve just been enjoying the view.” She grinned at me. I smirked. She took another sip of her drink and set it on the little table next to her and sat back, clearly content to soak up the sun and the view.

  I stood and oh, so casually went over to her, then bent and scooped her up. She immediately started thrashing around.

  “Jax, don’t you fucking dare! Don’t you fucking dare!” She fought against me, though I tightened my hold and strode toward the water. “If you put me in that fucking water, I swear to God, Jax, I’m going to cut off your balls! You’ll never have kids!”

  I chuckled. I had no doubt that she’d make good on her threats. Well, if I let her close enough with a knife. I had confidence that I could take her, though.

  “Jax!” she squealed as I tossed her in the pool. She went under and came up spurting water and screaming at me. “You are so dead, Jaxon Morgan!” She climbed partially out of the pool and grabbed me, yanking me into the water.

  Yeah, like that was good payback.

  She tried holding me under water, though I overpowered her and came up laughing hard.

  Her sunglasses were askew on her face and she fixed them, glaring at me.

  “You, Jax, are a fucking asshole piece of shit.”

  “Oh, you love me,” I said, smirking. I’d gotten close to Roxie over the last couple of months. Spending as much time as I did with Cassie, Roxie was bound to be there sometimes. I didn’t mind. She was fun. And I liked tormenting the hell out of her.

  Cassie came over with Ben, who dove in immediately. She sat on the edge of the pool, dangling her feet in. She smiled down at me. I swam over and parted her legs, standing between them, putting my hands on her hips.

  “Hello, beautiful,” I said.

  “You love driving Roxie crazy, don’t you?” Cassie smirked. I looked behind me at Roxie and Ben splashing each other. Roxie, Cassie, and I had taken a day off so we wouldn’t have to deal with a large crowd. Monday afternoon seemed to be the perfect time.

  “She loves it, too, and you know it.” I turned back to Cassie.

  “I know. She does.”

  “Are you
having a good time?” She nodded. “Do you think Ben’s having a good time?” I had so much to make up for. Ben had no recollection of what happened before, but the guilt was still there. I never wanted him to know what an ass I was. I wanted him to have good memories with me.

  Cassie reached out and stroked my cheek. “I think he’s having an amazing time.” She motioned toward Ben and Roxie. “He’s happy, Jax. He’s always been a happy kid, but he seems more peaceful somehow. I think he’s falling in love with you as much as I am.”

  I smirked. “Well, I hope he’s not falling in love with me the same way you are.”

  She smacked my arm. “Jax, you know what I meant.”

  “I know.” I leaned forward and she leaned down, kissing me. I pulled away from her, though I really didn’t want to. We had a habit of being borderline inappropriate in public. And this wasn’t the time nor place for that. “I love you.”

  “Love you, too.” She rubbed my stubbled cheek.

  I yanked on her hips, pulling her in the water. She rose up spitting water and wiping her eyes. “Jax!”

  I held up my hands innocently. “What?”

  “You know what!” She swam toward me and climbed on me, trying to dunk me.

  “Come on, Ben! Let’s get him!” Roxie yelled, swimming toward me. She climbed on me as well, trying her damnedest to take me down. Ben wasn’t far behind and he went under water and pulled my leg at the knee, throwing me off balance.

  I dove underwater, then came up spitting water out. “Hey, unfair! You guys ganged up on me!” I was trying to be serious, but I was failing and I knew it.

  “You deserved it, asshat!” Roxie yelled.

  I laughed.

  Yeah, I loved this family.

  IT’D BEEN SIX months since that day on my deck with Cassie and Ben. Not a single day went by that I didn’t want to pinch myself to make sure this was really my life. I got a second chance.

  Every day I showed her I deserved that chance.

  Most days, we tried to meet for lunch. If we weren’t able to, we’d meet for a few minutes after work. We tried to take things as slowly as we could, but we both felt we’d taken things about as slowly as we could. It’d been years and I, personally, was sick of wasting time.

  But for Ben, we took things slow. I didn’t spend the night after that one time. We hung out, all three of us, together. A few times, Cassie and I went out on our own.

  I realized that I loved her more now than I ever thought possible. She had been a beautiful person, inside and out, always. But now? She was stunning. Breathtaking. Heartbreakingly gorgeous. Her soul was gentle and kind; she was effortlessly beautiful. She always worried about everyone around her, compassionate and quietly strong. The woman she was now stole the remainder of my heart.

  And I didn’t ever want it back.

  Tonight, we were having a date night at my house, just the two of us. I told her I’d take her out to dinner or a movie or, hell, I’d take her anywhere. I wanted to stay in, but I didn’t mention this until she suggested it, then I jumped at the opportunity. I wasn’t sure how I was going to let her go home. I didn’t want her to leave ever.

  I opened the oven and pulled out the lasagna, my favorite dish. When it was just Ryanne and me at home, she used to make it just for me because she knew I loved it. Normally it was for my birthday when my dad totally forgot about me. It didn’t matter, though. Ry and I made it through.

  I put the salad and the lasagna on the table, along with some breadsticks I made. Everything was ready. I knew it was a bit over the top, but I didn’t care. Cassie deserved everything and I was going to give it to her.

  Just on time, the doorbell rang. Smokie ran to the door and barked, apparently making sure I knew someone was at the door. I wiped my hands on a towel and went to the door, opening it to the most beautiful vision I’d ever seen. Cassie stood there in jeans and a black jacket, a matching hat on her head. I pulled her into the house, crushing her lips with my own. She buried her fingers in my hair, holding me tight.

  “It smells amazing in here,” she said when she pulled away.

  “You smell amazing.”

  She smiled, stepping away from me, sliding out of her coat and her hat. I took them and tossed them over the back of a chair.

  “Are you hungry?” I asked.

  “Very.”

  I took her hand and led her into the kitchen.

  “This is too much, Jax.”

  I turned, holding her face between my hands so she could see how sincere I was. “Nothing is too much for you, Cassie. Never.”

  “I love you.”

  “I love you the most.”

  She laughed. “Aren’t you too old for that?”

  “Never. I refuse to grow up.”

  I pulled her chair out and she sat. After I pushed her in, I dished the lasagna out and sat down.

  “This is delicious, Jax. I didn’t know you could cook like this,” she commented after taking a bite.

  I grinned mischievously. “There’s a lot you don’t know.”

  “How was work this week? Is Nathan doing better?” she asked, clearly trying to sidetrack me.

  I’d let her. For now.

  “He’s doing really well. He’s almost ready to go home. His parents have been doing everything they could to make sure they were ready for him.”

  “How’d it go with the family friend?”

  I’d told her a little bit about Nathan’s case, only because she found out part of it at work. When Nathan told his parents about the family friend who had been sexually abusing him, Dr. Barbossa and Cassie had been there, as had I and Nathan’s therapist. “They completely cut him out of their life and filed a police report. Nathan’s relieved. He didn’t think anyone would believe him, so the fact everyone believed him was almost too much for him to process.”

  “It explained everything, though. He came from a loving household, parents who would do anything for him. Normally there’s a reason a kid does the things he did, and with Nathan, there didn’t seem to be any.”

  “I’m glad he got the help he needed.” I’d taken Nathan under my wing at work. He was more comfortable and he didn’t need me for everything, but I made sure to catch up with him as often as I could.

  The rest of dinner went well, as we caught up from the week, even though we talked every day. It didn’t matter. I could listen to Cassie talk about anything. When we were done, I put the leftovers away so they didn’t spoil, but I left the dishes there. I didn’t want to waste time on them when I had Cassie all to myself.

  “Jax, you can’t leave the dishes. They’ll be a mess tomorrow.”

  I kissed her, wrapping my hands around her waist and pressed her body into mine, loving the way she felt against me. “I don’t care about the dishes.” I continued kissing her, the words coming out between the two of us, her breath dancing on my lips. “I care about enjoying every second I have with you, just the two of us.” I dropped my lips down to her neck and she stretched it out, giving me more access. I kissed and nibbled as I backed her slowly—toward what I hoped was the couch where we could watch the movie I rented, but instead was into a wall. She gasped when her back hit the cool plaster. “I can’t get enough of you.”

  “Jax,” she said, breathlessly, her hands pressing into my back.

  “I love the way your skin tastes. You feel like heaven.”

  “Jax.”

  “What?”

  “I don’t want to watch a movie.”

  “What do you want to do?”

  She didn’t answer me, instead she slid her hand down until it brushed against the bulge in my pants. I almost hissed at the contact. Taking it slow for the past several months meant taking it slow. We’d barely done more than kiss and hold hands. I was fine with it, but that didn’t mean I hadn’t thought of her hands on me constantly.

  “Are you sure?”

  “Don’t ask me if I’m sure.”

  I didn’t. Instead, I scooped her into my arms and carri
ed her to my bedroom, our lips devouring each other. I laid her on the bed and her hair fanned out around her. The red of her hair against my blue sheets and the urgency in her expression when she peered up at me was almost too much.

  Moments hit me when I realized that this was really happening. That Cassie was here and she was mine and I had her. I didn’t have to miss her or be filled with regrets. It felt like heaven.

  We had our fights. The first time we hung out with friends and they wanted to go to a bar, Cassie went through the roof, expecting me to succumb to alcohol. I was able to convince her that I didn’t need to drink, that I didn’t even want to. She kept an eye on me all night, but soon realized I was fine sipping water or a soda. The tension seemed to drain out of her at that moment. The rest of our fights were normal couple fights, but nothing we couldn’t work our way through.

  I crawled up her body and buried my face in her neck, kissing her again as my hands trailed up her body until I was cupping her breast. She hummed in the back of her throat and arched her back. I leaned back and stared down at her. Her cheeks were flushed and her eyes were hooded. I reached down and helped her pull her shirt off and then unclasped her bra, tossing them to the floor. I devoured every inch of exposed skin, paying attention to anywhere that got a big reaction out of her.

  “You’re killing me,” she panted.

  “That’s the point.”

  She laughed softly. “You want to kill me?”

  I smirked and unbuttoned her jeans and slid them over her hips and legs. Her eyes were so full of desire, it was almost my undoing. Instead of taking my time and savoring every inch of her, I wanted to rush and devour her whole.

  Instead, I closed my eyes and gathered myself before opening them again to study her.

  She reached up and cupped my cheek, running her thumb over my skin. “What’s wrong?”

  “I just needed a moment. You’re too beautiful and I almost lost myself there.”